"Is there anything else to discuss?" Leo asked, dropping the pile of folders back on his desk, and looking around the assembled group.

CJ nibbled her bottom lip and glanced at Toby.

Toby shrugged in response and turned back to Leo.

"Uh...Leo? Toby and I have something that we need to address." CJ’s hand, which had been resting on her lap, slid over towards Toby’s, instinctively searching out his hand. She found it, resting on his knee, and entwined her fingers in his. "Um..."

The others looked at her expectantly.

"Jeez CJ, for a woman who speaks professionally, you seem to be experiencing some difficulty." Josh smiled at CJ, who in return offered him her famous death glare. The smile quickly disappeared from his face.

"Toby and I..." CJ’s grip on Toby’s hand tightened.

"What CJ’s trying to say is that we were once in a relationship, and we’re afraid that it might create some bad press during the re-election campaign," Toby spoke hurriedly. His eyes lowered as he focused on her long slender fingers wrapped around his.

"And?" Sam prodded, debating asking what was so new about that.

"And what?" CJ moved closer to Toby, and glanced around the room. She had expected them to look horrified or amused, but her co-workers seemed to be neither. They seemed more...indifferent than anything.

"And when did you resume it, is what our little Robin is trying to ask," Josh finished, stifling his grin this time.

"We’ve all seen how you’ve been looking at each other, and how you’ve been acting lately,” Sam commented. He looked between his two friends, wondering how long they wanted to play this game.

"Oh really?" Toby glanced around the room, amused by how happy everyone seemed.

"Josh brought it to my attention," Leo began, "One evening a few weeks ago. Actually he managed to keep it to himself for a week or so before that.” He glanced at Josh, wondering if it was the first time Josh had ever kept his mouth shut about anything. “The President and I have both agreed that your personal lives should remain just that, personal. He’s been as jumpy as a kangaroo for days, wanting to ask you what was going on, but I convinced him to wait until you were ready to tell us."

"Well, we’re not a couple. Just FRIENDS," CJ emphasized, "But we do think that something from our past could be used against us, if the press found out, so we want to pre-empt them." She stopped babbling and looked around the room, gradually regaining her confidence. Leo looked bemused by the whole thing. And Sam and Josh didn’t seem repulsed by the idea of them together. Why weren’t they?

"If this is about you staying with Toby, it’s not a big deal. We’ll just explain to the press that it’s a part of your personal life..." Josh didn’t get to finish what he was saying.

Instead, he was interrupted by CJ. "You know about that?"

“Who doesn’t?” Josh laughed.

"It’s been pretty hard to miss you two leaving together at night," the President added, appearing in the doorway and leaning against the frame.

Everyone moved to stand but he waved them down.

"Toby, please kill me," CJ begged, as she closed her eyes and secretly wished for everyone to disappear.

"And be left alone to deal with them? Not a chance." Toby squeezed her hand, and looked back at the President. "The present situation–and we ARE just friends–is," he hesitated, silently asking if they really were just friends. "We were sort of...married once."

She couldn’t tell who gasped, but someone did, and the sound was excruciating. CJ could feel her heart skip a beat as she looked around the room, holding her breath. This was more of the response she had anticipated earlier.

"Married?" The President asked, settling himself in a chair at the conference table.

"So you’re divorced now? Isn’t that weird?" Josh asked, scrunching his nose up when he spoke.

"Isn’t WHAT weird?" CJ repeated, waving her arms in a “What the hell?“ gesture. She couldn’t bring herself to consider what he was asking.

"Your best friend is your ex-husband," Sam continued.

"You two really need to stop finishing each other’s thoughts, don’t you think?" Leo shot them both glares, and then looked back to CJ. "It is a good question though."

"That’s where things get complicated. He’s not really my ex-husband, per se." CJ stared at a threadbare spot in the carpet, trying to imagine what kind of answer she could give that would stop them from asking any more questions.

"Now I’m concerned," The President stated, looking between CJ and Toby. CJ, he noted, looked nervous and not at all in control. It also struck him that Toby didn’t seem quite as uncomfortable as CJ. He made a mental note to speak with Toby later, and sat back to watch them explain.

"We were young, and we went to Mexico on spring break together," Toby began the story, allowing his free hand to run over the back of his neck. "We got really drunk, and wandered down to a chapel." He didn’t see any need to fill them in on the rest of the details.

"Neither one of us remembers the night very well," CJ added, "But the next morning, we woke up and realized what happened."

"So you got it annulled, right?" Sam sat on the edge of his chair, wrapped up in the story they were telling. "You used lack of consummation as the grounds, and it was over?"

"So anyway," Toby interrupted, opting to let them figure out for themselves that the marriage was actually consummated. He glanced at CJ as he remembered that morning and an image of her naked body against the sheets flashed through his mind. Swallowing, he continued, "We went to the courthouse to try and figure something out–to see if we could stop the paper work from being processed, or get the marriage annulled on some ground, but the courthouse was closed, and the only thing we could think of was that we had to go back to the guy who married us. If the courthouse was closed, there was a good chance that the documents hadn’t been submitted yet."

"But," CJ began, having finally found her voice again, "The minister only spoke Spanish, and his daughter only spoke bits of English. She said her father wouldn’t destroy the documents so we paid him to file the annulment. Toby and I left, pretending it never happened."

Toby and CJ both knew that she had just blatantly lied to their friends, but to say that they’ve spent the past twenty years trying to survive the repercussions of that one night seemed too honest. Or maybe it seemed like it would make them too vulnerable.

"So as far as you know he submitted the annulment?" the President asked, quietly. He looked between them, sensing that it wasn’t as straightforward as they had made out and trying to figure out what this had done to their relationship over the years.

"Yeah. Last election, it didn’t even occur to us. We’d both forgotten about it,“ Toby lied.

“We figured we were safe because we were nobodies, but now we’re both highly visible people, and I’m not sure if any evidence exists. If it does, we need to know how easy it is to get, and we need to make it unavailable to the public," CJ dictated, returning to her professional mode. She moved her hand away from Toby’s, immediately missing the feeling of him being right there, but suddenly aware that everyone was watching them closely.

"I’ll call around, and do some digging. We’ll see if anything comes up and we’ll work from there." Leo smiled at her as he stood up and walked around his desk. "Is there anything else?"

When nobody said anything, Leo made a shooing motion with his hand, and began to organize his files. "I should have some information at afternoon staff, if there’s anything to find," he said confidently, his eyes never leaving the desk.

"Thank you," Toby muttered, motioning for CJ to join him as he left.

After all of the senior staff had filed out, Leo looked up. He stared directly into the President’s eyes. "This could be bad, couldn’t it?"

"Only if they get to it first," the President sighed.

“Then we better make sure that doesn’t happen,” Leo growled, waiting for the President to leave before he picked up the phone.

After leaving Leo’s office, CJ had spent the rest of the day hiding in her office. There was something about having told their friends about their relationship that made CJ feel uneasy.

In truth she wasn’t ready to face the endless questions that she knew Josh and Sam would have. Mainly because of the scars she still bore from Mexico and the intervening years, but also because questions about her past would invariably lead to questions about the present.

And the present was something she hadn’t come to terms with. It had been easy to tell everyone they were just friends, but even CJ had to admit there was more than friendship between her and Toby. They had come a long way and the bond ran deeper than friends, but stronger than lovers. She just wasn’t sure what their true relationship was and it didn’t seem like a good time to ask Toby to clarify things.

CJ had been the one pushing for complete disclosure and to be finished with the tiptoeing around the past, but in hindsight she had to admit that she’d liked the secret that she’d shared with Toby. No one else had known about their marriage and as much as it almost destroyed their relationship, it had also strengthened them in the long run.

They had never hidden their friendship. Everyone from the senior staff to the press corps knew that they had been friends for years. Which is probably why neither one of them had ever made any effort to conceal the fact that they were going back to Toby’s place together every night. What they did in their spare time didn’t seem to affect anyone else, and they had never measured how they felt by how it would affect their jobs.

Now, with everything out in the open, CJ could feel her heart skipping beats when she thought about their past and present. The main question that plagued her as she sat in her office was what would the future bring?

******

“You wanted to see me Mr. President?” Toby asked, shuffling through the open doorway.

“Ah, Toby. Come in.”

