THIS JUST IN!
Special Ops forces in Afghanistan have photographed Osama Bin Laden! More news to follow at ten....

Yeah, I'm a post whore.

* If you're one of those Civ-playing dorks (myself included), you may like this little piece about taking out the Taliban, Sid Meier style. If you don't know squat about the different wonders in the Civilizations series, this article probably won't make too much sense to you.
* Nice, a $366 box! I wonder how much the winning bidder would have paid if there was an X-Box in it! And how much does an X-Box go for, anyway? $300? $400? Can you say "Winner?"
* There's a Playstation 3 in the works? That's news to me. I mean, the PS2 just came out last year...
* This story has nothing to do with anything. Read it anyways.

me: Hey, schreibe ich auf Deutsch! [translation: Hey, I'm typing in German!]
GARBAGEman: wow........not bad.......some wrong er......well what ever......it has to be:
"Hey, ich schreibe auf Deutsch!"
GARBAGEman: but not bad.....*lol*
me: Ich verwende Englisch zum deutschen Übersetzer. Dieses Marken ich ein Überbrücker, schätze ich. :) [translation: I am using an English to German translator. That makes me a cheater, I guess. :)]
GARBAGEman: Tell me the name of this "übersetzer". [übersetzer = translator]
me: http://babel.altavista.com/sites/babelfish/tr
GARBAGEman: OH MY GOD! Stop using this piece of crap!
me: lol!
GARBAGEman: once I used this program and translated your site................
me: hehe. I bet that produced some interesting results.
GARBAGEman: ..in a perverted kind.........
me: if you translated my perosnal website and not my Garbage website, that makes sense. :) so much random shit gets written there. :)

Oh wait, that would be me!

It's time to do the dance of joy!

The first one is about a new movie that is being made. With Bruce Lee. Who's been dead for almost 30 years. He died. This has to be ultra-sacreligious. I mean, what's next? Will they bring back Brandon Lee to do a new 'Crow' movie? The Title: The Crow 8: You Know How They're Always Saying The Worst Is Yet To Come? Well This Is It Folks. The Worst. The Tagline: Starring Brandon Lee. He's dead. Our Next Movie Project will be to team him up with his father in a movie called 'Angry Dragon'. He's Angry because we are soiling his dead corpse. And not figuratively either. We actually dug it up, and are taking turns shitting on it.

The second one is about Mullah Omar, the leader of the Taliban. In the article he says: 'We will not accept a government of wrong-doers. We prefer death than to be a part of an evil government' which pretty much means he'll be getting married to Eva Braun before enacting a marriage suicide pact. He wants the 'Extinction of America' and I'd say that out of all the political and religious groups in the world, his has the best chance to do it. Err, I mean, the worst chance, considering that his government has been routed in the past week or so, losing Afghanistan's 4 largest cities to a small, poorly organized army whose most advanced units are on HORSEBACK.

The third one is about the war in Afghanistan, which lends credence to my statements above concerning the Taliban's losing streak. However, there was one very interesting quote from the first paragraph of this article, and that is: 'The United States said it was ``tightening the noose'' around Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan on Thursday as it bombed away at his Taliban protectors who said their increasingly dire situation was part of a grand plan to destroy America.' So uh, let me get this straight... they are intentionally losing power and dying fighting battles against guys mounted on HORSEBACK, because it is a surefire plan to win the war, spread Extremist Islam, kill every American, and destroy America in the process? I think I just pissed my pants. Does the Taliban think they are Rocky, fighting the big scary Russian dude in 'Rocky 4?' Rocky's strategy to beat the big scary Russian guy (played nobly by Dolph Lundgren) was to wear the Russian guy down by letting him punch him, so as to avoid being punched. Good strategy, eh? The rest of the strategy is this: after big scary Russian guy is worn out from punching you so many times, he'll be all punched out, and then really, all it will take is one punch from Rocky. This great strategy came only after Rocky witnessed big scary Russian guy kill his best (and only) friend, Apollo Creed, with one punch. (Note to self. Boxing Ruin Brain. No Box. Eat. Go Sleepy.) I wonder if Sylvester Stallone has been sending scripts to Afghanistan?

"Known to cure itching, colds, stomachs, brains, and other diseases."
-- On a bottle of Chinese medicine.

These and other examples of poorly translated English can be found here.

Family Guy is on tonight. Woot! However, one may see Josh on Smackdown tonight perhaps at the same time... And it also looks like ABC has something interesting coming up at 9 PM. Dilemmas, dilemmas. Record one, watch the others? Maybe. It's times like these where a TiVo might come in handy. My VCR is pretty dusty and gross inside.

"Bueller? Bueller?"

