CJ walked into Toby’s office and fell onto his couch.

Toby continued to type without looking up. “Yeah?”

“What were you doing when you were twenty two?” she asked casually.

“Starting college,” he growled and continued to hit the keyboard. “What were….?” He stopped suddenly and looked up. "CJ, I've got a speech to write, and although it's only for the campaign, and we only kind of want to win, direct and pertinent questions would be greatly appreciated." Toby stopped typing mid-sentence, only to look up at her and see a somber expression.

"Sorry, I forgot. You only want to ‘talk' when it's good for you." CJ stood up and began to leave, regretting her need to talk to him.

"Get back here, and sit down!" Toby closed the laptop cover, and stood to drag her back if necessary. "What's going on? What's this about?"

“Hoynes had his last drink at twenty two,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, I was there. What’s that got to do with you?”

“When I was twenty two I spent spring break in Mexico.”

“I know, I drove you down there.”

“Tequila slammers, margaritas, partying all night,” CJ remembered. “And . . .”

“And what?” Toby growled, rubbing his forehead.

“I woke up married.”

"I seem to vaguely remember that–the waking up part, not so much of the slammers or margaritas." Toby blushed as he recalled waking up in a resort hotel room, with nothing but a sheet draped across the foot of the bed, and him lying naked next to CJ.

"You wouldn't remember, now would you?" CJ offered a smile. "Do you ever think about that?"

"What? The slammers? No, I just remember thinking that the bartender's name was Jose Cuervo. It gets fuzzy from there." Toby's words were intended to tease her, but as soon as he finished, he could tell that he hurt her. "About us? All the time."

"Are you serious? I mean, do you really think about our little indiscretion that much?" CJ slid across the couch to be closer to him.

"I don't think of it as an indiscretion, CJ. Bad timing, yes, but we knew what we were doing." Toby's smile faded quickly, and his eyes dimmed.

"We were drunk."

"We thought we were in love."

"We were drunk." CJ reminded him once again.

"I read an article recently saying that people don't do anything under the influence of alcohol that they don't want to do when their sober. It's just an easier way to do it. Can't you agree?" Toby rolled his chair closer.

"I don't know."

“CJ, sometimes things happen, we don’t mean them to but they do.”

“You’re full of it tonight, aren’t you?” CJ snapped. “Bullshit, that is.”

Toby waved his hands in protest.

“Hoynes made a full and frank disclosure tonight,” she said, turning away from him. “If it comes out we’ll be prepared.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe it’s time we told them all,” she whispered, biting the inside of her mouth. “We’re still the same people, there’s a license and the register. Someone may dig and then. . .”

“There’s also an annulment.”

“You know the press will want to know the details. Toby, you brought me onto the campaign,” CJ hissed at him, getting more irate with his lack of interest.

"Yeah, I brought you on to the campaign because you’re damn good at spinning things. There wasn’t anyone else I could think of who would do a better job than you. I’m sorry if you thought it was because we were once married for less than thirty-six hours." Toby pinched the bridge of his nose as he spun his chair around, facing his desk again.

"I never said..." CJ sighed and moved further forward, trying to bridge the small distance between them. "I never said that you’re only reason for bringing me on to the campaign was because of what happened." Her voice, decibels softer now, seemed tired. "I just think we need to be prepared."

"Sure, just don’t make me spin what happened. We got married, and then it was like it never happened. It wasn’t my choice, and you know it." The laptop was opened again, and Toby went back to pounding at the keys.

"I’m sorry, Pokey." CJ left the room, pulling the door shut behind her, and regretting having gone in there.

It’s been a long road for them–from being twenty-two and care free, to being the President of the United State’s advisors and aides.

"Have you have noticed how frequently we say ‘I’m sorry’ these days?" Toby’s words were mumbled, but loud enough to be audible, even through the door.

* * * *

"Hey Ceej, Greg told me you left a message this morning. What’s going on?" Toby settled in to his seat beside her in the commissary, laughing at the crazy floral blouse she was wearing.

"You’re roommate is an idiot." Her words were bluntly spoken, and may as well be told to the tray in front of her, as she never raised her eyes.

"That’s what the message was about? Don’t you think that is a pretty dumb message?" Toby helped himself to a piece of a sandwich on her tray.

"No, you moron! I wanted to talk to you about spring break."

"Okay," Toby mumbled, in between bites of sandwich.

"How do you feel about Mexico? I mean, why don’t we go there for break? We could party and have a great time." CJ’s eyes absolutely glistened while she spoke–this had been very carefully planned on her part.

"Don’t you think that there’s too much nature involved in going to Mexico. You’re going to expect me to do crazy things like sunbathe and swim in oceans. I don’t know Ceej..." Toby’s words trailed off as he began drinking her soda.

“Sailing? Do I look like the type of guy who does the whole ‘outdoor’ thing? Besides, you can’t sail in New York.”

“You can too!” CJ hit him gently on the arm. “Granted, you don’t get that whole hub-cap stealing experience, but it’s fun!”

“Do not make one of those funny, funny jokes that you so love about New York. It’s my home, and at least people stay in their bloody houses! Jeez CJ, I come to California and all the people are wandering around scantily clad and talking about nature.”

“Toby, we’re not nudists and I have never hugged a tree!” CJ laughed as she played with her salad.

“I’d probably enjoy California a lot more if you all were, but that’s beside the point. I don’t enjoy outdoorsy stuff. You know it!” Toby shook off the image of CJ in a bikini, sail boarding.

"Toby, I’ll make it easy on you. You’re going.” CJ smiled and took her drink back from him. “This is a non-option, so get over it.”

From the mere tone of her voice, Toby knew that HE would be the one getting into trouble, not CJ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Will you stop laughing, “ Toby grumbled, absentmindedly rubbing his nose.

“It’s like Rudolph, or the lamps in one of those houses in the Red Light District,” CJ continued to laugh. “It’s gotta hurt.”

“Sore, yes. Are we ever gonna get a drink?” he grumbled.

CJ tugged at her neckline and pushed her bra up before leaning over the bar and winking at the bartender. She motioned with her hand for a pitcher.

Toby shook his head and pulled her back into her seat. “Claudia Jean.”

“I was just getting some service,” she said, leaning forward and running her fingers over his stubbly chin. “You should grow a beard. It would be sexy on you.”

Toby flushed the color of his nose and looked pleased when the pitcher of margaritas arrived.

As the bar got more crowded with college students out to enjoy the vacation, and the pitchers continued to arrive, CJ and Toby got pushed towards the corner of the bar.

CJ received a shove from a group of rowdy guys and ended up perched on Toby’s lap. He gripped her firmly by the waist as he caught the attention of the female bar tender.

Two minutes later a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses arrived before them.

By the time the bottle was empty neither really cared that CJ had her legs around his waist or his hand was in the waistband of her skirt.

“CJ.”

“Um,” she muttered, her words now jumbled in her head.

“Can we get outta here?” he asked, his free hand stroking her thigh.

“Wanna dance,” she slurred.

“ ‘kay,” he agreed, not sure whether his legs would hold him up. Draining the last of his drink, he pushed her to her feet, tugging her skirt down from around her waist.

They wove their way shakily through the crowded dance floor and CJ started to dance. Toby shuffled his feet and watched as she jiggled her body.

It was definitely getting hotter in there and his eyes weren’t perhaps as focused as they had been two hours ago, but CJ’s knickers were on show and some guy was trying to work his hands around her waist. Toby took a step and grabbed her by the waist. Without thinking he pressed his lips to her and kissed her hungrily.

Moments, and then what felt like minutes passed, as their tongues moved together, exploring and tasting. It was Toby who pulled away and broke the kiss.

"Wow." Toby's words were breathless. "That was...absolutely amazing."

"For a communications graduate, I would have," CJ paused to press her body against his, "expected a few more lengthy sentences--none of which would have included “wow.” But, I'll settle."

CJ pressed her body harder against him, only to run her hands along his hips and feeling his erection against her thigh. "Hmm...Maybe it's not a matter of 'settling'."

Toby blushed an ever deeper shade of red, trying to think of bland things--professors, and his car needing a new muffler. Not that it worked.

"CJ...What are you doing? I mean, I'm not minding, but what about being just friends?" Toby eyed her body--so close to him--and saw her breasts from the neckline of her tank top.

"That was my stupid rule. I know you wanted to be more than friends. Hell, don't you think that..." CJ's voice trailed as her right hand moved from his hips to his groin, only to brush across his erection. "...This tells me that you wouldn't mind being more than just friends?"

A strangled cry emanated from the back of Toby's throat, and with all his will power, he pulled away and walked back to the bar.

"Another of whatever the hell I just had."

CJ pressed her body against his back, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "You buyin' me another drink, or do I have to get some other guy to?"

Toby quickly spun around, making himself dizzy but still able to stay on his chair, and protectively wrapped his arms around her waist. "No."

"No what?" CJ's hands reached around him and took his shooter, finishing it in one long swallow. Toby watched in awe.

"No. Don't get someone else. I want to be your only man." Toby placed his head on her shoulder, breathing in her smell.