Toby took a few more steps and positioned himself behind the sofa.

Jed looked up from his desk and grinned. “This is going to take a while. You may want to take a seat.” He waited for Toby to settle himself before crossing the room and sliding into the armchair.

They sat in silence, Toby staring at his folded hands and Jed watching Toby.

Finally Jed could take it no more. “Toby,” he began. “So Leo’s having problems tracking down the information.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“It was a long time ago and records aren’t what they were,” Jed commented.

“Yes, Sir.”

Jed shook his head. The conversation wasn’t going in the direction he had hoped, and Toby looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.

“Have you considered what you’re going to say if the press does find out?” Jed asked as casually as possible.

“I’m more concerned about what my ex-wife might say,” Toby growled, glancing up to look at the President for the first time. “I maybe neglected to mention it to her.”

“Toby!”

He shrugged and leaned back against the cushions. “Andi and CJ became friends. I didn’t want to ruin that by admitting we’d been married.”

“Admitting you were married or the fact you were in love with your best friend?” Jed asked, warming to the topic. “You were in love with her when you proposed?”

Toby’s groan was audible as he began to massage the headache that was forming. “With all due respect. . .”

“Can it,” Jed interrupted. “Did you propose because you loved her?”

Toby nodded reluctantly. “She wasn’t in love with me.” He paused and slowly moved to stand.

“Sit down, Toby. I haven’t finished.”

Toby sat, and crossed his legs. This was going to be an excruciating conversation and a waste of time he could be putting to better use, like planning dinner for CJ.

“I love CJ like a daughter, but there are times she’s. . . ,” Jed trailed off, waving his hand through the air in search of inspiration.

“Pigheaded? Stubborn? Like a bull in a china shop?” Toby suggested, smirking.

Jed shot him a glare. “I was thinking more like defensive. She doesn’t like discussing her feelings. And after Simon,” Jed changed tack. “Anyways, right now she seems to need you, and that’s good. You shouldn’t give up on her.”

“Sir?” Toby gasped.

“Give it time and you may find she loves you too, Toby,” Jed continued, oblivious to Toby’s gaping mouth and wide eyes. “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“But. . .”

“Nonsense. The right to change one’s mind is a woman’s prerogative.”

Toby rubbed his temples harder and scratched the back of his head with the other hand. “Sir, I don’t know what you’re implying.”

“You may go now,” Jed said, grinning and walking back to his desk. “It’s a shame you two ever had the marriage annulled. You look pretty cute together.” His eyes focused on the desk but he couldn’t miss the deep growl Toby gave as he left.

“Thank you Mr. President.”

Leo lowered the phone to its cradle and automatically yelled, “Margaret.”

She appeared in the doorway a second later, notepad in hand. “Yes, Leo? You bellowed?”

He rubbed his eyes. The contents of the phone call had been more than a little discouraging and he wasn‘t sure how his friends were going to handle the news. “Can you have Toby and CJ come over the next free minute they have?“ His eyes returned to the papers in front of him, but he took in very little, his mind focused somewhere else.

Margaret frowned and bobbed her head. Something bad had happened and Leo was going to need watching. “Okay,” she said, as she walked back to the outer office

Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door and CJ entered, Toby behind her.

“Close the door,” Leo instructed, removing his glasses. “And take a seat.”

It didn’t go unnoticed that they sat side by side on the couch, her hand entwined with his. Leo watched them for a second, wondering if he should just lie. Taking a deep breath he lowered himself into the armchair.

“Leo, what’s wrong?” CJ asked, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs, her body shifting nervously.

“I made a few more phone calls, had someone from state poke around down there. . .,” he trailed off and rubbed his temples.

“LEO?” CJ practically begged.

Leo shook his head and turned his attention away from Toby to CJ. “A few weeks ago he came back to me and told me there was no record of an annulment ever being filed.”

CJ groaned and released Toby’s hand. “Shit.” She stood abruptly and began to pace the carpet.

The two men watched her, going dizzy at the combination of the tiny circles and her hands gesturing wildly. “The press are going to go mad. I’ll have to resign.”

“CJ,” the men chorused together.

She looked up from the carpet, her eyes glazed. “What?”

“Please sit down,” Toby begged, patting the couch beside him. “Listen to what Leo’s got to say and we’ll deal with it.

With a sag of her shoulders, CJ made her way over to the couch and sat down.

“He continued digging, because I was convinced that there had to be a record. “ Leo paused and shook his head.

Toby was staring intently at CJ, his concern for her and how she would handle Leo’s news obvious.

“There isn’t,” Leo said simply. “As far as the Mexican authorities are concerned, and therefore the American too, you are not, and have never been, married.”

Toby looked away from her and back at Leo. “But there was a marriage certificate. The girl said her father couldn’t destroy the paperwork,” Toby growled.

“We were never married?” CJ asked, a little dazed. That one night had changed her life forever and now she was being told it had never happened. The whole thing suddenly seemed surreal.

“On paper, no.”

“I don’t understand, “ Toby muttered, knowing that it happened. His dreams were still too vivid for it not to have. “He actually destroyed the documentation?”

Leo looked between them and couldn’t decide what he was seeing before him. When they had divulged their secret, CJ had looked uncomfortable about the whole thing. Her whole expression had screamed that she had wished it had never happened. Toby, on the other hand, seemed quite happy with the prospect of being married to his best friend.

Now, CJ looked saddened by the fact it hadn’t happened, as though the whole fabric of her life had been ripped away. Toby looked grief stricken, and it was in that second Leo realized that Toby had been in love with her even then.

“There is no documentation, nothing for the press to find and there won’t be any scandal,” Leo explained, moving to his desk. There were things for them to discuss but he didn’t think he needed to bear witness.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Toby growled, lowering his head and making his way over to the door. “I need some air.” And then he was gone.

CJ remained on the couch, her hands fidgeting in her lap, her eyes trained on the open door.

“CJ?”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, as if she had suddenly just remembered his presence. “You have work to do.” Rising shakily to her feet she took a step towards the door. “I’ll be in my office if there’s anything else.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” she lied unconvincingly, wanting to get to her office and close the door.

It was late when CJ finally opened her office door and told Carol to go home. Since her meeting with Leo, she had given two briefings, but couldn’t tell anyone what she had said. Twice, she had ventured to Toby’s office, only to find it empty and Ginger having no idea where he was.

Grabbing her purse and coat, CJ wandered over to his office one last time. The door was open but the lights were off. She glanced around the bullpen hoping someone might know where he’d gone but it was empty.

Shrugging, CJ headed out for her car. Throwing her purse on the passenger seat she started the car. It steered itself as her thoughts drifted to Toby and the news they had received.

All the years she had wished they had never gotten drunk and gotten married. All the days she wished there was nothing looming over their relationship. All the nights she had longed to be able to pick up the phone and call him, without any hint of awkwardness. And now they discover they were never married, and she has none of the happiness she had anticipated. Instead she suddenly felt a million miles away from Toby, and alone.

It was the first time since she had met him all those years ago that she felt genuinely alone and separated from him. Even during the times when they barely spoke, she knew that he could be there, if she wanted him. It was that knowledge that had, from time to time, made her feel guilty–that she knew she could call him and he would drop everything for her despite
their differences. But it was part of their relationship, and now after his abrupt disappearance, she wasn’t sure if events in Mexico had finally destroyed their friendship forever.

At the next intersection she turned off, taking the second exit off Dupont and heading for Toby’s apartment.

His car was outside when she arrived and the light was on in his living room. There was a moment of hesitation as she stepped on to the sidewalk and extracted his key from her purse, but she shook it off. CJ couldn’t help but think that this was yet another turning point in their relationship. If they can get through this they will be alright, she promised herself.

Hands shaking, CJ turned the key in the outer door and walked up the stairs to his apartment. Her hand hovered at his door as she contemplated knocking. Deciding, he probably wouldn’t answer, she stuck her key in the lock and walked in.

Toby, was where she had expected him to be, sprawled across the couch, a half opened bottle of scotch on the table before him.

CJ walked into the kitchen, grabbed a glass off the draining board before returning and pouring herself a glass.

“Toby,” she said softly.

He grunted and opened one eye.

“You left early.”

“Yeah.”

She took a small sip of her drink and shed her coat. Poking his leg, she shifted him out of the way so she could sit down. “Can we talk about this?”

