Also, in talking about Christa, and her relation to my life, I can�t avoid talking about aerosol art � more commonly known as graffiti. This is because she calls me to paint her name on trains and walls � she draws me into throwing up pieces with a calling that I can�t ignore. When painting, I am most fully in love with her. Since I can remember, I�ve read anything about aerosol art that I could get a hold of and listened to the insights of other artists whenever possible. In this time, I�ve heard folks talking about aerosol painting as a way to make space ones own and make the lives of the painters and their communities visible, present, and powerful. Painting is about taking tools and space not intended for such purposes and transforming them. Like the way that trans people use hormones not intended for our bodies, aerosol artists jack rail lines to serve as distributors and disseminators of their work. More than this, the painted words that they throw up are swimming with life and an aura of sacredness. You can see it in the style, in the letters themselves: there is so much richness and movement, especially when the text is sliding by on a moving train. We artists paint the same name over and over again: in different styles, using different colors, on different sites, in different weather, with different friends. Painting the name of Christa is a ritual that I repeat so as to give her life, so as to make her present, and allow her to flow from place to place. When I paint, her name spills over the edges of my consciousness, totally overwhelming me with its power ~ and in these moments, each swing of my arm acts as an offering to her, and each letter contains a short prayer. My entire body is worshipping her when I paint. And in these times, I know in my gut that she is going to lead me into my own particular promised land.
In addition to living in these painted and makeshift altars, Chista has come to live in my belly. The life of this magical world in my belly, or the life of Christa in my belly, has helped me to live responsibly in relation to others. Recently, my belly rebelled against me, churning with nausea in response to my lying to people that I care deeply about. My belly called me to account, and compelled me to work to build care-filled and honest relationships with others. I pray that Christa will continue to move within me, sustaining me as I work to live in right relation with others.
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