Gulbuth The Rampant makes me scared of Hell.
Apparently, The Onion has gone crazy with funny terrorist stories. And they aren't written in bad taste, either. It's good to see that comedy can still exist in this day and age. I personally enjoyed the Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell article. Hehe.

Too l33t for retail
So I did get to talk to the manager that hired me about how much I was getting paid and stuff. It looks like I'm not going to get paid more, either, despite my prior experience in the same field and the fact that they really need people who know what they're talking about to work their electronics/computer department. I could wait until I've worked 90 days at Staples for a chance of getting a raise. Unfortunately, I've only worked three days and I'm sick and tired of it. So I gave her my two weeks notice and told her that I have no problems with Staples or any of my soon-to-be former coworkers. In fact, I told her that I even like going to Staples to buy stuff. It's just a shame that they aren't willing to pay me more than a 16-year old with no prior work record. It's also a shame that I can go up the street and make $9.50-$11.50 an hour, something I brought up in my effort to get paid more money. Yet they still won't give me more cash. Competitive salaries, my ass.

Working there is so boring. Working in wholesale or retail is so boring, in general. I can't deal with it. There are no waves of people to take care of. There are no really busy hours. You can't really mingle with other departments. In fact, in the last two days (17 hours) I've worked at Staples, I stood in front of a damn cash register the whole time. I wasn't allowed to be more than 15 feet away from it. I also have eight more hours tomorrow where I believe I will be running a register while other people get trained to do more than run the register. Great. Talk about monotony...

It also doesn't make sense that I can't, say, work a register for half the day and then spend the other half of the day learning how things are done in the electronics department, which is where they were going to put me soon. What's odd is that of the people in the electronics department that I have talked to, none of them know how to use the register. Figure that one out. I'm learning skills that I don't really need, since the folks in the electronics department don't have a cash register. And I guess all I'll be doing for the next two weeks in running the register since there's no point in training me the art of being an electronics guru if I'm out of there in two weeks.

But anyway, back to my rant on retail and wholesale vendors: The work is lame. I'm way overqualified for this. And, oddly enough, I'd rather go back to the forbidden ice cream and seafood palace than working in retail again. The hours fly so much more quickly in a restaurant atmosphere. One also doesn't stay in one spot all friggin' day. I'd rather empty all the trash cans, then take customer orders, then wash dishes, then set up food trays, then scoop coleslaw into portion cups than do one thing eight hours a day. Oddly enough, I was happier working 50+ hours without overtime pay in a restaurant setting than being at Staples for three days straight! There's so much more to do in that field. I don't see why I should torture myself being in retail where the work is unvaried, boring, and not particularly challenging. Come to think of it, I had more fun being in other retail jobs than Staples, since I had more to do, like washing the floor or stocking inventory. It's pretty scary when those tasks can be considered perks, huh?

I guess that means I should either a) be unemployed, b) get a job in the restaurant business to cover my bills, or c) get a real job that makes me feel that my college years were not spent in vain. The latter of these is the most desirable option, of course. It's also the most elusive, though. However, my mother said she'd help me out if I want to hire a head hunter or someone to find me computer jobs that I'm actually qualified for and that I'm interested in. It's an interesting possibility, but I don't see what that person would do that I haven't already done and failed miserably at.

Hum.

Are you smarter than Miss America?
You would be if you got 7 or 8 of these 8 questions right.

Sex, animals, and furniture.
No, this isn't the components of an old fashioned NH "becoming a man" ritual. They're the topics of today's post of random crap! Aren't you excited? I know I am. Maybe a little too excited, in fact. I've been popping some downers, though, so maybe I can make it through this typing session without breaking too many of my things from flailing my arms wildly in eager anticipation. *takes a deep breath* I don't know... We'll see.

