cuttlefish
thursday, october 11, 2001
all is well. maybe. got letter from my therapist and have given it to asshole professor -- we've got an appointment tomorrow. (thanks to all who listened to me frenzy on this, and who coached me on how to approach the situation.) today funky computer guy i like came by. that was fun.
inbetween geeky stuff (a.k.a. work) he introduced me to the concept of cuttlefish (they have tentacles! i'm scared of tentacles.), mocked me plenty, cheered me up plenty, and oddly enough polished my boot while it was still on my foot (so now i have one polished, one dirty boot. eh, thanks.) .. heh. okay. whatever. he's cute. he can get away with being, er, peculiar. hee.
picking up my letter from the therapist this morning proved oddly emotional. i didn't realize how intensely relieving it would feel to have a piece of paper from somebody who matters, professionaly, confirming that i'm not imagening or exaggerating things, but that there are actual medical names that apply for my current state of being.
i don't know if that makes sense to other people. it's just-- so many years i've brushed myself off and been the first to tell me i'm always exaggerating and imagening things when i felt.. weird. this is the first time that i have an official statement. suddenly i feel like i am allowed to be serious. eh. whatever. it was an interesting moment.
my therapist also informed me of the result of the blood tests they ran last time.. turns out i'm severely anemic. oops. and again, having that confirmed was a relief. it means i can't put myself down, accuse myself of not having gone to bed early enough or whatever because i feel drained, weak, dizzy, heavy eye-lidded all day long (i kept a log and with one except only i actually have been sleeping heavily 7-9 hours per night and still wake up feeling exhausted)..
anyway. whatever. it's strange. knowing i'm in somewhat bad health physically (wacky chemicals and lacking iron) for real somehow puts me in better spirits, because i can be motivated to try and improve that state. you can't fight something imaginary the same way. if that makes sense.
have dinner (the cafeteria has added a better salad bar that now serves FRESH SPINACH! i'm in veggy heaven), will eat. cin cin! �� 7:07 p.m.