CJ's hysterical laughter disarmed him and his nervousness was compounded. "That was lame Tobus, but I get the sentiment."

"They're not just words CJ. I love you." Toby ran his hands along her shoulders. "I have since the moment I met you."

CJ swallowed and waved frantically at the bar tender, indicating another pitcher of tequila.

“CJ?”

“I’m not nearly drunk enough for where this is going, friend,” CJ said, her eyes glazing over.

Toby’s fingers stilled on her shoulders as he turned to look back at the dance floor. “Damn.”

“Hey,” she whispered, placing a finger under his chin and turning his head back to look at her. “I’m not saying I’m not interested, I’m just saying it’ll be easier if we’re drunk.”

“You are drunk,” he deadpanned. “Two more of those and you won’t be able to find our room.”

“That’s crap. I can drink you under the table.”

Toby’s smirk should have disarmed her as he poured two glasses and handed one to her. “Go.”

A few seconds later the empty glasses hit the counter.

CJ swayed against him as the alcohol hit her system.

Toby closed his eyes and wondered how the staff would feel if he passed out on the floor. When he opened them again a full glass stood taunting him.

“Well . . .?”

He shrugged and chinked her glass with his own. Toby finished first and turned to watch her swallow the remnants of the glass. He made an strange noise as he stared at her throat and his words came slurred. “Let’s get married?”

CJ was dumbfounded. A proposal was the last thing she expected.

"That didn't come out right–it sounded better in my head." Toby looked away. "Forget it."

"Ask me again. It's all in how you ask, isn't that what you once told me?"

"CJ, will you marry me?" Toby wanted to get on bended knee, but knew that he'll never be able to stand up again. "Please?"

"Sure. I'm not doing anything tonight." CJ spoke as if they just decided where to have dinner.

"I'm serious, CJ. I want you to marry me." Toby looked at her, and took her hands in his.

"So was I."

"You'll marry me?" Toby's eyes glistened as he spoke. "You'll really marry me?"

"Why not?" CJ's hands moved over his body. "Then what we do tonight will be acceptable on all bases, no matter how you...think about it."

"Really?" It could all be a great dream, Toby thought. The tequilla induced haze could have initiated this dream.

"Yep, but we gotta get rings...I'm not getting married using a cheapy, either."

"There's a pawn shop in the lobby of our hotel."

"‘Kay. Once we can stand upright, let's go cowboy."

"Did you just call me cowboy?" Toby grinned mischievously.

"Uh huh...It would have been preceded by ‘ride ‘em' but that's my job for tonight." CJ winked.

"Let's go get those rings."

Walking somewhat shakily they headed out of the bar. CJ gripped Toby’s shirt tightly as she hoped he would be able to hold them both up.

Toby tucked a hand in CJ’s skirt and leaned into her. His head was swimming and he wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the fact he was about to marry his best friend.

The guy in the pawn shop stared at them warily as they fell through his door. Five minutes later he sold them matching gold bands and directed them to the all night chapel.

“I do,” CJ giggled, swirling the rings around on her pinky.

“Not yet,” Toby slurred, reaching over to kiss her sloppily.

“Hey, my fiance wouldn’t like that,” CJ giggled.

“Fuck him,” Toby muttered as he pulled her into the chapel.

The chapel was dim and depressing, it attempted to be beautiful and classical, but had long strayed from the right direction.

The flowers were gaudy and oversized, so it was almost impossible to see the folding chairs that they surrounded.

The minister, a small Mexican man with a goatee and an unusual tattoo on his hand, spoke horrible English, so for the longest time, Toby and CJ were trying to explain what it was they wanted – just to get married.

"You want photographs, no?"

"We don't really care." CJ managed to force her words, wondering if she was about to throw up the last round of shooters.

"Of course we want pictures! CJ, come on! We're getting married!" Toby held his arm around her waist punctuated his words with his other.

"Ok, it take five, maybe ten minute." The minister stood at the front of the room, and instructed CJ to walk down the aisle toward him.

"I can't tell where my feet are. Toby, are my feet still attached to my legs?" CJ looked down.

"Yep Ceej, they're still there. I think we better walk down together."

"You make such a beautiful bride Toby." CJ's words are uttered under her breath.

"I'm the groom."

"That's what I said. You make a beautiful bride."

"Whatever. Fuck it! Let's go."

The happy Mexican snapped away as someone else appeared and ran through the ceremony. The fact it was in Spanish, and neither spoke Spanish, just added to the surreal nature of the events.

Every so often the minister would pause and stared at them. Both managed to mutter ‘I do,’ and at some point he waved the rings at them.

It was the puckering sound he made that made them both think they were married, resulting in them falling into each other’s arms.

Toby’s attempt at kissing was sloppy, not that it mattered as CJ starved off the nausea in her stomach. By the time he pulled away she just wanted air.

"Can we go back to the room now?" Toby held CJ up.

"Only if we remember to get more tequila. What's that they say? If you keep drinking, you'll never be hungover?" CJ managed to wrap one arm around his neck.

Toby practically dragged CJ back to the hotel, but before they could enter, she made a horrible noise and managed to pull herself over to a massive potted plant to empty her stomach.

After a few minutes of retching, she stood back up and walked over to Toby.

"Feel better."

"Yeah."

"Good, ‘cause you know, tonight's our wedding night. Technically, this trip would be our honeymoon, I guess."

"Yeah."

You okay there Ceej?"

CJ continued to ‘walk' beside him, as people stopped to stare at the inebriated couple. People pointed and glared at them, as Toby practically dragged her through the lobby and into the elevator.

Once in the elevator, CJ slumped to the floor. "Did I puke yet?"

"Yeah, like four times in the garden. They're gonna make you pay for that, you know."

"I don't care."

The dinging noise caught CJ by surprise, and she let out an odd yell. "Fuck, that thing is too loud."

"Yeah CJ, sure it is."

“You’ve sobered up fast,” she cringed, covering her eyes with her hand.

“I love you,” was all he could manage as he bent down and tossed her over his shoulder.

CJ shrieked and wriggled.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to drop you.”

“Put me down,” she groaned, feeling sick.

“I want to carry you over the threshold,” he retorted, taking slow measured steps, and wondering if she had any Advil for the hangover he was going to have in the morning.

“Aww, that’s so sweet,” she sighed. “Just take me to bed.”

Walking down the hallway proved to be quite the adventure, as Toby could feel himself stumbling and he didn't want to drop her.

By the time the key was in the door, he had to readjust the weight in his arms and push the door open with his foot.

The room was dark and cool as Toby walked carefully to the bed. He leaned forward to place his new wife's body on the crisp starched sheets.

She had closed her eyes for the carrying portion of the evening, but as soon as she was safely on the bed again, she gingerly opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"I love you." Toby mumbled, as he looked into her eyes.

"Yeah." CJ smiled as she ran her hand over his chest. "Let's get undressed. I seem to remember promising you a ride, did I not?"

Toby's face became a new shade of red as the realization of what they were about to do hit him.

"I really do love you CJ." Those were the only words Toby could say as she ran her hand over his shirt, unbuttoning it.

"I know."

Toby closed his eyes as her hands rushed over his last button and he felt a cool breeze blow across his chest. It was her mouth closing over one of his nipples that caused his eyelids to fly open and him to try and sit up.

“CJ?”

“Um,” she mumbled sending shivers through his body.

“What are . . .?” His words were drown out as he felt CJ lower his zip and clasp his shaft in her hand. He gasped at the cold fingers frantically stroking the length of him. “You’re going to break it.”

“Ssh, relax,” she said, releasing his nipple and sitting up to straddle him.

Toby propped himself up as she popped the button on his shorts and shimmed down his legs taking his shorts with her. “No underwear, eh?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

“I ran out of clean boxers,” he offered, shrugging.

“And I thought you were just being adventurous.”

Toby’s eyes widened as CJ folded her hands across her body and tugged the cotton blouse over her head. His jaw dropped at the sight of the pale breasts and her obvious bikini line.

“Whoa, big boy,” she grinned, her eyes dropping to the erection twitching below her.

“CJ, do you think you could drop the witty one liners?”

"Hmmm...The commentary is half the fun." CJ offered a small moan as she ran her fingers over his erection. "But, if that's what you want. What do you want?"

Toby's eyes widened. "I want you." Reaching up to kiss her hungrily, he felt her thigh rub against his side. "I want to make love to you," he said, pulling away from the kiss.

CJ giggled, still totally intoxicated from the liquor she consumed. "And here I just thought you wanted to fuck your wife." Her hands continued to tease him, and as he groaned, she mumbled against his chest. "I still feel over dressed. This skirt isn't making it any easier for us to do it."

Taking his cue, Toby's hands unbuttoned the denim skirt. CJ shakily stood on the bed as he began to pull it over her hips, stopping when he saw the lace trim of her underwear.

"Haven't you ever seen panties before, big boy?" CJ smiled mischievously. "I was pretty sure that Andrea girl showed you more than just a little lace."

"CJ! I don't want to talk about other women with you! Or, other men. I just...realized where we're going." Toby's eyes were fixated on the lace.