“Nothing to talk about,” he growled. “It never happened.”

“And it’s that easy for you, is it?” she snarked, feeling the anger form from nowhere in her chest.

“What? You’re the one who wished it over,” he grumbled, topping up his glass and downing the liquid in one fluid swig.

“We were young, we weren’t in love. Hell we were so drunk we couldn’t remember having sex,” she yelled. “Of course I wished it over.” Then. She neglected to add then.

“Well your wish came true.”

“Toby, don’t be like this,” CJ pleaded.

“How do you want me to me?” he shouted, sitting up, his hand moving to the back of his neck. “Officially it never happened but for me, it did.”

CJ’s sigh was audible as his words hung in the air. “How long have you been wearing the ring?” she asked after the longest moment.

His eyes dropped to the simple gold band and then back to her face. “I. . .How?”

“The other night when we were dancing. Andi’s ring was chunky, that isn’t. When?” she asked, resting her hand on his knee.

“Since I came to get you,” he mumbled.

“Why?”

Toby stared at the ring. The answer was simple because I love you and I want to be married to you, but that was the quickest way of ending the fragile friendship they had. He couldn’t tell her and he wasn’t sure she would believe a lie.

“So, if we were never married, we can start again,” CJ suggested hopefully. Seeing how despondent he was, she needed his reassurance that they would be okay.

“It wasn’t the marriage that made you uncomfortable,” Toby corrected. “It was the fact we slept together and the fact I love you.”

The idea of them in bed no longer repulsed her, or made her uncomfortable. That had disappeared a long time ago, but she could never have admitted it to him. Of course she knew he still held a small crush for her and she hadn’t been about to give him false hope.

Except now she wasn’t sure what she felt. At that precise second all she wanted to do was hold him against her and tell him that she had been wrong all these years. Except she wasn’t. Getting married then was wrong, better left forgotten.

Her eyes drifted to his face. “So we slept together. Friends sleep together all the time,” she offered brazenly. “It doesn’t mean we have to avoid each other.”

She had been ready to move back to her apartment weeks ago, but being with him wasn’t something she wanted to end so quickly. It was easy and comfortable and she loved having someone, him, to come home to every day.

“CJ?”

“I’m going to take a bath,” she announced, jumping to her feet and heading down the corridor. More than anything she needed to get some normality in the situation.

Toby watched her go, confused. Slowly he ambled after her, pausing at the bathroom door and the sight of her bending down to fill the bath. “That’s my job.”

She turned around and grinned. “So get on with it.” CJ brushed passed him as she went into the bedroom.

When CJ returned, Toby was just laying out towels on the vanity for her and adding a few drops of bath oil.

“I’m going to make coffee,” he mumbled, closing the door behind him.

CJ shed her remaining clothes onto the floor. Dipping her toes in the water she checked the temperature and smiled. Toby always had the water just right. It was just another of the things he had taken the time to learn about her.

Climbing in, she settled back, her head against the edge as the rest of her body disappeared beneath the bubbles. As the smell of lavender drifted through the room, her mind became clearer. The fact was Toby and she had never been married. That fact should mark an end to the whole eighteen years of awkwardness, barring the fact, of course, that they had made love. She corrected herself, had sex, drunken sex. What she had failed to tell Toby was that she had a hazy recollection of that night, a lasting impression of how he felt inside her.

She shook her head and washed the bubbles up over her breasts. This was their chance to start again. To wipe the slate clean. Yeah, that was what she needed to convince him of. That their friendship was more important than anything that had or could happen between them. It didn’t matter what other feelings they might or might not have.

Feelings, that was something she had been trying to understand for weeks. Since he had brought her home that night. Since the pillow fight when she had an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Since that afternoon when they discovered there was no legal marriage. Could it be she had more than friendly feelings towards him, and if so, how was she going to bury them? The last thing she wanted was to destroy their relationship again.

No, she decided, blowing a few bubbles off her hands and watching them float to the water's surface, this time she was going to be smart.

******

Toby settled himself on the couch and closed his eyes.

He’d had to get out of Leo’s office, the pounding in his head and the slightly frightening sound of his heart being ripped out was a little overwhelming. More than anything he was saddened by what Leo’s revelation had taken away from him. The vague images of that night in Mexico told him he’d married his best friend. Eighteen years later he was horrified to discover the legal reality was somewhat different.

Ginger had been surprised when he’d growled at her to cancel his meetings and told her he was taking personal time. After driving around for what seemed like hours he’d come home and opened the new bottle of scotch. He wasn’t quite as drunk as he needed to be, the mixture of too many memories and the necessity of drinking slowly all too apparent.

While he steadily drowned his sorrows his thoughts had drifted to CJ. More than anything, he’d realized how happy it would make CJ that the marriage didn’t exist. The look on her face the morning after said it all. She was disgusted by the whole image of them together. Now she had what she wanted and she deserved the happiness it would bring her. As much as he wanted the marriage to be recognized, to be able to say he was married to his incredible, beautiful best friend, he wouldn’t cause her any more pain.

CJ was asking if they could start over. Maybe it was that easy for her to blot out the past and move on. For him it wasn’t so black and white. He knew he loved her and she didn’t reciprocate. Toby knew in his heart though that he would give her whatever she wanted, as he had done for nearly twenty years.

The fact was that he was aware that he wasn’t getting any younger. That if he was ever going to meet someone, then now was the time. Maybe he wouldn’t fall for anyone the way he had for CJ, but there was still a chance of a happy ending. As he opened his eyes, he tried to ignore the image of Andi crying as she walked out of the door for the last time, knowing it was never going to work.

His eyes drifted up the navy blue robe to the damp hair and her pale face. “Feeling better?” he asked, quietly.

“Much. Can I say something?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Without interruptions?”

Toby shrugged.

“It’s all well and good someone telling us we were never married, but it doesn’t change what we went through. There were days when things were so bad I thought we’d never make it. But we did and now we have this great relationship.” She paused, expecting a quip, but he was nodding his head, respectfully. “I want us to take this as a second chance. Put the past to rest and move on. Simon died and you made me see I should start living again. Toby, I think we should both start living again. In fact I’m going to organize a girls’ night out.”

“I’ll pick you up,” he growled. “Don’t want you taking a taxi home alone.”

CJ shook her head. “No. Toby, you’re not hearing me. You need to stop rushing to protect me. I’m stronger now, ready to face things again.”

The sincerity of her voice rocked him. He was losing her all over again.

“I want you to move on. Start going out. It won’t affect our friendship.”

“No more baths.”

“Friends don’t do that.”

Toby looked confused.

“I want us to continue to be friends without any additional complications. I‘m not going to walk out of your life or pretend we don‘t have twenty years of history.”

He understood. CJ was letting him down for the last time. As much as he loved her she was intent on wiping away any false hopes he had.

“I’m not sure I’m ever going to want to be with anyone again.” She hoped she wasn’t laying it on too thick. She fleetingly glanced at Toby and noted his genuine understanding. “Can we still be good friends?”

“Sure.”

CJ grinned and squeezed his arm. “I’ll see you in the morning.” With that she disappeared to bed.

Toby loitered in the doorway, his hands stuffed well into his pockets and his eyes downcast.

CJ continued to type at her keyboard, stifling a grin as he cleared his throat and muttered incoherently. Finally she looked up. “What can I do for you, Toby?”

His eyes raised a fraction and he gazed at her from under hooded lids. “I’m heading out now.”

“But it’s only eight,” she said surprised. “I’m going to be hours yet.”

“I’m not going home.”

"Oh? So you're gonna finally get some groceries so we will officially have no excuse for not cooking." CJ continued to focus on her keyboard, waiting for him to respond.

"Actually, I'm going out," Toby mumbled, wishing he didn't have to tell her.

"Out? Sam and Josh begging you to chaperone again, because if so, don't go to the strip club. Josh really can't handle naked women AND alcohol." CJ laughed as she watched his jaw drop from the corner of her eye.

"How did you...?"

"I know everything, and it's best that you remember that." CJ looked up at him. "So, you're not going to the strip club then?"

"I don't think my date would enjoy it very much. Or at least, I hope she wouldn't."

CJ was at a loss for words. She stared at him as she tried to comprehend what he was saying.

