:p
I don't even feel like posting today. But since I feel that I have to, even though I'm guessing a maximum of three people will ever read this post, here's a post with a bunch of links I stole from places like ShackNews and some other places. Yeah, how original. Just like how I spent my day today.

* Welcome to the ultimate high killer. Do not pass go. Do not collect... *places pinky to his lips* ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
* Welcome to the ultimate irony. I don't want to spoil the story, but... eh... never mind. Just click on the link, jerk face.
* Welcome to the ultimate form of torture for any male. Luckily (I think), this happened to a cat. Too bad the cat was conscious the whole time. *shudder*
* Welcome to the ultimate guide to bachelor living. Well, it's probably not the "ultimate" guide, but it's a good read nonetheless.
* Welcome to... hmmm... I don't know. But does it matter? If a story involves lap-dancing in Tampa, you'll read it regardless of what I say about it. :) The story also gives you another reason to hate Florida. Heh.

How to woo the ladies
One of my peeps gave me a bunch of links about geek dating advice. I wonder what he is insinuating...

Anyhoo, from least useful to most useful:

* How to get babes - a guide for geeks - Haha. Funny. Well, not really, but it's supposed to be.
* Guide to understanding women - Includes how to interperet women-speak.
* A girl's guide to geek guys - I gave this link out a while back. An oldie but still a goodie.
* The gamer's guide to dating, part one - Oddly enough, there is no part two or three or four or...

That's all I got for tonight, folks. I think.

In the news
Is it an election year yet? And am I just too smart to know what kinda shit various tech companies are trying to pull? In the latter question, I kinda hope so, since I got a bachelor's in IT.

* Microsoft will single-handedly jump-start the economy! How? With Windows XP, of course! While some politicians want to postpone the new OS's release date because of such things as... hmmm... the bundling of software to the OS in order to drive competition away (*cough* Netscape *cough*), some people in Seattle believe that by giving a new piece of software insane hardware requirements, everyone and their mother will go pick up a 1.3 Ghz Thunderbird. Heh. Right. And remember when someone over at Microsoft said that they it's the broadband companies' fault for slow-loading websites (i.e., too many people are still using 56k modems)? Hehehehe. That's rich. I wonder if those jackasses ever thought of making sites without using gay animations or java applets. 90% of web surfers out there would appreciate it.
* Bush is great. The fucker has been in office for 200 days and everyone is wondering if we're even gonna be alive in four years. After all, he must think biological warfare is fun. Also in that article: The United States also faces controversy at a conference on racism next month in Durban, South Africa. Efforts to draw up an agenda for the session have been deadlocked over whether nations that benefited from slavery should formally apologize and pay compensation - which the United States opposes. The world must really love us.
* On a similar note, the United States can't even accept the terms of a watered down Kyoto agreement. In an historic deal, 178 countries have agreed how to tackle climate change. [...] The US has repudiated the protocol, with President George W Bush saying he will not ratify a "fatally flawed" treaty. The only thing that is "fatally flawed" is Bush's thinking. 178 OTHER COUNTRIES LIKED THE DEAL. ONE DIDN'T. I was watching the story about it on The Daily Show a couple nights ago, and OTHER COUNTRIES WERE BOOING when the spokesperson for the United States said that "we" weren't gonna ratify this agreement. Thanks a lot, voters of Florida.
* Here's a Sircam story I was telling you about. It fuX0rZ ur computa.

"Where are your gold medals?"
Kurt Angle continues to amuse me. He is definitely my Olympic hero. Woo!

In regards to the worm I mentioned in the post below:
Make it 4 times in 48 hours now.
Woo.

Don't open attachments from email like this:
To: [email protected]
Subject: ~$rm2001

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Disposition: message text

Hi! How are you?

I send you this file in order to have your advice

See you later. Thanks

I got this exact email twice in 36 hours from two different people I don't know. The subject line for one was "PT" while the other one (above) has an equally undeciferable subject line. So far, I got a doc.pif file (heh, two file extentions) for an attachment and the other was a .doc.com file. Funky.

Of course, it should go without saying that you should always scan attachments you get from people you don't trust.

In case you're curious, this virus is the Sircam worm. This virus was created ONE WEEK AGO, and it is designed to royally mess your computer up. You can read articles about it on some techie news sites. It's that widespread.

So, uh, here's your "heads up."

Strategic siege warfare, or medieval entertainment?
This story is too good to wait for later.
Remember the game Hexen 2? Probably not. But this reminds me of that game.

Went to the lake today.
Went swimming and stuff.
Now I have water in my left ear and it won't come out.
AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
Argh.

J-Rome the Moth Slayer
Here are bits and pieces of a conversation with an ol' AC homie.
A rather large black moth has gotten through a screen window in my room and decided to be an asshole like every other moth that ventures towards my desk lamp.

11:57 PM
me:there's a moth in my room with like a 3-foot wingspan.
this bastard is going down.
Merik:he he he
Merik:get out the spray and a lighter
me:damnit.
moth 2
me 0
it's hiding behind my radiator somewhere and i totally took my left knee out with the corner of my desk
me:*sigh*
I'll have to wait for it inevitable return
Merik:lol
Merik:LOL

12:52 AM
me:nice!
the moth has resurfaced
Merik:GO FOR IT!
Merik:USE YOUR TAZER!
me:damnit.
i think it's dead now, but it's unconfirmed
Merik:heh
Merik:gonna put a notch on your flyswatter?
me:perhaps.
it's not everyday I get to kill a prehistoric moth with a 3-foot wingspan
Merik:that big eh?
me:oh yeah.
this thing could easily pick up a small mammal

I scoped out my radiators, poked at every nook and cranny with the fly swatter... damn, I even tried to get a better look at sections behind the radiator that I couldn't get a good view of by using a pocket mirror. Seriously.

