whining
friday, february 22, 2002
we just had people from the News & Observer come by to tell about internships for next year. people are typing up resumes and printing out portfolio things like crazy. me? not so much.
sometimes i get a bit resentful toward my boss. he's very supportive and positive about having me do things here, but at the same time, i don't feel very professionally promoted by him. he never really encourages me to put together anything, or suggests that i write something, or whatever.
okay, yes, i get it, i shouldn't have to be encouraged to do it if i want to, i need to put myself "out" there. but it's a confidence thing. i don't feel like i'm very accomplished in much, i don't have very many clips, and i do not have professional experience.
having dp say: "put together a resume, here, i'll help you pick out clips, go for the _______ job, you can do it" would make a difference.
i don't feel like i'm supposed to apply for anything, like i'm a real student. when we are in production and they need another editorial, i'll express interest in writing one, but he never greets it with a "great!" -- it's not that he doesn't think i can write, but it feels like he doesn't want me doing things that other students should be doing to further their portfolios.
i know i'm a major hub at this small newspaper. i just found out last week that i'm second in salary only to the editor. a lot of the staff treats me as somebody who knows things, and can help them.
yet i don't feel like dp counts on me as a fellow student who would also like to be groomed and promoted for the outside world. i've never had an interview for anything, and i'm terrified of it--not because i don't know what's expected of me by now, but simply because i've never done it, i don't know how i meassure up.
i think another problem is that, well, i'm white. most things that my boss sets up opportunities with are interested in hiring minority people (as this is a black school), and so when they come by, naturally, dp will promote my black co-workers enthusiastically and i sort of stay behind at the office.
i realize i'm not a typical student here, and i realize my future is very different from the rest of the people here in that i most likely can't continue working here in america, but even so i don't want to be ignored. wah. waaaah. waaaaah!
heheheh. whatever. :) i did talk to the design department woman. she was really neat, and i realized on my own that i do have skills that would make me fit in there. i wanna be a professional quark bitch tooooo. :)
on the plus side, i'm feeling better. go me. heh. cin cin. �� 12:58 p.m.