“What you said about starting over. You were right. We’re always going to be friends but we should move on,” he babbled. Asking Rhonda out was spur of the moment but on some level it seemed the right thing to do. “I just came to tell you so you didn’t wonder where I was.”

“Okay.” Except it wasn’t. “You want me to go home tonight?”

He looked at her as if she’d killed his puppy. “No.”

"I can go home if you'd like. I mean if you want to take your girlfriend home, it's going to be a real drag to have me around." CJ was trying to hold back the tears she could feel forming.

"She's not my girlfriend, and don't say it like I've been hiding her from you. I just met Rhonda and we decided to go out for a couple of drinks." Toby could feel a blush forming. He couldn't understand why this was so difficult for them.

"I'm happy for you–I mean, you need to move on and have a life." CJ looked away from him, wondering what she could do to stop feeling so bad. "I've got to get back to work, and you have a date to go on, so I'll see you tomorrow morning at staff."

"Alright. Have a good night CJ." Toby walked toward the door and could tell that she was pissed off.

She waved him off and pretended to scan a pile of briefing papers.

******

Toby walked out to his car. He wasn’t sure going on a date was going to help matters. Deep down he was still in love with his best friend but CJ had made it clear on many occasions that she could never love him.

Rhonda on the other hand seemed to like him. And when he had attended the WTO thing they had chatted easily, which he considered a bonus in itself.

Still CJ was mad at him now and that bothered him. Of course if she went on a date it would bother him too. But CJ wasn’t one to get jealous.

He put the car in drive and headed across town to the bar they were meeting at.

Toby opened the bar door and glanced around the room. He spotted her immediately, sitting in a corner booth, staring at her drink.

He rubbed his palms together and hoped the sense of foreboding would go away.

Even before he slipped into the seat opposite her, he knew it was a mistake. “Hey Rhonda.”

“Toby Ziegler,” she smiled and pushed her glass away. “I’m buying.”

He ordered a scotch on the rocks and they lapsed into an awkward silence.

“So, how’s things at the White House?” Rhonda asked after a few seconds.

“You don’t want to know,” he grumbled, realizing he sounded more than a little rude.

“Humor me.” Her smile widened and he wondered if maybe he had been wrong. That he could actually date without the world falling apart.

As the evening wore on, he found himself chatting openly about his work and she gave him the lowdown on what it was really like to be out on the streets.

Two more whiskeys later and he knew he wasn’t driving home, which is when he agreed to go somewhere for dinner.

It was late when they left the restaurant and Rhonda offered to drive him home.

Toby stood on the sidewalk, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he weighed up his options. “I have a house guest,” he mumbled eventually.

Rhonda shrugged and unlocked the door of her Honda. “I wasn’t suggesting sex,” she said seriously. “Coffee maybe.”

He climbed in the car and buckled his seatbelt. His directions, he realized later were less than accurate but somehow they pulled up outside his apartment.

“So are you going to invite me in?” She turned off the engine and turned to look at him. “Or do you really have a wife tucked away up there?” Her eyebrow raised in challenge and he smiled.

“She’s just a friend.”

She followed him through his apartment building and waited as he fumbled with the key to his door.

”Are you always this bad a drunk?” Rhonda asked, covering his hand and twisting the key. “Because if you are I may have to rethink the coffee.”

“There are many things I can do while drunk,” he offered as they fell through the door, his hand around her waist.

CJ looked up from her reading on the couch and grimaced. She caught herself and pasted a smile on her face. “Hi.”

Rhonda glanced in her direction and smiled. “Hey.” She waited for Toby to say something, when he didn’t she said, “I’m Rhonda.”

“CJ.”

Toby continued to watch CJ’s face for any signs she was pissed at him. For once she was choosing to hide her emotions.

“I’m going to get out of your way,” CJ announced, gathering her folders and standing. “Nice to meet you Rhonda. See you in the morning, Toby.”

Rhonda watched her go and sighed. “Maybe I should be the one going.”

Toby snaked his other hand around her waist and kissed her. His lips caught the side of her mouth briefly before he pulled away. “Coffee?”

She watched as he walked into the kitchen, his voice carrying as he enquired how she would like her coffee. He returned with two mugs of steaming hot coffee and motioned with his head for her to sit.

Side by side on the couch, his arm drifted to her shoulders and he leaned in for another kiss. The kiss deepened as his hand stroked her back. Rhonda was responding in kind, but her hand slipping inside his shirt was enough to jolt Toby back to reality.

He released her and pulled away. His eyes were wide and the coffee and kiss suddenly had a sobering effect.

“I need to work tomorrow,” he mumbled, his arm dropping on to the back of the sofa. “But thanks for a great evening.” It sounded hollow to his ears but he had enjoyed it.

Rhonda looked at him sadly, deep down she had known there was someone else and seeing CJ had convinced her. She could only hope the woman realized it too.

“Well I guess it’s goodnight, then,” Rhonda said, standing and starting for the door.

Toby followed her. Opening the door he leaned in and kissed her briefly on the cheek.

“You know, you’re a real piece of work,” CJ yelled at him as he closed the door and turned back towards the couch.

Toby rubbed his temples and followed the sound of the voice. “What the hell?”

“If you wanted to bring her back, why didn’t you at least let me go home?”

“I wasn’t planning to invite her back. I couldn’t drive and she offered me a lift.” He stared at her. “Anyway, since when do I have to explain my comings and goings to you?”

“You’re right, you don’t.” CJ couldn’t believe how she was acting. Toby had every right to a life, to date who he wanted, and she was acting weird.

“I need to pee,” he mumbled, wandering in the direction of the bathroom.

“Fine,” she snapped, not really sure why. “You should get some sleep.”

“What are you my mother?” he shouted back.

CJ threw her hands up in frustration and stormed back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Toby came out of the bathroom, zipping his pants. He looked at the closed door to what had once been his bedroom and groaned. Taking a step in that direction he called through the door, “You’re acting like a jealous wife.”

A few seconds later the door flew open and she stood, gaping at him. “Excuse me.”

“I said you’re acting like a jealous wife.” Normally he didn’t get drunk, in fact since Mexico he was careful not to leave himself that exposed. Tonight for some reason his tongue was getting away with itself. “In fact if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were sulking because I had a date.”

Her arms gestured wildly through the air as she continued to glare at him. “Screw you.”

“I wish you would,” he muttered, his hand slipping to cover his eyes. Slowly he lifted his fingers, only to find she had moved.

CJ paced the bedroom, glaring at him intermittently. “So, are you seeing her again?” she snapped after what seemed like hours.

Toby rubbed his face with his hand. “CJ?”

“Toby.”

“You’re the one who told me it was time to move on.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to move on without me. I thought it would take time. We were married,” she said in a rush of breath.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You wanted me to be your lovestruck puppy forever?”

CJ stopped pacing and stood before him, her hands in the air and her eyes wide. “Toby, we can’t have this conversation.”

“I think we’re having this conversation.” For the second time that evening he felt suddenly sober and coherent.

They continued to have a silent argument.

“You’re beautiful when you’re angry, you’re the most caring person I know and I really do want to make out with you all the time,” he announced, suddenly, crossing to the bed and sinking onto it.

“TOBY!”

“I’m drunk. I don’t know what I’m saying,” he countered softly.

CJ sat down beside him and reached for his hand. “You really want to make out with me all the time?”

“Yeah, but don’t get too worked up about it, I think every guy in the West Wing does.”

“It’s not every guy that matters,” she said so quietly he strained to hear her. “You weren’t so far off the mark earlier.”

“When?” he asked, turning her hand over in his.

“When you said I was jealous.”

“Oh. OH?”

CJ smiled and turned to face him, tucking her legs under her. “And it’s not because I want you as my lovesick puppy. I don’t want to lose what we have. Our friendship. . .,” she trailed off.

“Is important to me too,” he finished for her. “Just because I went on a date doesn’t mean I’m not here for you.”

She flushed pink as she tried to find the words to tell him what she was thinking. “What if I said I didn’t want you to date? At least not anyone else.”

“CJ?”

“Okay, it’s possible I might have feelings beyond friendship for you,” she admitted. “But I’m not ready to destroy us by acting on them.” There she’d said it. Made herself look like an idiot but she could live with that.

Toby looked at her blankly before realization hit. “Are you kidding me?”

“Not quite the reaction I expected.”