1:06 AM
me:ah.
friggin' a, this moth won't go down.
what a martyr-to-be.
Merik:lol
me:i've been trying to kill this moth for what.... an hour and a half?
Merik:two hours
Merik:it was hiding for a while
Merik:heh.

By this point, I dismantled part of the radiator that goes around three of the four sides of my room. I was not going to bed until this jackass was abstract art on my wall. Too bad the moth was making me look like a jackass instead. I saw him fly under one chunk of the radiator; I'd take that part of the radiator covering off, and the Communist would not be there anymore. And this moth was huge! You couldn't miss the bastard.

1:11 AM
Merik:Hey, i'm out, peace, heading to bed.
Merik:Asta la vista
Merik:Slayer of moths!
me:hehe
later
me:i can't believe i'm being outsmarted by an insect
Merik:in the words of our own Roosevelt, "Speak softly, carry a big fly swatter"

The punk made itself known for a fourth time. It would be it's last time, too.
It was confirmed dead at 1:24 in the morning.
Now I can go to bed.

What a life I lead.

I wish I knew that this site was this good sooner
With the recent job offer to homeboy Jake, that leaves me (out of those who graduated in 4 1/4 years or less) as the last guy to still be unemployed. Companies have not been too kind to me when it has come to extending their arms and letting me part of their work team. First of all, I live in New Hampshire, which is not a place that pops into your head when you thing about computers or e-commerce. Second, most jobs in areas near me are above my level of expertise. Most jobs I have found require a certain number of years experience using program XYZ or implementing solutions for problem ABC. Thirdly, many jobs require a certain skills set, usually in programming languages I didn't even know existed, let alone know very well. Looking for jobs in the Boston area has its drawbacks, too. In the instance that a company is interested in me enough to want to interview me, Boston is still a two-hour drive from home. And, most likely, I'd get lost in Boston. :)

There are a slew of NH-based job search tools out there. I have used most of them, and most of them suck. Prices are uncompetitive. COBOL or RPG II experience is sometimes desired. But I actually stumbled across one that is useful:

NHJobs.com

Yes, the URL is obvious. But keep in mind that NH job search tools suck. This one is actually worth using!

I typed this URL without knowing if there was such a site and lo and behold, most of the IT jobs I have found have job requirements I meet or surpass! Holy shit! And the pay is good! Yeah, I'm ecstatic. The job ads also get bonus points for being in cities and towns I can actually get to in about an hour or less. w00t!

Time to prepare some cover letters and send some emails. I'm guessing I may actually a reply from someone this time. Maybe even a phone call if they think I'm special enough, lol. I think I will stop looking for a job in Ames or Best Buy for the time being. :)

Stupid jokes
All courtesy of my homie Merik/Ghal/Jesse/whatever. Well, they aren't that bad actually. Hence why I'm posting them instead of ignoring them like the forwards my mother sends me. :)

-------------------

On her way to Grandma's house, Little Red Riding Hood ran into the Big Bad Wolf.
The Wolf said, "You know what I'm going to do little girl?"
"No, what?"
"I'm going to pull up that little red dress, pull down those little red panties, and fuck your little red socks off."
She said, "The hell you are, you're going to eat me just like the book says."

-------------------

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different, Bessie?”
Bessie looks him over, “Nope.”
Sam says excitedly, “Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?”
Bessie looks again, “Nope.”
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything DIFFERENT?”
Bessie looks up and says, “Sam, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Sam yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”
To which Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. ....... Shoulda bought a hat.”

-------------------

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN. This time he says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.
He's gone for an hour or so when he returns. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

-------------------

Two high school sweethearts had been dating for four years, they had enjoyed losing their virginity together, and they were inseparable until they graduated. They had planned on going to college together, but he was accepted to a school on the west coast, and she was accepted to a school on the east coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return his letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well, so he increased the number of phone calls, letters and e-mails in an attempt to save their relationship. She became very annoyed with this when she started seeing a new fellow, and she wanted to get the old boyfriend off her back, so she took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone!” Needless to say, he was heartbroken, and very pissed off. So... he wrote a note on the back of her photo: “Dear Mom and Dad, I’m having a great time at college. Please send more money!”

-------------------

I enjoy the crowbar one in particular. :)

An addendum
When will "pop" die? Well, it doesn’t have to die, it just needs to get toned down for some other music genre to take over for a bit. After all, how many times can you "sing" about the same damn thing? Britney, Mandy, Christina, all of the boy bands… it’s the same friggin’ crap rehashed over and over and over again. And it’s still making these bands and singers go platinum two days after releasing another album that they didn’t write.

Sure, rock has the same type of rehashing going on between some bands (most notably between the unpopular Blink 182 wannabes), but at least I can tell the difference between them. Those twelve-year-old teenie boppers need to shut the hell up and not live each day solely to call Carson up and request a song to be in the top 10 because the singer is “so cute.”

Matt Pinfield said it best.

Heh, I guess that's why I can't watch MTV. Well, that and they don't actually play music. MTV2 really whips the llama's ass, though. Too bad my cable company doesn't give us that channel. Or TechTV. *sigh*

My mom asked me if I liked the Backstreet Boys...
... and I laughed at her.