Aussie Win2k

Anyway, here's my quick story to dispose of the links.

-- It's Friday night. You decide to go to bar and play "Drink the Beer" with a buddy of yours. The only thing is, are you supposed to drink it or smoke it?
-- After a few rounds, the women at the bar are starting to look nice. Now's the time to see if you can find a hottie. Bonus points if you can convince her to come to your place. Even more points if the person is a celebrity.
-- Good job. You found a lone yet fairly attractive girlie girl. And she has been enjoying your company. Perhaps she would like to take a ride in your BMW?
-- Nope, she doesn't. Oh well, you're too drunk to drive anyway. I guess that blows your chance for the sex later on. But at least maybe you can get her number...

The end.

To comment on some of the links I have provided above:

Which pic of Michael Jackson is without the makeup?
Car spoilers won't get you airborne.
And they sure have interesting presentations over at Dartmouth.

I'm awfully violent today. So what? You want to fight about it?

Kudos to Ray for the link. I think.

For the uneducated, it's short for "weblog," and is used a lot by people who use Blogger. It can be used as noun (means weblog, like this site) or a verb (to post to a weblog). It will also get you a strike across your face with my hoe if you use this word within my presence.

Am I a... er... weblogaholic? Not according to this little quiz some weblogger made. A score of 44% net me this response:

You are a casual weblogger. You only blog when you have nothing better to do, which is not very often. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you'd post a little more often, you'd make your readers very happy.

I'll work on it, folks, hehe.

But anyhoo, Jake got the spam below and he forwarded it to me. Keep in mind that hasanyoneseenmypants.com is currently an RPI 404 error.

I need to talk to you about hasanyoneseenmypants.com but do not want to interrupt your busy schedule with a few simple questions that you could answer by email.

My Company builds brilliant Websites and our clients tell us that they make more money than anything else they have tried on the Internet. They are modular and database driven. They include all the popular features, such as a shopping cart, eCommerce enabled, articles, newsletters, member login,
contact databases and discussion forums. We also offer a Webmaster
module that allows you complete control of editing and content.

I believe our approach represents a fundamental shift in the way you acquire
and use technology. Our integration of applications, technology and infrastructure
creates a service platform that enables you to focus on your strategic issues rather
than on software, technology and infrastructure concerns.

And, all of this comes with a big benefit-LOW-COST for you. You don't have to
make any investment for hardware and no IT Department. This means you can increase
your operating cost predictability and reduce your financial risk.

We provide you with a choice of functions and guide you through the process of designing
a dynamic Website, which will be on the Internet in a matter of days.

I am also interested in discussing other business opportunities we might
have with you or your current partners. We offer two moneymaking
programs, Affiliates and Resellers, which may be of interest to you.

If you are interested in developing a Website or participating as an
Affiliate or Reseller, please give me your best contact phone number
and one of my Account Managers or I will call you to discuss this further.

If you are not accepting Website or business proposals or not interested
in learning more about our modular Website system, please email me with
remove in the subject title.

Sincerely,

Richard Nelson, Sr.
[contact information]

Personally, I never considered a site like hasanyoneseenmypants.com to be a real moneymaking URL. But now that I think about it, who wouldn't love to have a hasanyoneseenmypants.com t-shirt? How about a hasanyoneseenmypants.com thermos? Any takers? How about an AtG shirt to boot?

In case you don't know (which is likely the case since FOX doesn't ever advertise the show), Family Guy premieres this coming Thursday at 8 PM, pitting the show against other heavyweights like CBS's Survivor, HGTV's Renovations, and The Weather Channel's The Weather Channel.

For the uninformed, Family Guy is the best. Show. Ever. I'd post some reviews about the show in order to spare myself from explaining it to you, but there really aren't any reviews online. You can find some old ones here, though.

And for the 0 or 1 UK guys that might read this site, you can get the first season of Family Guy on DVD... You bastards.

In unrelated news, I think The X-Files will be premiering its long-winded 300th season this Sunday at 9 PM. Maybe now that whiny Duchovny is out of the picture, the show can start anew and make Robert Patrick (Doggett) the bad-ass he can be.

Note on the Patrick link above: click on his image in the left frame, and take a look at the "PLI" page. Good stuff.

Here are some trash talking comments to use during a poker game. Thanks once again to Maxim. I like Maxim a lot. If you buy it and read it, you'll see why. <plug>

These are vulgar. You've been warned.

Use When: You win with a full boat.
Trash: 'I haven't had a hand like that since your mother jerked me off at last summer's pool party.'

Use When: You just beat your main opponent in a big hand.
Trash: 'Aw, buck up. It's not as bad as when that biker raped you -- ooh, sorry, did I let the cat out of the bag?'

Use When: The drunk dealer misdeals.
Trash: 'Dick. Grow a pair of balls, you cum-slurping party bitch.'

