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Friday, September 29, 2006, 3:53 am. I know geocities supplies a blogging machine, but whats the point? i dont like their designs, i dont like the way its set up, and its way to obvious, this... i like, a nice, private, 'journal', no major links pointing to it.. no.. links from friends pages, no public viewing of my thoughts.. of course no passwords to view it, but hey.. im gonna use something better, a black button, hidden, on my black index page.. xD.. i know .. its pretty smart.. anyways.. the reason im writing this.. my gfs.. yes.. plural.. right now.. i can count.. a sure 2 gfs, used to be 3, but one dumped me for a nother guy... oddly enough.. that was the gf i wanted... destin.. i thought she was real.. the next one in importance.. dreeka.. i used to love her.. i dont anymore.. it just faded.. i originally left dreeka for destin.. but.. dreeka became so depressed.. i asked her back out and made up a story about destin dumping me.. which wasnt true.. well until a few days ago.. then.. the least important.. is katy.. i went out with her twice already.. this is my 'third chance' .. i think she loves me.. but shes british.. and.. i dont love her. i never did.. i was .. i dont know... it was a challenge to get her to love me.. oh yes.. i just remembered.. i got a new gf today.. tj.. met her a few days ago.. lives in texas.. eh.. i could care less... nothing will come of it..hopefully she will forget.. anyways.. the only one who comes close to knowing my affairs.. is the one girl i truly do love.. HAH.. me tlaking about love.. im toying with several girls hearts at once.. how can i speak of love? i am nothing but a hollow shell, especialy after what brooke did to me.. however.. thats not for this time.. this time is for mel.. yes. the girl i love.. and id really do anything for.. shes lezbian.. i have no chance in hell of her loving me back.. and we both know it.. so i hope to remain her close friend.. for i cant lose that.. no matter how bitchy she gets sometimes.. and then.. for the girls that arnt my gfs.. but would.. really like to be.. the top of the list. becca.. shes my friend.. thats about it.. i cant stand to see her sad.. so i lead her on.. it makes her happy.. i know..eventually it will come crashind down on both of us.. but.. i cant hurt her .. right now atleast.. then there is heather.. i just told her off last night.. it felt good to get a monkey off my back.. then my ex gfs... staci.. ......... the one girl.. i love more than mel.. i always will to.. the cute little southern girl stole my heart on march 23rd... 2006, i heard on monday.. that shes in a coma.. with problems with her heart.. she has a hole in her heart.. in an area that they cant be treated surgically ... with out risk of losing her.. .. i remember.. the things we used to talk about.. what we used to do on the phone.. the sound of her crying the night before she broke up with me.. everything about her was so perfect in my mind.. .. she could easily make a loving wife.. perfect mother.. we could have had a perfect life witheachother. but her dad screwed it up.. ... i dont like her dad.. when she first described him.. he seemed loving.. and.. a good ol boy.. but.. like staci went to say.. people change.. i was with her for 21 days.. "21 days in heaven.. then she closed the gate..".. thats from one of the poems i wrote.. i dont know if its on here or not... anyways.. then there is brooke. the opposite of staci.. a cold.. city girl.... maybe a good wife.. not a good mother.. i dont even know why i fell for her as hard and for as long as i did.. shes.. brooke.... just ew.. as mel would put it.. them meaghan.. i dont like her anymore.. i wish she would have stayed dead and buried in my mind.. anyways.. i dont know what this is really supposed to be about anymore.. it was supposed to be about.. how.. i love mel.. more than anything.. and.. i wish i had the strength.. to put my back to my past for good.. and.. strip myself of the girls.. that i dont love.. but im to weak.. im afraid i will hurt them.. and i am way to attached.. i cant help but.. think of good times with staci.. and even brooke. i told dreeka i was cheating on her.. she said.. that she loved me anyways.. i was kinda hoping that she would dump me.. but.. she didnt.. now for katy.. im going to have to get mel to do it.. she really wants to.. its going to make me look bad i know.. i should have done it a little bit ago.. katy logged on.. and i shared with her this site.. but.. not this page.. wow.. to be completely honest.. and not have to hide anything?.. i hide dreeka from mel.. i hide everything from dreeka.. and.. im not sure how katy doesnt know already same with that tj hate girl.. shippo.. and becca come to think of it.. =x.. anyways.. im tired now.. and i need to fix my bike to get around the real world and fide a job.. or else.. when i do get the girl i love.. if.. i get her.. its not gonna do me a damned bit of good.. if i can type a good sex scene.. but not beable to back it up with ... things that matter in real life.. cause.. love is good for the internet.. but net love doesnt pay the bills.. neither does sitting around all day watching.. card captor sakura.. v.v... good show btw.. well.. im off.. im gonna... go to bed.. im having a hard time concentratin.. and mel is right.. writing is calming.. well.. later.. Joey, Out. Friday, September 29, 2006, 4:26 am |
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