CJ dropped the skirt to the bed and kicked it across the room, giggling, before she collapsed beside him. “You know, you’re staring again.”

He nodded, as his fingers ran across her hip bone through the lace.

CJ knew she was drunk. In fact she was fairly certain much of what they were going to do she wouldn’t remember in the morning. It seemed pointless in her mind to waste time with foreplay. Shimming her hips she slid the lace down her legs and crawled across the bed.

Very lightly she kissed Toby on the lips before she straddled him again.

Toby’s hands found their way into her hair and down her back as he deepened the kiss. He went wide eyed when he realized what she was doing.

Smiling against his mouth, CJ lifted her body up and slid down onto his shaft. She tensed slightly as she realized he was definitely bigger than she expected but with the sensation of him inside her, CJ began to ride him.

Toby broke the kiss and looked up at her in surprise. He hadn't expected for all of this to happen so suddenly.

CJ's body began to move faster, her hands were pushing at his chest as she tried to make him lay back. She needed him to . . . She arched her back as he thrust involuntarily.

Toby's hands found their way around her waist, trying to slow her movements–to savor what was happening. He was only partly successful, but too distracted to care.

Sliding his hands further up her body, Toby took gripped her backside, holding her firmly over his erection. As he moaned softly against her, CJ began to tighten around him.

CJ rocked her hips frantically, trying to maintain his trajectory. Suddenly her muscles tensed and she began to feel her body tremble.

Toby knew that he was close as well, but it was the way CJ moaned that sent him over the edge. It was a deep, throaty moan of pleasure that sent shivers down his spine and gave him the release he desperately wanted.

CJ's body collapsed on top of his, and her hands found their way around his neck, wrapping them at his nape. Her eyes flickered shut as she gave in to the alcohol induced slumber.

Toby pressed a hand to the small of her back, enjoying the feel of her skin against him. The room swirled around him as he tried to move beneath her. Giving up, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

***

Toby opened one eye gingerly and stared at the ceiling. The fact the room seemed to be fairly settled was a blessing. The pounding in his eardrums wasn’t. He opened another eye as the reggae music from the pool area continued to raise in volume. Toby tried to lift his arm to look at his watch but found he couldn’t move it. Fearing it was broken or something, he rolled onto his side.

There was a naked woman lying next to him. He briefly wondered whether CJ murdering him was going to be mercifully quick as he closed his eyes again. When he opened them again he took a better look at the woman beside him.

His eyes went wide as he realized the tall lanky woman next to him was in fact, CJ. And she was naked. As he glanced down at himself he realized that it wasn’t just her. Several scenarios went through his head but the little information he could piece together didn’t get him very far.

He remembered going to a Salsa club, and ordering a couple pitchers of margaritas. There was also a vague memory of dancing, but most of the night remained a complete blur.

Wanting to get up and dressed before she woke up, Toby tried in vain to move his right arm from under her. His right arm was completely pinned, and there was no way he could imagine to move it without waking her.

"So much for that idea," Toby mumbled as he repositioned himself once again. This time, perched on his right side, Toby reached with his left hand to pull a sheet up over them.

A glistening gold band caught his attention as he carefully pulled the blanket up. Not only was he wearing a ring, but it was a WEDDING ring. Toby began to panic as memories jumbled in his head. CJ and him doing shots. Toby proposing. CJ accepting the proposal. Them getting married.

Not wanting to wake CJ, but also totally in shock, Toby decided that he had to get out of the bed and get a shower--he just needed a few minutes to get things together.

Tugging his arm out from under her, CJ moaned softly and rolled over onto her side, facing him, but remained asleep.

"God, you're gorgeous. I wish I could remember what we did last night," Toby whispered to himself.

On the way to the bathroom, Toby saw CJ's lace panties laying on the floor, next to his shorts, and also found the pictures from the wedding the night before. It wasn't just a dream--he really did marry CJ.

A smile crept over his face. "I'm married to my best friend," he whispered softly as he turned on the water in the shower.

******

“If you don’t turn that fucking music down I’m going to kill somebody,” CJ screamed, pulling a pillow over her head. Immediately she regretted it.

Her head seemed to remarkably clear, empty would be a better description, except for the reggae beat. Her tongue tasted disgusting, and remarkably like she’d been doing tequila.

Extracting a hand from the pillow, she rubbed at her temples, hoping to ward off the headache that was developing. The first time she felt the cold metal touch her eyebrow she thought nothing of it, the second time she threw the pillow in the air and sat up. Only to promptly fall back on the bed as the room spun. Now she was sure she had a hangover.

Opening one eye she stared at the band and groaned. Rolling gingerly over, she glanced towards the other bed. Finding it empty she took a deep breath. “Toby, you were supposed to keep me out of fucking trouble.”

Toby whistled as he came out of the bathroom, with the off white starched towel clinging to his waist. "You know, I thought you'd sleep a while longer. Had I known you would wake up so soon, maybe I would have waited on the shower." Toby grinned from ear to ear. He couldn't think of anything better than marrying his best friend.

"What? You know what, I really don't care. Where were we last night, and what the hell is this ring?" CJ still couldn't bring herself to sit completely upright, so instead she propped her body up on the pillows and looked at him.

"It's a wedding ring CJ." Toby smiled as he sat on the bed beside her.

"Okay, let's try this again, 'cause you're not making any sense. What is this ring, Toby?" CJ closed her eyes for a moment, willing the room to stop spinning.

"It's a wedding ring." Toby ran his hand over the sheet, and tugged on it a little bit with his left hand, hoping she'd see the matching ring on his finger and be as happy as he was.

"Alright. It's a wedding ring. But I'm not married, Toby, so why am I wearing a wedding ring?" CJ opened her eyes, and noticed he was playing with the sheet that protected her from his eyes.

"You are married CJ. Last night? You don't remember anything, do you?" Toby's eyes lost their gleam as he waited for her reaction. As much as he couldn't remember, he had been able to fill in all of the important blanks while he was in the shower, including their lovemaking.

"FUCK! Who did I marry, and why didn't you stop me?" CJ's words come out louder than she intended, and her throat hurt, just having uttered them.

"Me," Toby said as if it were just a random fact. "We're married CJ."

It wasn’t so much the blind panic in her eyes that upset him, but more the fact that she seemed to be dumbstruck.

“There are pictures,” he announced grinning.

CJ continued to stare at him open mouthed.

“Why the hell did you let it happen?” she managed after a few seconds. “You’re suppose to keep me out of trouble.”

Toby’s face fell and he settled back against the bed. “We got married. I’m sure somewhere in there one of us proposed and the other accepted.”

“I was drunk. Jesus. What a mess?”

Okay, so her brain hadn’t fully got around to comprehending last night but she knew one thing, she didn’t want to be married.

"Last night we were both pretty drunk, and yes, we did get married, but that's not the end of the world CJ." Toby sat on the bed next to her, moving his hand up and down her arm until she pulled away from him.

"I don't think that you understand–I'm not ready to be married. Especially not to someone, I don't even love." CJ had intended her words to be honest, but she hadn't prepared herself for being so vicious.

Toby flinched as she spoke, and pulled away. "What random things I do remember about last night all point to the fact that neither one of us were sober, and I didn't take advantage of you! Don't make this sound dirty and sordid, because it's not!" Toby got off of the bed, clutching his towel tightly, and moved over to his own bed to sit down.

"We didn't...you know...did we?" CJ's eyes travelled across the room, seeing signs that indicated their love making–clothes strewn about, his bed perfectly made...

"Yes, we did." Toby couldn't even look at her.

"Fuck." CJ's hand pulled the blanket tighter around her, and sat up a bit further, feeling less nauseous than she had earlier.

"I'm going to get dressed, and I'm going to get breakfast, because I'm starving." Toby walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Just as he was about to drop the towel, CJ began to panic.

"WHOA! Toby, you gotta do that in the bathroom. Seriously, I don't think you should be getting naked out here." CJ's words were fast and frantic.

"It's not like you haven't seen me naked before CJ!" Toby pulled the towel around his waist enough to turn to her, to watch her reaction.

"Ah, but we weren't married then, and we hadn't had sex then." CJ cautioned him, as if her words could be heeded as a warning.

Toby looked at her, partly angry and partly disappointed, and then spoke softly. "CJ, last night doesn't change who we are. You understand that, don't you? You know that you're still my best friend, right?"

"Ah, funny, ‘cause now I'm your best friend Claudia Jean ZIEGLER!" CJ practically choked on her words. "And last night changes EVERYTHING!"

Torn between dropping the towel to piss her off and making this whole awkward morning after easier on her, Toby had a difficult decision to make.

In the end he acted like a gentleman, and disappeared into the bathroom. When he returned a few minutes later, CJ was pacing the room, swathed in the bed sheet.

Her eyes were staring in the distance and her feet were making quick short steps as she tried to work through the mixture of emotions she was thinking.

She did love Toby, but in a friend, big brother kind of way. Hell he had been her brother’s room mate in New York. The idea of having sex with him was just creepy and weird. And she didn’t even know if it was good or not. As for marriage, god the whole idea sent her into hives and then there was her education, her career and the fact that having children was nowhere in her agenda.

