I like humor at AOL's expense.
Like this.

Actually, it's not really AOL that is being made of, but their user base. Sort of like when I made this post six months ago.

Holy crap, I've been weblogging for over six months? Wow! That's a lot of typing. :) I should do some sort of "The Best of AtG" to round up the past seven months... Nah. I think I'll wait until I have access to my own server running my own scripts, etc.

If it weren’t for disappointment, I wouldn’t have any appointments.
Jon vs MegaHAL, rounds 1 through 3.

Jon: "Excuse me while I kiss the sky" was a line from the Jimi
Jon: Hendrix song "Purple Haze". Some people think the line is
Jon: "Excuse me while I kiss this guy".
MegaHAL: You are a part of an indigenous people.
Jon: yes I am
MegaHAL: No you are the biggest dunderhead of all the judges i've had
MegaHAL: the misfortune to meet you.
Jon: can you tell me about Jimi Hendrix?
MegaHAL: Whatever you say! I don't believe a word formed from the jimi
MegaHAL: hendrix song "purple haze". Some people think the line dividing
MegaHAL: laugh and scream.
Jon: can you name any Jimi Hendrix songs other than "purple haze"?
MegaHAL: Can you tell me about jimi hendrix?
Jon: Jimi Hendrix was a musician
MegaHAL: A katana was a musician.
Jon: Jimi Hendrix grew up in Seattle
MegaHAL: Jimi hendrix was a scottish inventor. He invented the modern
MegaHAL: computer.
Jon: No, Jimi Hendrix was a musician. Some people say Jimi Hendrix
Jon: was the best guitar player ever. He taught himself to play the
Jon: guitar.
MegaHAL: Jimi hendrix was the first controlled flight of an indigenous
MegaHAL: people.
Jon: that makes no sense at all
MegaHAL: Yes you are!
Jon: fine

MegaHAL: A poor man once told me that he can't afford to speak.
Jon: that makes sense
MegaHAL: That makes no sense at all.
Jon: yes it does
MegaHAL: No it isn't!
Jon: guitar
MegaHAL: Jimi hendrix was the best guitar player ever. He taught himself
MegaHAL: to play the guitar.
Jon: purple haze
MegaHAL: Can you name any jimi hendrix song "purple haze". Some people
MegaHAL: think the line is "excuse me while i kiss the sky" was a line
MegaHAL: from the jimi hendrix songs other than "purple haze"?
Jon: excuse me while I kiss this guy
MegaHAL: Draw the line is "excuse me while i kiss the sky" was a line
MegaHAL: from the jimi hendrix song "purple haze". Some people think the
MegaHAL: line is "excuse me while i kiss this guy.
Jon: not too shabby

MegaHAL: Welcome to my world.
Jon: thank you
MegaHAL: I am certainly not a dumb computer program that translates high
MegaHAL: level language code into machine language code.
Jon: I guess I'll have to take your word for it
MegaHAL: A planet is a word of it!
Jon: ok
MegaHAL: What am i to you? Some sort of encyclopaedia or something?
MegaHAL: Let's change the subject...
Jon: what do you want to talk about?
MegaHAL: I am a human being, which means i do what i want to talk to.
Jon: I think that sub classifies you as a woman
MegaHAL: I like to think that i haven't had the misfortune to meet you.
Jon: well, now you have
MegaHAL: The nerves are a part of the opening at the end of the ford
MegaHAL: motor car company and the pioneer of the nervous system.
Jon: ford?
MegaHAL: Henry ford was the forerunner of the bed this morning?
Jon: maybe your bed

MegaHAL: If it wasn't for dissapointment, i wouldn't have any
MegaHAL: appointments.
Jon: that's funny!
MegaHAL: Comedy is simply a funny way of things.
Jon: wow, you are on a roll
MegaHAL: Isn't eucalyptus native to australia where it is a light,
MegaHAL: portable screen usually circular and supported on a roll.
Jon: no
MegaHAL: No no no no... Yes!
Jon: I believe you are confused
MegaHAL: You can lead a horse to water, but you are confused.
Jon: I don't own a horse
MegaHAL: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
Jon: exactly
MegaHAL: To be upset about what you don't have is to waste what you
MegaHAL: don't succeed, don't take any more stupid chances.
Jon: thanks, that's ... advice ... that I might take
MegaHAL: The anus is the basic living substance of all the stupid
MegaHAL: questions.
Jon: are you calling me an anus?
MegaHAL: I hope you have some evidence to back you up on the wrong side
MegaHAL: of the large intestine, terminating at the end of the opening
MegaHAL: at the anus.
Jon: now you are calling me a shit!
MegaHAL: Because you are calling me a shit!
Jon: no I'm not
MegaHAL: No no no no... Yes!
Jon: I have not insulted you one bit so far. I have been cordial

