Small chapter to ease you all out of the wind
up from 13.
Title:
Author: Inca
Feedback: Cause
they got into my happy place - [email protected]
Rating NC17
AU Liam/William
Disclaimer: They
don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: AU
Summary: Risen
from the ashes, as an Angel
Authors notes:
Much melancholy. And the song Will is listening to at
the end is 'Feels
like Rain' – the Adrian Neville version.
***
"Dr
Telleck..." The sympathetically soft voice murmured from the
doorway.
"Maybe you should go home."
He looked up
blearily to see Sally in the doorway, holding a small
nurse's bag. He
smiled like it was nothing and shook his head,
shifting in the
uncomfortable seat.
"I'm
fine." He said. Ignoring how much black was under his eyes and
the yellow sick
hue to his skin underneath the stubble that he'd
seen when he went
for a coffee four hours ago.
Sally shrugged
and walked in, perching on the bed, and pulled out a
little
flashlight. "Any change?"
Will looked at
Liam on the bed, still crying silently, mouth open
and closing
around silent words that had no voice behind them, still
shuddering in the
confines of the straps, still trying to tug his
arms out of the
straitjacket.
"No. Not
much." He admitted quietly. "He said a whole sentence this
morning."
"Well that's
good." She said reaching over Liam's twisting body
gently and
opening his eye, shining the light in. She made a
disappointed
face. "If there's no change we'll have to give him
major sedatives
to put him on an IV."
"You can get
him to drink every now and then."
She nodded.
"Yes, but he needs vitamins and – "
"Daddy?"
Liam asked, in a scared little boy voice. He let out a low
howl and fidgeted
more when the response wasn't what his body was
used to. His face
was crumpled up in pain, and he'd go to sleep
soon, after he
tired himself out from pulling at the bindings.
"Still
asking for him huh?" Will averted his eyes. Sally continued
on unaware.
"His father always upset me. He came a couple of times
and sat in the
visitor's room with this … look … on his face. All
angry and sick
and disgusted. But Liam was always so happy to see
him anyway."
Will smiled
sadly. He was so exhausted. Emotionally, mentally,
physically.
"He died, didn't he?"
"Heart
attack. He was the only one left from Li's family." She
pouted and tested
his blood pressure. "I heard Liam's wife's side of
the family cause
a big problem when he turned up at the funeral,
yelling and then
into fist fighting …" She shook her head
determinedly.
"I don't care what the jury said. Liam couldn't have
done those
things."
"I don't
think he did."
Sally looked at
him, eyes wide, surprised that he was agreeing with
her.
"Really?" She said, pulling her stethoscope out of her ears and
sitting on the
bed.
Will was too
tired to think about dodging and ducking and saying
things subtly and
tactfully. Liam's gaze rolled over him blankly
before returning
to the ceiling.
"I think
three other people did it to his family."
She laughed a
little shocked laugh. "Really?"
"That's what
I believe." He said firmly.
"What … what
are you going to do?" She asked, blinking in surprise.
"I'm gonna
try to get him out. Out of prison, into a carers
supervision
maybe." He looked at Liam and bit his lip. "He doesn't
belong
here."
"Well I'm
glad someone with the know how finally sees that. All the
nurses and guards
here love Liam. He couldn't have been playing us
all this
time."
She smiled
hopefully and it lifted Will's spirits.
"I've never
seen a doctor so involved with his patient." She said.
Will looked at
her quickly and saw only admiration on her face.
((That's alright
then.))
He breathed out.
"I care about him, yes. Because I don't think he
deserves to be
here."
She nodded and
looked sympathetically down at Liam still squirming
and useless on
the bed. "Take a break Doctor."
"Just came
off one." He lied. "I'm fine, just a little sick."
She looked at him
for a moment and then left it, leaving the small
musty room,
letting the door shut behind her. As soon as it clicked,
Will's hand went
back to playing with Liam's hair.
"Daddy?"
he whimpered brokenly.
"I'm right
here baby. I love you so much and I know you're coming
back. You're so
brave, Pet."
He hadn't wanted
to push so hard. He didn't think that asking for
one night would
cause… this … this empty…
He scratched out
the growing unease and closed his eyes against the
painful sight of
Liam twisting around possessed, his eyes rolled
back in his head
demonically.
"I'm sorry
Pet. I just needed to know. I thought if I had all the
little pieces … I
could finish the puzzle and make you whole." He
opened his eyes
and gazed down at him, skin pallid in the dark
room. "I'd
take all of it back if I could." He whispered.
Liam shifted in
the straitjacket and whined.