Use When: A player suggests lowering the ante.
Trash: 'Hey, Nancy, go home and send your husband over.'

Use When: You're beat by triple sixes.
Trash: 'Beware the number of the beast. You shall suck Satan's greasy cock in hell.'

Use When: You have to take a leak.
Trash: 'All right, fellas, I'm outta here. I'm as tired as Jerome's wife after her shift at the Penn Station glory hole.'

Use When: A poor bastard loses with a sure hand.
Trash: 'Man, Jonathan here screws your girlfriend, and now this.'

Use When: The dealer says, 'I think Jerome's looking for the inside straight.'
Trash: 'Funny... that's what his wife said to me last night.'

Use When: Someone's smirking.
Trash: 'Thinking about the first time you passed out and got tea-bagged?'

Use When: You win with a full house.
Trash: 'Ha! Bet you haven't seen a house this full since your mom quit working bachelor parties.'

Use When: A player's whining.
Trash: 'What's the matter, just lose your wife's buy-some-real-tits fund?'

Use When: An opponent hesitantly calls your big raise.
Trash: 'Wow... your vagina must be killing you.'

Use When: Someone looks at you.
Trash: 'Nice head.'

Use When: You've cleaned out the last player.
Trash: 'OK, who wants to tongue my balloon knot for cab fare home.'

Keitho: yo
Me: what up?
Keitho: ok...so i got my paper back today for IT rev
Keitho: and when the teacher was handing it back, he asks "i was wondering if you could read you intro to the class"
Keitho: i was like "uhhh...sure?"
Keitho: (10 mins earlier)
Keitho: odin and i are walking to class
Keitho: i say to odin "i bet i got a C- on my paper, if i am lucky"
Me: ha
Me: ok
Keitho: odin says "i know...your paper was horrible, i told you baker, you should have woke up when i told you...most people worked on their paper for weeks...you started at noon the same day it was due"
Me: hahaha
Me: so what'd you get?
Keitho: *inside my head* "fuck, i am such a slack ass"
Keitho: back to class
Keitho: odin sees my paper, i got an A
Me: NICE!
Keitho: after a few more papers handed out, he gets his, a B
Me: haha
Keitho: he yells outloud "BULLSHIT!"
Keitho: i read my intro, and the class goes crazy, calling mine shit, since i am one of the few people that got an A
Keitho: they all attacked the teacher (and me) saying my intro was all opinion
Me: haha
Me: dude, they are all freshman
Me: don't worry about it
Keitho: and that i don't know how to write, and the teacher doesn't know how to grade....and they took it to the writing center
Keitho: i raised my hand and said "dude, i didn't state my opion, i wrote an intro that i tried to draw the reader in...after my intro, i didn't use 'i' at all"
Me: ok
Keitho: the teacher goes "yes, he is right...he is the only person that had a good intro"
Me: hahahahahha
Me: very nice
Keitho: the kid infront of me turns around and goes "dude, your intro was fucking gay"
Keitho: i said "i know, i got an A, what did you get?"
Me: HAHHAHAHAHAHA
Keitho: he said "a C...but still..."
Keitho: my capstone partner comes up to me and says "keith, that intro was ok...i guess i should have spent more time on my paper like you....i started only a couple of days before"
Me: HAHAHAH
Me: Baker, you rule
Keitho: odin goes "he posesses this thing called 'the baker luck', because he wrote it at noon the same day"
Me: the baker skill
Keitho: my partner says "i hate you", and walks away
Me: the same skill I have
Keitho: i think we helped each other jonathan
Keitho: i learned from you
Keitho: i learned it by watching you
Me: HAHAHA
Me: I am going to take a shower
Me: but I am probably going to put this on AtG afterwards
Keitho: so, here is my intro...tell me how gay it was...oh, and the only reason i wrote it, is because i was too short on the paper
Me: ok
Keitho: the title of the paper is "Maine and the IT Revolution"
Keitho: Introduction

After the long drive from New York, I was relived to cross the Piscataqua River Bridge on my way home to Maine. There is just something about crossing it that brings me back in time away from the sky scrapers and busy city life. One of the first things I noticed once inside was the new sign on the side of Maine's only highway saying "If your business were in Maine, you'd be home right now," with a phone number at the bottom.

Driving along the road, it seems as though it is leading to nowhere. Trees line both sides and the road is barely lit. It becomes clear to me now that Maine is behind the times in technology and society, in relation to the rest of the United States. Peaked by curiosity from the sign, I decide to call the phone number. A recording picks up, "Thank you for calling the Maine Better Business Bureau. I'm sorry, we're closed until Monday at 9AM, but feel free to leave a name and number, and we'll get back to you."

This doesn't surprise me, considering I grew up in the state, I recalled that everything in the state seemed to close before 9PM. I am amazed at how the technology revolution seemed to his every place but here. Let's explore now how Maine fits into the 21st century.

