untitled
friday, august 24, 2001
somebody reading the news at cnn just said that research has proven that mild, occasional spanking will not particularly harm a child. i tried to find more information but am too tired to dig, dig, dig so i gave up fairly quickly. whatever. it annoyed me. i mean, i'm very unsure of what they mean by harm - physical? like, research has found that there won't be permanent physical damage due to occasional spanking?
heh. it just struck me as an odd "news" story. of course, the news lady was quick to add that this did not mean that parents should start spanking away excessively, because, apparently, that would be a bad thing. they just wanted to note that kids who are moderately spanked can grow up to be happy and well adjusted adults. whatever.
i'm against spanking or any form of physical punishment for kids. shrug. it just seems like a bizarre reaction in parenting to me. your two-year-old acts up or accidentally does something it shouldn't and the instinct is to swat their butt (hopefully nothing else), and an adult person follows the instinct? don't get it. or rather, i can imagine how a strained parent might, really, i can, but i can't quite grasp that they would follow that impulse. makes no sense to me.
i remember seeing a couple on oprah who had developed a very intricate system for spanking their children when they did something 'wrong'. the mother looked so proud when she showed the special, short, flexible bendy plastic ruler that she kept in the car for when she needed to discipline her children in the car. she was concerned that her 3 year old had stopped responding to the first bendy thwapping thing, though, so she was looking for something new and slightly less bendy to put in use that worked better for the task.
her one-year old was just starting to learn about the first bendy thing. the show left me very ill at ease and i went to cry to my mother about the insanity of a baby being spanked in any form, and very thankful that sweden has a law against all forms of corporal punishment for children (i know, it does happen anyway, but at least the parents aren't featured on talkshows, proudly displaying their spanking tools).
right there is a main issue i have with spanking kids. i think inviting however "mild" of a degree violence into your home is creepy, and opens up a risk of escalation when the initial force becomes routine and harsher punishment is "needed." i mean, a light tap on the butt might not "work" after a while, and then the force needs to be increased. where do you draw the line?
and then there is the issue of the actual system/rules that will be implemented in the family. this system usually also needs to be adjusted and increased as the child grows and it's hardly an exact system parents use, from what i've seen. who decides the difference in force used in punishing a teenager being moody and obstinate at the dinner table and a teenager caught shoplifting? and how much would the two spankings differ?
i especially hate people who say "my daddy gave me plenty of whuppings when i was a kid, and it sure didn't harm me, haw haw haw!" .. how do they know? i mean, i rarely meet people who would admit that perhaps some therapy would benefit them either, despite their various obvious problems.
and. for every single person who assures me that they are incredibly grateful and understanding for every time their parent(s) spanked/whatevered them and how well adjusted they now are, i know a counter-person who was damaged by parental violence (in varying degrees) and as a result have difficulties in their own job as parents, or with their emotions and relationships, not to mention their strained family ties. hell, my family is an example of the last one.
there are so many bad things and people that statistically might happen to your child as soon as they step out of the front door. i just don't get why parents would choose to invite violence into their homes on purpose. isn't the world scary enough without the parents adding to it?
yech. okay. i didn't actually feel like getting into this whole issue because it is so messy, and i feel like i either have to cover every aspect possible within the issue or not say anything at all. well, i haven't covered every aspect possible, but i choose to stop here. i'll watch any news as long as it's not about condit and chandra levy at this point.
"come on, come on, no one can see you cry-a-y-a-yyy.." r.e.m. �� 11:59 p.m.