As she paced, she debated their options. The fact there seemed to be only three was somewhat disturbing, but at least she was sober enough to be rational. They could stay married and try to make it work. Not her first choice and not very practical. They could get divorced, which her parents would love and then there would be added complications. The only option she had was annulment. Toby was studying law, there had to be a clause or a non validity part of what they did. That was it-- they’d get it annulled.

CJ stopped pacing and turned to catch Toby’s thoughtful stare. “Toby,” she began. “I’ve been thinking. We need to get an annulment, as quickly as possible. By the time we leave tomorrow.”

It was hard for Toby to piece together what he remembered from the night before. He had several vague memories, but mostly he had images that danced through his mind, teasing him and showing him what he was too intoxicated to remember.

CJ continued to torture Toby, asking him to find out where they had been married, and to go together to get this thing annulled, or whatever he could do. It was only by reading the message scribbled messily on the back of the photos that Toby managed to decipher the address of the chapel.

By lunchtime, they were both mobile enough to walk the few blocks to the chapel, but they did so in silence, both so confused by the circumstances that they didn't know what to say. It was the first time in their friendship that they had been totally unable to communicate on any level.

Walking into the chapel, CJ's jaw dropped. "I got married HERE? Christ, why didn't you just take me to Vegas and have Elvis conduct the ceremony?"

"Because neither one of us could drive anywhere. Besides, I'm sure neither one of us were complaining last night." Toby mumbled roughly, and then began to look around for someone to speak to.

"Elvis would have been classier. This is such a dive." CJ continued to look around as Toby walked up to the reception desk and rang one of those little metal bells.

"Hello? Anyone here?" Toby's voice carried throughout the chapel.

"Ah, hola Señor. Señora. Como están Ustedes?" The happy Mexican minister reappeared before them and seemed to remember them, despite their inability to remember him.

"Can you speak English?" CJ spoke very slowly, as if he were a young child.

"Perdón? No hablo la lingua que ud. habla." The minister spoke slowly as well, as if he were trying to match CJ's pace.

"Habla? What the hell does that mean? Jesus! CJ, did you study Spanish?" Toby looked to her as if she were supposed to be the one to understand him.

"I don't speak Spanish!" CJ looked at him in dismay. "If neither one of us speaks Spanish, how the hell did we get married here?"

"I don't know, CJ. Look, I thought you spoke French."

"Yeah, but it's totally different."

"Oh, we're fucked, aren't we?" Toby looked back up at the happy Mexican minister, who looked just as confused as they were.

CJ paced up and down the aisle while she thought. “Town Hall. We’ll go to the town hall,” she announced, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the chapel.

Toby had to run to keep up with her.

“You have some paperwork, right?” CJ asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah.”

“We give it to them, explain we made a mistake,” she said confidently.

“Right.”

“Toby, can we get an annulment?” she asked spinning around.

“I’m not an expert in Mexican law but . . . We consummated the marriage.”

“Let’s not mention that,” she said, cringing at the thought.

He shrugged and turned his face so she couldn’t see how much it was hurting him. “There might be a loophole. Lack of documentation or something.” He waited a beat. “If that’s what you really want.”

“Of course it is. We’re friends, Toby. This way it’s like it never happened.”

And yeah, that was going to work. They’d just forget all about it and get on with their lives.

Toby didn’t say anything, but his strides were forceful enough to reveal his displeasure.

They reach the Town Hall and Toby tried the door only to find it locked. He scanned the sheet stuck to the door and grinned. The Spanish made no sense but it was closed until the next morning. He had a day to change her mind.

"That’s it," CJ practically yelled. "We’re going back to the chapel and we figure out a way to communicate. I don’t care what it takes! We didn’t try hard enough to talk to him. We’ll keep trying until it gets sorted!"

Storming back in the direction from which she just came, CJ was determined to get the whole mess sorted out.

When they got back to the chapel, CJ once again tracked down the man, and stood before him. She looked at the little man, who was smiling from ear to ear. "Por favor, we didn’t really want to get married. Is there anyway of not processing the paper work?"

"No entiendo lo que ud. dijo." CJ and Toby couldn’t understand what he said, but by the way he was shaking his head and gesturing with his hands, it was pretty clear that he understood as little of what CJ said, as she did of what he said.

"What are you doing CJ?" Toby looked at her in confusion.

"It’s Saturday today, right? I mean, we weren’t out of it for a whole day?"

"Yeah, today’s Saturday."

"Then, why don’t we just ask him to destroy the certificates and the paperwork, as we will ours, and then it will all be over." CJ had a gleam in her eye, like her plan was flawless.

"Okay, so we’re asking him to commit a fraudulent act that would cost him his job if anyone found out, just because you don’t want to be married to me? Don’t you think that’s a little cruel?" Running his hand over his forehead, Toby looked exhausted and frustrated. He had begun the day feeling ill, and then overwhelmingly happy, and only a few hours later he was tired and depressed.

"We’ll give him money...American dollars, if he’ll do it. But we’ve gotta be able to communicate with him. This will be...fun." CJ stopped and looked back at the little man. "We didn’t mean to get married. We drank too much and didn’t know what we were doing." Her words were once again slow and drawn out.

"?Ayer, ?Sí?" The little man shook his head. "Ayer ustedes vinisteis aqui. Estuvisteis muy felices, non?"

"CJ, this isn’t going to work!" Toby pulled her arm and started to drag her from the chapel.

"I’m NOT leaving Toby! We have to fix this, and if he hasn’t sent any of the paper work through yet, we’re the only three people that knew we were ever married!" CJ stormed back towards the little man and tried to figure out what to say next.

"Does anyone around here speak English?" Toby looked at the short man and prayed he understood that little bit.

"Inglés? Mi hija puede hablar un poco de inglés. Un momentito." The man stalked off to the back of the chapel leaving Toby and CJ confused and angry. Moments later, he returned with a small girl who must not have been more than fourteen years old.

"Hel-lo," the girl uttered softly, breaking apart her syllables, in a voice that was barely loud enough to be heard. "My father said you speak English. No Spanish, ?sí?"

"You speak English! Oh, thank God!" CJ wrapped her arms around the girl out of excitement as the men looked on in confusion and the young girl looked scared.

"Yes." She looked up at these two strangers who looked at her with wide eyes.

"Please, tell him that we didn’t realize we were getting married last night." CJ began speaking, again slowly, to the young girl.

Turning to her father, the girl spoke softly in Spanish, pausing for a moment to figure out exactly how she would translate it into her native tongue. Then, when she was finished she looked back at CJ and Toby.

"Has the paperwork already been sent to the officials?" Toby’s voice seemed to catch the girl off guard, but quickly she recovered from her shock and turned back to her father.

"Lunés, voy a enviarlos a lunés." The minister seemed to speak directly to Toby and CJ, forgetting that they couldn’t understand a word he said.

"He will send them on Mon-day." The girl once again stopped and looked at CJ and Toby.

"NO!" CJ cried, "we don’t want them sent on Monday. We don’t want them sent." Making a gesture to demonstrate the ripping of the marriage licence that she held in her hands, CJ tried to emphasize what she wanted done instead.

The girl watched CJ carefully, thought for a moment and told her father something in Spanish.

The old man smiled, flashing his teeth at him.

“He say, he can’t,” the girl began, making the same motion as CJ. “He file papers and annulment.”

CJ shook her head. “We’ll pay him not to file the paperwork.”

The girl shook her head more forcefully. “Papa go to jail. You pay, he file annulment.”

CJ groaned and glanced at Toby.

“Tell him to do it,” Toby growled, shrugging.

"Ah, yo entiendo."

"He under-stand." The girl made the same gesture as CJ, however when she did it, she lacked the same determination as CJ. She was smiling and nodding.

"YES! THANK YOU! Grazias! We’ll pay you for your trouble." CJ nudged Toby to take out his wallet and give him money.

The girl turned to her father, and told him about the money. When Toby took out $100 American, the minister almost stopped breathing. Passing the money to him, Toby asks the girl, "Is this enough?"

Without even consulting her father, she smiled and said yes, and then asked if she was finished with her work.

When everyone smiled, she went back to where ever she had been before, and CJ led Toby away from the chapel.

They walked in silence back to the hotel, both too preoccupied with their own thoughts to want to talk. As the entered the lobby, CJ stopped and turned to look at him.

“I think we should head back tonight,” she announced.

“Oh?” Toby asked, her eyes downcast as he watched the light reflect off his ring.

“Yeah, if we leave now, we can be back by the early hours and have tomorrow to study.”

He shrugged non-committally and headed towards the elevator.

As they entered, CJ slid the ring off her finger and handed it back to Toby. “You should have this seeing as you paid for it,” she said softly.

“I don’t want it,” he growled, holding it between his fingers and staring at the solid gold band.

“Toby, please. Save it and give it to someone who deserves it.” She waited until the lift pinged and stepped out onto the landing. “We’re still friends, right?” she asked, nervously.

At his silence she spun around and found him still staring at her.

