Jed opened his eyes to an empty room, seeing a metaphor for his life. He'd let her walk out the door without argument. If he knew CJ as well as he thought he did, she wouldn't be coming back on her own.

*~*~*~*

From the moment Abbey died, the farm had been filled with people, first his daughters, then his friends until eventually there was just him and CJ.

Two years later it was empty, much like his life.

Jed had discharged himself from the hospital on Friday afternoon, much to the chagrin of his daughters and Leo. Sam, Ellie and Emma had spent the weekend with him, making sure he took his medication and didn’t try to do too much. Not that he had much to do, anyway. The staff took care of the farm, his friends all had families of their own to take care of and CJ was on the other side of the country.

It was only when Sam and Ellie left that he realized he was really alone for the first time in his life. Later as he wandered from room to room, it became clear just how much CJ’s personality had filled the house, if only for a brief time, making it a home again.

The first thing he had noticed when he arrived home from the hospital was her perfume, the light floral scent drifting through the air. Within a few days it had disappeared, along with the rest of her belongings, making her absence seem even more permanent.

On the fourth day he had worked up the courage to enter her former room. The bed was made up in the deep blue sheets she liked, fresh towels in her tiny bathroom. If her clothes hadn’t gone, he could have believed she was still there. Jed had left, closing the door behind him and vowing never to go in there again. He couldn’t bear to stay there, knowing that she wasn’t coming back.

At night Jed settled himself in front of the fireplace, reading and wondering what she was doing. He took little comfort in knowing where she was when all he wanted was for her to be there with him.

As much as he hated to admit it, or draw comparisons, CJ leaving was like Abbey dying all over again. She had created another void in his life that no one could feel. He’d finally decided that he was ready to move on after Abbey’s death, and now it had become glaringly obvious that he wasn’t ready to move on with just anyone.

As one month turned into two he had tried to call CJ. The first time he got her machine, the second a strange female voice had answered and offered to take a message. The next time he called, her secretary told him CJ didn’t want to talk to him. He hadn’t tried again. She was obviously avoiding him and he didn’t want to push her, instead he relied on intermediaries.

Leo had spoken to her, that much he knew. She had phoned for a reference and he had given her a glowing one. They had talked little about why she’d left, discussing instead her new career and her new life.

Naturally, the sisterhood kept in touch with CJ. What was actually said in the hour long phone calls was a closely guarded secret. He’d pressed both Carol and Margaret, but had been told that she was fine, in a tone that dared him to ask again.

Toby was sulking. CJ wanted no more to do with her oldest friend than with Jed himself. Not that Jed was talking to him much either, and when they did speak on the phone, it was strained.

So other than the fact CJ was in California, working on a campaign, he knew little about her whereabouts.

In the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep, he’d sit on her bed, because it would always be her bed and her room, and think about what could have been. He had said he loved her because it seemed the right thing to say, then he had told her to leave because it was the best thing for her. Wanting the best thing for her, loving her, he had later deduced to be the same thing. Whether he had loved her then or whether it was due to her absence - absence making the heart grow fonder and all that - he wasn’t sure, but he knew now he loved her, and wanted her back.

Of course wanting her back and getting her to come back were two very different things. Toby was going to be no use, and flying across the country wasn’t exactly practical. He would have to rely on the sisterhood, and hope that at least one of them still believed in the course of true love. Jed knew exactly who to ask.

*~*~*~*

CJ slipped on a pair of clean shorts and pulled a tank top over her head.

Picking up the mail from the mat, she opened the French doors and made her way out onto the balcony.

It had been a spur of the moment decision to return to California. After a few days at her fathers in Ohio she had stayed with a girlfriend in L.A. while she tried to find a job and somewhere to live. Luckily her name gave her credibility, a gubernatorial campaign and an apartment on the beach.

For the last four months she had done little more than throw herself into work and try to forget about Jed. Her plan wasn’t working all that well.

A simple white envelope caught her attention and she turned it over in her hands before slitting it open. Donna’s unique penmanship stared back at her.

Josh and Donna were getting married after what had to be the longest courtship in history. They were finally going to make it legal. That, she suspected was Jed’s doing. He was the perpetual romantic, wanting everyone he knew to be happy. Except maybe himself, she conceded.