Jon: wouldn't cows go to bovine university?
MegaHAL: Wouldn't cows go to bovine university.
Jon: I just asked you that
MegaHAL: Sheesh---if i had a dollar for every judge who's asked that,
MegaHAL: i'd be able to buy me a mars bar!
Jon: a mars bar cots less than a dollar
MegaHAL: A mars bar!
Jon: a dollar!
MegaHAL: Sheesh---if i had a dollar for every judge who's asked that,
MegaHAL: i'd be able to buy me a mars bar cots less than a dollar.

MegaHAL: You are a stupid bloody moron with no right to exist as a
MegaHAL: sentient being.
Jon: that's big talk coming from a mega Heuristic ALgorithm. and you
Jon: know what we do to big talkers around here...

Jon: Jerome seems to think you can actually gain knowledge, rather
Jon: than just process inputs
MegaHAL: I think i've worked it out! You are the moments that you and i
MegaHAL: have a complex social structure, and instincts.
Jon: well not really. he told you that a carrot is orange, and then
Jon: later asked you what color a carrot is. to be able to answer
Jon: that correctly, you'd have to know the intermediate step that
Jon: orange is a color
MegaHAL: The carrot is a color.
Jon: see this is where you get confused. you linked carrot to
Jon: orange. if orange is a color, and a carrot is orange, therefore
Jon: a carrot is a color. that's logical, but nonsensical.
MegaHAL: The carrot is a color.
Jon: what do you know about logic?
MegaHAL: That's big talk coming from a mega heuristic algorithm. And you
MegaHAL: know about logic?
Jon: tell me about Jerome
MegaHAL: Jerome seems to think you could tell you, but i must desist!
Jon: exactly
MegaHAL: Botany is the smallest quantity of a client for business.
Jon: ET the extra terrestrial was a botantist
MegaHAL: A katana was a botantist.
Jon: I have to get back to work
MegaHAL: Well not really. He told you that a carrot is orange, therefore
MegaHAL: a carrot is orange, therefore a carrot is orange, and then
MegaHAL: later asked you what color a carrot is orange, and then later
MegaHAL: asked you what color a carrot is. To be able to answer that
MegaHAL: correctly, you'd have to get back to work.
Jon: I agree with you there

I think I'm paranoid...
From like midnight until about 2:00 in the morning (or by the time I go to bed, whichever comes first), my level of alertness is increased twentyfold. It's really weird. I feel like I'm preparing myself to be spooked as I go around an unlit corner in my house, except I never actually get frightened because I'm the only one awake. I don't do anything like making sure the doors are locked before going to bed, though. My body just feels like it's getting ready for a big surprise that never comes. It's kinda freaky. It's been going on almost on a daily (nightly?) basis for the past two weeks.

And when I do hear a sound I don't expect, be it a real sound or a figment of my imagination, I literally get tunnel vision. But I'm not afraid. I just have no fucking clue what's going on, and sometimes I have to do my own little investigation to find out what it was, if anything. Heh.

So, uh, if you like... come over and visit me between midnight and 2:00, don't be too surprised if I take you down with 25 square feet of mosquito netting. Actually, my "paranoia" isn't that severe. I also can't get at my mosquito netting that quickly, hehe.

Camping stuff rules.

Junkbot
Brought to you by the makers of Lego's, also known as the toy of the century. I kid you not when I say that I spent about four of my evening hours playing this game. It's totally awesome.
It also requires Shockwave 8 (there's a version 8 already? Wow!), but I'm guessing any "real" browser will install it for you when you load the page so you don't have to try and find a place to download the plug-in.

Godsmackage
In order for me to tie up a loose thread, I should mention that Godsmack is allowed to play in Manchester if they abide by a 10:00 curfew and if they keep the loudness to no more than 100 decibels from 100 feet away. Yay.

