the concert saga
friday, august 3, 2001
so. the concert saga. heh heh heh. well. let's put it this way: unless i one day end up dancing around on a stage cheek to cheek with h�kan hellstr�m, and really, how likely is that, i don't think anything could have gone more perfect. hee hee!
now (whoever you are) i offer two choices: 1) read through what i have a feeling will be an enormous marathon entry below, or (as i suspect most will) 2)
see the pictures and be done with it!
#2 people -- okay, bye!
#1 people -- here we go!:
tuesday night
9 p.m. - dyed moms' and my own hair reddish brown. pretty. invent a skin treatment in the form of pureed cucumber. slather puree on mine and mom's face. wash it off. mmm, pretty skin! we are pleased.
11.30 p.m. - asked mom to wake me up at 6.45 am. she agreed and set her alarm. okay.
wednesday morning
6.15 a.m. - mom yells: "jennie! wake up or you'll be late!" .. i yell back: "what??!!?" and promptly go back to sleep.
6.25 a.m. - mom: "jennie!!" me: "WHAT???!??" .. try to go back to sleep but can't. grab sleepy cat and turn on the tv, angrily muttering because it's way too early.
7.55 a.m. - out the door. got 15 minutes to catch bus to v�xj�. it's a 25 minute walk. hrm. on a whim i decide to walk up and down streets i've never been on before because i suspect i might be able to short-cut to the station. get to the bus with one minute to spare. would beam and feel pleased if i wasn't so sweaty. zonk out.
9.45 a.m. - reach v�xj�. walk to tourist office to find out how to get to my over-night place. get crazy instructions. then ask bus terminal people for information on how to get around. am assured that i will have no problem getting to the overnight place, to the concert venue, etc. yey!
10.15 a.m. - bored. buy over-priced snacks to eat at venue (2 apples, 2 snickers bars, drinkable yogurt, crackers) and wait for a bus to take me to the over-night place. and wait. and wait. and wait.
11.15 a.m. - walk around forever and ever trying to find house number 70. realize the bus driver had no clue and had let me off almost a mile early. not happy.
11.25 a.m. - find house number 70. greeted by elderly lady who shows me a bed in the basement (later i realize the only reason anybody can use the bed as an actual bed is because they have pushed a foot stool underneath the springs for support. without the support, it's more like a stretched out sack).
beautiful house. smells exactly like grandma's old house. bizarre. unpack. call dad to let him know i'm okay. get walking instructions from old lady who assures me the venue is barely a mile and a half away. wave bye bye and start the trek.
12.30 p.m. - mile and a half my asssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 p.m. - spread out my on-top shirt on the grass outside the venue entrance and pic-nic on apples and crackers. every now and then volunteers and roadies mill by. read a book. pleased.
2 p.m. - a few security men mill around me and talk. they're curious why i'm 5 hours early to get into the venue. me: "i want to be front center." they laugh and one says: "oh, then we will see you tonight when you're the first we have to drag over the security fence up front! cool!"
i scoff. obviously they have grossly under-estimated my high squish factor. fools.
2.30 p.m. - first set of girls show up. i move closer to the gate. they pic-nic. i read. we talk. things are good.
3 p.m. - 3 more girls show up. i realize all the other girls are mostly there to see The Ark. in fact, they're all huuuuuge ark fans and tell me all their stories of meeting various band members. one proudly announces that she's got ola salo, the singer's, cell number. i smile vaguely. not really familiar with the band outside of their two hits ("It takes a fool to remain sane" which is good, and hilarious 70's "Echo Chamber") and the concert last week. we all agree that the last act, and the artist who has been in the game the longest, former punk turned light Magnus Uggla, is not quite our cup of tea but a necessary evil to get to see H�kan and The Ark join Uggla on stage for exciting encores.
4 p.m. - suddenly we're a whole little heap of girls by the entrance. they are all very short, pretty and bubbly girls. i ask them how old they are and almost faint when they all answer "fourteen!!" .. i tell them i'm ten years their senior. they all ooh and aah, and one girl says: "Wow! Then you are old enough to be with the guys in the band! You are so lucky!" .. right. i decide not to remark that well, technically they could "be" with the guys in the bands, but it would be very illegal and quite creepy.