Me: did your teacher correct the 2 spelling errors?
Me: I liked it very much, by the way
Keitho: no...he didn't
Keitho: like the word "his"
Keitho: or something?
Me: well, they aren't spelling errors, but yeah
Me: his
Me: should be hit
Me: and peaked should be piqued
Keitho: right
Keitho: oh
Keitho: i didn't realize that
Me: I guess I always notice that kind of stuff since I am an anal bastard

Check out The Smoking Gun to get all the best truest dirt anywhere, on anyone. This is stuff that even the National Enquirer won't print. Thanks to Maxim.

Oooh, look mommy! Digital Projection, coming soon to a theater near me. I HOPE!

Speaking of digital projection, download the Star Wars trailer, and see it digitally in May.

I'm going to get tickets to this show, and invite Jerome down to see it with me.

Last but not least, here's a neat website that adds a lot of neat tricks to your AIM profile. SubProfile. Thanks to Morhous.

Today's group o' links will be nothing besides some weird idea called "the internet." I don't really know anything about it, but all of the "shibby" kids are using it. My powers of inference tell me it must be some combination of Pop Rocks and soda.

* From links at CamWorld, here are a pair of lame t-shirts that fellow geeks would love to wear: the flow chart one and the toilet one.

* Disturbing search requests that have lead to common weblogs like this one. I think this one speaks for itself.

* IM for Dummies! In case you can't figure out how to add someone to your buddy list and how to send that person messages and/or lewd photos of under-aged domestic farm animals, you can pay $9.95 for a book to learn how to do so.

* On a similar note, Cleaning the Fucking Kitchen for Dummies! All of my RPI brothas better read this. Don't make me spam your inbox, Fool! Link stolen without remorse from Blogarithms.

Stay tuned for links regarding ugly BMW's and celebrities without make-up!

Speaking of celebrities:

Q: What do you get when you cross Kid Rock with Pamela Anderson?
A: I guess we'll find out in eight or nine months, huh?

Cousin Jeff: u got the weiredest info

Me: its a link to the website that me and my roommate write
Cousin Jeff: its weird

Me: its called Against the Grain
Cousin Jeff: da!

Me: have you ever read it?
Cousin Jeff: ya y

Cousin Jeff: .do u still hav that truck

Me: no way. you saw my new car
Cousin Jeff: o ya my icon used 2 be geo bling bling

Me: ok
Cousin Jeff: goes r bad

Me: are you 12? or 13?

Cousin Jeff: both
Me: no, come on, give me a straight answer, becuase I am going to write about you on my webpage
Cousin Jeff: if its a moive im 13 if im reg im 12

Cousin Jeff: right

Me: ok. makes sense to me.
Cousin Jeff: realy
Me: wow, I forgot all about the days of trying to get into movies
Cousin Jeff: omg

Me: they used to let us into 'R' rated movies by ourselves if a parent bought the tickets for us
Me: I don't think they do that anymore
Cousin Jeff: they still do that

Me: do the parents have to go in?
Cousin Jeff: ya
Me: and watch the movie?
Cousin Jeff: do u hav a gf

Cousin Jeff: hello

Me: do you have one?

Cousin Jeff: ya u

Cousin Jeff: o

Cousin Jeff: who else u talking 2

Me: no one. I am working

Cousin Jeff: o
Me: I am going to write about you on my website though
Cousin Jeff: wehat is it about;-)
Me: its mostly just going to be this conversation
Cousin Jeff: im talking 2 my gf

Me: cool, whats her name?
Cousin Jeff: alexa
Cousin Jeff: shes at school
Me: she's takling to you from school?
Cousin Jeff: in the library
Me: ok
Cousin Jeff: shibby

Cousin Jeff: whats the websites url

Cousin Jeff: make it shibby john and jeff.com
Me: if you click on the link in my info, you'll get to it
Cousin Jeff: ok
Me: its not up yet
Me: but I'll let you know when it is
Cousin Jeff: ok
Cousin Jeff: how do u hav for xmas
Me: what?

Cousin Jeff: who do u hav for xmas

Me: oh. I am not sure, but I think Stevie
Cousin Jeff: shibby
Me: who do you have?
Cousin Jeff: rent the moive dude wheres my car

Me: I've seenit
Cousin Jeff: u hav
Cousin Jeff: when
Me: when it was in theaters
Me: last christmas
Cousin Jeff: ok
Cousin Jeff: chesters the bomb
Me: no no dude, you are supposed to say the chicks are the bomb
Cousin Jeff: whith the guys in the bubble wrap
Me: errr, I don't remember

JEFF8NHE wants to directly connect.
JEFF8NHE is now directly connected.
Cousin Jeff:

Cousin Jeff: there car rocks

Me: I am going to eat lunch now

Me: I'll talk to you later
Cousin Jeff: peaceout
Cousin Jeff: dud
Cousin Jeff: e

I was just minding my business, watching a bit where the Hurricane was dressed up as a reporter, and I heard the sound of wings flapping over my head. It came from the stairway furthest away from my bedroom. Only a part of wing was in my field of view. It was traveling from the stairway into the living room. I did not bother to look up to confirm the sighting. Instead, I just went upstairs and let my mother know that she's got work to do.