“But you told me to move on, to date, to live again. You can’t keep changing your mind,” he stated firmly.

“I won’t change my mind again. A while back we were having a pillow fight. I thought you were about to. . .,” she hesitated.

“Kiss you?”

She nodded and bit down on her bottom lip.

“I was.”

CJ swallowed. “And I found myself wondering what it would feel like,” she admitted, turning away from him.

Toby sat beside her, his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Toby?”

“Is it what you really want? This isn’t some pity reaction?” He wasn’t about to do this and have her “stomp on him in her big old high heels” as Sam put it.

“I’d like to see where we could go. Whether our friendship could be more,” CJ said softly.

The atmosphere in the room changed as they stared at each other. Neither knew what to say next or if they needed words.

Toby began to lean in, his lips parting as his fingers entwined with hers. He jumped as the pillow collided with his arm.

CJ grinned at him, relaxing and dispelling the tension from seconds earlier. This was who they were, how they were, not two people scared to be alone together. They had known each other forever, now wasn’t the time to feel like strangers.

She swung the pillow again.

Toby growled and grabbed it from her hands.

She laughed a full-throated laugh and ducked, fully expecting retaliation.

The pillow landed on the floor where he threw it. Suddenly he wasn’t nervous anymore. This was the woman he’d known for twenty years, the woman he’d been in love with almost as long. He moved a hand up to cup her face, his fingertips caressing her cheek as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

When he pulled back she was smiling back at him. Without preamble he kissed her again, deepening the kiss as her hands pulled him down onto the bed with her.

This, he decided, was how it should always be.

Toby woke up and opened his eyes, fully expecting to find himself staring at the back of the sofa. Instead he gazed into CJ’s wide grey eyes.

“Hey sleepyhead,” she mumbled, kissing his nose.

“What time is it?”

“Six thirty,” she whispered, lacing her fingers with his and sighing.

In three days they had gone from friends to what she loving referred to as a trial couple.

The first night Toby had kissed her goodnight and returned to the couch, not wanting to push her too far too fast.

The second night, she had insisted he either come to bed or she was joining him on the couch. They both slept soundly that night, spooned together in his queen sized bed.

Last night they had gone on their first date. Dinner at a quiet Italian restaurant in Georgetown before returning to the apartment. Over coffee he had been unable to take his eyes off her, his brain still not able to distinguish reality from a dream.

CJ had relied on stolen glances to watch him. He looked truly happy, his raw emotion evident on his features, and she couldn’t describe the feelings it invoked in her.

They had sat in silence, hand in hand for a hour with CNN muted in the background. It was exactly the pace she needed, gentle yet confident. There was no need for the awkwardness associated with getting to know one another, and he was in no hurry to consummate their relationship.

Toby brought his attention back to the here and now. “I don’t want to go to work today,” he growled, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “Can’t we just play hooky?”

CJ shook her head and shifted across the bed until she was nose to nose with him. “We have a campaign to win.”

“Then another four years of the same,” he grumbled, draping his free hand around her waist, smiling at the cotton T-shirt she still wore.

“Toby?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

Her lips pressed against his, savoring in the feel of him so close.

Toby rubbed his hand lightly up and down her back, moving lower with each stroke. His tongue teased at her lips, requesting entry.

CJ moaned as she parted her lips and stuck her tongue out to tangle with his. Her leg draped itself over his hip as she worked her way closer to him. It was his fingers caressing her bottom through the cotton that made her eyes fly open, staring deep into his eyes.

Toby broke the kiss but held her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” she choked, moving her hand to the tiny tufts of hair at the base of his neck.

“You want to take this slowly and I’m getting carried away.” He couldn’t help himself, waking up beside her brought home to him how empty his life had been all these years. “I’ll take a shower.” He didn’t want to admit that she already had him hard and wanting.

She watched him climb out of bed and disappear to the bathroom. It took a second of his absence for her to realize she didn’t like being without him.

Quickly she went to the kitchen and started the coffee machine, then nervously she opened the bathroom door and entered.

A cold draft blew across his back and Toby peeked around the curtain. “I won’t be long,” he said, giving her a rare smile.

“Need your back washed?” she asked, cocking her head on one side, and trying to appraise his body through the curtain.

He hesitated for a second before clearing his throat. “Only if I can reciprocate.”

CJ folded her arms across her chest and grabbed the hem of her T-shirt. Lifting it over her head, she dropped it onto the floor.

Toby’s eyes drifted over her breasts and stomach, finally seeing what he had only imagined. He swallowed hard.

She kicked her panties across the tiled floor as she walked towards him. “It’s more than my back I want washed,” she purred.

“You’re not ready,” he mumbled as she took the shower gel from his hand and tipped a small amount onto her palm.

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”

“I don’t want you to have any regrets when we. . .,” he trailed off as she started to rub the green gel into his back.

“We’re not going to have the first time in the shower,” she agreed. “I just thought we could save water.”

Toby laughed. It was the teasing tone in her voice that let him know she was as unsure of this as he was. CJ was just as scared as he was of ruining it. Turning in the water spray, he kissed her cheek.

“Pokey?”

“Yeah.” He brushed her damp hair off her face.

“Are we going to tell the others?” she asked, her hand brushing against his chest.

“No. Not yet.”

“Okay.” She covered his mouth with her own, eliciting a low moan from him.

Breaking the kiss, he stared at her. “One of us needs to get out of the shower,” he grumbled. At her confused look, he continued, “Before I. . .”

She nodded and grabbed a towel. “I’ll make the coffee.”

*******

CJ climbed out of the car and walked around to the sidewalk to wait for Toby.

He opened the back door and lifted out his bag and her briefcase. Holding them in one hand, he locked the car and joined her.

“So what do you want to do tonight?” CJ asked, reaching for her case.

Toby slapped her hand away and continued walking. “I need to work on the stump speech for California.”

“But you are coming home, right?” Two thoughts ran through her head. The first that she didn’t want to spend the night alone in the apartment, in his bed. The second was that she thought of it as home as much as he did. Both convinced her that they were doing the right thing.

He grimaced as they reached the gate. “It’ll be after midnight.”

“Then we’ll order in. Maybe Josh and Sam can join us, it’ll be like old times,” CJ suggested, flashing her pass at the agent.

“In that case we eat in the Roosevelt Room. Last time Josh ate in my office it took weeks to get the stains out of the carpet.”

CJ smiled and grabbed her briefcase. “Catch you later, Pokey.”

Toby headed to his office as CJ headed in the opposite direction. A small smile tugged at his lips. It was only day four and already it felt like they had always been together.

*******

“I got your message,” Toby called, his hand hovering over the light switch.

“Leave it off.”

“CJ?”

She appeared before him in the light of the candles, he now saw scattered around the room. His eyes adjusted to the dimness as he dropped his case on the floor.

“Happy Anniversary,” she whispered, her fingers reaching for his.

Toby scanned his memory and couldn’t come up with anything. “This is. . .different.”

Her fingers laced with his as she grinned. “It’s been a week Toby, seven nights since we started this thing.”

“Right, I knew that,” he growled, letting himself be led across the room.

“Liar.” She laughed and he thought it was the most wonderful thing he’d ever heard. “I hope you don’t mind but I’m not wearing the Yankees shirt tonight.” She stepped back into the candle light and cocked her head to one side.

Toby’s eyes drifted from her face, illuminated softly to the bare shoulders, then lower. The satin gown she wore, plunged low on the neck and clung to her tiny waist.

“I don’t mind at all,” he choked, loosening his tie with his free hand.

“Are you hungry?”

He thought about his answer for a second before replying, “Is that a trick question?”

“Pokey? Would I tease you?” she asked, smugly, unbuttoning his top button.

“I plead the fifth,” he smiled, his free hand stroking her arm. “Black satin, CJ?”

She shrugged and tugged his hand. “I tossed the denim skirt years ago.”

They reached the bedroom and she pushed open the door. “Just so you know, I have no intention of doing anything I’m going to regret.”

“What do you intend on doing?” he asked, hesitantly, one foot on the bedroom floor, the other in the hallway.

“I was hoping you were going to make love to me.”

Toby tried to swallow, finding his throat dry, he coughed.

“Of course, if you don’t want to. . .,” she trailed off, as her foot made its way up one of his calves.

