To be continued...
Supposedly, Geocities will be cutting off FTP access starting tomorrow, which will render this weblog limp and flaccid like... uh... I don't want to go there. Therefore, you probably won't be able to read any new babblings from me until I find a new host. I could probably get another freebie host with FTP access relatively easily, but I've been thinking of actually paying for hosting service so one doesn't have to deal with ads and other shit. But then, I start thinking that this site really isn't worth paying money to maintain (in my opinion), and thus the vicious cycle begins.

Hopefully I'll come to a conclusion within the week, two weeks max.

For the last couple weeks, I've felt like I've been writting as if I was required to do so almost every day. Huh. Last time I checked, I didn't have weblog deadlines to meet, did I? Hopefully the time off will rekindle my desire to write again. And maybe my futures won't seem so sub-par and mundane to me. We'll see...

In the mean time, check out some links in the left column, or feel free to tell me cool stuff in the comments section.

April showers bring May flowers
Finding real news on April Fool's Day is like trying to find an unmarried straight guy at a Barbara Streisand concert. The odds are slim. But I did find a couple things that you may wanna read while you're "laughing" at the false websites out there. Hell, even eBay messed with their site a bit just for today. And in case you're wondering where the mock version of this site is, well, there isn't one. I'm lazy. :p

* If I was a voter of Florida, and then I started getting spammed by one politician's posse, I would totally vote for the person who was running against him or her.

* Some good ideas turn out to be really sucky ones. Like 8-foot-tall ketchup packet bears.

Both links are from Camworld.

The good wife's guide
As said in a 50-year-old issue of Housekeeping Monthly.

Here's one of the tips:

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

I guess we have come a long way since then, eh?

Happy Easter!
Or Happy Passover if you're into that sort of thing.

Love,

Your friends in the Ukraine

Anyone need an ass implant?
It's only about $4,250 per cheek.

It doesn't make too much sense to me that people would actually pay for this, especially since most ass-conscious people are trying to work theirs off at the gym.

If you really need an ass, try putting a wallet in each of your back pockets :) There, I just saved you about nine grand. Feel free to mail me some of that money you would have used in buying implants instead.

[Link from Metafilter.]

Lame quotes
While looking for stuff to erase from my hard drive (although I do have plenty of free space... *shrug*), I found a temp folder with all sorts of uselessness, and one file in that folder was a text document with a few quotes in it. I thought I'd share them with you:

"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy.
I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. Well, you never know."
--Franck Dubosc

(On going to war over religion)
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
--Rich Jeni

(On the difference between men and women)
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
--Jeff Green

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And
let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
--John Wing

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
--Francois Morency

And my favorite of the ones I found:

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Jimmy Shubert

Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics
"It is a little known fact, that Ms Spears is an expert in semiconductor physics. Not content with just singing, in the following pages, she will guide you in the fundamentals of the vital laser components that have made it possible to hear her super music in a digital format."

That's right. You thought Britney was all looks and no brains or talent, huh? Well, let Britney teach you a thing or two about semiconductor basics, finite barrier quantum wells, photonic crystals, and radiative recombination! You can make it up to her by entering her lyrics competition, although it's obviously clear that even you can't top her poetic prowess.

A guide similar to this might have come in handy back when I took Chemistry of Materials 2...

I found this while looking through Blogger's "Blogs of Note" and checking out the weblog The Suburban Limbo. Good stuff there.

Free shit hiatus
I've been in talks with the dude working for Abandoned Pools, and it feels to me like he's trying to get me to promote his band on my Garbage site without meeting his end of the deal, which is giving away free shit to five people. It's starting to sound like he wants me to create an Abandoned Pools site instead of me just writing a blurb on the front page saying something like "Garbage is touring with Abandoned Pools starting blah blah blah..." He sent me a bunch of links where I can get pictures and sound clips and stuff, too. I have enough bandwidth issues as it is! :p And instead of answering my questions or addressing some of my concerns, Mr. AP Promoter Guy gives me a reply that is totally irrelevant to what I have said to him. So now I'm like, "What the hell is going on?" I think I'm going to stop writing to this guy and ignore him until he actually stops jerking me around. I ain't promoting without a hitch! Despite the fact that the site is hosted by Geocities does not mean I'm an internet-illiterate prepubescent music fan with no sense of business tact like 99% of website masters that have shit hosted by Geocities. I don't even have blinking text, for God's sake!

