******

He was kneading her shoulders, his long slender fingers working out the knots on knots. His breath on her ear sending shivers up her spine.

The sudden shrilling of the phone disturbed her dream.

CJ reached out and grabbed the phone blindly. “Hello?”

“CJ, it’s Sam.” The heavy tone of his voice was enough to have her sitting upright in bed and switching on the lamp.

“What’s wrong?”

Sam took a deep breath. She was his litmus test, still his first call even after so many years. “CJ, I don’t know how to say this gently, so I’ll just say it, okay? Abbey suffered a heart attack.”

“How bad?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“She was pronounced twenty minutes ago. Are you okay?” Sam asked, dreading making the rest of the calls, but he was family now, it was his responsibility. Ellie was curled up in a ball on the seat beside him, her eyes red rimmed while their daughter slept soundly in the back.

“How’s The President?” He was still and probably always would be, the President to her, despite leaving office the previous January. Four months ago he had still been in the Oval Office now he was about to face up to his world falling apart. Jed and Abbey were, had been, inseparable. The model couple for all of them. She didn’t really think that he’d manage without her.

“Not good. Liz is with him. We’re an hour out. Zoey is flying from DC.”

CJ pulled the blanket tighter around her. “Call me if there’s anything, and I mean anything, I can do.”

“Are you really okay?”

“Yeah. Take care of Ellie, Sam.” She lowered the phone to its cradle and slunk back into the warmth of the blankets, knowing that she wasn‘t going to sleep any more that night. Tears splashed onto the pillow as she thought about Abbey and the seven kinds of pain the President must be feeling.

*~*~*~*

The funeral had been a low key affair, Jed, his daughters and those of his staff he considered family. Abbey had been explicit in her wishes that the service be private and for once Jed had respected her wishes. Her body had been interned in the family plot and the guests had returned to the house for the wake.

CJ left the crowded sitting room and headed out through the lobby and on to the veranda. The President was, exactly where she expected to find him, sitting on the swing, staring into the distance. She took the opportunity to observe him and furrowed her brow. He seemed to have aged in the last few months, his temples more densely streaked with grey, his posture slumped and weary.

She had spent Christmas at the farm and both he and Abbey had been full of life, throwing themselves into the big family Christmas and looking forward to retirement. After they had returned to the farm in January, most of the contact had been by telephone. It saddened her now that she’d missed Abbey’s birthday and the chance to spend one last evening with her friend.

“You could come and join me, you know,” Jed said dryly, his eyes still focused in the distance.

CJ crossed to the swing and lowered herself onto the bench. “I guess it’s pointless to ask how you’re doing, Mr. President?”

“She was my life, CJ. She gave up so much of herself for my dreams. All these years we always assumed I’d be the first one to go and now I’m here alone. What am I going to do, Claudia?” He reached for her arm and held it firmly.

Gently, she covered his hand with her own. “I don’t know. But you aren’t alone, Sir.”

“So why do I feel like I am?”

There wasn’t anything she could say to that. She had lost one of her closest friends, he had lost the woman he’d been married to for over forty years. Abbey had been looking forward to their retirement, returning to the farm and spending time together. Less than four months later she was dead, and Jed was inconsolable.

“We had all these plans. Abbey wanted to go to Europe, see the real Europe, not in the diplomatic bubble we’d been in for years. And she wanted to have the grandkids come stay for the summer. Mostly she wanted us to be together.”

“You had a few good months, that must count for something,” CJ tried softly.

“We should have had more. If I’d stuck to the deal, we’d have had the last four years.”

CJ looked at him blankly. “Deal?”

Jed remained silent, making CJ wonder if he’d heard the question, then he cleared his throat. “You never knew. When I won the first election, Abbey made me promise that I’d serve one term, no more. Then the MS thing broke and I announced I was running again. She stuck by me, CJ, she wasn’t happy about it, but she forfeited her career and made one hell of a First Lady.”

“Yes, she did, Sir,” CJ agreed, her mind processing the new information.

“All anyone says is how sorry they are, how much they’ll miss her, but the minute I start to talk about her they have this ‘get me outta here’ look on their face. I don’t want to forget her.”

In time, of course, he probably would, that much they both knew. If the MS developed into the secondary stage he would soon lose his memories.

“You can talk to me, anytime,” CJ offered, ducking her head in an effort to get him to look at her.

“Stay here. In New Hampshire with me?” he asked quietly, turning his face to look at her finally.

“Sure, I can stay overnight, a few days.”

“I meant a few months. You were Abbey’s friend. The two of you talked about things, you knew her. Stay and help me sort her things, let me talk about her.”

“I’d be in the way.”

He shook his head. “I want you here. Abbey would want you to stay. She never did trust me on my own,“ he smiled weakly. “The girls have lives and families of their own, they don‘t have time to listen to me. Tomorrow, there will just be me. You, on the other hand. . .”