MOOSE - Sometimes creatures in the wild have gender issues, too. Sort of like Michael Jackson's voice... If voices had genders... That's a scary thought.
SEX - Well, not really, but it's still a shame that a fine site like Something Awful is going down for a while. Bandwidth should be free, since it's like... a natural renewable resource like water... except it isn't... And I'm an idiot.
FURNITURE SEX - Yeah, you have read that right! Of the seven trillion porn sites out there, this one might be the best. This is a "must click" link. You may not want to click on it if you're at work, though. Then again, maybe you do if you work at home or if you work in the porn business... in which case it would be acceptable... Yeah.
MORE SEX - In a follow-up story to this one, those dudes in Swaziland don't care about that one-cow fine. They just want to get it on.
CRAZY MONKEY SEX - Actually, it's just a story about some dude who burned a teddy bear 'cause he thought it was possessed. What a freak.

I am retarded.
I think I made the blunder of a lifetime, as I decided to work for Staples since working at places like WalMart and Home Depot just don't do it for me. I don't want to deal with meeting people from my own town (therefore, I ain't working in my town or at WalMart) but I don't want to sell products I don't give a damn about (like Home Depot. I have zero interest in sprockets, plywood, screen doors, ceramic tiles, etc.). Plus, Home Depot is all stuffy and poorly ventilated, and there is always shitty music being played at a level where it can be hard to ignore. It pays rather well, and one has the opportunity to play with forklifts, but I'd feel better if I had some interest in the goods I was pawning off to potential consumers.

This is where Staples comes in. Staples sell office supplies, furniture, and computer junk. I originally applied to work for Staples because... well... it isn't really a move up in the world from where I used to be, but it is kinda in the same field as my $120k education is. They called me up almost immediately after getting my application, and the manager was pretty excited, and he was saying that they actually had jobs suitable to my skills sets. At this point, I was kinda pumped 'cause even if I was making a living fixing or upgrading computers or acting as a software consultant at a retail company, it would look really good on my rather boring resumé. I wasn't expecting to make like $15+ an hour; I just was in it for the experience, which is something I need more than money.

I got pre-interviewed and then interviewed a day later. Both went rather well; I was telling my interviewer how awesome I am and how much I know about different computer things and how I spend way too much time learning about what is happening in the computer hardware market. I even cracked some one-line jokes and stuff. It was probably the most pleasant interview I have ever had. I then found out that the software consultant-type job didn't exist, that the manager I talked to about that essentially has his head up his ass (heh), and that I would most likely work in the hardware ("business machines") department selling computers and helping customers with software and hardware problems. I was a little bummed, but I was ok with it. I'd rather be selling computers and PDA's than tulip bulbs or diamond-plated toolboxes.

They called me up at home on the same day they interviewed me and hired me. Woo.

So I started working for Staples today. I spent a lot of time just helping customers find what they were looking for (that was fun, especially since I don't really know where anything is in the store yet, hehe) and dicking around on the cash register. It was an ok day. Not bad for a first day at all. I didn't really feel challenged (the story of my summer), but I considered working at Staples to be better than the alternative.

Unfortunately, I never knew how much I was making until my first 8-hour shift today. The thought of salary actually escaped my head throughout the entire interview process, and it was never brought up to me. So I questioned the supervisor about how much "cash money" I was gonna get after my shift was over. The amount was insulting to me. Staples claimed to be competitive with other places in the area, so I was expecting to rake in about $10 an hour. Well, I ain't making around that. And I'm not making over $10 an hour. And now I'm thoroughly pissed off. I'm not willing to disclose the amount they're paying me. Let's just say that I don't intend to be working at Staples for too long. In my interview, I was asked, "how long do you think you'll be working at Staples?" I answered, "Probably for a while, but perhaps no longer than a year or two." Well, it looks like it's not going to be more than a week or two if they refuse to cough up some more dough. :p I guess it's kinda my own fault for taking a job before finding out how much I was going to make an hour, but judging by the amounts I was making in my prior jobs which were written on the application, I thought the managers would take into account how much I was making in my past jobs and match my last job's pay rate plus or minus about a dollar. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

And now I'm angry.

