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| September 2004 continued: |
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| Wednsday September 15, 2004: Outside of work today was a great day. For the second week in a row I lost another pound...yeah!!!!!! Now I am at 200 lbs, bringing me to an 88lb loss and another 2 inches gone. One more pound and I will officially be forever under the 200's forever. I am so happy and proud of my accomplishment. Just think I only have 12 more pounds till I hit the century mark and then I can really celebrate. The other reason today was great is that it our 3 year anniversary (for my BF and myself). I woke up to a phone call and a note from him (he gets to work at 6am), and I came home to long stem roses and a most beautiful card. Needless to say he made my day, considering how shitty these past two days have been. Oh and watching Barry Manilow on Oprah was a big hit too!!!!! I'm really not going into the shitty part of these past two days, it's after 1 AM and I am exhausted. But just a brief synopsis, one of the guys at work was busted for making lewd comments about the size of my chest and physically. I lodged a complaint and now I have to see what happens. I am extremely upset and very uncomfortable at work. Today I felt like crying the entire time at work. I wil go into more detail tomorrow, but for now good night!!! |
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| Thursday September 16, 2004: Okay so where do I begin.....I cannot believe that I am going through this at work. I am so disgusted with even being at my office I just end up feeling drained, even to the point of crying. And the fact that my boss hasn't spoken to me yet makes me feel even worse. Okay lets start from the beginning. I have this really nice blue shirt that is a bit body forming, but not at all tight (not anymore that is). I paired it up with loose black slacks and heeled sandals. Very business casual for our office, and in no way inappropriate. I was feeling great, I felt good, and most of all I was so happy about how I looked that morning that I actually walked around both buildings with my head held high. I felt pretty. Well on one of my journeys through the main building I walked by one of the techs room. No sooner did I go by that I heard snickering and laughing. I paid no mind, nothing could touch me, so I thought. Five minutes later my girlfriend buzzes me to tell me she busted one of the guys making a joke and commenting on the size of my chest, and making obscene gestures. This coming from a man who has never once even said hello to me, yet I've been with the company since March of this year!!!! In one moment I was angry and the next I was so upset. I felt violated, and became extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. I spotted the president outside my window and went to him immediately. I told him what happened, and he apologized and said he would handle it immediately. I was so distraught that another supervisor who I have come to keep confidence with, advised me to write up an incident report to protect myself. Good thing I did, because now I am getting flack from everywhere i turn. Not that I care to ever speak to any of these guys, it just bothers me that they act liek I am the bad person. I wasn't the one making lewd comments about someone else. It's almost to the point that I felt that I should have never said anything at all. Now I really hate being there. I hide in my office and have become very withdrawn. I am getting feelings like I had after my rape. Although the two incidents can never compare, I can't shake that feeling of vunerablity and nakedness I know feel, as if everyone knows, and it's my fault. I expect behavior like this at a bar from strangers, not from a coworker who doesn't even acknowledge I exsist. i don't know what upsets me more...the fact that something was said or the fact that he had the audacity to say something about me when he can't even say hello to me. I dread anyone knowing that I am involved in this, I just know it will all be turned on me. Even though I know I didn't do anything wrong I know thats not how everyone else will feel. I'm giving my boss, the VP, till Monday to approach me. After that the gloves come off. I'll keep you guys in touch. |
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| Thursday September 23, 2003: Okay I'm back on another plateau. I was so hoping to be under 200 lbs this week. But it doesn't help that I am acting as if I'm addicted to snowcaps. Yep snowcaps, and lets not forget frosted flakes, I eat that without milk. I don't know what my problem is....I can't seem to stop. You see surgery isn't a miracle, you have to work really hard to break some nasty habits. I know its my nerves, between crap at work and my situation with having to find someplace to live, and I know I'm still not over the loss of my baby. I'm not making excuses, I'm just being honest about whats going on and the triggers that make me revert to the old me. I have lots of work to do on myself, I know I can lick this I just have to find the strength to get through it all without falling back on food. I wish I could go back to seeing my therapist, but I know that is not going to happen, I'm going to have to find a way to fight through all the bullsh*t. I think I need to go outside and enjoy the rest of this beautiful day. Especially being that I took half the day off. Go me, I'm going to make it a good day for me. catch up with you all later. |