About Amanda

BEFORE JAYDEN:

 I was basically gliding through life without any direction. My mother died of Cancer when I was 17 years old. 2 months after her death I moved out on my own, and had to fight with my claws bared, for an education. I finally graduated in June 2002 as valedictorian. I was more than ready to go to college and face the world. Sure, I liked Glen, but I didn't plan on staying with him long. I was actually waiting on a good enough reason to break up with him. After learning I wouldn't be able to get a loan for college, because my father didn't want to sign the forms, I decided on getting a job and pay my way through school. While attending a class for job searching techniques I got the "flu". Ha, the baby making flu that is. A week later I went to a walk in clinic and walked out stunned. I was pregnant. Not exactly joyous news. I wasn't thinking about the responsibility or anything, just the fact that the past 2 years I had had 4 miscarriages. Yes, I HAD wanted a baby. I still did, but I didn't think I could have one being a diabetic and all. WRONG.

MY PREGNANCY:

Okay, so I got pregnant in July. I found out at the end of August. But I still didn't know if the pregnancy was "viable". I pretty much thought I was walking around with a dead fetus in my belly. Gross I know, but I certainly didn't want to get my hopes up, or expose myself to any more trauma. But, then September passed. I had a day of bleeding and cramping in which I told Glen, it was over. I was more than ready to expel the fetus, but it didn't happen. Afraid of infection, I finally went and saw my family doctor, who referred me for an ultrasound. I remember that day very well. I was with my 1 year old nephew Malachi. He sat impatiently in his stroller. I lay on the table and looked at the ceiling above while repeating silently to myself, "you are in God's hands". Finally the u/s tech looked at me, and asked when all my previous miscarriages happened. "Between 8-9 weeks", I replied. The baby's dead, I thought, I was numb, I would cry later at home, but not here. Not here. "You are about 12 weeks along". WHAT??? She then turned the screen so I could see my lil boy jumping around in his new home. I flew home and told my sister. Glen found out 2 months later. We made a pact (one of many) to never be apart, and do the best we could for our child.

THE HOSPITAL:

Jayden was born by c-section. That was fun. I really had no fear for myself, I just wanted my lil guy to be born, so that I could finally exhale. After, while I was still defrosting from the spinal, Glen and my dad had a fight. My father walked out, and Glen followed soon after. I could only lay there and cry bitterly. I vowed never to forget that day, and I doubt I ever will.

HOME:

 Reality quickly set in. I was not just holding this beautiful baby boy dressed in blue. He needed to be fed, and burped every 2 hours. I had no crib the first 2 months so he slept with me. My stomach hurt, my back ached, and I couldn't eat. I fell asleep while I breast fed him, and his father was no where to be found. Finally after 6 weeks, his father called and we reconciled. Life as I knew it was over. No more sleeping in, or having people over and partying all night. I now had to raise my son and make plans for the future.

MY GOALS:

 I want to go into nursing. I was a budding journalist/writer, but I need a stable income to support my child. I watch Scrubs, and E.R almost religiously. The human body facinates and repels me. Nursing will enable me to work long hours, travel, and help all sorts of humanity. This is my long term goal. Right now I am taking chemistry and biology in order to apply for the course (Feb 1st 2004). By September 2004 I will be enrolled in the University transfer program.

MY HOBBIES:

Reading and writing, and web design are my air. I need them to thrive and grow, I read the newspaper to keep up with current events and speak somewhat intelligently. I write to keep my sanity. I have always been an observer, and I write to keep track of things, and to soothe my very wounded soul. Web design is my creative outlet. It's like drawing with a keyboard. I am hardly a technical thinker, and I think my left brain is retarded. I cook and clean because I am a perfectionist. I do all my own home decorating. I plan to learn how to sew so I can make pretty things. I love music. All kinds in fact, I am probably one of the few black girls I know who listens to classical music, and rock, and alternative. So there. But I love my R&B, some hip-hop, calypso, and reggae too. Yup.

MY CHARACTERISTICS:

 I am... outspoken. Opinionated. Obnoxious. Paranoid. Worrisome. Smart. Independant. Cold. Sexual. Freaky. Different. Artistic. Open-minded. Jealous. Vengeful. Resourseful. Determined. Focused. New age. Spiritual. Calm. Organized. Relaxed. Okay, I think you now know more than you need to know about me. Bye.

Daddy

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daddy