*~*~*~*

Her eyes widened and she stared at him. “You’re telling me to leave?”

“Yeah.” It was for the best. She had a life to live, which, he had decided in one of his many moments of consciousness, she wasn’t going to do at the farm. “It’s time.”

CJ stared at him, too stunned to speak.

*~*~*~*

“CJ,” he started softly, folding his hands against the bed sheets. He wanted to touch her, to tell her the truth, but he had to let her go. “You knew there would come a time.”

Picking up her purse, she gave him a fleeting look, before she walked purposefully towards the door. “Goodbye, Jed.” The door closed firmly behind her.

Jed lowered his head to his hands and tried to shake off the feeling he had lost more than her presence in his life, he had lost her respect and her love too.

CJ flagged a cab and headed to the hotel. She couldn’t believe it, one minute he was practically declaring his love, the next telling her to leave.

*~*~*~*

The hotel lobby was empty when CJ entered, too early for the coffee drinkers. She debated going straight to her room and packing her bag, but she heard a familiar voice in the dining room.

Leo saw her first, his face betraying his concern. “CJ, is it Jed?”

She shook her head and strode across the room, stretching herself to her full height, coming to a halt behind Toby. “You and I need to talk.”

“Whoa, Toby’s in trouble,” Josh chortled, earning him a slap from Donna. “Ow.”

“CJ,” Toby said with a sigh.

“Where the hell do you get off?” she snapped, bearing down on him. “Jed came out of surgery two days ago. His blood pressure was 220 over 120 after you left.”

“Toby, what did you do?” Margaret asked incredulous.

He rolled his eyes. “Jed and I had a conversation.”

Leo groaned and rubbed one hand across his face. “A conversation or an altercation?”

“We talked. I asked him a few questions and left.”

CJ growled, her hands clasping and unclasping at her sides. “It’s my life, Toby. It’s time you realized that.”

“Please tell me, you didn’t, honey,” Margaret pleaded. “Oh for the love of. . . “

“Come on kids, let’s go and watch the cartoons,” Donna suggested, glaring at Toby and nudging Josh. “Josh will order more pancakes.” She’d been witness to enough of their spats to know that it was going to ugly and she didn’t want to see the children scarred for life.

Ellie rose from her chair and picked up Emma. “We’ll come too.” She had a good idea what was going on, and it was one conversation she didn’t think she should get involved in. “I haven’t seen Scooby Doo in days.”

Donna waited until the Ziegler triplets were on their feet before she followed them out of the room, dragging a pouting Josh behind her.

Sam folded his arms across his chest and looked between the remaining occupants.

“I did it for your own good,” Toby mumbled, staring at his scrambled eggs.

“Did what?” CJ shouted, stamping her feet and waving her hands through the air.

“Tell her what you did, Toby,” Margaret ordered, her eyes narrowing.

Toby rubbed his eyes with his hands and focused on Sam. It wasn’t looking promising. Jed was mad at him, as were Donna, CJ and now his wife.

“TOBY!”

His head shot up at CJ’s bellowing of his name. “I told him he was, well, holding you back. He can’t expect you to stay forever, CJ.”

The room went silent. The five of them the only occupants. Leo moved his chair closer to Sam’s and waited. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Where the hell do you get off?” CJ shouted, slamming her fist on the table at the exact moment Margaret slapped her husband hard across the back of his head.

“I warned you,” Margaret started. “I told you what would happen if you stuck your nose in, but no, you never listen. You’re as bad as Leo.”

“Hey, leave me out of this,” Leo groaned.

“Okay,” CJ snarked. “Okay. So you go to the hospital to sit with a man who’s had major surgery, who’s supposed to be resting, and you take it upon yourself to start an argument. And in this little tete-a-tete, what happens? You warn him off? Threaten him with bodily harm?” She chuckled coldly. “Nah, not your style. You reasoned with him? Please, for the love of God, tell me you didn’t bring Abbey into it.”

Toby rubbed the back of his head and mumbled something incoherent.

“Jesus, Toby. No wonder his blood pressure is up.” She shook her head and began to walk around the table, her explanations punctuated with her hands. “Let’s see. You told him about the job offers. Told him how I was wasting my talents. And of course Stanley. Never did understand why you approved of him so much. Think I needed a permanent shrink?”

Sam took a sharp intake of breath and looked frantically at Leo to intervene.

Leo had more sense.

CJ continued unabated. “What was it, Toby? Jealousy?”

Toby rose to his feet and tried to bear her down. “Take a good look at yourself, CJ. You stopped living. He’s using you as a substitute for his dead wife in. . .” he trailed off as her hand collided with his cheek.

“Keep the hell out of my life from now on, Toby,” she spat, turning on her heel and walking towards the door. She paused and turned to face him once more. “Did it ever occur to you that for the first time in my life I was happy?” Her heels clicked on the wooden floor boards as she headed for the elevator.

Toby had to admit that thought hadn’t crossed his mind.

Holding back tears, CJ unlocked the bedroom door and pulled her case from under the bed. She had hastily packed a bag when Jed was taken ill, throwing in little more than the bare essentials. Now she threw them back in the case.