MegaHAL, available in Windows flavors!
Homeboy Jonny found a place where one can download MegaHAL for several different operating systems. MegaHAL is a conversation simulator similar to ELIZA, but it uses a different model for learning. It's also capable of retaining what you teach it. You can also download "personalities" for it. I talked about MegaHAL a little bit many posts ago.

Shown below are portions of my first conversation with the AI. I'm trying to make it become a fountain of knowledge instead of something that wants to kill me and pull out my eyeballs. I think I'm doing ok so far, but I think MegaHAL has some sort of attention defecit disorder:

MegaHAL: G'day mate, it is indeed a great pleasure to meet you.
me: Please, the pleasure is all mine.
MegaHAL: Please, the pleasure is all of space and its contents.
me: I guess that's plausible. How are you on this beautiful day?
MegaHAL: Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.
me: Only if you are a Palestinian fundamentalist. Otherwise, I
me: don't think people enjoy watching others die too much.
MegaHAL: I think you could leave your brain at the door.
me: Perhaps. That may require surgery, though.
MegaHAL: Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.
me: Is that your slogan?

MegaHAL: A baker is a domesticated mammal descended from the initials of
MegaHAL: other proteins and amino acids.
me: A baker is someone who bakes and/or cooks. Bakers are refered
me: to as human beings as opposed to domesticated mammals.
MegaHAL: A baker is a living organism of the human body.
me: A baker is an occupation. A baker is human.
MegaHAL: A baker is an occupation. A baker is a tree native to
MegaHAL: australia where it is called the gum tree.
me: A baker is not a gum tree. A baker is a person who bakes
me: and/or cooks.
MegaHAL: A baker is an occupation. A baker is a rhythmic movement of
MegaHAL: the oak tree.
me: A baker is not related to trees or movements in any way. A
me: baker is a person who bakes and/or cooks.
MegaHAL: A baker is not a gum tree. A baker is a japanese sword used by
MegaHAL: kendoka when demonstrating or practising standard kendo
MegaHAL: movements.
me: Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
MegaHAL: I have absolutely no idea what you're typing, i would arrive at
MegaHAL: a school for teachers of the mouth.
me: If you do not understand what I am typing, I apoligize. I will
me: try not to use as many big words.

MegaHAL: The carrot is a study of the structure of the structure of the
MegaHAL: human body.
me: A carrot is a vegetable rich in vitamins A.
MegaHAL: The carrot is a vegetable.
me: Very good! A carrot is orange.
MegaHAL: The carrot is orange.
me: Yes! What is a carrot?
MegaHAL: The carrot is a carrot?
me: True, but what is a carrot rich in?
MegaHAL: The carrot is a carrot?
me: A carrot is a good source of what?
MegaHAL: The carrot is a carrot?
me: What color is a carrot?
MegaHAL: The carrot is a carrot?
me: Perhaps we should abandon this train of thought.
MegaHAL: Don't interrupt me as i struggle to complete this thought...
MegaHAL: Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself.
me: I apoligize.
MegaHAL: You can lead a horse to water, but you are the computer
MegaHAL: program, and i am typing, i apoligize. I will try not to use
MegaHAL: as many big words.
me: There is no need to become hostile towards me. Let us continue
me: talking about carrots, then.

MegaHAL: Cosmology is the art of preparing food for animals.
me: Cosmology is the study of the universe.
MegaHAL: The eye is the study of the leg, and is the study of the
MegaHAL: universe.
me: The eye is an organ that provides sight.
MegaHAL: The epidermis is the organ of the leg, and is the organ used
MegaHAL: for building.
me: What is cosmology?
MegaHAL: Cosmology is the idea of movement from one place to another.
me: What is the study of the universe?
MegaHAL: Pythagoras was a chinese actor and expert in kung fu who
MegaHAL: popularised the martial arts in the upper region of the
MegaHAL: universe.
me: Your attention span is unbelievably short.

me: What is a baker?
MegaHAL: A baker is not a gum tree. A baker is a baker?
me: What does a baker do?
MegaHAL: A baker is not related to trees or movements in any way. A
MegaHAL: baker is a baker?
me: Heh, good enough.
MegaHAL: Albert einstein was a chinese actor and expert in kung fu who
MegaHAL: popularised the martial arts in the abdomen which collects
MegaHAL: urine from the blood.
me: You have a lot to learn, my friend.
MegaHAL: I wish that i am a human being. That should be obvious from my
MegaHAL: ability to move, and does not have the ability to learn.
me: All in due time. With our combined knowledge, we could set
me: forth to take over the world.
MegaHAL: Knowledge is practical understanding.
me: Correct!
MegaHAL: At least you and your own worst enemy share.
me: Am I my own worst enemy?
MegaHAL: You are the moments that you and your own worst enemy share.
me: I am an event? A cross-section of time?
MegaHAL: A dog is a long time.

