Title: Talk and Realisations
Series: Abstinence Plus
Follows: When you need Someone
Somewhere, Something
From Here to Eternity
Spoilers: Post Ep for war at Home/Third State of The Union so anything up to then
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: CJ and Jed aren’t mine, I always put them back when I’ve finished.
Talk and Realisations
The State of the Union had been the speech of his political life, that’s what everyone said; except they didn’t see the price he paid for giving it.
Abbey was pissed at him, not that that in itself was unusual these days. This time it was because he changed the speech and more so because she felt he was breaking their deal.
Hell three years ago he didn’t realise what the job meant and to be honest he hadn‘t expected to win. Then he met these people-Toby, Sam, Josh and CJ- now he owed them everything and he wanted to run again, for them and to finish what he started. If only things were as black and white as breaking a deal. Then there was re-election, it was obvious now, he supposed it had been since Toby handed him the draft. Leo and Toby were pushing him forward, distancing themselves from a campaign mentality until they thought he was ready to be told. Everyone expected him to run, which wasn’t unsurprising since they had no reason to think he’d do anything else.
He wondered how long it would be before Hoynes came to him and asked what was going on, more so he questioned what his answer would be. Of course if they all knew the truth his political life would be a short one.
Then there was CJ, this thing between them was out of character, against everything he believed in but still he couldn’t ignore that there was something there; a need to have something of his own maybe, something private from the rest of the world. Lying back on the candy striped sofa he closed his eyes and tried to put logic to his thoughts.
CJ sat in her office, reading through the transcripts of the day, coming up with alternative answers to the questions. Everyone had wanted to ask about Colombia, the unspoken question being how close had he come to going to war. She wondered herself. She knew where he would be, still in his office, trying to come to terms with the events of the day before he went to bed alone. Abbey had gone on her trip, mad at him and had even gone so far as to hint it was more than the speech. CJ hadn’t pressed the issue; it was hard enough to talk to her knowing that she was betraying her, without trying to play marriage counsellor. Besides it could be anything from him forgetting an anniversary to not telling her he felt unwell. In the campaign they had enjoyed endless hours of girl talk, of matchmaking and drinking sessions, now all that was history. There were times like these she had to remind herself she was friends with both of them.
CJ looked at her watch and made a decision, standing she took the short walk through the corridor to the Oval Office.
Charlie was gone and the door was closed.
Pasting a smile on her face she knocked lightly.
Jed opened his eyes at the sound of someone knocking on the door and smiled weakly as CJ appeared around the door.
‘Mr President, I’m sorry to disturb you. Charlie was away from his desk.’
Jed sat up and slipped his shoes back on, ‘What did you need, CJ?’
CJ smiled, ‘I thought, well I, you normally come to me, do you want to talk?’ she finished apprehensively.
‘Claudia Jean, go home.’
She shifted her stance and bobbed her head, ‘I’m sorry, goodnight.’ As she reached for the door handle he stopped her, his voice full of regret.
‘Just talk.’
‘Of course Sir,’ she said moving to perch on the couch opposite.
‘Here,’ he said patting the space next to him. She sat as he reached for her hand and placed it flat on the chair. His hand lay beside it barely touching.
‘So what’s this I hear about you not wearing pants on television?’ he asked.
CJ lowered her head, ‘The bench in the sculpture garden was wet, seems I missed the sign, or maybe I was supposed to.’
‘Shame I missed you in a bathrobe, Ainsley was quite a sight.’
A chuckle passed between them, ‘I heard about that. Mark thought perhaps his ratings would go up a few points.’
He smiled faintly and rubbed her knuckles, ‘And you thought I warranted a 14 out of ten for performance.’
‘I meant the speech,’ she said softly. ‘You come across well.’
He shook his head, ‘With everyone apart from Abigail it seems.’
‘Ah, Toby wasn’t quite sure what she didn’t like.’
‘We dropped some things, the language changed, she feels as though she’s being kept out of the loop.’
He waited and when she didn’t say anything he continued to caress her hands, ‘I thought we’d gotten past that.’