His hand found its way to the back of her neck tugging her towards him. The kiss that followed was hungry and passionate as he pulled her flush against his body. When he broke for air, he held her against him, his fingers tangling in her hair. “Before we do this,” he started.

“I love you,” she said simply, lightly brushing his lips with her own. “And it’s only taken eighteen years to come to that conclusion.”

“You know I love you, right? Which is why if you’re not ready, I can wait. We can just go to bed and hold each other,” he offered, flustered.

“Are you nervous, Toby?” she whispered, releasing his hand to work his jacket off his shoulders.

He continue to gaze at her as his heart slammed against his chest.

“Because I am too.” Suddenly she felt very vulnerable, her walls dropping to let him in completely. But now, she wasn’t sure if he wanted in completely.

“We can take it slowly,” he said, his voice barely audible as he backed them towards the bed, kicking the door closed with his foot.

“Not too slowly,” she teased lightly, sliding her hand down to rub against the front of his pants.

His lips sought hers as they tumbled back onto the bed in a tangle of limbs.

“I want to remember every second of this.” Toby ran his fingers down her collarbone to her strap.

CJ sighed contentedly as he started the steps that would take them from friends to lovers, consciously, for the first time. There was no fear that she would regret it later.

After the door slammed shut, CJ could hear the rustling of bags and grumbling coming from the foyer.

"Hey Pokey. Sounds like you’ve got your hands full. Did you actually pick up groceries?" CJ smiled as she thought about him buying groceries for them. There was something very natural to their entire relationship, and the idea of them doing things for each other. The reality of their recent closeness hadn’t been lost on CJ.

More and more lately, CJ had been wondering how they survived as long as they had without each other’s daily influence on the other’s life. She couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be without her best friend beside her all the time, and the mere prospect terrified her.

"Yeah, I got the essentials," Toby called from the kitchen. "Did you know that milk isn’t supposed to be strained before drinking it?"

CJ cringed at the thought. "Please tell me you haven’t been doing that! That’s horrible!"

"Actually," Toby continued as he rounded the corner, "I only once considered it as an option, and that was back before you came for the never ending visit."

"You didn’t though, right?" CJ propped herself up on her elbows, leaning against the couch.

"I take the fifth," Toby said straight faced. "Anyway, we have milk, bread, and some things that resemble vegetables. Can’t say I never think of you."

"Thanks Pokey. You’re the best," CJ offered, all too sweetly.

"Yeah, whatever." Sitting down on the couch, Toby reached for the remote control.

"No you don’t. I’m watching Frasier." CJ grabbed the remote first, and tucked it underneath the pillow she was leaning against.

"As much as I would LOVE to watch yet another sitcom, there is a baseball game on that I have to watch," Toby growled, reaching around her, only to find her hands swatting at him.

"Well I was here first. Tonight’s episode is where he tells her how he feels after pining after her for years. Appropriate don’t you think?" CJ whined.

He made a strange noise at the back of his throat. "Okay, I really HAVE to watch this one, so please, just skip on the show. I’ll owe you one," Toby begged.

CJ ignored him completed, staring at the screen. "Why do you have to watch this game? What’s so special about it?"

"They’re playing the Toronto Blue Jays," Toby responded, as if it were only natural that this game was one he’d have to watch, if only on that basis alone.

"And?"

"I wanna see the Yankee’s kick their asses! After the whole Olympics thing, we need to show them that we still own one or two sports, and damn it, they aren’t taking my baseball too." Toby slumped forward, eyeing CJ, and trying to formulate a plan to steal the remote.

"Toby, are you ever going to get over the Olympics? I mean, they got the gold, get over it." CJ smiled, knowing how defensive Toby was when it came to his sports.

"The GOLD, CJ, the GOLD, and not only in the men’s division, but in the women’s too." Toby sulked and then moved forward. "Just let me watch this one, please?"

"For your own good, I’ll say no. I think it will do you a bit of good to watch a comedy." CJ lay back further on the pillow, securing the remote beneath her. “God knows you need to lighten up.”

Moving even further across the couch, Toby hovered over CJ, allowing his hands to caress her hips, and using his knees to support himself. As Toby pulled her into a kiss, CJ reached her arms around his neck and deepened it.

After a moment, Toby snaked his arm around her back and pulled the remote from under the pillow, blindly pushing in the channel numbers on the remote.

Suddenly, the sound of a man calling scores surprised CJ, and she quickly recognized what he was up to.

"Not fair!" CJ complained, her face still inches away from his. "Using my love and desire for you against me."

"All’s fair in love and war, and baseball, CJ. I thought you’d know that by now," Toby teased.

CJ mumbled something incoherent as she pressed her body up against his, and allowed her knee to gently apply pressure against his groin.

In a matter of seconds, Toby dropped the remote to the floor and CJ’s hand reached out to grab it.

Toby used his position on top of her to reach for the little black box as well, but the ensuing war over it moved them to an unfamiliar channel.

"What the hell is this?" he asked in a voice that could hardly mask his disgust.

"A Wedding Story. You’ve never seen it?" CJ tucked the remote under her body.

Toby stroked her hipbone as he watched the screen. His eyes widened as he observed a group of women having their hair done in a salon, followed by some narrator asking the bride how they chose the color scheme for the ceremony, and then the reception.

"That voice over is really annoying," Toby pointed out.

"You think? I think it’s kind of neat. I mean, have you noticed how they get everyone involved?" CJ watched Toby as he stared at the screen in disgust.

"That looks like a theme wedding, doesn’t it?"

"Yep Pokey, some people like theme weddings. Just think, you could dress up as a baseball player and have bats and balls as gifts." CJ glanced back at the television, observing the bridesmaids in their Antebellum gowns.

The bride-to-be gushed over the details of how she and her groom-to-be met, as Toby buried his head in his hands and groaned.

"They met at a Civil War re-enactment?" CJ smiled as she watched Toby’s attempts at hiding. "You’ve gotta admit, it makes for one hell of a story to tell their grandkids."

"Can we PLEASE watch the game? I swear to God, CJ, my head is gonna explode if I have to watch this wedding."

"And what, Mr. Ziegler, is wrong with this?" CJ tried to hide her grin as his forehead creased deeper in frustration.

"You mean other than the fact that the bride looks like little Bo Peep and the groomsmen look like they’ve stepped out of a scene from North and South?" Toby offered her the most pained expression he could, hoping that he could persuade her to watch the game. He briefly thought of trying the old “If you loved me, you’d . . .” but he thought his punishment for that would be a little harsh.

"Ya know, a theme wedding could be fun. I’m not sure what my theme would be though." CJ hesitated before she continued, " I could have a musically themed wedding–you could dress up as Elvis, with his white jump suit, and I could be Priscilla." CJ watched his face for a reaction.

When he hardly blinked, she continued, "I’d be a really crappy Priscilla though...Who else? John and Yoko? No, that’s another bell-bottomed nightmare. What about the man who performed at the jubilee?"

"Which one?" Toby asked flatly, praying that his complete disinterest in what she was ranting on about was hidden.

"The one who keeps doing Disney songs–I always forget his name."

"Phil Collins?" Sitting back on the edge of the sofa, Toby winced.

"Yeah, so propose to me so we can have a musically themed wedding already! Fifty Years of Music," CJ smiled wryly.

"You want me to propose to you so you can plan a theme wedding? On that basis alone, and no other, I think not," Toby replied nonchalantly.

"Just because I’m asking you to wear a white polyester jump suit with cubic zirconium on it the size of a Chihuahua?"

"You have to ask?" All kidding aside, Toby had considered the prospect of them being married again, for real, but had dismissed it for fear that she would say no and things would once again be awkward.

Sometimes, his thoughts of remarriage had carried him too far, and on one evening in particular, he walked to the Tiny Jewel Box and designed a ring for CJ. Using her wedding band from Mexico, he had inlaid it with small diamonds. It was the style that he felt best described CJ‘s elegant, classical, and complicated nature. The ring‘s design was intricate in a way that matched CJ’s personality.

"So to have my ultimate dream theme wedding, I have to wait for someone else?" CJ teased, a little taken back herself by how suddenly she had taken to the whole marriage idea.

"CJ, can we stop the ‘what ifs’ and watch the game?" Frustrated, Toby closed his eyes and leaned back. The last thing he wanted was to consider the things that had haunted him so easily and frequently in the past.

