| 1................................ Once there were three dicks and they were all having a discussion on how there owners treat them.The first one said my owner is so nice he pets and grooms me every day,The second one says my owner is nice too coz he washes me everyday ,Then the third one spoke up and said hey you guys have got it easy coz my owner wraps me in plastic and makes me do press ups until i puke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2................................ A woman and her little boy were walking through the park in New York when they pass two squirrels having sex.The little boy asks his mom mommy mommy what are they doing?The lady responded there making a sandwich,Then they pass two dogs and the little boy asks what they are doing?,His mother again replies that they aremaking a sandwich.A couple of days later he walks in on his mommy and daddy and says mommy daddy you must be making a sandwich coz mommys got mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3................................ A man walks into a bar and demands a shot of whiskyThe bartender complies and the man takes the shot looks into his top pocket and asks for another Once again the bartender gives him a shot he downs it then looks into his pocket again,Another and so on,This goes on for a while and the bartender curiosity gets the better of him and he asks why he looks into his pocket after every drink? The man(quite drunk)slurrs in my pocket i have a picture of my wife and when she looks good ill go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4.............................. Two guys in a pub and one says to the other one my wifes a dirty filthy slut,the other guy says whys that?,the first guy replies because she wont wash the dishes so i can piss in the sink! 5............................... A man comes home to his wife one evening with a big bunch of flowers and she says i suppose this means ive got to get on my back with my legs open for the next few days ,The husband says why dont we have any vases!!!!!!!!!! 6................................ There was a deaf couple who decided they needed a way to let each other know when they wanted to have sex.They couldnt use sign language because it was too dark in theiir bedroom,the deaf woman signs to her husband and says,when you want to have sex just grab my right tit once and when you dont want to have sex just grab my right tit twice.the deaf man agrees and signs back to her saying when you want to have sex with me just pull on my cock once and when you dont pull 50 times!!!!!!!!!!! 7................................ Once upon a time there was an old man who was suffering from Alzheimers disease ,his wife of 40 years loved him very much but couldnt manage him any more .He would wander about not knowing where he was or sometimes who is was,So she took him to a nursing home. At the nursing home,while the wife was filling out paperwork,the nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair,Suddenly the man started leaning to the left,so the nurse hurried over and popped a pillow to his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later he started leaning to his right,so the nurse hurried over and put a pillow to his right,then he started leaning forward,this time the nurse strapped him to the chair,about this time the wife had completed the paper work and walked up to him and asked him how he liked it so far?its ok he said but they wont let me fart.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8................................ |