“Toby?”

He nodded and dropped the ring into his pocket. Yeah, they were still friends, fractured friends. He knew he loved her, and that the marriage would have worked. The idea of an eight hour drive alone with her in the car made him sad.

When they returned to school he was grateful for his idiotic room mate, who forgot messages and who CJ disliked intensely. It meant he hardly ever saw her, and in time, he and Andi fell in love.

Thirteen years later and Toby had flown across the country to try and talk CJ into doing another stupid and idiotic thing. He wanted to bring her onto a national campaign for a man that he'd only spoken to twice. But this man seemed like the real deal--a true brilliant mind who could do wonderful things for the country. And so, Toby took it upon himself to find her a
role in the campaign.

Convincing Leo that an unknown Public Relations Executive from LA, was the right person for Press Secretary was, Toby concluded, the easy part. After all, CJ had always been brilliant at handling people, and had amazing tact to say the necessary things and still come across as nice or sweet. Her physical attributes would come in handy as well. Her height gave her an unspoken advantage, and her beauty disarmed the local politicians. All of
this considered, Toby conceded, it was the seeing her again that was the difficult part.

Now he was sitting in the courtyard of her housing complex, waiting for her to arrive. I can’t believe I’m here, he kept telling himself, and he couldn't, not after the promises they made each other last time they parted. The past was better forgotten, they had silently agreed, and now to be asking her to uproot her life and move to Washington, Toby realized he could do everything but forget.

“Hey CJ,” Toby called.

“Who is that?” CJ squinted, not being able to make out anything but a blur.

“It’s me,” he offered, waving his hand.

“Toby?” she asked the blurry object.

“Yeah.”

“What the hell are you. . .?” CJ started, just as she lost her footing and landed in the pool, her box flying through the air.

“CJ, you fell into the pool there.” Toby tried to stifle his amusement but failed miserably. Besides she had always looked good wet and it wasn’t as if it was the first time she’d done something like that.

“I can’t see.”

“Well, yeah, maybe try and find your way to dry land. Want a hand?”

Her “Shut up,” only caused him to laugh harder.

“Avert your eyes.”

“What?” he asked, his hands settling on his hips. He couldn’t really believe she was being so coy now.

“I’m climbing out of the pool. My clothes will be clingy,” she explained. “Avert your eyes.”

“CJ, I really didn’t come here . . . ,” he started, his eyes drawn to her body as it emerged from the water. He rubbed his fingers over his forehead subconsciously.

“Avert your eyes,“ she demanded, fixing him with her death glare.

Toby turned away and let his imagination run riot.

CJ climbed out of the pool and pulled her clothes down to at least cover her modesty.

“Oh, turn around,” she sighed.

“I tried calling you at your office. They said you were fired. Were you stealing things?” Toby teased as he watched her climb the steps.

“Roger Becker dropped from third most powerful person in Hollywood to ninth most powerful person in Hollywood,” CJ offered, towelling herself off.

“Does he still make the play offs or is eight the cut off line?” he started but she cut him off.

“They take it seriously.”

“CJ, Jed Bartlet’s very impressed with you,” he announced, trying to bring them back to why he was there.

CJ stopped towelling her hair and stared at him.

“He likes the work you did on the girl’s group with the stupid name.”

“Emily’s List. That girl’s group with the stupid name. Emily’s list, early money is like yeast, it helps raise the dough.” She ignored his sarcastic growls. “It helps women candidates.”

“I get it,” he groaned, knowing she was about to lecture him.

“Early money is like yeast it helps raise the dough for the candidates.” CJ couldn’t believe after all these years he was still belittling her best work.

Toby’s eyes were drawn to her legs as she raised her skirt and towelling her calves. “I really do get it.”

“Bartlet’s impressed with me?”

“Very impressed. And one of the big keys to his game plan is to bring you on as Press Secretary.” For a second he couldn’t look at her then he lifted his eyes to her face.

“He’s never heard of me, has he?” she asked skeptically. At his silence she yelled, “Toby?”

“No. I’m here on instructions from Leo McGarry.”

“McGarry wants me?”

“Yes. Come join the campaign.”

They stared at each other, as each debated where this was going and what it would mean for each of them.

“How much does it pay?”

“How much were you making before?” he asked, less than interested.

“550,000 dollars a year.”

“This pays 600 a week.”

“So this is less?” She thought about it for a second before asking, “Toby, does he know I’ve only ever worked statewide, I’ve never worked on a national campaign?”

“Yes. It’s graduation day.”

“You really think I can do this?” she asked, the first hint of a smile on her face.

“Yeah.” He couldn’t look at her because there was more to it than whether she could do it, and she would be able to see it in his eyes.

“Is Jed Bartlet a good man?”

“Yeah,” he offered, staring at the barbecue.

“Toby?” she asked, unsure if she was ready to up sticks on one of Toby’s whims.

"Yes?" Toby responded warily. He didn't want to drudge up the past again, and he was afraid CJ could see right through him, and how he was feeling being around her.

“Then let’s go in the house so I can change my clothes, and we can talk about it.”

The last time he had seen her was at JFK airport. She had flown across the country to sit Shiva for his father with him, and stayed for a week. It had been her, he had turned to in his moment of grief and the minute she had left, his marriage had disintegrated. He knew she had been working for Triton Day for the last twelve months and had bought her first house. That much he had discovered from her hastily written e-mails and her phone calls to Andrea. But the rest of her life, she had kept private.

It had been too long, he kept telling himself, and showing up on her doorstep now was just going to make things more awkward. When she had left New York, he and Andi had been fighting, and now Andi was banding around words like divorce and legal separation. The last thing he wanted CJ to think was that he had come looking for her just because his marriage was finally over and he needed her again.

That seemed to be par for the course with their relationship. After Mexico things had been awkward. Toby, for his part had gotten back with Andrea Wyatt, and his friendship with CJ had fallen by the wayside. CJ had been the one who came looking for him, making all the effort to rebuild their friendship and becoming friends with his girlfriend. But he had seen the hurt that first night when she had arrived at his apartment and found the two of them practically living together, and had heard Andi use his pet name. Of course it could never match the hurt he had felt when she had wanted to annul their marriage.

That summer he and Andi had moved to New York, on the pretense that Andi had a job to start and he could sit the Bar. He knew by the look on her face, CJ was shocked. But they promised to keep in touch, and they did, despite the obstacles that sometimes arose. On paper Toby was prolific, sending her pages of scribble telling her about his life. They had avoided contact except on the rare occasion it couldn’t be avoided, her brother’s wedding, his marriage to Andi and Hogan’s christening. Being married to Andi, things became easier, he could almost pretend he had never been married to the love of his life, but only almost.

From time to time, CJ and Toby would live in the same city, campaigning together, and, inevitably when another campaign failed, CJ was there to comfort him. Through it all, however, there was always something that came between them. It was unspoken and unacknowledged, but they could both feel a rift between them, and neither knew how to bridge it.

Toby gazed up at her, trying to read her face. He wondered if loose ends involved a significant other, and that thought frightened him in ways he never thought possible.

CJ had arrived in New Hampshire the following Sunday night and Toby had met her at the airport. She had, as he had predicted, settled in immediately, making friends and adapting to her new role.

It was him, who had taken time to adjust. It wasn’t easy in the first few days and weeks to have her so close again, feeling the way he did about her and dealing with his divorce. But they had slipped into the banter, maybe not as easy as before, but relaxed enough, and that Spring Break had never been mentioned. Slowly he had accepted her in his life again and began to think things would be okay.

The next four years were a roller coaster ride. Things changed so quickly in the White House and in the daily life of the senior staff, that they didn‘t have time to reflect on the past, only on the day to day, but for Toby, one thing remained constant, the fact CJ had come with him, and the fact she stayed. Everyday, as he watched her briefings, Toby was thankful for her presence in his life, and for the chance to rebuild his friendship with her. Despite what happened in his life, it was CJ that kept him grounded.

That wasn’t to say that their relationship was perfect. Indeed, it was as far from perfect as it could get. There had been days when he thought she’d never speak to him again, and days when he thought she’d walk out the door, without looking back. Of course there had been minutes when he had wondered if it was all worth it, particularly the night he had been told about the MS, but he had never thought of leaving. It was then he wondered what exactly was keeping him there.

In amongst all the failures there had been victories and funny moments. The night he got Mendoza on the bench, and CJ had done her famous Jackal, was engrained in Toby’s memory as if it was yesterday. She had told him once, during the campaign, that she had studied it especially for him, to make him laugh. And he had inwardly grinned that his happiness was still important to her. He still hadn’t told her, even after all these years, that it didn’t make him laugh, just made him all hot and bothered. Nearly twenty years hadn’t abated how he felt for her, and he doubted that even another twenty could change that.

Of course there had always been lots of flirting. Sometimes it was benign, like her telling him he was hot when he was like this, but there were also times when it wasn’t. The night of the Veto she had allowed him to stay in her office while she changed into a bright red dress. His eyes had darted anywhere but at her, until eventually he had to look at her and she had licked her lips and twirled for him. It was innocent enough for her but it brought to the fore that she was still as sexy as ever.