"Okay, I’ll give in about the game, but only if you let me ask you one more ‘what if’ question," she sighed as an evil glint became apparent in her eye. It was just one little question, one that could decide their future once and for all.

"One more, and then the game," Toby agreed easily. Anything to get back to the game and a safer topic of conversation.

He could feel his body relax and gently his hand sought out CJ’s. Entwining their hands had been Toby’s way of reminding himself that everything between them was indeed real. In fact it was so natural that he had to mentally remind himself not to do it around the West Wing.

"What if I asked you to marry me?" CJ grinned as Toby’s jaw dropped. "I mean, why not break a few more rules, seeing as we have already broken with tradition."

"Did you just...?" Toby’s eyes widened as he processed her question. "Was that a hypothetical ‘what if’ or a proposal?"

"Depends on your answer. Is that a yes?"

Part Seventeen

CJ couldn’t believe it when her cell had rung as she waited patiently for his answer.

They had both looked at the offending item for a minute before CJ had picked it up and practically bit the caller’s head off. Leo hadn’t appreciated that.

Fifteen minutes later, they were both heading back to The White House and to yet another crisis. The subject of marriage had been filed away for a more convenient time.

Tonight, they had managed to get home early.

The remains of the take out sat on the coffee table and CNN once again played in the background.

Heading back from the kitchen, CJ decided it was now or never.

"So have you thought any more about my proposal?" CJ sat down on her sofa, resting her feet on the coffee table.

She knew that Toby had been uncomfortable with the way they had gotten to the point of discussing marriage. Of course much of that had to do with what happened in Mexico years before and a little with his male pride. But this time it felt right. CJ couldn't help but feel their relationship was heading in the right direction.

Toby growled and settled himself in the lazy boy across from her.

“Toby?”

"I have," Toby began slowly, "and I only have one issue."

"Oh Jesus, Toby, an issue? What is this?” She threw her hands up in the air. “A speech you're pissed about?"

Toby could see that his words had hurt her and that in turn hurt him. "Would you just listen to me?" he pleaded, sitting back and waiting for the wall she built around her to collapse. It soon became obvious that she wasn't about to let him in again any time soon.

Toby continued, "My issue is just that if we're going to do this, we're going to do this right.”

“Are you saying yes?” she asked quietly, her eyes gazing across at him.

He nodded. “Obviously it’ll be a while before we can get married, what with the campaign, the overseas trip.“ He paused when she smiled faintly. “I want us both to clear time, and I don't mean a day, to do this. I want at least two weeks together for our wedding and the honeymoon. I don't want this to be a one or two day wonder." Toby watched as she lowered the invisible walls around her heart.

"I can handle that. But I have a suggestion too. Let's get married somewhere else--away from our everyday surroundings. What do you think?" Biting her lip, CJ leaned forward to wait for his answer.

"Whatever you want. I’m not good at things like this.“ Andi and he had married at the town hall with as little fuss as possible. With CJ, he wanted it to be something to remember. “I mean do you want to go somewhere tropical, or somewhere quiet? I really don't care where we get married, as long as we're doing it, and as long as our friends can be there."

"Since you're pretty open, I have a suggestion. You'll think I'm crazy, I know it," CJ smiled, offering Toby her hand and when he accepted it, she pulled him onto the sofa beside her. "What place is more a part of us than any other?"

His hand glided over her knee, and rested on her thigh. "Sure, take advantage of the fact I love you, so you can force me back to California. You're not gonna surf down the aisle, are you?"

"You think California is that big a part of us?" She couldn’t believe that his first thought would be of the place he hated more than any other.

"Ignoring the surfing comment, aren't you?" Toby watched as CJ batted at his hand.

"Yep."

"Well, then, think about it. We met in California, we became best friends there, and I lost you there. Of course, then I went back for you..."

CJ crinkled her nose as he rhymed off all the reasons California was a part of them. "And there's no state," Toby continued, " in which you've fallen into more pools..." He chortled at his own memories of her wet, clothes clinging to her body.

"Yeah, so I really don't like your deductive reasoning. Try again." CJ closed her eyes, waiting for Toby to clue into the place she was suggesting.

"Well Washington doesn't seem like much of a trip, unless you've changed your mind about going somewhere else." Toby squeezed her hand, trying to figure out where she meant.

"Pokey, sometimes I wonder how you graduated Berkley with honors!"

"We're not even married yet and the abuse is starting already!? Should I just give you half of everything I have now, instead of waiting for the divorce?"

"Ha ha," CJ playfully slapped his arm. "Don't you ever say the word divorce to me again. Once this is done, there's no way out. You're gonna give me at least another seventy years..."

"CJ, I'll be 114. I think you need to re-evaluate your contract length."

Somehow they had shifted on the couch to the point where CJ was laying on Toby's lap, and his hands were running through her hair.

"Non-negotiable," CJ giggled. "Do you still want to marry me, despite the knowledge that you'll have to be with me for that long?"

"Yeah, but I still don't know where we are getting married." His fingers traced her cheek bones as he gazed into her eyes.

"Mexico," CJ said frankly, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Mexico?" Toby looked confused, remembering how hard they had fought for years to forget everything about that week.

"Don't you think it's perfect? I mean, it was our first trip, our first kiss, our first time making love..." CJ's voice trailed off. "It was our first everything and going back to get married PROPERLY on the beach--it's us coming full circle."

"Doesn't that term imply a conclusion?" Toby let his fingers move lower, wandering over her abdomen, drawing light patterns on the fabric that covered her.

"Nah, it's the conclusion to the one chapter of our lives together, and the beginning of another. The road around a circle is never ending."

"Wow," Toby sighed. "Us being together has made you sappy."

CJ's hands flew up in mock disgust to tap him on the top of his head. "Watch it Mr. Ziegler. Don't forget who the President likes more."

"What does Sam have to do with this?"

"Oh, that's it!" Pushing off of him and jumping to her feet, CJ grabbed a pillow and began swinging it at his head.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, Toby pulled her back down to the couch beside him and straddled her hips. "I don't care where we get married, as long as we're together. As far as you being sappy..." Toby paused and watched as CJ offered him her famous death glare. "I love you, even if you subject me to hours of bad sitcoms, and even if you are a hopeless romantic.”

"I'm not sure that the obvious sarcasm is helping your case, but we'll break that habit later." She stopped struggling and relaxed in his arms.

"On the beach in Mexico, huh?" Toby asked, finally understanding that there would be some form of nature involved. "Sounds like you're trying to torture me."

"Actually, it's for Ron. Can you imagine what kind of Secret Service nightmare that will be?" CJ smiled as she drew Toby's hands to her mouth, kissing his fingers, sliding one into her mouth.

There was no way she was getting married without the President and Abbey. This time she wanted everyone she loved there. That would be Toby’s gift to her.

"Alright, as long as it's him you plan on torturing and not me," Toby grumbled as he felt her lips around his fingers. "I think our wedding planning should be moved to the bedroom, don't you?"

"And here I thought this was honeymoon planning..."

"I'll just show up, okay?"

“CJ, were you supposed to be having lunch with Toby?” Carol yelled, her head appearing around the door frame.

“Say it louder, I don’t think Josh quite heard you.”

“I did,” Josh grinned, walking through the door and flopping onto the couch.

CJ pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and sighed. “I’m so glad you found time in your busy schedule to come visit.” She returned her attention to Carol. “Toby can’t make it?”

Carol grinned, “Yeah, he wants you to meet him.”

“Where?”

“At the Constitutional Reflecting Pool in twenty minutes.”

Josh leaned forward, his legs wide apart and his face set in a permanent smirk. “How romantic. Something you wanna share, Claudia Jean?”

Her death glare failed to have any effect.

“Maybe you should go,” Carol prompted. “It’ll take you at least ten minutes to get there and who knows how long if you get stopped by a reporter before you leave the West Wing.”

CJ nodded, picking up her purse and heading for the door. She stopped in front of Josh and gave him her sweetest smile before hitting him upside the head.

“Hey,” he grumbled, jumping to his feet and following her. “You sure you’re okay to walk over there on your own?”

“What?”

“I can walk you over,” Josh offered, shyly. He knew he was being overprotective but since the stalker, he couldn’t seem to help it.