4.30 p.m. - a girl my age comes by. turns out she's from a major radio station and is about to go interview h�kan live backstage. would it be okay if she came back out and asked us some questions afterwards?
the girls nod vigorously. one exclaims: "ask HER stuff, she's been here since, like, NOON!" .. heh. i kind of shrug.
5 p.m. - radio woman comes by again. apparently we will be live in 3, no, one minute. as her tech guy signals "go!" the lady starts walking to me. "Welcome back, well I'm here by the entrance and it's already crowded.. here's a girl who has been here a very long time: who have you come to see?" .. being the savvy journalist student i am, i decide not to let her down and squeal a happy "h����kan!" into the mic.
in the background, all the girls who were eager to participate are suddenly veeeery quiet. one mutters "No, The Ark is better." .. i watch the radio lady sweat as she discovers that all of the teen girls have chickened out and returns to me. "So, tell us, why should everyone like H�kan? why is he so good?"
live on air. brain freeze. ick! i manage to say something about how "H�kan is just amazingly happy on stage and that makes everyone watching happy as well" .. oh, what a sound bite.. heh. luckily she sees one of the people in charge and leaves to interview him. the girls of course immediately start to chatter loudly. teens. hee hee hee.
6 p.m. - everyone has been standing up, pressed against the plastic tape closing up the entrance for a while. the girls around me try to persuade the staff to open our gate first since we were the first people there. eventually they all start talking how the staff should let me in first because i'd been there the longest. i just sort of wait and brace myself for the inevitable race across the land to reach the stage. i'm not exactly hopeful about my chances - i'm 10 years older than the others, and i have very wonky knees that can jump out of track if i walk/run/dance too much.
6.01 p.m. - surprise! the guards listen and make sure i am the first to pass the gate! aww. i run a few steps, feel how wonky my legs are from standing up for hours already and watch the floods of teens pass me by. i decide that as long as i make it to third or so row, i'll be fine, and stop running in favor of speedy walking.
6.04 p.m. - i'm.. front and center, with a hand on the safety fence! can you say "shocked"? eventually there's even room enough to lean securely over the fence. spend the next hour and a half getting my camera out, securing all my stuff inside my purse, lodging the purse between me and the fence for support and secure my feet on the ground. and i really really wished i had peed a few hours earlier.
next to me is a very pretty blonde girl. she proudly shows me the rose and stuffed animal she is going to throw onto the stage for The Ark. then she makes sure to tell me that she partied with The Ark a few weeks ago, and shows me snap shots. i nod and smile. for the next hour and a half we talk -- she's
very nice, albeit very much wrapped up in name-dropping. i mostly nod and smile.
7 p.m. - half an hour to go. me and blonde girl make friends with the security guard in front of us. i check behind me to make brief friends with the girls behind me. as cheesy as it sounds, i'm worried how they are going to hold up to the pressure. most of the audience up front consist of mid-teenagers. a lot of them are short, skinny girls. to our right is a whole section of 8-14 year olds.
Peeve: what the HELL are these parents thinking letting their tiny pre-teens get up front? haven't they heard about how dangerous it can be? me and blonde girl agree that it will be a busy night for the rescue staff.. if i was a parent, i might let my kid up close when they are 14'ish, but i'd make sure i was right there to keep track of what was going on, and there'd be plenty of ear plugs, thank you very much! so irresponsible!
i give girls advice on squish prevention - i think my best tip is: if in trouble, push your butt out as far as you can. it will give you just a little bit of space for the chest to help breathe. i also assure the girls that i will not take offence if they lean on me as much as they want, as long as they all promise to let me know if anyone is in trouble so we can alert the guards. during the concert, they certainly take me up on it and girls take turns resting on me. bizarre.
i'm not trying to sound like a mother hen, but i really think concerts could benefit from better audience manners, and i think it is a responsibility that if you are up front, you need to make sure people around are okay, or at least try and keep an eye and ear open. it's scary enough when thousands of people start to push even when you have a safety fence to lean and hang on to, having nothing at all can be insanely tough. hell, i could barely see past a couple of rows of people behind me, i can't imagine being security staff and try and spot five foot girls being squished 10 feet into a sea of legs and arms.