Her eyes flittered over the writing, before she stopped to read it again.

“Josh and Donna request the pleasure of CJ Cregg on the occasion of their wedding. . . to be held at The Bartlet Family Farm. . .” CJ stopped reading. She couldn’t believe they would do that. Then again, she decided, it was predictable. There were very few secrets in their family and Josh, being Josh, would want to fix things. Getting married at the farm and making sure CJ and Jed were both there, would seem the logical way to put everything right.

Except CJ wasn’t sure if it would in fact make everything ten times worse. It was bad enough that she’d have to face Toby at the wedding, without having to return to the one place she had been happiest and face Jed with everyone looking on. It was simple, she’d phone Josh and tell him that she was tied up with work.

Josh’s cell rang for what seemed like an eternity before CJ heard the familiar click. The voice on the other end was not however the one she wanted.

“Josh Lyman’s phone,” Donna said, her happiness all too apparent in her voice.

“It’s CJ.”

Donna fixed her game face in place and sat up straighter in her seat. She knew exactly what was coming but she also knew that taking no for an answer wasn’t an option. “How’s California? The job?”

“I can’t come to the wedding, Donna,” CJ said flatly.

“Sure you can. I had Josh check out the flights. You could be here and back in three days. We’ve booked the hotel down town for everyone.”

“You’ve thought of everything.”

“Of course. I’ve had the best help,” she chuckled. “Between Margaret, Carol and myself we’ve pulled this wedding together in six weeks. No chance for Josh to change his mind.”

CJ laughed then stopped abruptly. “Donna.”

“Don’t you dare stay away. You’re the closest thing Josh has to a sister and however mad you are at Toby and Jed, don’t take it out on him,” Donna snapped. “He loves you, I love you, hell we all do. I’m getting married in three weeks and you’d better be there.”

“I. . .”

Donna burst into tears. It was a trick she had developed over the years to get Josh to do as she wanted. It worked pretty well on everyone else too. “Well, if you aren’t going to be there, we might as well not have a wedding.”

“Oh hell,” CJ groaned. Blackmail. “Look I’ll come, okay. Just don’t cry.”

“Thank you,” Donna sobbed.

CJ returned the phone to its cradle and shook her head. She had just been worked over, and by sweet little Donna too. She was definitely losing her touch. Going back, seeing him and feeling the way she did, was going to be hard but her friends would be there, and she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life avoiding her friends. No, she had to go. Surely she could be in the same room as Jed and not fall apart.

*~*~*~*

There was a lot to be said, CJ concluded, for taking a night flight. The plane had landed in Manchester an hour ago, leaving her two hours to check in at the hotel, get changed and find a ride to the Farm. Which meant little time to bump into someone she didn’t want to see, or change her mind and get the next flight back to L.A.

CJ finished dressing and took one more look in the mirror. She briefly wondered when she’d become so old, or mature as Leo was so fond of saying. Her hair was greying at the temples, the taffy color now streaked and her face was starting to show years of wear and tear. On the plus side, the dress was as sexy and provocative as she had ever worn. Black, because well black hid the figure well, covered in bright colored flowers. The ankle length skirt was split to mid thigh so every time she turned, another expanse of tanned flesh was revealed. The fitted bodice did wonders for what little cleavage she had. Nothing wrong with showing him what he was missing, she’d decided in a moment of weakness in the Department store. All she had to do now, was find Carol and get to the wedding.

She grabbed her purse and headed for the Lobby.

“Ben, be careful, you’re going to trip. . .” Leo called as CJ walked into the toddler and floundered. Leo crossed the lobby and grabbed CJ before she hit the ground. Once they were upright and he had Ben in his arms, Leo grinned, “Well, hello Claudia Jean.”

“Hey.“ She dusted herself off. “It could have been worse, we could have been near water.”

“Better not mention the water feature Donna’s had installed for the wedding then,“ Carol laughed, arriving and hugging her former boss. “We’re going to be late.” The latter was directed at her husband and he nodded his agreement.

Twenty minutes later they were taking their seats on the lawn in front of the main house.