And for those of you who may think that my mere mention of Abandoned Pools on this site constitutes as a positive band promotion, I'll have to say this: If you end up going to a Garbage concert, go 45 minutes late and skip the opening band. And that "Remedy" song sucks ass anyway. Maybe it would have been good if it was released five or so years ago, but nowadays, it just sounds like recycled horseshit.

Well, it's not that horribe, but I need to counteract any "goodness" I've might have give to the AP name. Hell, they wouldn't have been mentioned at all if Mr. AP Promoter Guy never got a hold of me. He should be thankful that AP got mentioned at all on this site! You know how many bands out there would die for even a little of the spotlight on this site? Ho ho! You'd be surprised! :)

Ok, so zero would. Big deal... *sniff*

Need a quick chuckle?
Here's a salmon commercial.

Link stolen from a Neocron beta tester forum.

Logic puzzles!
You know you love them. Well, maybe you don't, but at least you may find the Flash animation in these puzzles amusing.

I made it to the fifth puzzle, but I was uable to solve it. As far as I can tell, that particular puzzle requires an odd number of moves to accomplish, but you are forced to move two elevators at once... Plus they don't have the answers available for this puzzle, unlike the previous four that I solved in record time. :) If it's solvable, it probably requires an insane number of moves...

Straight Ballin'
Bling Bling! Tru thugz neva die! Don' be playa hataz.

http://www.drivenbyboredom.com/bling.htm (Caution, offensive words).

Brung to us today by Evil Bryce

Better off drunk than on the phone
I don't know how true it is that some people (or maybe just Josh ;)) claim they drive better when they are drunk, but it might be true that you're better off pulling a DUI than driving and using a cell phone at the same time. You're less likely to get involved in an accident that way. Or so they say...

The Shy Girl's Guide to Becoming a Whore
"The Shy Girl's Guide to becoming a Whore is an online tutorial for women considering becoming an escort by using the technologies of the Internet. The web has changed the nature of prostitution offering women more opportunities than the traditional street walker, escort. or brothel models. We now have the 21st century CyberWhore model, and this is an overview as to how it is done."

Read it here.

Hmm... that gives me the idea of making a guide titled The Pasty White Guy's Guide to Becoming a Pimp.

[Link from MeFi]

Williams can go to hell.
There's a TV commercial (Windows Media 56k stream | 100k stream) by a company called Williams that cracks me up.

Here's the general gist of the commercial:
A woman is seen hiking and shit enjoying the beauty that is in Alaska.
The woman talks about how much she loves the wildlife and prestine lands of Alaska.
Then she says she's glad that Williams wants to come in and build facilities to drill for oil.

What the fuck?

Saudis are stupid.
"Saudi Arabia's religious police stopped schoolgirls from leaving a blazing building because they were not wearing correct Islamic dress, according to Saudi newspapers."

Read more here.

"Mr. Wizard! Get me the hell out of here!"
Content has been lacking lately. Ho hum. Sue me. My will to write is rather diminutive lately. There ain't much to say. :/ I watched parts of The Matrix three times this weekend. And the beginning of Die Hard, the BEST Christmas movie ever made. And I watched part of Independence Day since The Suck Files wasn't on tonight. But I never actually watched any of these movies in their entirety. Not this weekend, anyway. That's ok; I've seen each one like a million times anyhoo.

The dude working for Abandoned Pools hasn't replied to me yet. I guess he's shy. So, I don't have free shit to give out still. *sigh*

Want some geeky links? No? Well, that's too damn bad. I seem to have a bunch of 'em. I wouldn't say I have a plethora of links, but I do have many geeky links.

* Wireless networking through Game Boy cartridges. Tight! Link from #!/usr/bin/girl.

* Anyone want a laser keyboard? I know I do. I don't think a laser keyboard would require cleaning and I don't think random keys will stop working. Sort of like my "n" key. That thing's busted or somethin' and I cleaned the fucker out several times. Pah. Link from Shacknews.

* The Playstation 3 may use distributed computing technology. In other words, several connected systems will share the load, allowing for... uh... way better-looking games and stuff with no slow-downs when the action gets way intense. Or something. I think I'll hold out for the PS 6 or 7, which may be based on nanotechology. Rock.