Habib's picks
Given the great job my magical crystal ball did at predicting the winners of last week's NFL playoff games, I decided to trade in the crystal ball for an obscure, talking sugar glider. Hopefully, it can do a better job than the inanimate object that preceded it. If not, well, I heard that sugar gliders taste a bit like chicken.

The sugar glider, which shall be tentatively named Habib (despite being native to Australia), does not see any upsets this week. Therefore, the Rams, da Bears, the Pats, and the Steelers should move onto their respective conference finals. However, Habib will be rooting for the Packers to beat the Rams, because the Super Bowl will be a lot better if the Rams weren't in it. Why? Because the Rams are just that damn good. Habib would like a close Super Bowl. You know, one worth watching from start to finish instead of one whose final score is like 55-10. I guess I can't blame him.

Is this for real??
Please check this site out and read it all so that you too may share in my confusion and laughter. I still haven't been able to determine if it's for real or not but if it is, does anyone have a spare $80k I can borrow? ;)

For more funny stuff check out this video from the Conan O'Brien show. It's a Triumph sketch.

Your blood is my paint...
And your flesh, my canvas.

Well, maybe not in my case, since I'm such a nice, young, good looking fellow. But there are some dudes over in Germany who have anger management issues. They're turing to human beings for sacrifices in their little vampire cult. Alle hageln Satan. Or something.

Where's Buffy when you need her?

"You don't fuck with the Jesus."
Or maybe in this case, you do: Jesus dress up!

My guess is that a devout Christian made this.

</sarcasm>

Police applicant arrested
A Loudon man applying for a police job had a warrant outstanding for his arrest, according to Concord police reports.

According to these reports, the state police were conducting a routine background check on Travis A. Gelinas, of 84 Lovering Ave., when they discovered that the Concord Police Department had charged their candidate with burglary.

The state police contacted the Concord police, and a Concord officer took Gelinas into custody Friday. The officer noted that Gelinas was polite and cooperative.

He was released on $2,500 personal recognizance.

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There's some local news for those of you not currently in the Concord-Keene, NH vicinity.

Here is some more, even better, local news: Robbery leads to pot bust.

I haven't posted in a while
Its because I hate you.

No actually its because I haven't had much to say. And I've been in a bit of a funk. Anyways, this has to be about the worst faux pas ever.

This is going to sound real odd, but I am in love with Mandy Moore. She's the best. She is on MTV right now, on Diary. She's going out with that guy that plays Fez from That 70's Show. I have to kill him. Anyways, on part of the Diary, they were at the Stamford Mall, which is right near where I live. Blah.

I fail to see the surprise here.
Bagger: Paper or plastic?
me: Surprise me.
[Bagger looks down with a blank stare.]
me: You can put the canned stuff in plastic. I can carry the milk.
[I proceed to pay and get change from the cashier.]
Bagger: Surprise!
[The canned stuff is in a plastic bag and the milk is next to it.]

In the show called 24...
That CTU redhead, Jamey Farrell? Her nose weirds me out.

I think I need help.
I've watched five hours of The Real World in the last two days, plus an episode or two (and possible three) this past weekend. AAAHH!

I feel so... dirty... now...

Well well well...
I wish my neighbor's well was done being dug up and made. They started working on it some time during the middle of last week, and when the professionals come by to do their thing, you can't hear a damn thing in my house. Well, you can hear someone else talking to you from reasonable distances, but you can't tell if the microwave and dishwasher are running or are done. And my room happens to be the closest to the new well excavation site (that and the room directly below mine, go figure), so hearing things is even more of a challenge for me. If I feel like listening to the radio or watching TV, I'd be best to do so elsewhere or turn the volume knob to the "way loud" level. At least I don't have to worry about not hearing my alarm clock; the well guys have usually awakened me before it goes off.

Which Lord of the Rings dude are you?
I ended up as that dwarf guy with the big axe. But when I took the test again to find out what his name is, my results came back as Aragorn, the heir to the throne of the kingdom of man. I guess that makes me half dwarf, half man... isn't that like 3/4 man? Or maybe I'm a quadroon, I don't know.

Jello shots on tap?
You tell me.

And once you've down a couple bottles with some of your pals, maybe you can come up with some crazy theories like using antimatter to fuel spacecraft and heal the ill. Then you could wrestle each other into tables filled with empty cans and bottles. That'd make for a fine evening.

Ah! My Ass!
Well, Jerome, it looks like you were two for four in your predictions. 50% isn't too bad.... for me to poop on! As for me, I'm enjoying the playoffs this year and it helps when I don't know anything about football. Weee.

Oh. Let me tell you all about my experience with hot sauce this weekend. I went to a friend's party and was just hanging out drinking when I happened to notice a whole hell of a lot of hot sauce neatly arranged around the room. I asked my friend, Joe, what the deal was and he preceded to tell me that he collects the stuff. I continued to look at all the different bottles (all aptly named: “Ass in Space,” “Flames of Hell,” etc.) and stopped at a very small and unassuming clear glass bottle. The stuff inside was black and the bottle was a weird shape so I inquired about it. Apparently Joe had purchased this sauce in Rhode Island for $60 (it was a very small bottle)!! He then told me that he had to sign a waver and show an ID in order to buy the damn stuff! Intrigued, I wanted to know how hot it really was. Joe suggested that we all dip in a toothpick and dab it on our tongue. So we did...... BIG MISTAKE! I swear to you that only a VERY small portion of the toothpick was covered with the stuff and it wasn't dripping... just a coating. At first nothing happened... Then four seconds later my tongue felt like it was on fire, followed shortly after by my mouth, then the back of my throat! For 30 minutes I was in pain. NO JOKE. This stuff must be made and spawned by the devil himself! Nothing I did would stop the burning. I drank enough water to kill a camel and it still burned. God help the poor bastard that mistakes that stuff for jam or something. He would have to be carried out in a stretcher. The only good thing about the experience is that the shots of Crown Royal we did after tasted like water compared to the hot sauce. The worst part of the whole thing was the next morning when I went to the bathroom and my ass spontaneously combusted. Ah well, live and learn....