Fruitless Searches
Try typing any of the following into a Google search:

C#
.net
Project
HTML Help

You know what you get? Millions of results that are not anywhere near what you were searching on. Very frustrating searches. This is because Microsoft has some bad naming standards. C# (C-Sharp) is just about the worst name for any product ever, and this is becuase the '#' sign is not recognized in search functions. Similarly, trying to search on '.net', Microsoft's new development framework, will result in a search engine wondering which URL you were trying to search on. Typing in 'Project' or even 'Microsoft Project' is such a generic phrase that it literally results in millions of returns. Likewise with 'HTML Help' Microsoft's help development platform. (And for that matter, the product is just as generic as it sounds). I just want to know why Microsoft does this. Do they have any marketing people at all with lights coming on? I mean, from a marketing perspective you would think these kind of names would be big mistakes. Maybe they do this on purpose? I can't think of any reasons why they woulld want their products indistinguishable from other generic searches.

This is especially frustrating when you are trying to do non standard things with this software, like I've been doing at work, even if you know where to look. For instance, I have had to write macros for use by Microsoft Project. And I have had to get HTML Help to not only display webpages (a standard function), but also use Flash that my company uses in its Help files.

All this and I didn't even mention 'Office', 'Word', 'Excel', 'Access' and 'Windows' just because these are such dominant and popular products that, even though they have generic names, search engines generally 'know' that these are what you are looking for when you you type these words in a search.

My lips are sealed, I guess
I don't really have anything to say today. T'was a pretty boring day with lots of rain and clouds and other not-really-joyful atmospheric conditions. I should have more to say tomorrow, though. Bad things happen tomorrow. :)

In fact, I'm gonna go to bed now. *yawn* If you're kinda bummed out of the lack of posts today, maybe you search the net and get this calendar. You know you want it.

Ick.

The guy is wearing November clothing
Which is youur first clue that it is a fake, but here's a picture in bad taste.

Thanks to Alison Chains.

Old Favorite
Checking the archive, here's an old favorite website of Jerome's: Do you want two CDs? If so Click Here
Here's a hint: Jerome always wants two CDs.

Thanks be to Serpa.

Kurt Angle is your Olympic hero.
It's True! It's True!

How to talk out of your ass.
Here's a conversation I had with my brotha Mike way back during the Spring semester of our Freshman year of college. I've had this conversation saved for a while, and I guess I hid it in an ultra-secret spot in my computer 'cause I didn't find it until now. Actually, I knew I saved it somewhere, but I forgot all about it. And now I remembered about it. Or something. But anyhoo, perhaps I should share our lunacy before I conveniently forget about it again:

Mike: crasy silly fresh dj!

Jerome: BAAAAAAM!

Mike: holy dirivative!

Mike: shut up

Mike: dp := 1/2/(2*abs(1/34+1/51*t+1/102*t^2-1/102*cos(t)-25/51*sin(t))^2
+abs(5/17+10/51*t+5/51*t^2-5/51*cos(t)-250/51*sin(t))^2)^(1/2)*
(4*abs(1/34+1/51*t+1/102*t^2-1/102*cos(t)-25/51*sin(t))*abs
(1,1/34+1/51*t+1/102*t^2-1/102*cos(t)-25/51*sin(t))*
(1/51+1/51*t+1/102*sin(t)-25/51*cos(t))+2*abs
(5/17+10/51*t+5/51*t^2-5/51*cos(t)-250/51*sin(t))*abs
(1,5/17+10/51*t+5/51*t^2-5/51*cos(t)-250/51*sin(t))*
(10/51+10/51*t+5/51*sin(t)-250/51*cos(t)))%1:=5/17+10/51*t+

Mike: thats what maple just spat out [Maple is a software program used to graph functions and do other weird shit.]

Jerome: holy shit! i don't want to ever see that again

Mike: hahaha... me neither!

Mike: that was the bigest bunch of nonsence i've ever seen.. what
the hell is with percent signs in a derivative?

Jerome: the cube root of your mom's ass is proportional to the sum of the
moments about the horizontal tangent line of the eutectic phase diagram

Mike: ah you see... you are in error.... since the sum of the moments
about a static point is zero, then my moms ass can't be cubed.
If you took the cube of my mom's ass, there would be a gravity well
resulting in a black whole due to the incredible mass and dencity.
Thus, the universe as we know it would be altered and Newton's and
Einstiens idea would be worthless. We would all be transported to
an alternate universe!