Not that anyone cares...

But anyhoo, those were the days in which education crossed with gameplay actually produced cool games. Who could forget such classics as Number Munchers, Odell Lake, some game whose title I can't remember but you had to build the Transcontinental Railroad, and Oregon Trail? OK, Odell Lake didn't teach you much more than the fact that if you're a whitefish, you should make a shallow escape from the Mackinaw trout. And Oregon Trail didn't really teach you anything other than the names for fancy diseases like "dysentery" and "cholera." You could also write funny things on your tombstone if you died on your way to Chimney Rock, and it was probably the only game where shooting things was acceptable. Hell, you had to for survival. And it didn't matter if you killed Bambi and her sister along with three buffalos, you could only haul back 100 pounds of food and let the rest of it rot while nearby Indian tribes gasped in mortification at your wanton destruction. Ah, those were the days. If only there was a way to relive those classic moments...

Oh, there is! Just go to the bottom of this web page and download the game and the emulator to run it! Then, you're set for some intense 8-bit color action! Just be careful when crossing the river!

• While wiping your face: 'Let me clear a place for you to sit'


• 'Hey, it looks like your socks are having a party. Why don't you invite your pants on down?'


• 'I have an 8 inch tongue and I can breath through my ear.'


• 'How's about letting my snake loose in the grass?'


• 'So tonight I was at this bar and I met this slutty girl, and I told her some stupid story about being at a bar and she took me home and we did it. Hint Hint.'


• 'Want to help me test out the shocks in my car?'


• 'I might not be milk, but I can sure do your body good'


• 'I write for a website called Against The Grain.'


• 'Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you blow the hell out of me.'


• 'Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth and easy to spread.' (And made from peanuts!)


• 'Can I explore your genitalia with my genitalia?'


• 'Would you like to attend a LAN party with me? I have my LAN party accessory kit and everything.'


• 'You remind me of an award winning trout. I can't decide if I want to mount you or eat you.'

So tonight, our good friend Josh called into work sick. He works the third shift from 10 PM to 6AM. The only problem with this is he was not sick. Also, he went to see a WWF event at the Pepsi Arena in Albany. Also, that event will be airing on national TV at 8PM on Thursday on your local UPN channel. Also, Josh was very near the front and will be on TV several times. Also, he did his very best to look ill on camera. Good luck Ferris Bueller.

Warning, the following link is SCARY. Watch the transformation from the Dick Cavet Show to the Freak Show. I put this link up because this transformer's 30th anniversary show aired tonight on CBS. I want a scary little leprechaun nose! Thanks to Niru, aka Nuri, who gets no URL link because I don't even know if she has a URL. And she may have already won ten million dollars, but she'll never know because we have no way to contact her if she doesn't have a URL. So I'm keeping the money and quitting my job. I'm going to raise sheep in Montana with that special someone. You know who you are.

In the last few days, the Northern Alliance has gone from controlling a mere 10% of the country to over 50% of it, including Kabul.

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) - Ignoring appeals to stay out of the capital, Afghan opposition fighters rolled into Kabul on Tuesday after Taliban troops fled. Residents, freed of the Islamic militia's restrictions, celebrated by blaring music from radios and shaving their beards. [...]

The United Nations reported that alliance fighters executed 100 Taliban in the northern city of Mazar-e-Sharif after capturing the city Friday. Abdullah denied reports of killings. [...]

There were signs the Taliban were abandoning cities in the south, possibly to wage a guerrilla war from the mountains. A Kandahar resident contacted by telephone said many Taliban appeared to have left the city, except for uniformed militia police.

I wonder what Taliban objectives will be like once they have nothing but metamorphic rock to call their own. They will probably just hang out in caves for the next several months, sending small bands of soldiers to throw stones at some important anti-Taliban official's house and then scrambling when they turn the outdoor lights on.

If you're interested in some photos of some dead guys outside of Kabul, click here. You may have to go to page 2 or 3 or 4 to see the photos, but they are there.

Looks like a company over there figured out to make fuel cell generated power pollutant-free. I guess that's a good thing. Now if they could only find a way to make the Troy area not look so much like ass... I don't think Allah himself could help Troy out in that sense.

I stole this story from MeFi.

And holy crap, the Patriots are over .500! Yeah, I don't understand it either. Don't get too used to it, the Pats have to play the Rams and the Saints next. Heh.

And as far as the Vikings are concerned, they can go fornicate themselves with an iron stick. They're such a talented club, but everytime I open a new IE window and I see their game score in a corner of the screen, it keeps getting worse and worse and worse. And the games left in their season aren't going to get any easier. I have a suggestion for Dennis Green: STOP SUCKING.