The theme of the wedding, CJ decided, was couples, that or happy families. Not that she felt in the least bit awkward or anything.

Sam was Best man, which was an obvious choice considering the numerous scrapes they had gotten each other in, and out of. Ellie was sitting in the row behind him, with Eggs on her lap. The poor child had acquired the nickname from Josh thanks to the rather unfortunately set of initials she’d been born with. It had stuck. Every few moments Sam would turn in his seat, give Ellie a wide smile and ruffle his daughter’s hair. It was either sickening or sweet, CJ couldn‘t decide which. The lawyer, or should she say future senator, and the doctor looked very much in love, which considering the past few years was a blessing. Months of counselling and Abbey’s death had finally brought them back together. Moving to New Hampshire seemed to have settled their differences once and for all. They were even tentatively discussing another baby.

Carol and Leo were sitting in the pew behind CJ, grinning inanely, their children bouncing up and down on their laps. Retirement was definitely to Leo’s taste. He looked younger and fitter than CJ had seen in years. Being a stay-at-home mom was doing wonders for Carol too. They were the perfect little family, not that they didn’t deserve it.

The other former assistants and Bartlet daughters were scattered about with their partners and children, adding to CJ’s misery.

Her eyes finally settled on Toby and Margaret. Margaret had smiled at her when she’d arrived but Toby had remained tight lipped and refused to turn to face her. Not that CJ had much to say to him. She wasn’t anywhere as mad at him as she had been when she left, but she couldn’t forgive him for his interference, at least not yet. At least Toby and Margaret seemed to have worked through their earlier difficulties, if the loving looks were anything to go by. They were financially secure at last. Toby was on his third book while Margaret was practically running the Admiral’s office, or the whole OEOB, depending on who CJ spoke to. The triplets sat on the floor, cross-legged. Now six, they looked like mini versions of their parents with mischievous glints in their eyes that told CJ that she should keep out of their way later.

In all, CJ felt like the only single person there, well except Jed and she still had yet to see him. He was somewhere inside with Donna, giving her the pep talk no doubt, the one he had bestowed on each couple as they married, and telling stories about his own wedding day

CJ placed a hand on her stomach, hoping the butterflies would settle soon. She had no reason to be nervous, after all she wasn’t the one getting married.

Josh was alternating between shuffling and bouncing. His hand ran through his receding hair for the third time in as many minutes and he looked back nervously at the house. He loved Donna, that much everyone knew, but his fear of commitment had taken a sudden resurgence. From what Carol had said in the car, Toby and Sam had been required to practically sedate him the night before to calm him down.

CJ chuckled as Sam pulled him back into a seat and whispered something into his ear.

The music started and everyone rose to their feet as Donna appeared on the steps.

CJ’s eyes drifted from the tall, and dare she say it, pregnant, Donna, to the man beside her.

Jed looked well, clinging to Donna’s arm and smiling. His eyes were scanning the congregation and it didn’t take much deducing to figure out who he was looking for. Eventually his eyes found CJ and he took a sharp intake of breath.

CJ looked away briefly but when she looked back he was still staring at her, his blue eyes piercing. A shiver ran down her spine as he passed her and continued to the front, forced to finally break eye contact.

Josh looked at Donna. Donna looked at Josh and the rest of the guests might as well have been engaging in an orgy. Which, by the way certain parties were looking at each other, wasn’t so far from the truth.

The service took twenty minutes before the justice informed Josh he could kiss the bride. The bride kissed, thoroughly kissed, the guests set about celebrating.

As the canapés and champagne circulated, CJ found Josh and Donna and gave them both a hug, her eyes automatically drawn to the obvious bulge.

“Yes, we’re pregnant,” Josh announced, wrapping his arms around Donna’s waist.

“Well, I thought you’d put on weight, Joshua,” CJ quipped. “Congratulations Donna. Are you sure you can handle two children?”

She tossed her head. “Apparently it all comes down to patience. Actually patience and a firm hand. Carol and Margaret are giving me pointers.”

Josh pretended to look hurt, his eyes focused on something over CJ’s shoulder.

Jed was making his way towards them, a bottle of champagne in one hand, his half full glass in the other.