They always made a point of telling everyone it was because they had been friends forever, and everyone looked at them as if they were in denial.

But Toby wasn’t in denial, he just accepted she could never love him that way. He still had the wedding ring from Mexico. He had buried it in a drawer while he was married to Andi, holding onto it because of the feelings it invoked in him. The day he had returned from LA he had pulled it out and exchanged it with Andi’s wedding ring. She had never noticed, and no one else knew about that time in his history to even ask. He wondered if CJ knew, but he highly doubted it, considering her reaction to their whole marriage. So while everyone thought he was still in love with his wife, he was secretly pining after his best friend.

Probably the most difficult thing, about their working so closely together again, were the cutting remarks they threw at each other. After she had been punished for Mandy’s memo, she had rared up at him. And he had retaliated by accusing her of screwing the press corps to curry favor. He had regretted it instantly, but the look on her face had cut like a knife, and he hadn’t been surprised when she threw a briefing book at him and walked out. It was those moments when he realized that their friendship still hung by a thread, and he worked harder to fix things. Sometimes he apologized verbally but mostly he used gestures, a squeeze of her arm, his hand on his heart or even a sheepish grin. Invariably, she forgave him.

There were also the trading of insults that no one else would get away with. When his stocks went through the roof, she had stuck her head around his door and asked him if he had a spare $125,000 for lunch. He had growled at her at the time, but later he had bought her a hand woven quilt on a state visit. It had been expensive, but the look on her face was enough to tell him it was worth it. And now it draped across the couch in her office, and on cold nights he would find CJ with it wrapped around her, reading.

The practical jokes sometimes got out of hand. There was the turkey incident the previous Thanksgiving, which she apparently didn’t find especially funny. Not helped of course by Josh serving turkey sandwiches that afternoon. CJ wasn’t completely innocent. Her jokes were more subtle, salt in the sugar shaker, sending anonymous gifts and painting his nails a vibrant fuscia one night while he was sleeping. But she assured him regularly that that was what friends did, usually before she did something idiotic to his desk.

Of course they had also shared each others ups and downs, personal and professional. When she finally gave up on Danny after a long and difficult flirtation, he had taken her out and watched her get drunk. It was that night that he finally realized that she would never love him. He was too willing to give her the one thing she secretly craved, commitment. Instead, he would have to watch from the sidelines as she dated the wrong guys.

It was Tabatha that convinced him to stop fooling himself. She had been one in a line of women he had dated over the course of the administration, trying to forget CJ and/or make her see she loved him. It had failed miserably, and from then on he chose to go out drinking with Sam rather than fool himself into thinking a relationship with anyone but CJ would work.

For a short time Toby had even been convinced they were better off as friends. He had undermined their friendship by giving into Ann Stark’s request. CJ had been mad, even more so when it blew up in his face. But she forgave him, even though she didn’t believe he deserved it, and he hadn’t apologized. It was a testimony to their friendship, and how far they had come since Mexico that she had. The incident with Qumar had changed that. He had apologized in the end when he saw how much it had affected her. Later in her office, as she yelled at him, once more about foreign policy, his eyes had wandered to her lips, and in that moment it had become clear that friendship was never going to be enough.

The bad times were when he realized his life was worthless without her. There were days when Toby just wanted to go back and relive that night twenty years ago, even if it meant forfeiting everything that he would have in the future. Then there was Rosslyn. The shooting had mended bridges that had been broken since Mexico. Their fear and concern for the others had manifested themselves in him holding her sobbing form in his office. As he stroked her hair, he longed to ask her to go home with him, but instead, sat with her as they kept a silent vigil for Josh. That night had lowered walls both had erected years before.

The next morning when they knew for sure Josh was going to be okay, they had pulled away again, the walls re-erected. It had become easier to fight than to talk and for twelve weeks they had found plenty to fight about. He had gotten too close and she couldn’t let that happen. His relief had been palable the night of the midterms when she had squeezed his arm. It was then he knew they were going to work things out.

Until the MS story broke. It had taken nights of drunken stupors and tears before either realized they couldn’t deal with it by drinking alone and bottling things up. She had come to him, and looked at him hopefully. He had opened his arms willing, dropping his guard and allowing her to once again get under his skin. Neither of them had slept that night, instead they had sat on his office couch, clinging to each other as they opening discussed their fears.

However often she threatened to quit over the years, and it seemed to be her answer for everything, he had never been truly fearful until after she misspoke at the press conference. CJ had gone to Leo, and not him, that told Toby she was serious and he had thrown himself out on a limb to get her to stay. But she had stayed, and he watched with unmitigated pride as she got back in the game.

It was the little things that made him love her though. The screaming in the bullpen about Ainsley Hayes, and then her amusement that he said she was beautiful and that no one thought she was stupid or ambitious. And of course the fact she defended her intelligence at every opportunity. The “great in bed” thing had made him roll his eyes a little. Mainly because he was surprised, but secondly because he had experienced it and couldn’t remember much. But that was a regret he would have to live with.

The night of the State of the Union had, for him, been a turning point. She had seemed for the first time since Mexico, like the girl he had known and loved. Her excitement at the figures and her unabashed kissing him, had made him long for a moment with her. He had practically begged for a dance, and sometime around dawn, she had dragged him from his office and they had danced tirelessly. As he held her, he saw the woman he had married and the friend he would always love.

It seemed that their friendship was back on an even keel. They had spent years rebuilding and bridging the gap that had formed years ago, and it was finally paying off. The only problem was, when things were finally on track for awhile, something more was usually trying to force them apart

Recently though, things had gone a drift between them once again. CJ had been distance and Toby had been left to watch from the sidelines, hoping this time their friendship wasn‘t going to be over and he wasn‘t going to lose her for the last time.

Toby had watched, detached, as CJ had flirted with Simon and had seen her falling apart after his death. She’d become increasingly more quiet and withdrawn from her friends, and had taken to ending the day by drinking too much and sleeping wherever she collapsed.

After a couple of weeks, it became obvious that CJ wasn’t going to just snap out of her funk. If anything, her attitude towards life was becoming more and more indifferent, and although her work was not suffering, CJ’s demeanor had changed enough that the press was starting to question what was wrong. They watched the usually strong and lively Press Secretary shrink away from them

******

Toby was in his office, Sam’s speech for the convention in one hand and a red pen in the other. The page already looked like a fourth year social studies paper and it wasn’t even the first draft.

He rubbed his eyes with his finger tips and tried to concentrate.

“Do you want to get a drink?”

Toby growled something inaudible and striked out another paragraph before looking up at her face.

She looked awful, her eyes were sunken into the dark circles and her complexion was no longer warm and glowing.

“Haven’t you been doing that rather a lot later?” he asked, throwing the pen down in frustration.

“And Bert and Ernie have been helping?”

“Yeah. So where were you?” she snapped.

He stared at her, biting back all the retorts on the tip of his tongue--keeping this place going, campaigning, covering for you.

“You certainly weren’t helping me home at night.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to watch you self destruct,” he mumbled, knowing that when he looked back up her eyes were going to be full of fire.

“Fuck you.”

“What no witty come back?” he retorted, wondering how much she would let him get away with.

“TOBY!”

He shrugged and rose to his feet. Circling the desk he leaned against a visitor’s chair. “You wouldn’t have wanted to hear what I had to say.”

“Oh, and what pearls of wisdom did you have for me?” she asked, her voice laced with sarcasm.

“Take some time off, talk to a professional and let yourself grieve. And the same as Leo, cut out the drinking and stop acting like putting it about will make everything okay.”

CJ stared at him, mouth a gape, her knuckles white from gripping her hands tightly in her lap.

Toby rocked on his heels and stared back. “Jesus CJ, you don’t think they’ve been coming to me. Everyone’s worried and they seem to think I’m the one to help.”

“I’m fine,” she snapped, folding her arms across her chest.

“Yeah, yeah. We all know you can handle anything.”

“Toby, why are you being like this?” she asked, quietly, expecting him to be supportive.

“I’m being honest, that’s what friends are suppose to be, isn’t it?” he growled.

CJ jumped up out of the couch and headed towards the door. “Forget it.”

Her hand was on the doorknob before she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders. Toby pulled her back against his chest and held her tight.

CJ could count the number of times they had touched each other in recent years on both hands. Before the wedding that never was, they had been tactile with each other, hugging and kissing every day. Afterwards, they reserved it for weddings, funerals and the rare occasions they celebrated.

“Come home with me,” he whispered. “I’m going to take care of you.”

“Toby?”

He grinned, realizing that CJ was going to be just as determined and stubborn as she had ever been. “I have a good bottle of scotch, a speech to completely rewrite and two frozen pizzas in the freezer.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Come keep me company. And if you wanna talk, I’ll listen.”

“Make it sound really appealing, why don’t you?” CJ whined.

"Let me take you home with me," Toby told her firmly. "It’ll make me feel better.” His smile widened. “Besides you won’t get into any trouble with me. It’s not as if you’ll get drunk and marry some loser.”