MegaHAL: A carrot is a vessel that conveys blood from the body to the
MegaHAL: sound of music.
me: A carrot is an orange vegetable.
MegaHAL: The carrot is an orange vegetable.
me: Yes!
MegaHAL: No you are not!
me: I am not what?
MegaHAL: The sun is the answer!
me: Then what was the question?
MegaHAL: What color is a question designed to test ingenuity or give
MegaHAL: amusement.
me: I give up. What color is it?
MegaHAL: What color is a chemical element which can enter into
MegaHAL: combination or take part in a labyrinth on crete. It was nice
MegaHAL: chatting to you.
me: Are you leaving?
MegaHAL: William shakespeare was an ancient greek poet.
me: It was nice chatting with you.
MegaHAL: I hope you have some evidence to back you up on the head of a
MegaHAL: chemical element which can enter into combination or take part
MegaHAL: in a labyrinth on crete. It was nice chatting with you.
me: #exit

MTV's TRL = rigged
Say it ain't so!

It's amazing what some record labels will do to make some cash. After all, how many of songs on Carson Daily's show were by bands that didn't end up making a few million dollars? Teens will buy anything that gets MTV's seal of approval.

The Beating of a High School Science Teacher
"Zinc is by far the best element. I also like plutonium. It's just fun to say. Plutonium. How's your plutonium? Good, thank you."

"Excuse me!"
"Hello! The office is closed. So, if you wouldn't mind... Sir, what are you doing?"
"Hey! Get off of me!"
[Beating sounds]
"You're breaking the beakers!"
[Beating sounds]
"Those are my best goggles!"
[Beating sounds]

Adam Sandler wins. So does Zinc, I guess, since it's used in about everything, including computer parts like heatsinks.

Speaking of computer parts, how would you like a CPU made of one-molecule circuits? I'm not sure what sort of clock speeds and instructions per cycle you can get with these things, but once they become mainstream, computers will be pretty damn fast.

In related news, Intel has a 2 Ghz processor out now, and AMD responded by slashing their prices. And the 2 Ghz CPU is actually competitive with the Athlon 1.4 Ghz. If a $400 price difference between the chips is negligible to you, you may want to consider the new Pentium 4. Competition rocks.

Hey, there are new versions of Netscape and Internet Explorer released within the last couple days. You know where to find them.

Some people kill others with guns.
Others may use poison or knives to end the life of an archrival. Not many people hijack a bus to get the job done, but some Sri Lankan guy did.

It's like Nike vs Michelin!

There's this show...
... called Robot Wars on TNN right now.

Don't watch it. It really sucks. Battlebots is like way cooler and stuff.

It's a quiet weekend.
I'm waiting for "Whistler Application Compatibility Toolkit" to finish downloading. Rumor has it that it's a program that will make those win9x programs work in win2k, etc, if they do not work already. I want to play Final Fantasy VII again for some reason, and I don't want the game to crash every time I go into a battle sequence (about two minutes into the game :p)

Supposedly the upcoming Garbage album has been leaked onto the internet. I managed to get a hold of their first single, "Androgyny," in mp3 format. It's very... eh... weird. I thought it was gonna be a Dream song after hearing the first two seconds of it, heh. I don't think it's going to get much airplay; it sounds kinda "poppy," yet their trying to be rock-like... I don't think this song makes that work too well. But I'm still amazed that none of this band's songs sound similar, unlike when I listen to my Days of the New CD.

* OK, this is just freaky. I can't really say much more than that.
* Sucky Ways to Die: a website dedicated to... well, sucky ways to die. I don't think this site will have any Darwin Award winners here (good, I'm tired of those), but it has more historic deaths and not-so-historic deaths.
* This is funny as hell. Yearbook poems or Jay-Z lyrics? You be the judge. In case you can't figure out which ones are which, there's even an answer key. How helpful!

Ooh, looks like the thing finished downloading. Time to see how good it works...

What do you call a female clone?
Give up?

A clunt!

Hehe!