CJ spun around and appraised him carefully. “Joshua, you don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine. Besides Toby’ll be there.” It slid so easily off her tongue that it didn’t even register what she’d said, how much she‘d come to accept his constant presence.

Josh caught the look in her eye and grinned. He was right, he knew it, they were doing the horizontal lambada. He bounced off to tell Donna, then he needed to find Sam, and of course Leo.

******

CJ arrived at the Reflecting Pool and glanced towards the Memorial, suddenly realizing she didn’t know where exactly he would be. Her hand went to her cell phone before she heard her name being called. Turning slowly, she saw him.

Toby sat about forty feet away, a large blanket laid out beneath him.

She cocked her head and took lengthy strides towards him. “Toby, there are trees, there’s grass, birds singing.“ She waved her arms.

“Yeah, well I’m not making a habit of it,” he growled, patting the blanket beside him.

“And you brought food.”

He shrugged as he opened the bag and extracted two bottles of water and various wrapped packages.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my Toby?” she asked, settling herself beside him.

As he unscrewed the cap on a bottle and handed it to her, the corners of his mouth upturned in the knowledge that she had described him as her Toby. “I spoke to your Dad this morning.”

“Oh?”

“I also called Brian,” he added, his hand slipping into his jacket as he gazed up at her beneath hooded lids.

CJ took a sip of water and stared at him over the bottle’s rim. “Toby?”

The ring box slid from his grasp as his fingers became slick, shaking in trepidation. He grabbed it again and pulled it from his pocket. Taking a deep breath he practically whispered, “I thought if we were going to do this, we should do it properly. So, I asked for their permission to marry you. Thankfully, they said yes.” The relief was obvious from his weak smile.

“Oh my god,” she cried, as he outstretched his palm to reveal the tiny green box. “Is that what I think it is?”

He nodded. “But if you don’t like it…”

Standing the bottle on the ground, CJ ‘s hand reached out for the box before pulling back.

“Open it.”

“I think you’re suppose to do that.”

Toby lifted the lid and the sun’s rays picked up the diamonds. He smiled as he saw the first tear form in her eyes. Gently, he took her hand and held it in his own. “You want me to put it on?”

“I don’t think it would suit you,” she teased, locking eyes with his.

“Okay for that, I might not give it to you,” he retorted.

“Well, I’m all for getting it and often, but don’t you think it’s a little public here.”

Toby rolled his eyes. Carefully, he removed the gold band from the green velvet and slid it onto her finger before lifting her hand to his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, Toby.”

“I TOLD YOU.”

CJ and Toby turned sharply towards a small clump of trees, catching sight of an unruly mop of hair as it tried to disappear behind a tree.

“Josh!” they said together.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here,” he grinned, stepping out and walking over.

CJ rolled her eyes, “And the rest of you.”

Sam appeared, followed by Donna and Carol. Finally, Leo straightened up and headed towards them. “I was on my way to. . .”

“Yeah, sure you were,” Toby grumbled, seeing his perfect romantic moment slipping away.

"No, really. I had a meeting on the Hill, but these stooges dragged me over here to... you know, visit," Leo explained, looking between the two of them and grinning. Sitting there, hand in hand, they looked totally in-tune with each other,. But as happy as he was for them, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

"You mean spy, right?" CJ teased.

"We were not spying!" Donna argued, acting offended. The truth was they all wanted to know how far the relationship had developed. The assistants had started a little betting pool, and Donna had bet her money on what she lovingly referred to as "pre-public displays of affection but post sex".

Although they knew that it would be impossible to prove for certain, Carol and Bonnie had assured the others that they could determine the stage just by watching their bosses, and thus everyone was taking a greater interest in the couple‘s life than they ordinarily would.

"So, what would you call it?" Toby growled, picking at the fabric beneath him and wishing that they would all just go away.

"Observing," Josh offered before Donna's hand came up and smacked him upside of his head.

"Passing by," Donna smiled sweetly.

An awkwardness engulfed the group as everyone tried to think of something innocuous to say next.

Toby and CJ exchanged glances, before looking at their friends again, and then at the ring that he had just placed on her finger.

Outstretching her hand to her friends, she took Toby’s with her other and waited for

the realization to hit.

“You’re engaged?“ Josh whined. “And you didn’t tell us?“

“Josh? Picnic? Ring box? Romantic interlude?” Leo shook his head in disbelief. “Do I need to hire a new Deputy for our second term, because I’m starting to notice a trend for you being pretty thick.“

“Leo!“ Josh exclaimed indignantly.

“Guys, knock it off. This is Toby and CJ’s big moment and you’re ruining it for them.” Donna hissed, appraising the ring dreamily

“Thanks Donna, because I was starting to wonder if we even exist anymore. I mean if you don’t need us, there are other things we could be doing,“ CJ teased.

“That’s an image I really don’t need!“ Sam’s cheeks tinged pink as he spoke, images of two of his closest friends flooding his mind.

“Spanky! I meant planning the wedding.” CJ leaned over, and after a moment’s hesitation, kissed Toby softly on the lips.

A soft cooing sound emanated from the group, and they looked at each other before realizing it came from Josh. Everyone laughed wholeheartedly.

It wasn’t quite how Toby had planned to propose or announce his engagement but having his friends there seemed somehow fitting.

“I think we should be leaving now,” Carol said as she grabbed Donna by the hand. “Don’t hurry back.” She winked at Toby conspiratorially. “We‘ll start discussing your wedding plans later.”

“What is it with women?” Josh pondered, unintentionally, out loud. He rarely could stop himself from saying what was on his mind, and this was no exception. “I mean, they’ve been engaged for all of five minutes, and you guys are already planning the wedding?“

“Yes Josh, you caught us! We spend our entire lives dreaming about our wedding day, only to drag our best friends along for what can only be described as the darkest hell you will ever know in this realm, the torturous wedding planning.“

“You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?“

“No, Josh, she’s serious,“ Toby offered, watching his fiancee string their friend along. His fiancee. He kept saying the word in his mind over and over again as he watched her torment Josh.

“I’m just saying, it’s not as if you’re getting married tomorrow. Choosing bridesmaids and colors can be left a little while.“ Josh said, avoiding the glare Donna was giving him. Sooner or later he was going to pay for saying that.

“I’ve already chosen my bridesmaids and the colors, silly.“ CJ rubbed her hand over Toby’s thigh as she innocently looked up at Josh.

“Really?“

Everyone else backed up a few feet, anticipating some form of trick from CJ and watching as Josh took the bait.

“Yeah.”

“Who?“

“I wasn’t planning on doing this until a more appropriate time, but . . . “ CJ waved her hand and gave him a patently false smile. “Josh, would you stand up for me? It would require you to wear seafoam green taffeta, but I think that’s a fair sacrifice to ask you to make.”

The crowd erupted into laughter.

“Okay, we’re really leaving now. I think that I’ve had enough abuse for one day.” Josh winced as Donna once again smacked him.

Offering their goodbyes, the crowd quickly dispersed.

The two assistants trailed behind the senior staffers. As they walked, Carol pointed out that the kiss earlier was definitely beyond pre-pda, and that her prediction of pre-marriage would be more accurate.

Donna called ahead to her boss, trying to decide the best way to approach the delicate topic of the bet she’d placed for him, and the money he’d lost.

******

Within a matter of hours, the news of Toby and CJ’s engagement had spread through the West Wing grapevine.

As the weeks progressed and the election won, attention moved to the wedding.

Magazines called everyday asking for exclusives, and CJ kept refusing, citing that her wedding would be a personal event, and that anything they chose to release to the media would be done on her terms. She planned to find a suitably disinterested form of media to use as a method of sharing her wedding with the American public.

A week before the wedding, Toby sat in his office, trying to clear the last papers on his desk.

A man with a video camera sat beside him, while a woman hastily wrote notes on her notepad, her questions becoming more personal as the interview progressed.

“You’re not going to do one of those horrid voice overs, are you? I mean, I watched this episode of a couple that were getting married in a military barracks and you guys did this announcing thing.“ Toby stopped himself. “I guess I can’t hold it against you though, because were it not for your show, CJ and I would still be laying our couch, fighting over whether or not sitcoms were superior to baseball. I would eventually win, though, of course.“ Toby offered an unusually warm smile and watched the red light go off.

The End