CJ turned slowly, her stomach in knots. “Jed,” she called a little breathless.

“Your glass is empty.” He filled her glass to the rim and stepped back. “That’s better.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she teased, wondering why after so many months it was so easy to act natural. Or maybe it was because they were in a crowd.

He pretended to ponder her question. “Yes.”

Josh moved his hand to his wife’s back and guided her away. It wasn’t that he wasn’t being tactful, more that he wanted to drag his wife to a quiet corner and show her how much he loved her.

“Okay,” CJ mumbled, lifting the glass to her lips and taking a lengthy sip. “How are you?”

Shrugging, he watched her over the rim of his own drink. “No after effects from the surgery. I’ve gained weight. The MS hasn’t progressed. How have you been?”

“Good.” Her first lie. “Working hard.” Truth. “I have an apartment on the beach.” The one thing about L.A. she actually liked.

“Is your candidate going to win?” Jed asked, scanning the garden and catching Toby staring at him, them. He glared back.

“Probably.” It was becoming awkward, the two of them, standing in the middle of the lawn, people staring at them. “I should go. . .you know?”

Jed nodded. He needed to talk to her, but not here, not with so many eyes on them, not with Toby’s disapproving stare. There was only one thing for it, he would have to get her alone.

*~*~*~*

“Look, I know you don’t want anything to do with Toby. Hell, there are days I don’t either,” Margaret rambled, leading CJ into the house.

CJ raised an eyebrow.

“You try living with a writer, who gets his inspiration at midnight, and then expects to sleep during the day. Anna has gymnastics on Wednesdays, Jake plays softball on Fridays and they all go swimming on Saturday mornings,” Margaret explained. “After Temple naturally.”

“So Toby’s not exactly father of the year?“ CJ asked. “I would have thought you’d have had him trained better than that.”

Margaret bobbed her head. “I’ve tried, believe me, I’ve tried.” She sighed wearily. “Let’s go and talk somewhere.” It wouldn’t hurt her cause for CJ to think her and Toby were having problems.

CJ shrugged. The reception was awkward enough with the practical love feast going on, not to mention the constant questions about her life. Some time away, especially in her old home, wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

They headed up the stairs and Margaret opened the door to what had once been CJ’s room.

CJ hovered, not really sure if she was ready to go in there again. Not really sure, if she should be wandering Jed’s house without permission.

Margaret gave CJ a wide grin and motioned for her to enter first, nudging her slightly.

CJ stepped inside, and the door closed behind her. She jumped and then her eyes adjusted to the dim light in the room.

“I wasn’t sure if I requested your presence, you’d come,” Jed said quietly from his place at the window. “But then my Presidential orders weren’t exactly obeyed that often either.”

CJ tucked her hair behind her ears and stayed where she was. “Yeah, well you have a tendency to change your mind,” she offered dryly.

“Oh, Claudia Jean, you aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?”

At the use of her full name, her eyes widened.

“Do you want to sit down? This may take a while.” Like the rest of your life.

She wanted to argue, just for the sake of arguing, but instead she crossed to the bed and sank into the comforter.

He watched her carefully as she walked across the room. His eyes were drawn to her legs, the teasing glimmer of flesh as she walked. The lustful feelings he’d had for her since the first day he’d met her in New Hampshire hadn’t dwindled. Abbey had often teased him that CJ in a evening gown had the men in DC drooling like babies. It was true, all of it, but his feelings had long gone beyond lust.

“So you have something to say to me?” CJ asked, watching his eyes with a touch of amusement.

“Yes,” he stammered, focusing back on her face.

CJ crossed her legs and waited.

Jed let out a deep breath and wondered how after so many months of preparing what he wanted to say, he was suddenly speechless. He was sure how he felt, what he wanted, but there was too much at stake to mess this up.

The silence continued as they stared at each other.

Finally, CJ sighed and rose to her feet. “Look, I should get back to the reception, so should you.” She started to walk towards the door, carefully counting to ten. If she made it to three he would ask her to stay, six then he would mumble something incoherent, ten and she would be gone, never looking back.

One, two. . .

“I need you,” Jed called quietly at her retreating back.