“I’m having six months off,” CJ snorted. “Sleeping, eating, reading again.” She was exhausted. The last eight years had been draining in every way and she needed to recuperate. While everyone else was out job hunting, she had chosen to live on her savings and relax for a while. The boys were taunting her endlessly.

“So? Do it here? This house is huge. No one will disturb you with the agents on the gate. And I have it on good authority we produce good cider,” he said lightly.

CJ smiled weakly as she considered what he was asking. No longer his Press Secretary, but still unable to shake herself from her professional mind, her thoughts turned to the perception of what he was suggesting. If the press found out she was staying there, it would be feeding time for the sharks. She could just imagine their take on it all, that she was having an affair and his wife not long dead. That much he didn’t need. “With all due respect, it wouldn’t be a good idea. The press would make implications.”

“CJ?” He looked horrified. “I’m not asking for anything other than friendship.”

“I didn’t think you were, but it’s what other people would think that concerns me.”

“That’s nonsense, I don’t care. The people that matter will see it for what it is,” he argued back. “You’re family, CJ. You know how to get in my face when it’s needed. I have a feeling I’m going to need someone to get me out of my moods.”

“I. . .”

“Unless there is somewhere else you need to be?”

“Not really, no.”

“Please, CJ?” he pleaded.

She found herself nodding and giving him a reassuring smile. “I can stay a few months.”

“And CJ?”

“Yeah.”

“Call me, Jed.”

She rolled her eyes. “One thing at a time, eh.”

*~*~*~*

“How long before I can have sex again?” Jed asked, his eyes dancing with mischief.

CJ groaned and carried on reading the paper. “Why do you do this?”

“Because it bothers you, and I like bothering you,” he offered casually. More importantly because he was bored. The last twenty four hours had been a whirlwind. He had collapsed at the farm. CJ had found him and rushed him to hospital, staying with him until he was taken down for surgery. She had still been there when he woke up.

“Yeah, and don’t I know it,” she muttered under her breath, lowering her paper as the door opened. “Leopold.”

“What’s new Claudia Jean?”

“Jed is horny.” She rose to her feet and crossed the room to greet Leo with a kiss. “Stubborn, annoying and horny. . .and all yours. I’m going to get a coffee.”

Leo shuffled across the room, leaning on his stick as his leg went from under him. “You, my friend, are becoming a dirty old man,” he chided softly.

“It’s the medication. I’m usually the model of decorum.” Jed winced and rolled to his side. “Appendicitis at my age. I’m lucky she was there.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah? What?”

“Yeah, you were lucky she was there,” Leo reiterated. “It’s been two years, Jed. Why is she still there?”

Jed shot him an indecipherable look.

“What am I going to do with you, my friend?”

“There’s nothing going on, Leo. I’m not sleeping with her, if that’s what you’re implying,” Jed snorted. “She sleeps down the hallway, the most risqué it gets is breakfast in our bathrobes.”

“Okay.”

Jed let the word hang. “So, I’m gonna be in here for a few days. You sticking around?”

Leo nodded. “Carol and the kids are visiting her mom. And Josh’ll be here, and Toby. . .”

“You’re kidding me? Please say you’re kidding me.”

“And Donna’s coming,” Leo added, grinning. “She’s driving down with Josh.”

Jed raised an eyebrow. For as long as he’d known them Josh and Donna had been dancing around each other, never quite dating, never quite able to break the tie. It seemed in the two years since leaving office they spent more time together than apart.

“They, and I quote, are not presently in a relationship.”

“Which means?”

“Nothing’s changed. He’s single, she’s single, they’re having sex.”

“Good then.” Jed clasped his hands. “I’ll have them married before I die, yet.”

Leo groaned, if Jed was stubborn then Donna and Josh were intractable. “Shouldn’t you get your own house in order first?” He bit his lip as Jed turned to stare at him.

“And what does that mean?” he snapped.

“CJ.”

“Leo, just drop it okay.”

“I can’t. I read Abbey’s letter too.” Abbey’s final wishes had been carefully written, addressed to Jed and hidden in the bottom drawer of her bureau. It had been CJ that had discovered the letter, but as far as Leo knew he was the only other person who knew what the letter contained.

“We’re not having this conversation,” Jed warned.

“Fine, but maybe it’s time you and CJ did.” Leo knew he was on dodgy ground but it was time that Jed faced up to the reality of the situation. Carol had broached the subject of her staying so long at the farm with CJ and received short shrift. They might not be willing to admit it but there was something more to it, and time was running out.

“Leo!”

“You’re not supposed to be getting him all riled up, Leo,” CJ chided, walking into the room, carrying a steaming cup of coffee.

“He’s impossible.”

“And you’re only just figuring that out,” she grinned. “I came to say Sam and Ellie are here, so I’m going to head back to the hotel, change and then come back later.”