It was kinda unexpected to encounter the bat in the living room, especially since the living room is probably the furthest room from my bedroom. And my house isn't what many would consider to be small. I was also almost certain that the bat was gonna live out the rest of its life in my closet, especially since it was impossible for it to escape from it while I slept last night (if you consider 30 15-minute naps to be "sleeping") and whenever I left my room at night, I kept my lights on. The closet door was not kept in its "impossible to escape from" state when I was awake.

So anyway, we took this twin-sized sheet from my room, along with the broom, and my mother went hunting for it while I just made sure nothing was coming up from behind (i.e., I was too much of a candy ass to go head-to-head with the bat). We heard this old lady that watches the other old ladies that live in my house say, "Was that a bat?" She was in the kitchen while we were investigating the living room. So, Mother (and I, to a lesser degree) headed off to the kitchen, and then down a couple hallways, and the bat was discovered clinging onto a window curtain in one of the old ladies' bedroom. Then came the unmerciful broom beatings. The light was turned on, so it couldn't really fly away. It just made a lot of "I'm really pissed off" sounds and started to climb up the side of the bed. My mother covered it with the sheet at this time. At this point, I think it's important to stress that SOMEONE WAS ASLEEP IN THE BED THAT THE BAT WAS SEEKING REFUGE IN. So, while it was covered in the sheet, my mom beat it a couple times with the broom, got it all wrapped up in the sheet, and then released outside. And yes, the old lady did wake up near the end of the bat's beating. When she asked what was going on, my mom was like, "Oh, there was a small bird in your room and we're going to put it back outside." Hehe.

So there you go.

Maybe this'll mean I can actually sleep for the first time in about three or four days.

The Sun is in Scorpio and the Moon is in Gemini. This has not been a relaxing weekend for you. There's been more than enough to keep you busy. This is not volunteer work, however. You'll gain through the effort expended.

The Sun is in Scorpio and the Moon is going from Gemini into Cancer. It's payback time. Do something special for a person who did a good deed for you once. If you don't immediately know who, give yourself a minute. You'll think of somebody. But don't tell. Have it be a surprise.

And that Michael Vick guy? Jesus, he can run at an inhuman speed. He has a fucking cannon for an arm, too. Isn't he the guy in that Powerade commercial that pushed his receivers back five yards when they catch his passes? That's pretty sick. Assuming it wasn't faked, which I'm pretty sure it is.

On this Sunday, the 4th day of November, in the year of our Lord 2001, I lie cold and afraid. I am sheltered by what used to be my desk. Everything within three-score paces has been reduced to ash and rubble. The flying hellspawn has taken everything away from me. I have been forced to eat the remains of my poodle for survival while I guard myself with an aluminum broom handle. I know I don't have long to live, but as long as the batteries in my spare maglight still work, perhaps I still have a chance of dying a quick death. Otherwise, the soulless beast's pitch-colored eyes will meet my own, and I will be taken apart organ by organ, limb by limb. Just like the others...

I stole the hallway light last night and put it in my room. That way, if I woke up in the middle of the night, I'd be able to tell if he was looking to get his ass kicked. And it did come back. At 5:00 in the morning. It circled my room a couple times and then hung upside down on my bedroom doorway. It sure made my escape from my room an interesting one. I had to take this thin quilt, cover myself in it, and run out of my room while keeping fairly low to the ground. By the time I got out of my room, it wasn't in the doorway anymore, so I shut my door.

Oddly enough, my mom was up at this time. She then tried to catch the bat by ensnaring it in a shoebox. That didn't work out too well. The bat is quick enough for even the most alert people. Couple that with the fact that my mom's motor skills were kinda impaired courtesy to half a night's sleep, well, she just had to give up. "We'll catch it in the morning."

Needless to say I had to sleep elsewhere for the rest of the night.

Morning came. My bedroom door was opened. No bat was found. Go figure. Bats are nocturnal creatures, and they have the ability to fit pretty much anywhere they want to hide. I can't find it anywhere in my room; it's probably hanging out (literally) in my dark, forgotten closet waiting to strike. I don't really want to turn my lights off tonight, and it makes me wonder if I should make sure that it can't get out of my closet by putting shit in front of the door (the closet door doesn't close all the way on its own) or if I should be even more of a pussy than I already am and make myself comfortable on the living room couch. Hmm...

I don't like bats. :p