In the same way that we are haunted by those gender variant people who have come before those whose lives are forgotten or disrespected by the powerful � many of us are haunted by gods and goddesses who have been actively submerged by the violence of history. We remember with reverence the goddess Cybele (whose gender variant followers were involved in a massive slave rebellion), just as we remember the many others, throughout history, who have been squashed or co-opted by imperialistic and patriarchal forces. Just as we work to bring ourselves into being, we work to bring our god(desses) back, to steal them, resurrect them, unearth them, and dredge them up from the depths. Many of us are not content with the gods that have been given to us by a history of violence. And many of us are not content with god(desses) who do not speak to our reality, who do not affirm the sacredness of trans experience.
For me, the goddess Christa � a goddess whose presence was spoken of a generation ago by a small group of feminist theologians � speaks to my reality, to my dreams, and to my fears. In a sense, she is the submerged side of Christianity, the side that haunts the Christianity of the powerful. Dominant Christianity has betrayed its promise of liberation, it demands of its follows obedience to a patriarchal, colonizing, jealous, and violent god. Christa�s presence reminds us that this betrayal didn�t happen without resistance. She reminds us that there is a submerged history at the heart of Christianity. In a sense, she is this submerged history. Her body is made of all of those who, like the passing monks, saw a promise in Christianity, but who were violently betrayed by the tradition. She stands with those of us who still see promise in Christianity, however much this tradition is in need of redemption.
But, in another sense, she is not just Christianity�s �better half,� she is not simply the �true� Christianity come to replace the old �false gospel.� For her body also testifies to the reality of those who were forced to participate in Christian rituals against their will: all those who were colonized at the barrel of a gun, or who faced torture by the instruments of the Inquisition. Christa haunts us in the present because she calls to mind these individuals. So, just as she testifies to Christianity�s submerged hope for justice and love � a hope that continues to burn in the hearts of contemporary Christian liberationists; Christa profoundly haunts Christianity, she shakes it to its core. Sometimes she calls me to find my religious home outside of Christian communities.
For the rest of this submission, I want to speak to the ways that Christa has recently come to life for me, how she has helped me move in and through the broken places in my life, and how she has sustained my relationships with others.
Firstly, Christa has come to life � been birthed-onto an altar that sits at the foot of my bed. In a really basic way, her manifestation on my altar helps to remind me that it is possible to embody myse1f in the world as a trans woman. Her body as an MTF deity, speaks very forcefully to the divinity of trans experience. And the physicality of her altered embodiment speaks to the corporeality of my gendered self. In a sense, this altar speaks without words, it affirms me in my deepest places. |