“You could change here,” Jed suggested, waggling his eyebrows.

“One of these days I’m going to take you up on one of your offers and then where will you be?”

Jed glanced at Leo and shrugged.

“I’ll ride with you. I wanna check in with Carol,” Leo announced, nodding at his friend and following CJ towards the door.

A few seconds later, Sam’s head appeared in the doorway, followed by the rest of his body. “Hey, Dad.”

“Sam.” He wasn’t quite sure when he’d become Dad, it had just happened one day, the subtle change from Mr. President to Dad. Not that he minded, he had a son at last.

“Can we come in?” he asked, leading Ellie through the door, their daughter asleep in her arms. “I brought something for you.”

Ellie placed the child on the visitor’s chair and began to read through Jed’s notes, tapping the clipboard and shooting glares in her father’s direction.

“It’s a chess set,” Jed stated, opening the ornate board and picking up a chess piece. Tears welled in his eyes as realization dawned. He had brought the set back years before after a trip to India and Sam had kept it all these years. He wasn’t sure if they had ever finished the game.

“Tell him,” Ellie instructed, dropping the clipboard and looking between the two most important men in her life.

“What?” Jed choked.

Sam smiled and lowered himself into the seat Leo had vacated. “I have it on good authority that a senate seat is coming up for grabs in the mid terms.”

“In Maryland?”

“In New Hampshire,” Sam offered, concentrating on the chess game. “Ellie and I are moving to Concord.”

It could have been a moment except that Josh chose that particular second to come bustling through the door, bouncing. “Sir!”

All eyes turned to look at him.

“What?” Josh asked.

“Nothing. Hello, Josh, how are you?”

“I’m Da Man. And look I brought snacks.”

“Popcorn?” Sam asked hopefully.

“Chips?”

Josh began unpacking the bag, dumping chips, pop corn and candy onto the sheets. “So how come we didn’t know until after the surgery?”

“I asked CJ not to,” Jed muttered. “I didn’t want a fuss.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, like that was anywhere near the truth.

“Where’s Bonnie?”

Josh looked around the room blankly, “Who’s Bonnie?”

Jed groaned, “You’re Clyde so. . .”

“Oh Donna, she’s at the hotel, making calls.” Josh ran his fingers through what remained of his hair. “I start my lecture tour in a few days and she’s checking the arrangements.”

“Did I tell you about my lecturer at the LSE?” Jed asked, shifting position. “You remind me a lot of him.”

Josh inwardly groaned, stuffing chips into his mouth. It was going to be a long afternoon. If he knew the President, they were going to hear every story he knew. Not that he minded.

When he’d received CJ’s call, he’d panicked, fearing the worse. Donna had sat up beside him in bed, tugging his shoulder and making him look at her. The concern in her eyes had brought him to the verge of tears, his worry mirrored in her eyes as he relayed CJ’s news. They had made love slowly and gently then, clinging to each other in fear of what would one day become reality. Her hand had remained entwined with his as they drove down from Connecticut and the family house his mother had sold seven years previously.

Sam was winning the chess game. He was grinning inanely as he declared check mate. The end of the game, Josh concluded, was only going to result in more trivia. It was definitely going to be a long afternoon but he’d promised CJ he’d stay so stay he would.

******

CJ opened the door to his hospital room and stopped. Jed was curled up on his side, his back to her, the covers strewn across the floor.

Silently, she crossed the room and began to pick blankets from the floor, carefully tucking him back in, before sliding into the chair beside his bed.

He didn’t move.

CJ wasn’t sure when they took the unspoken decision that she would move to the Farm permanently.

He had never asked her, just encouraged her to visit the others, with the proviso that she would be back in a few days.

Finally she had cleared her apartment in Washington and had her belongings shipped. Now they resembled the odd couple.

At Christmas Carol had asked her pointedly why she was still at the farm.

CJ hadn’t been able to give her an answer. She knew why, but it wasn’t something she wanted shared with the rest of the family. Her feelings for Jed had remained platonic until the previous fall when he had developed an infection and she had been forced to face the fact he might die at anytime. It was then she she’d realized she loved him but she wasn’t in love with him. Of course even if she had been, it could never be reciprocated. He was still in love with Abbey and always would be. Her realization did however make her decision for her. Baring him kicking her out, she would remain at the Farm until his death.

Caring for him, bantering and the occasional flirting was for her, her life now.

“Are we alone?” came a muffled voice from under the pillow.

CJ lifted the pillow and shook her head at the bed head. “Yeah.”

“Thank God. I thought they‘d never leave.” He shifted his body until he was on his back. “I thought for a minute I was hallucinating. Their answer to pain is to stick another needle in me. I have no pain but I’m not sure the rest of my body is even there anymore.”

“It’s there,” CJ smirked.