7.30 p.m. - the usual old sailor song is played over the loud speakers to announce that h�kan is about to come on. we all go nuts!
7.33 p.m. - bird song over the loud speakers and woof! the band members run on stage and then.. h�kan! muahuahauha!!
the next hour is probably the best i've experienced in years. i'm about a foot off center and so is h�kan. he's about 10 feet away and i can't stop snapping pictures. damn damn DAMN i wish i had a camera with a zoom function! h�kan and the band are insane. we all sing along, howling like dogs, bouncing, chanting, bouncing more and h�kan can't stop grinning like a fool. it's amazing. we're amazing.
my brain boils over and i become convinced that h�kan is the prettiest boy i've ever seen in the flesh. i snap more pictures and howl. for foggy days, h�kan sits down quietly on one of the front loud speakers. for a couple of lines, i get to have one of those silly "oh fuck he's looking at me!" experiences that
every silly fool has up front. i don't care that he probably didn't, i'm happy misunderstanding the locked eyes. he gets up and walks around and looks back. i throw a hug and he touches his heart, shakes his head, smiles and points at me, at all of us. i don't care, that's my version and i'm sticking to it.
soon enough the hour is up, i snap my last pictures, it's the last song and we're all singing our last "oo-OOO-oooo-ooooooooooooo!!!" howls while h�kan tells us how he used to howl this howl whenever he'd go home alone from a party, whenever he'd see a pretty girl across the hall but the girl would never look back, it's a good howl, it's his howl. loser howl.
and poof. gone. all in an hour. amazing. :)
8.35 p.m - i've gotten a security guard to find a safe spot for my purse. the pressure from people behind is enormous and i realize my original plan of leaving my spot because i'm not interested in the next two acts will not happen because there's just no room to squeeze elsewhere. i check the faces around me and see plenty of sweaty girl faces. all squishy girls insist they are fine. i'm not convinced but leave them be a bit.
8.45 p.m. - The Ark explodes on stage. this band is pretty much stuck in the 70's bowie glam rock era. i discover that the singer, who i've always found pretentious and odd looking is actually really, really hot in real life. eek. i snap pictures with cameras handed to me from girls behind me. all is fun.
suddenly i feel a HAND grasp my leg, right above my ankle! i realize that could only happen if somebody has slipped down on the ground. i try and look on the ground but all i see are legs, legs and more legs. i lock eyes with a girl who says she felt it to. i flag down a security guard and try and break through the noise on stage to tell him that we think somebody is trapped on the ground, but he can't understand what i'm saying until the song is over. luckily, we find nobody, so whoever it was must have gotten back up.
no sooner does a new song begin before i notice how a girl who had been pressed against my back all along was suddenly a bit further back and seemingly squished together badly by an aggressive woman in her 30's who certainly hadn't been there before. i ask the girl if she is okay because she looks pretty bad and she insists she can handle it, but that it hurts to breathe. i decide to leave her be a minute to see if it eases up. if she still looks distressed, i'd call on the security guy.
i watch the tiny, 14-year old girl ASK the woman to please stop pushing to get up ahead because it gave her troubles breathing. i hear the woman say: "well stop trying to push in front of me!" i get angry and yell at the woman that it was SHE who was pushing ahead, the girl had been behind me all along. the woman LOOKS at me, shrugs and says: "Oh well. shit happens."
oh well? OH WELL? this is a GROWN woman who is almost a foot taller than a tiny 14 year old girl and she thinks that it's OKAY to squish at will so she can squeeze up front? what the hell? i'm so angry but can't do much because on the other side of me i watch a girl grow pale and faintish. as she begins to sag, she stretches out her hand and i grab it and hold on as much as i can. the security guards are promptly by me to help me lift her over the fence, but DAMN it's hard to find any space for a body to be pulled out of! i do what i can, grab her under her arm pits and push out my big butt to create some space
and eventually the men manage to pull her out.