It was the first time either of them had ever mentioned what had happened and he sighed as he felt her smile against his face, pleased that they could finally joke about it. “So it’s settled.” he said, turning her in his arms until he could look at her face.

CJ shrugged, and let him guide her out of the building.

They sat in silence on the drive back to Toby’s. CJ stared out her window, closing her eyes and trying to figure out why exactly she had chosen to go to Toby.

Toby played with the radio station, playing with the seek button, and volume, not sure of how to get her to talk.

When they pulled up to the apartment building, Toby laughed. "I didn’t clean up today, so um..."

"Pokey, you’ve never cleaned up. I don’t care. I just want somewhere to lay down," CJ laughed, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that it is worse than usual. I’ve been working on the campaign and I’ve had every speech from the past four years out. The living room doesn’t look like much." Toby blushed as he realized that he hadn’t even make the bed that morning, and there might still be remnants of his breakfast on the coffee table.

The living room was a disaster, as Toby had thought, but CJ didn’t seem to mind.

"Do you mind if I just go to bed?" CJ asked, quietly, barely looking around the house.

Toby watched her and shook his head. "Why don’t you take a bath? Relax a little, I’ll get us something to eat and we can talk.“

CJ gave him a pointed look and mouthed the word, “Talk?“

“It’ll be like old times,“ he promised. “I’ve got some twelve year old scotch somewhere.“

“What are you my mother?“ CJ groaned, wandering around the room, her fingers running across the papers and books he had strewn everywhere.

Toby walked behind her, and lightly rubbed her back. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but Ceej, take the bath.“ He crinkled his nose and made a giant gesture of stepping back.

CJ slapped him across the arm.

“Okay, lead the way,” she muttered.

As many times as CJ had been in his apartment, she had never stayed the night. It was just something that she’d never do. And apart from that one night in Mexico they had never shared a bed either, nor for that matter a room. Toby had always made sure on the earlier campaign that she shared with Margaret or Donna. He didn’t trust himself not to touch her, and he relived that night far too much in his dreams.

“CJ,” he said, his voice barely audible as he voiced his concerns. “I only have one bedroom.”

CJ turned to stare at him, her eyes wide. “Toby, I can’t. . . I’m not. . .” she stammered.

“I wasn’t proposing that we sleep together. I’m giving you my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch." Toby looked at her indignantly, unable to believe that she thought he would try to take advantage of her while she was down.

"Oh," CJ sighed, almost disappointed. A part of her wanted him to hold her, and wanted to know that he still sometimes thought of her that way. Of course, the other part of her was being reasonable. They’ve finally gotten past what happened twenty years ago, and to go that route would only rehash all the old feelings.

"I’m going to go run a bath for you, and while you’re enjoying your bath, I’m going to make dinner, and find something for you to sleep in." Toby disappeared into the bathroom, and very quickly the sound of running water filled the room. Reappearing moments later, Toby gestured for CJ to find her way into the bathroom.

As CJ settled into the bath, she could hear the rustling of sheets, and the opening and closing of drawers, but she didn’t want to move. Instead she allowed the warm water to soothe her skin, and the sound of a slow drip from the facet to lull her into relaxation.

Finally, she pulled herself out, draining the tub of the water and towelling off. Walking into the dimly lit bedroom, CJ found a long Yankees t-shirt on the bed, and the sheets folded back for her.

Toby shuffled into the bedroom carrying a tray. He grinned at the sight before him, and quickly it slid away. “I brought you something to eat,” he announced, lowering the tray onto the bed.

"Thank you Toby," she mumbled, wishing she had treated him better over the years.

“I’ll be working on the speech, if you need anything.“ He turned to go back to the speech when she cleared her throat and choked back a sob. “CJ?”

“Stay, please,” she pleaded. “Just for a while.”

Toby nodded and settled himself on the end of the bed. Two hours later when she had finally stopped crying and drifted off to sleep he kissed her on the forehead and returned to the Living Room to start work on his speech.

CJ rolled over in bed and timidly opened one eye. The sun was streaming through the curtains and she pulled a pillow over her head.

“That’s not going to work, you know that, right?” Toby asked, perching on the edge of the bed.

CJ mumbled something incoherent.

Toby chuckled and prodded her with his index finger. “I brought you coffee. And you have to get up.”

She lifted the pillow a fraction and peered out at him. “What time is it?”

“Six thirty two. But we need to stop by your apartment and get you some clean clothes.” Toby placed the coffee cup on the bedside table and walked back out to the living room.

CJ heard the familiar sound of CNN emanating from the other room and the not so familiar sound of Toby whistling. Locating Toby’s robe, CJ pulled it around her waist, picked up her breakfast and went to find him. “You’re remarkably cheerful,” she groaned, slumping against the counter.

“I woke up at four and I’ve finished the speech.” He finished his piece of toast and turned to face her. “Were you serious last night? About telling them?”

CJ sipped her coffee slowly. “I’m just concerned about the Press dredging during the campaign, and finding out. I’d rather they all knew and we were prepared.”

“There’s nothing to be prepared for. It happened eighteen years ago.” He sighed and tapped his forehead. “But we had this argument last night.”

“You were the one who was arguing,” she teased. “I was just being my usual affable self.”

Toby rolled his eyes dramatically.

Her response was to poke her tongue out at him.

“CJ!”

She waggled her hips at him and headed towards the bathroom. “I need to wake up so I’m going to take a shower.”

Toby rolled his eyes and poured himself another coffee. He was in for a long wait. Not that he minded. CJ was back in his life and she had opened up the previous night like she hadn’t in a long while. He fingered the ring, and wondered not for the first time what it would have been like to have been married to her all this time.

Fifteen minutes later she leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck. “So, are you coming or what?”

“Yeah, cause I’ve just been sat here twiddling my thumbs for the last twenty minutes,” Toby growled, not making any effort to move.

“You really should turn your frown into a smile,” she smirked.

“That’s rich.” He waited for her to release him before he stuffed the speech into his briefcase and followed her out of the apartment.

“You love me really, Pokey,” she teased as they rode the elevator down to the underground parking lot.

He turned away so she wouldn’t see his smile. He loved her, that much was true, but it was certainly no joking matter. He swallowed as he tried to clear his thoughts. “Give me a few days to get my head out of the campaign trip and if you still wanna tell them, we will.”

It wasn’t obvious at first, it just sort of happened. CJ and Toby made the jump from stubborn, and often feuding, individuals to cohabitating best friends, and they had never realized it.

The revitalization of their friendship began when CJ had spent one night at his apartment, opening up to someone for the first time since Simon's death. CJ explained how angry she was and how lonely. When Toby offered her his arms and shoulders, CJ accepted his comfort readily. There was an air of familiarity to him being there, and holding her while she cried, that was lost on her. Instead, she just sought the comfort that he gave her, and in the
morning, she thanked him for being a friend before they returned to her apartment for a change of clothes.

But when Toby had appeared in her office doorway that night and asked if she was ready to go home, she hadn’t said no.

Silently she had switched off her laptop and picked up her purse before following him to his car.

Discovering the fridge was empty, Toby had ordered Chinese. While they waited for dinner to arrive, he had run her a bath, and lay the same t-shirt on the bed, adding his robe.

They had eaten dinner and watched CNN side by side on the couch. Once again he had given her his bed and slept on the couch. The next morning he had awoken her with coffee and they once again stopped off at her apartment for clean clothes.

Somewhere between the second night and a trip to Portland, it had become routine.

CJ wandered the length of the plane.

They had left Portland at midnight and would touch down in Washington some time after eight am. Everyone else seemed to be asleep. Except her and the President, that was. He had retired to his cabin to make some calls and watch the highlights of the game.

She stopped outside of the Staff cabin and peered through the glass. Toby was asleep, his feet up on the coffee table, his little yellow notepad in his lap. He looked far more relaxed than she had seen him in a long while. Then again, he hadn’t slept much in the last week. Every night he appeared in her office, took her home with him and made sure she ate something. Every morning they stopped by her apartment and arrived at work together.

If anyone had noticed, they hadn’t said anything, at least not in front of them. For CJ’s part she was getting the best sleep she’d had in ages. The dark circles had all but disappeared and she had more energy to tackle the campaign. The most important thing was that she didn’t need a drink to get her through the night.

She stood watching him, wondering if he realized that he had saved her.

After Simon’s death she had constructed emotional walls around herself, walls that she had every intention of maintaining for the rest of her life. It had taken Toby’s persistent questioning to make her realize what she had been feeling, and with Toby's willingness to help, CJ had begun to live again, and move past her feelings of loss.

There was certainly guilt about his death. And then there was sadness. She had really liked the guy and the potential for a relationship had been pretty strong. But more than anything, she had realized she had stopped living with the constant memory of his death and the stalker. The heavy drinking sessions weren’t living, they were just another way of building walls, Toby had reminded her. And he was someone who knew from experience where that road could lead.

Lost in thought, CJ didn't see Toby get up and wander to the doorway. She was too busy remembering the past couple of weeks, and how wonderful of a friend he'd been to her.

"Are you coming in?" Toby whispered, opening the door and sticking his head out.