“What, nothing witty?”

“I had dinner with Toby,” she groaned. “It kinda saps your strength.” Toby had been more than a little morose, concerned about her protracted stay at the farm, and his stunted career. Margaret had retired early, taking the triplets to bed, leaving CJ to play moral booster.

“You should get some sleep,” he suggested softly, reaching for her hand. “We can’t have you getting sick.”

“Who’d look after you then?”

Jed looked hurt. “That’s not what I meant. Apart from the fact you’re a bloody awful patient when you’re sick, I don’t want you getting ill on my account.”

“I won’t,” she whispered, entwining her fingers with his, wondering what might have been.

“Go on back to the hotel,” he instructed, turning her hand over in his own and concentrating on her face.

“In a bit.” CJ rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “I wanna make sure you’re asleep before I go. Can’t have you flirting with the nurses.”

He said her name in a tone she barely recognized and her head shot up.

“If I promise not to come on to the nurses, will you come and hold me?” Jed gave her a slight smile and patted the mattress beside him. “I promise your honor is quite safe.”

“It’s not my honor I’m worried about,” she retorted, as she remained seated. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Why do you do that?” he asked wearily, squeezing her hand.

“What?”

“Change the subject like that.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Jed settled back against the pillows. “Why are you still at the farm?” he asked softly, watching her face and smiling as her eyes settled on everything but him.

“Do you want me to leave?” Her voice held a hint of surprise while her eyes betrayed her sadness at the thought of him sending her away.

“No.” He swallowed the rest of the sentence. “You’re young, you’re smart, there’s a whole world of opportunity out there. You shouldn’t be held back because of me.”

“I’m hardly young. I wouldn’t stay if it wasn’t what I wanted,” she offered in a voice that was barely audible. She tried to snatch her hand away to wrap it protectively around her body but he held it firmly.

“You really want to stay with an old curmudgeon like me? I make your life hell.”

“Yeah, you have your moments but you’ve grown on me.”

“Like algae.”

“Yeah.” CJ’s eyes fell to their hands, his thumb on her knuckles. “You should rest.”

“You’re doing it again,” he grumbled. “I’m trying to tell you something important and you’re changing the subject.”

CJ groaned. She knew what was coming. Every time he tried to thank her for taking care of him it resulted in a trivia marathon. For a man who had been President, his ability to express himself succinctly was non existent. “What is it you want to say?”

Jed patted the mattress again. “Come and sit closer.”

With a sigh, CJ dropped his hand and walked around the bed to perch precariously on the edge of the bed covers.

With his free hand he tugged at her shoulder until her head fell back against the pillow. Jed shifted position until he was on his side facing her side.

CJ rolled over in defeat until she was face to face with him. “Happy now?”

“Happy, yes. Comfortable, no,” he mumbled, rearranging the sheet to cover his pajama bottoms better. His hand draped across her side until he could run his fingers up and down her back. “I need you to hear me out without doing that thing. . .”

“What thing?” she yelled.

Jed grinned, “The screaming reaction.”

The look she shot him would on any other occasion have him backing away at speed. On this occasion he increased the movement of his fingers on her back. “When Abbey died, I was devastated. I still miss her and I still love her but having you here has helped.”

“Good.”

He raised an eyebrow in mock annoyance. “Quiet. She left me a letter, in it she told me how she felt about me, how proud she was of my Presidency, and how much she was going to miss me.” He swallowed and stilled his fingers. “She also had one express wish. That I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life alone.”

CJ opened her mouth to speak but wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t imagine him with anyone else but Abbey, but obviously that’s what he was building up to telling her. He was ready to move on.

“Until now, I didn’t think I’d want to move on. I still love Abbey and I’m not sure I can offer anyone the whole of me.” Now wasn’t the best time for his gift of the gab to fail him. “What I’m trying to say is. . .that I could have died and I wouldn’t have. . .”

“It’s okay,” CJ whispered. “I understand.”

He scanned her face and lifted his hand from her back to stroke her cheek, “I don’t think you do.”

CJ swallowed at the intimate gesture. In the two years she had been living at the Farm, the closest they had come to each other was her holding his hand when he was sick or the light kiss he gave her each night on the forehead.

“I’m trying to say, CJ, that I care about you. I don’t know when it happened, but I can’t imagine my life without you by my side.” He faltered when he saw the flicker of realization cross her face. “I’m not asking for anything, and I can’t give you much more than we have now, but. . .”

“You care about me.”

“I love you, yes.”

She really didn’t know what to say to that. He had just said he loved her and he was studying her face as though it was the first time he’d seen it. “Oh.”

“Wow, CJ Cregg lost for words,” he joked. “I don’t know what I have to offer, how much I can give you but. . .I’d like to find out.” His fingers caressed her cheek. “Okay, you can say your piece now.”

The End

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