After a while he
calmed a little. Or had tired himself out. He
seemed to fall
into a fitful sleep as Will still stroked back his
hair. "I
thought I'd just pet you again, and we'd play and you'd be
fine." He
confessed, still trying to smile, laugh it off. He felt
like he'd tried
to push Liam too close to the sun and his wings had
melted and now …
he was plummeting.
"I'm sorry.
You're more fragile than I thought. I didn't mean to
hurt you."
Liam shook in his
sleep. He'd been doing this for about three days
now. He slept for
a few minutes or a few hours and he'd wake himself
up and be just as
scared as he was before. Will didn't know how
longer he could
take glassy eyes and painful faces and noises like
animals being
shoved towards shiny biting meat grinders.
Liam whimpered in
his sleep.
"I'll look
after you this time. Properly." He stroked his face. "I
won't ever make
you do anything you think you shouldn't. Never
anything you
don't want to. Never again." It was almost a vow.
Liam slept on,
but was fidgeting more and more.
It wasn't `sposed
to be like this.
"I'll take
care of you."
Liam opened his
eyes like he'd been slapped and started whining, the
tears falling
from him eyes again, his face wet and puffy.
"Shhh, shhh,
it's alright."
"Da…"
"Right here
sweets." His other hand coming up to cup Liam's jaw and
run his thumb
across the shaking lips. "Don't feel so bad, come back
and we'll draw
together. You can draw Bucking'am Palace for me."
Liam whimpered.
"Remember
that baby? You were so happy when you saw that. Changing
of the guard and
all that bugaboo."
"Mmmfff…"
he mumbled, his eyes looking like they were trying to see
Will but
couldn't, reaching his face and then propelling away before
sliding back.
Big scared doe
eyes.
"I've been
thinking about it. I think I fell in love with you that
night, that first
night you gave me all those drawings." He felt
like he was going
to be crushed by the weight of everything pressing
hard against his
chest, crushing the life and the hope out of him
with every
breath. "I could tell everything about you by those
little pictures,
luv, everything. This hills from your window, but
with no fence,
like you're free inside, the birds that looked so
curious, like you
put yourself into the feathers, the baby chicks in
the nest - sweet
and ageless inside as you are. How you see me,
messy haired and
young looking though I try not to be – you see me,
more than most
people do. A damn sight clearer than most. Innocent
sight, the things
you see and hear, you don't have a bad bone in
your body. And
the chapel that you `ave here, warm and inviting. The
things you draw
are so … you, and I saw it that night. Saw into you,
past all the
stars in your ears and the colours in front of your
eyes, and I fell
in love."
Liam closed his
eyes, his head continually jerking on his pillow.
His hair was
sweated and dishevelled over his forehead.
"I didn't
admit it then. But I do now. I love you. I love you with
all my heart, and
if you stay like this …" he bit his lip, "Then
I'll just have to
stay right here as well, because I'm never gonna
let you go."
"Never."
Liam whispered softly.
A flood of tears
leaked out Will's defences in less than a second,
so relieved at
the almost proof Liam could hear him.
"Never.
Never ever." He said faster, "Come back from the wild woods
or that night or
that apartment with the monster on the wall.
Wherever you are
in that pretty head of yours. Please? For me?"
Liam looked
peaceful for a moment and Will held his breath, huge and
burning his
lungs.
Liam started
twisting again, animal noises escaping when he found he
couldn't free
himself, glassy eyed and vacant.
Will exhaled.
And let the tears
run.
**
"Yes."
Will said, completely not listening. With some effort, he
turned his mind
from Liam and focused on his session.
"…And they'd
just … they were all just … asking for it. I'd see them
at the school and
my fingers would itch for it, man." His patient
rambled like a
junkie.
Will quietly
sighed. He detached. "Why were they asking for it, what
was it about
them?" He asked, looking at the man's big hands
scratching at the
desk, scrabbling against the plywood. He was
twitching as he
talked.
Crazy as all
fuck.
"They were
just … too clean."
"The
children were too clean. Does that mean adults are dirty?" Will
asked.
Liam wasn't doing
any better. He had been moved to the sick ward and
placed on
sedative drugs and an IV. The worrying thing was that Liam
had to be taken
off most of his normal meds for the heavy sedative.
He hoped it
wasn't affecting him too much.
He hoped he
wasn't having nightmares.
"Well,
yes."
"So why is
it a bad thing to be clean?"
"Because its
not natural!" He yelled and Barry's hands came down to
settle on his
shoulders, a reminder to calm down.
Will breathed in
and doodled on his clipboard. Lots of sharp,
triangular
squiggles. He scrutinised it as the man yammered on about
the cleansing of
flames and tried not to roll his eyes at the fact
the man was
burning the children because they were too clean in the
first place.
