This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of The British 
equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. 

This is the  bricklayer's report, a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have walked away with a Darwin Award for sure! 

Dear Sir: 

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. 

I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient. 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which,
when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather
than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel
by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. 
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and fed the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it
tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. 

You will note in block 11 of the accident report form that my Weight is
135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. 
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward  at an equally impressive speed. This explains 

the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken 
collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I
wasnow beginning to experience. 

At approximately the same time, however,the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of
thebarrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel
weighed approximately 50 lbs. refer you again to my weight. As you might
imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the
vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae
were cracked. 

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to move, again lost my composure and sense of mind and let go of
the rope and I lay there watching the barrel begin its journey back onto me.

This explains the two broken legs. 

And you thought you were having a bad day.

FOUR strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.

One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.

As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.

In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts.

The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"

The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"

The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.

And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"