Jed had told her to leave, so leave she would. The farm wasn’t that far away, she could be home and packed in a matter of hours. By the time he left the hospital she’d be on the other side of the country.

CJ scrunched another sweater up and tossed it into the case. Obviously Jed wasn’t ready to move on. He had told her that he was ready to explore whatever the hell it was between them. Then Toby interfered and suddenly he doesn’t need her anymore. Actually that was pissing her off more than the not loving her, or even Toby’s actions, the fact Jed didn’t need her anymore. To hell with the fact she needed him.

She slammed the lid shut and picked the case up off the bed as someone knocked on the door.

“Yeah.”

“It’s Margaret.”

“There’s no point apologizing for him,” CJ called, making her way slowly towards the door.

“What can I say? My husband is a first class jackass,” she replied. “I thought, honestly that I’d retrained him well, but obviously not well enough.” Her voice lifted as she smiled. “Can I come in?”

There was no point saying no, CJ concluded, Margaret would stay until she changed her mind. With a begrudging sigh, CJ opened the door and waved her hand. “Come in.”

Margaret crossed and dropped onto the bed, her eyebrow rising at the sight of the case. “You’re checking out?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t do this because of Toby,” Margaret said softly. “He never meant to hurt you. Hell, he loves you. It’s just. . .he’s a passionate man. . .when he feels someone is being treated unfairly, he wants to help. You know what he’s like when he gets an idea in his head.”

CJ knew only too well, from experience. “He overstepped the mark. But that’s not why I’m leaving,” CJ explained, lowering the case to the floor. “Jed doesn’t want me at the farm anymore.”

“Really?” Margaret asked, her voice betraying her incredulity. “And you’re just going to leave? You aren’t going to ask what changed? Or whether he’s having a belated mid-life crisis? Which, I might add, Leo had in his fifties, and Toby seems to be embarking on now. Come on, CJ.”

“What’s the point?” CJ groaned, sinking onto the bed beside Margaret. “If Jed can’t stand by his feelings with Toby, how the hell is he going to manage with Ellie, or Josh?”

“How long have you been in love with him?”

CJ shook her head and clenched her fists, fighting tears. “With who?”

“Josh.” Margaret groaned, smiling. “Jed, of course. It‘s written all over your face, I‘m surprised no one‘s called you on it. Ah, but then the spin boys were never very observant.”

“You think I should talk to him?” CJ asked, ignoring Margaret’s observations. “What should I say?”

Margaret bobbed her head, “You’re CJ Cregg, I’m sure you’ll think of something.” She rose to her feet and walked towards the door. “Or you could try the direct approach and just kiss him.”

CJ watched her go, shaking her head. She wouldn’t resort to kissing him but she would talk to him. Give him one more chance to change his mind.

*~*~*~*

The agent on the door gave her a curt nod and went back to checking out the corridor.

“Can you make sure no one comes in, please?” CJ asked quietly, peaking through the glass panel.

He nodded again. “Yes, Ma’am.”

CJ took a deep breath, licked her lips and pushed the door open.

“CJ?” Jed called, his face barely masking his surprise.

“I’m going to say my piece and I want to do it without you interrupting and cracking jokes,” she stated, perching on the edge of his bed. “I thought about what you said.”

He stared at the bottom of the bed.

“That is, what you said last night. Let me see, you told me you didn’t want me to leave.” She waved a hand through the air between them. “Something about my staying helping you. See, I got the impression that you needed me. Hence my confusion this morning. But that’s fine.”

Jed opened his mouth to speak but she gave him a rather frightening interpretation of her death stare and he closed it again.

“I can understand why you wouldn’t want me to think you need me. Men are a little prone to macho shows of independence.” She smiled weakly. “So let’s move on. I distinctly heard you say you cared about me.” She’d purposefully forgotten about the love word. Toby loved her too and he seemed intent on hurting her. “Of course, you care, we’re one big happy family, okay not so much happy as dysfunctional. But the thing that really confuses me, or rather I don’t understand, is the bit about not wanting to live your life without me. See, that would suggest that having me as near as possible would be the best thing not sending me away.” She stood up. Her heels clicked on the floor as she paced up and down at the foot of the bed.

“CJ!” It was the first word he’d managed to say in minutes and she seemed not to hear him. He had made a decision based on what was best for her. The fact it was the opposite of what he wanted, needed, was beside the point.

She stopped pacing at the window and turned to stare at him, trying to read his face, memorize his features. “But obviously, my leaving is what you really want. . .,” she trailed off, desperately hoping he’d beg her not to go.

Jed closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drafting what he wanted to say.

“Okay, so I’ll leave. I’m sure Ellie or Zoey will stick around while you’re in here, and afterwards there are some good housekeepers about.” Slowly she crossed to the bed. “It’s been a wonderful two years, Jed. Take care of yourself,” CJ whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead, before turning and walking away. She wouldn’t look back, she didn’t want him to know how close she was to tears, how one word would have her running into his arms.

The door closed with a thud.

Jed opened his eyes to an empty room, seeing a metaphor for his life. He’d let her walk out the door without argument. If he knew CJ as well as he thought he did, she wouldn’t be coming back on her own.

The End

*~*~*~*