He couldn't be
arsed pointing it out.
He tried to make
his squiggles look like he was jotting notes.
"…And I'd be
telling them they needed the pain…"
Will didn't feel
sorry he wasn't trying to help him. He realised
that was wrong …
and also against his Hippocratic Oath, but he
couldn't give a
fuck.
He wanted to be
sitting with Liam. He swallowed the voice blaming
him for Liam's
condition and just breathed. He was sorry. He hadn't
known this would
happen to Liam. He was so sorry.
An overwhelming
anxiety gripped him as he wondered if Liam had woken
up. Scared and
with tubes sticking out of him, tired and alone in
the sick ward.
He'd be wanting to see him and he was here, listening
to some black
excuse for a human being rattle off inadequate reasons
for wanting to
hurt children.
He gripped the
clipboard tighter and forced himself not to give an
excuse. They'd
tell him if Liam had woken up.
" …And when
I went home I'd have a coke."
Will raised his
eyebrows at the patterns on his page, saw a warning
sign for any
psychiatrist and unclipped a fresh sheet to start on.
He clipped it
over the angry frightened ragged lines.
"And how did
that make you feel?" He answered on autopilot.
**
Will hadn't been
home to his apartment in weeks. He'd tried, but the
memories … they
ate away at him, speeding up the deterioration from
the guilt. He had
pretended he was going home a few times. Everyone
believed him.
No one would
wonder why.
He was sure all
the milk had gone off in his fridge by now.
He lay down in his
office bedroom, watching the
the window. He'd
only just left Liam and had a shower.
He missed his
paintings.
A heavy sigh
filled the room.
He missed his
artist more.
He tried to get
some sleep. He'd promised Liam he'd be back at six.
**~~**
((Angel shivered
in the darkness.
They'd gotten in.
He had always
been so safe here, it was his spot. When he didn't
want to walk or
talk and someone else too over him he was safe to
hibernate here.
"Liam…"
Harlen's voice echoed through his head. Through his happy
spot...
He was broken and
torn.
Lying in his
spot.
It was his spot.
His safety, his protection against the world.
They'd turned his
place from the nice cosy cave and bed it had
always been to a
sightless texture-less nothing and it was hell upon
hell and Angel
was dying in it.
"Play with
me Liam. You're mine." Harlen's hand rubbed up his back.
He choked out
some vomit into the nothingness. "Pretty boy."
He tried to call
for Will, like he had so much since he'd gotten
stuck in the
black, but he had no voice. No sound at all, only sad
noises.
Harlen's hands
holding his hips but he couldn't see a thing. He
looked around
wildly for light, any light at all.
He was trapped in
emptiness and he couldn't get away, Harlen's hands
were all over him
and Will was nowhere.
He tried to get
away again and called out for his Daddy, but Will
didn't swoop in
with the stars to save him.
This was his
existence now.
He screamed.))
**~~**
Will settled into
the book he was reading about vampire hunting
prowess, hidden
carefully behind the much larger "101 Defences: How
the mind shields
itself".
A Britney song
flicked on the radio and Will frowned. He changed the
channel. Liam had
been tortured enough.
His gaze rested on
the man in question, lying limply and drugged out
on the hospital
ward bed, mouth moving slightly and eyes staring
sleepily scared
out the window.
Still no active
responses from him.
He decided to
try. "Like this station Angel?" He asked of the easy
listening
station.
No response, just
the same silent words and same vacant stare. The
sun was setting
peacefully behind the hills and Liam's face was lit
dark yellow by
it. He was still beautiful.
A song started up
on the new channel. Familiar and bittersweet like
tears, not his
type of music … but he knew the song anyway. A song
his mother used
to listen to a lot.
Will smiled and
turned the radio up.
<Down here the
river meets the sea
In the sticky
heat I feel you open up to me
Love comes out of
nowhere, baby, just like a hurricane
And it feels like
rain>
Will crooned
along unafraid, knowing Marge had knocked off early for
the night. He
imagined Liam would smile and purr at the next lines.
<Lying
underneath the stars right next to you
Wondering who you
are baby>
Will sang and
smiled, the bottom of his sight starting to cloud over
with wet
distortion.
<Oh, the
clouds roll in across the moon, and the wind howls out your
name
And it feels like
rain>
He reached out
and grabbed for Liam's hand. A tear slipped out and
he brushed at it
angrily.
<Looks like
we're in for stormy, stormy, stormy weather
That ain't no
cause to leave>
Liam remained
staring out the window. He blinked slowly but didn't
notice Will's
singing. This was Liam's third month in an
unresponsive
state.
<Let it wash
away the pain…
And it feels like
rain>