CJ, startled from her thoughts, was concerned that he might be able to read her mind, and realize just how much she needed him. She did need him, and she had come to terms with that, but knowing that and being willing to share that part of one's self with another person, was more than she was ready to do. CJ couldn't make that leap yet.

"I thought you were sleeping," she commented, regaining her composure.

"Someone was blocking my light." He never could sleep unless there was some sort of light source in the background. "Well, are you gonna sleep?"

CJ looked into the cabin and shook her head. "There’s no room. I’ll keep walking."

Toby threw his hands in the air and carefully pulled the door closed behind him, not wanting to wake Josh or Sam. "Come on," he grumbled, taking her hand in his and leading her away from the staff cabin. "We’ll find seats somewhere else."

He set off through the aircraft, muttering, until they came to the Secret Service compartment. He motioned with his head to the two spare seats side by side and sat down. CJ fell into the seat beside him.

Within a few minutes her eyelids fluttered shut and she drifted off to sleep.

Toby allowed the corners of his mouth to tug up as he watched her drift off. Safely assured she was asleep, he closed his eyes.

The first person to notice the change was Josh, when, for the fourth morning in a row, he saw them arrive together. They seemed closer than usual as they walked through security ahead of him, talking non-stop. At that time in the morning, them talking was unusual in itself, let alone the fact they were both smiling. It was then that Josh had decided he needed to find out what his friends were doing.

That night he had gone to CJ’s office to invite her out for a drink. While she was teasing Josh about his weak system, he couldn't help but feel that she was holding out for that infamous "better offer" that Donna had described to him in the past, while using her own ex-boyfriends as examples.

Minutes later Toby arrived and asked if she was ready.

With a smile and a wave, she had turned Josh down and left.

There was something in the ease with which they communicated and the simplicity, that had Josh wondering if two of his closest friends were dating. Something in Josh wouldn't let him keep digging, however. Instead, for the first time in his life, he kept his mouth shut, thankful that whatever had been plaguing CJ had gone.

It wasn’t long before other people began to pick up on the signs and ask themselves the same questions.

Ginger began to have her suspicions when Toby gave her his dry cleaning ticket and asked her to pick it up on her lunch hour. Of the six suits she collected, two were female and looked strangely familiar. Had Toby not been in such a bad mood when she returned, she would have teased him about it. Instead she went to Carol, and thus the office gossip started.

******
There was a certain holiday feeling to the morning, but only because it was Sunday morning and the President had gone to church. Barring international incidents, which couldn't totally be written off, the senior staff had a few hours free time.

Toby got up early, rubbing his neck which had been irritated from his contorted position on his lumpy couch and switched on the coffee machine. Careful not to wake CJ, he removed the laundry basket from his bedroom.

He made it as far as the door before her voice surprised him.

"What time is it, Pokey?"

"Seven," he growled back, angry at himself for disturbing her rest. They never really got to sleep in anymore and she, more than anyone, deserved to enjoy it.

"It’s Sunday," she groaned. "What the hell are you doing up?"

"Laundry. I’m low on boxers." Toby glared at the laundry basket he cradled in his arms, as if that were a perfectly logical thing to be doing at seven in the morning on his Sunday off.

CJ sat up in bed, mildly amused by his unusual habits. Lately she'd gotten to know more and more about the quirks of Toby Ziegler--that he enjoyed watching cookery programs, his need to clean the dishes right after dinner, and his strange habit of checking his e-mail randomly at points through the night. More than once she stumbled upon him sitting at his laptop, pounding out a letter to his family, or to a friend back in New York. When she questioned him about what he could possibly be doing at three o'clock in the morning, he carefully explained that e-mail helped him relax.

"Delicate cycle?" CJ asked with a wry grin.

"What?" he asked, turning to look at her.

"Are you using the delicate cycle to wash your underwear?" she repeated, pushing her hair from her face and leaning back on her elbows.

"Yeah."

"Great, there’s a pile of my underwear under the chair. It needs to go in cold water." She grinned at him and motioned with her hand to the armchair. "I need a shower."

Toby stared at her for a second before shrugging. It had taken him a minute to process her request to launder her underwear ,before he realized that it seemed totally natural. “Why wouldn't he?” Toby rationalized as he walked across the room, bundling the collection of lingerie and tossing them into the laundry basket.

As he loaded the machine he heard her in the shower, singing to herself, and he smiled. He enjoyed having her stay with him. Despite the pain in his lower back, he actually slept better knowing she was okay. Closing the machine and adjusting the dial, he settled down to drink his coffee and watch the sports round up.

"Did you make me one?" CJ asked, emerging from the bathroom in his robe and a towel around her hair.

"There’s plenty in the pot," he grumbled in response, his eyes never drifting from the television.

"Charming," she mumbled, pouring herself a large mug and adding milk. "I’ll strip the bed in a minute. Where are the clean sheets?"

He waved his hand in the direction of the closet before he realized what he was doing. "It’s okay," he shouted. "You’re a guest, I’ll do it."

"Toby!"

"Fine." He returned to watching the sports as he heard the sound of her hair dryer.

******
It had been a long day. Shutting the door, Toby switched on the television and threw his jacket over the chair. Not waiting for CJ he made his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge door.

"Italian, okay?" he called out.

"Whatever," CJ replied, kicking off her shoes and settling herself on the couch. Picking up the remote control she channel surfed until she came across a sitcom. Settling back, she half paid attention to the people on the screen.

"There’s a game on," Toby growled, entering the living room with a bottle of beer.

"Really? Looks like Frasier to me," she said, turning to grin at him.

"Put ESPN on," Toby demanded, handing her a beer.

"I want to watch this."

"And I want to watch the game."

"You can watch the highlights later," she stated, taking a swig of beer.

"CJ, give me the remote control."

"No."

"CJ," he shouted, holding out his hand.

"Make me," she teased, placing the remote control on the couch and sitting on it.

He shook his head and pondered his next move. Her self-satisfied smirk made the decision for him. He walked around to the back of the couch and tried to reach under her backside.

CJ swatted him away with her hands. "You’ll have to try harder than that Pokey."

Toby shrugged and his hands moved to her waist. He started to tickle her frantically causing her to shriek and wriggle. As she tried to defend herself, he grabbed the remote and flicked channels.

"You’ll pay for that," she cried, as he let go of her and she became aware of the sudden loss of contact.

"Bring it on baby," he snorted.

CJ grabbed a cushion and hit him on the head.

"Hey!" Toby grabbed a cushion and started to hit her back. The whole thing descended into a farce as they chased each other around the living room, swiping cushions through the air.

Finally, Toby, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up against him, pillow poised to swat her backside. He stopped suddenly and stared at her, his breathing ragged and his heart pounding. Not knowing what else to do--they weren’t children and they weren’t lovers--and he was about to kiss her, he released her and walked away. "I’ll watch the highlights," he
growled, heading back to the kitchen.

CJ watched him go, dropping the cushion to the couch and smoothing down her hair. She exhaled deeply as she pondered what had just happened. He had been about to kiss her, that much she was sure about. The thing bothering her was that she actually wanted to know what it would have been like.

Swallowing, she followed him into the kitchen. "Can I help with anything?"

It took a moment or two before he was in control enough to turn and face her.

"You can’t cook," he stated simply. "You can do the dishes."

"Yes, sir," she joked, mock saluting him.

"The bathroom needs cleaning while you’re at it." He dropped the pasta into the saucepan.

"I know your game. As soon as my back’s turned you’ll change the channel again."

Toby grinned and kept his back to her. "I would never do anything like that."

The sound of her laughter floated around the apartment as she headed off to clean. It was a sound he had always loved, more so now that she was staying with him. Once again he wondered what life would have been like if they had stayed married, oblivious to the fact he was living it.

********
The other side of their relationship was how they acted at work. In the past weeks, their co-workers had noticed significant changes, but no-one knew how, or if, to address them.

CJ came back out of her shell. The boys learnt quickly that she was back on form when her hand made contact with the back of their scalps after a particularly crass comment.

Leo smiled and shook his head, knowing that this was the first sign of normal life resuming.

The other thing was the increase in silent conversations the Press Secretary and Communications Director seemed to be engaging in. They had reverted back to knowing looks and finishing each others sentences. It was subtle enough to go over most people’s heads, but Donna and Josh watched it in motion one day and shared a knowing look.

Then there was the flirting. It had always been very subtle and simple--hardly anything provocative or even intentional. Now it seemed to have moved up a gear. The comments were more personal and CJ’s hand would settle on Toby’s leg. He, for his part, would lose his voice for a few seconds then grin.

The only two people who seemed oblivious were Toby and CJ. They didn’t even seem to notice that they were practically living together. The morning visits to her apartment had stopped when she packed a bag one Sunday and moved in.

There were also days when Toby would phone her and say he had to work late, and CJ would drive herself to his apartment and heat frozen dinners for when he arrived. Toby would walk through the door to find her wearing his shirts, and making dinner. So very different from the Press Secretary he saw every day and the woman he had brought home a few weeks before. And he liked it.

Continue to Part Ten