Jerome: actually, you are wrong. Examine closely Einstien's theory
of relativity as it relates to the particle deflection of light,
you will see that because of the constant interaction between quarks
and overexcited photons, there are no truly static points about
your mom's ass. Hence, your hypothesis is false. For further
classification, refer to the Amparian discussion of the magnetic
field radiation held in the 5th anual Hamburg convention.

Jerome: jake says, "SIT DOWN!"

Mike: that is impossible! we all know that if the points around my
mom's ass were not static, then the center of mass would be
displaced and the earth's very trajectery would be thrown off course.
it is in fact my mom's ass that makes the tides roll in and out, not
the moon. tidle waves would insue and the earth would sink into the
oceans as it was hurled into space. my hopothisis is backed up by
Dr. Sinkheimen who is the formsost athority on the sube

Mike: tell jake to shut up

Jerome: If you were attentive at last weeks lecture about Darwin's
theory of evolution, you would have learned that your mom's ass has
changed over the eons she has lived through. And, Dr. Sinkheimen's
work has been proven false by Mr. Mehoff from Yale University. For
her ass to create such catastrophe, there must be a momentous force
working...

Jerome: so great to create a gravity well (like you mentioned earlier).
However, all matter would be sucked into her hole, therby giving
her more mass, and raising the density of her ass as she sucks
up all light and Uranium from the earth's core. Hence, objects
around her ass can not be static, because her gravitational force
won't permit it! Your theory is incorrect at this point. The tides
could not roll in and out if it were otherwise.

Jerome: After one measures the kenetic air friction to the suction her
ass creates, along with concentration of the intermolecular forces
within the gradient, and if you integrate the ratio between them,
you will find that there is a torque associated with the axis of
rotation about her ass. You would be left with a thick mass of
photons (due to the increase on density), such that you are left
with a "neutron star" wannabe. This mass is positive...

Jerome: and therefore, the cube root of her ass may be taken!!! =)

Mike went to class for a while, and then he didn't feel like continuing this conversation after he got back. What a shame.

Please...
As drastic and shocking as the World Trade Center attack was, can people stop calling Lower Manhattan "Ground Zero?" It's driving me nuts, since "Ground Zero" doesn't really mean "the place where some buildings collapsed courtesy of terrorism." Maybe it's just me, but I thought "Ground Zero" was the World War II term used to mean where we ended up dropping the bombs on Japan. Last time I checked, people on Wall Street and other parts of Manhattan weren't vaporized from the wonders of nuclear fission. There is no radiation poisoning in the Financial District. Instead, some buildings collapsed, innocents were killed, and people are now trying to move on with their lives.

Maybe I'm just a little too anal about the whole thing.

4 Months Later
The Boston Globe has written up a nice little article about the Date-My-Sister Project at thespark.com.
Here's the article: http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/267/living/Oh_brother_+.shtml

Mercury has ice?
How does that work?

"Is this a Gap commercial?"
I got an email from some Staind fan that somehow stumbled across my Garbage site saying that Morpheus is a neato file-swapping program akin to those decentralized Napster clones. I'm not sure why he told me this, since I haven't bitched about having problems getting a hold of various mp3's on my G site, although I did mention my frustrations on this site. But whatever. I decided to give Morpheus a shot anyway, especially since getting files via FTP was killing me. 56k modems, 4-5 MB files, and upload/download ratios really don't mix well.

I've only been toying with the program for maybe 20 minutes, so I may be premature in my assessment on this little piece of freeware. Its search engine seems to be really slow. Then again, this may be kinda exceptable, since there are currently 385k GB of files to sift through as I type this. Also, it seems like I can't get many mp3's that are better than 128 kbps quality. I don't know if this is a display bug or if it's because of some dumb freeware ruling by the program's owner saying that better quality mp3's aren't allowed to be downloaded. Either way, I don't like that too much.

The interface is a little weird, but it's easy to use. I wish I could split the screen up to show ongoing transfers on one section of the screen, have a search in another section, and so on as opposed to the "flip between screens using these buttons!" feature. Last time I checked, I could handle a lot more information on my screen than a mere search box.

All in all, it looks like Morpheus is no different than any other Napster clone out there. I think I'm gonna use this for a while, though, since there's no upload/download ratio requirement. And I don't have to share my mp3's to get other people's songs. Those are two really big plusses.