That brings me around to my strongest weakness. I have an immense love for life and for women in particular. I know, some of you would not consider this a weakness, but the weakness part lies in my inability to express myself vocally, due again to my shyness.
Then, one day while I was in the seventh grade, I wrote a poem to this girl that I had a crush on. In the poem, I told her how I felt about her and asked her if she felt the same towards me. But, alas, I never got the courage to show it to her. My shyness had once again gotten in the way. By the time I got my nerves riled up enough so that I thought I might be able to actually give it to her (even if that meant slipping it into her backpack when she wasn't looking), she was going out with someone else. So, I put the poem in a safe place and proceeded to forget about it. That was also the year that my little sister died in a house fire, so I pretty much forgot about alot of things.
I still remember the moment when I realized what my strength was. It was 1989, and I was in my sophomore year at high school. I had been friends with this girl for a long time and had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her out. Still no matter how I tried, I could not express what I was feeling inside. At least, I could not do it out loud. Finally, I decided to write her a letter and express my feelings for her that way. Fearing that I would not be able to give it to her, I planned to put the letter in the mail as soon as I finished writing it, which I did, not realizing that I would be there with her when it arrived.
We were sitting on the couch in her mother's living room when her brother came in from checking the mail. I was looking the other way at the time, so I did not see him hand the envelope to her. When I finally realized what she was reading, a part of me (the shy part, I presume) wanted to just get up and run out of the room. However, a bigger part of me would not let me do it. After a few minutes, I realized what it was that was holding me back: Pride. It took me a little while longer to realize what exactly I was feeling pride in. It wasn't pride at finally being able to share my feelings with someone, as I had originally thought. Rather, it was pride in the face that I was able to move her with my words, even though they weren't spoken aloud. Watching the emotions as they drifted across her face while she was reading my letter, the pride I was feeling inside began to grow steadily stronger.
This was when I finally understood what that person meant by using my strength to control my weakness. I have found my strength in my writing, in being able to manipulate the words I put onto paper in such a way as to show my emotions clearly when my shyness keeps me from doing so out loud.
During my lifetime, I have written close to 80 poems as well as writing short stories, essays, reports and speeches. I still don't talk much and, when I do, it is still with the same low voice I have always used. Now however, I don't find myself at such a loss for words, for I merely have to pick up my pen in order to speak my mind.
I have realized that there is no way to actually find your strength. Just as there is no discerning "moment of truth" when you suddenly find it. It seems to sort of creep up on you when you aren't looking for it. You simply must wait and have patience. Although you may start to lose faith, you can rest assured knowing that, when it is time, it will find you.
In the section of my website marked This Week's Poetry, I will be posting one or two of my poems every week. I sincerely hope that you will enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.