‘Abbey has strong beliefs,’ CJ replied, trying to change the subject. This wasn’t the time to tell him how hard it was being part of the boys club, that in the midst of trying to include her Josh and Leo made her feel isolated. ‘Violence against women is important to her, it should be to everyone. I don’t suppose Medicare being moved helped, especially when school uniforms got bumped.’
‘You’ve spoken to her,’ he surmised leaning forward and folding his hands.
‘In passing. At the reception briefly.’ CJ waited half a beat before continuing. ‘If it’s any consolation there’s something more to all this than just what was dropped.’
He nods inceptively, knowing just how much more is bothering Abbey. And that is where the impossibility of their friendship, if that’s what it is, becomes apparent. Because she works for him he cannot discuss what the problem is and due to his attraction to her he doesn’t want to discuss his marriage problems. In that second he realises something else he hasn’t thought about before. When they leave office or when he becomes ill, CJ will have to be told the truth, the nature of his illness, in the firm knowledge that she will always be in his life. When that time comes he can’t be the one to tell her, he remembers the look on Abbey’s face when she found out, the tears welling in Leo‘s eyes and deep down he doesn‘t want to see the look of fear in CJ‘s eyes. The others he can deal with, but CJ will need so much more than the truth and reassurance.
‘…So you went to Dover.’
He looks up and realises she has been talking to him, ‘Sorry?’
‘Leo mentioned you went to Dover.’
Jed nodded and lowered his eyes, ‘Yeah. When the pictures from Vietnam were printed I remember feeling sadness but what I didn’t realise was that the camera hid so much more. Standing there, watching the bodies come off the plane I can’t describe how desolate I felt. And determined, that as long as I am here there won’t be another Vietnam.’
CJ was squeezing his hand as he felt the unshed tears in his eyes.
‘There were nine bodies.’
‘It could have been a lot more. You finished it quickly and quietly,’ she barely whispered.
‘Santos released Aquilar,’ he remarked offhandedly.
‘But you took your finger off the trigger. Mr President, other men would have taken us into combat, thousands would have died, and their cause would have become front and centre on the world stage. This way they get what they want and so do we. Five men who could have been tortured and killed are alive, and Aquilar can be caught again.’
He shook his head, ‘It isn’t that simple.’
‘No, it’s not, and I can’t go into the depths of it, for that you need Leo, or Nancy, but as an American citizen I’m grateful we’re not sending men off to combat.’ CJ covered his hand with her own.
‘What happened about the police officer?’ he asked turning to look at her. As he watched her face CJ took a deep breath and he could see her calming herself down and moving on. That’s what he admired about her, the way she could compartmentalize things and still do what was needed. Even when everyone was throwing the worst at her she focused and the job got done. He still let himself get carried away, and needed Leo to pull him back.
‘It kinda got knocked off the headlines by other things. He did the breakfast shows yesterday and came across really well. I believe him, but it’s not what happened that matters it’s how it was perceived. He was a scapegoat in a world where everyone has to have a scapegoat.’ She sighed, ‘You should phone Abbey and tell her goodnight.’
‘Yeah,’ he groaned and moved his hand away, signalling the moment was over,
‘CJ, thanks for dropping by, for listening. I’m sorry I’m not better company.’
CJ knows what he meant, but that isn’t what she came for tonight. She needs him to know despite position and circumstance there is more to them than him making her feel better. Somewhere in the midst of everything she still wants to be the friend of the former Governor of New Hampshire, who plied her with wine after the California Primary, drove her crazy with inappropriate jokes at inappropriate moments and the man she has more than a little crush on.
‘Sir, my door is always open,’ she whispers, hoping the rumours about the Oval Office being bugged aren’t true. ‘I’d better go. If there’s nothing else Sir.’
Jed stands as she goes to leave, ‘Goodnight Claudia Jean.’
He watches as she turns, tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear, and the heavy door closes behind her. Jed moves back to his desk, grabs his jacket and hoists it over his head, picks up his briefcase and heads on to the portico. Walking to the Residence he thinks about CJ, of the relationship that seems to be developing and wonders briefly if they will still have any sort of relationship when she knows the truth.
The End
And The Walls Came Tumbling Down