seeing the girl being pulled out makes a whole slew of other girls realize that there IS a way out of this squish hell, and suddenly i find one hand after another pleadingly stretched out for me to grab and pull. in quick succession me and the two men across the fence pull out -FIVE- girls. the pushing from people around is so bad one of the girls big boots is pulled right off her foot as we pull her up and gets stuck, pressed between me and another girls bodies. i laugh and hand it over. i help the girl who was squished by the bitch over.
the last girl has even bigger boots on her and as i try and make space to dislodge her legs from the mass of people, her foot bounces up and punches my mouth. as i feel my lip swell up and bleed, the guards give me thumbs up and a thanks. hee hee. now there's a battle scar. :)
9.40 p.m. - Magnus Uggla explodes on stage. now, uggla is a weird fellow - he's had about 30 hits in sweden since the 70's, he's one of those artists that isn't exactly the most artistic on earth but has a good sense for catchy choruses and beats, and every swede can sing along with most his songs whether they want to or not. this time he surprises me because even though i am not a fan, and wasn't particularly thrilled the last concert, i'm really having a good time.
i'm horrified to discover that this old dude is actually pretty hot on stage (but i find a lot of people very hot on stage and very not hot off it), and his dorky heavy metal band members aren't that bad either. i turn into silly jennie and bounce and sing a long and howl a will.
embarrassing note: okay, when i let go and turn silly at a concert, it means three things -- 1) i will stick my tongue out at random like i'm a happy dog with it's head out the window, 2) i'll head bang, or more like head bounce at will and 3) i like to encourage silly heavy metal guitarists by flinging my fists in the air.
here's where i got in trouble: every now and then magnus uggla and the guitarist and bass player would converge at the center of the stage for cheesy fun spots in the songs. to play along, i'd throw my fists in the air, my tongue probably wiggled a bit and i probably looked very silly. whatever. i like getting lost in fun concert energy because a good audience makes a better performance.
suddenly, as i stuck my tongue out (it sounds really silly when written down, i know), magnus uggla looked, laughed and, uh, made lewd gestures at his microphone stand. i laughed it off as a funny coincidence. only a bit later they did some thing again and i waved and head bounced a bit and found the guitarist laugh and point and nod at me. again i ignored it as a coincidence. THEN at a song towards the end, i found myself waggling my tongue and bouncing about like a happy dog again and uggla laughed, and reciprocated with a very lewd tongue gesture at me. think truck driver lewd, ha ha ha! i broke down laughing and "ewwwwww!!"ing .. the blondie next to me cracked up (earlier she had entertained me with stories of Uggla trying to pick her up a couple of weeks ago at an after-party).
eventually all the bands came on, including h�kan, and the place exploded with a final medley of their hits. ah, bliss! truly a fantastic show, and i can't believe what a good spot i had. and then, just as they took a bow and we hollered and waved, i saw magnus uggla looking at me, so i at random made a sort of "thanks! you guys did good!" grimace and oh fuck, he reciprocated with a nod and raised eye brow.
this is where i sort of realized that i wasn't imagening things, ha ha ha - i had sort of imagined that they probably couldn't see us from the stage and it was all just silly coinsidence. suddenly i realized i apparently wasn't as invisible as i thought.i felt like an idiot, ha ha ha - stupid people on stage, they're not supposed to actually see when audience members act dorky!
11.15 p.m. - catch bus to get back to over-night place. learn too late that the terminal people lied, the bus wasn't going anywhere near where i needed to go. end up downtown v�xj�. i cuss a lot and ignore random strangers inviting me along to various lame parties. hop into a taxi that takes me to the overplace. the driver ever stopped the meter a bit early. aww. find that the land lady had left a light on and made my bed. awwww!
some people are so nice. :)
so. anyways. the end. i'm back. i'm very tender, like i got beat up very well, and i don't think i've ever felt so icky and dry-humped by 7,500 people before, but whatever.
i came, i saw, i had fun. the end. wEEeEeeEEE!