CJ stopped with her hand on the door handle and turned slowly to face him, taking the time to disguise her all too obvious emotions.

“I love you, I want you in my life. And more importantly, I need you.” There he’d said it. This time he wouldn’t be going back on it.

“Oh.”

“I’d never thought of you as verbally challenged,” Jed quipped, watching her carefully.

“I’m waiting for the punch line.”

He sighed a took a step towards her. “There isn’t a punch line, CJ. I’ve been an idiot.”

CJ allowed the slightest of smiles to light up her face as she watched his hands fidget against his suit jacket and his face raise to look up at her. “An idiot about what?”

It was becoming clearer now, he decided. She was going to make him work for her forgiveness. She needed him to say exactly how he felt. The knowledge that she would, after much grovelling, forgive him, made his stomach sommersault.

“What haven’t I been an idiot about?” he asked with a groan. “Look, I let you go because I thought that I was holding you back. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“I’m fifty-one, Jed. Believe it or not, I’m a grown up. I can make decisions for myself,” she stated firmly. “I wasn’t living here with you because you were forcing me to.”

Jed coughed and asked quietly, “Why were you staying here?”

She had left because he was too frightened to stand by his feelings and now he was asking her to be honest about her own. It was simple really, she had moved to New Hampshire because she was worried about him, she had stayed because she loved him and she had left because he didn’t feel the same way.

“Claudia Jean?”

“You asked me to move here,” she whispered.

Jed took another step and reached for her hand.

“I. . .,” she stumbled with what she was trying to say as he gently stroked her knuckles.

“I wake up every morning and you’re not here, CJ. The house is empty without you, your room reminds me of you and there’s no laughter here. I miss you.”

CJ turned her hand over in his and laced her fingers through his. This had been what she had heard in his voice in the hospital that night. A need in his voice and a vulnerability in his eyes.

“I still don’t know what I can offer you. And I know I have no right to ask you to give me another chance. . . “ His voice trailed off as she tugged him gently towards her, leaning slightly to give him the lightest of kisses.

“CJ?” he asked, when she stepped back, her hands still clinging to his lapels.

“I love you,” she whispered, watching his face for signs of hesitation in his eyes. It had been the first time she’d said it to him, the first time it had ever been said out loud.

“I love you too, and I mean it, CJ. But. . .,” he paused to contemplate what he wanted to say next. “I’m not going to ask you to come back here, to walk away from the campaign or. . .” He wasn’t going to make decisions for her. He’d told her to leave, now she had to be the one to ask to come back. This time it had to be what she wanted.

CJ kissed him again, this time deepening the kiss. “Can I stay here tonight?” Maybe she was making it too easy for him, or maybe five months apart had finally convinced her that she wasn’t going to get over him so easily.

“Sure,” he mumbled, covering her hands with his own.

“And tomorrow night?”

“For as long as you want.” Or forever, he thought.

She kissed him again lightly on the nose.

They stood together, foreheads touching for a matter of minutes, neither really sure what to say next.

“You know,” CJ whispered, her fingers running along his jaw line. “We should really be getting back to the reception. You have a speech to make and then there’s Josh. You know how he gets when he’s put on the spot.”

“Um,” he mumbled, kissing her fingertips. “Or we could stay here and make up for lost time.”

“Josiah Bartlet!” she exclaimed, her grin widening. “What happened to not knowing how. . .?”

His hand tangling itself in her hair and tugging her towards him, interrupted her teasing. This time he initiated the kiss, longer and deeper than the others, sending shivers up her spine.

As they broke for air, CJ shook her head and stepped back. “Well, just hold that thought.”

She wanted to stay there in his arms, kissing him, exploring their developing relationship, but she needed to be downstairs. It had taken Josh and Donna so long to get where they were that she wanted to see them together, happy. They had been the prime example that the course of true love never ran smooth. The fact that they were now married gave her faith that things could change. That maybe it could work out for her and Jed.

“Not for too long, though?” Jed asked, grinning broadly and reaching for her hand.

He would endure the speeches, especially with CJ sitting beside him, and later he would lead her back up the stairs to this room. Tonight he would take the next step, safe in the knowledge that he was ready to finally move on. Tomorrow they would work on making it permanent.