| March 2003......continued |
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| Sunday March 9th, 2003 Sorry I haven't been around. I have been fighting the blues, and I think the blues are winning. I know I should have nothing to be depressed about, everything seems to be going fine. And I don't forsee any problems. I just have been feeling really down. and the more I try to snap out of it, the deeper I get. I just dont feel much worth right now. If I could crawl into a corner and disappear I would. But I cna't so push on I must. Much to my own chagrin. I feel repressed, empty, and so many things its hard to put into words. I know I'm not here to whine, but I guess I just needed an outlet of some sort. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. On a better note I have my appt for my ultrasounds set up for Tuesday. So that is one more step further for me. Nite all. |
| Wednesday March 12, 2003 Well I had my ultrasound done yesterday. The tech checked the results with the doctor on hand, and he said everything checked out okay and they would fax my results by the end of today. I guess they see a lot of patients from Vohra, because they wished me luck on the surgery. Which was cool because then they know how important it is to get the results to the surgeon right away. So thats one less thing to do. Now I meet with the pulmonologist next Wednesday. I'm hoping I wont need a sleep study, so keep your fingers crossed. On a bad note, I recieved some really bad news. An old friend of mine lost her mom this weekend. It broke my heart. Her mom was a really sweet lady and young too (57). I found out from her boyfriend that she was diagnosed with cancer last month and was doing great on chemo, but threw a blood clot and it killed her. The first thing I did was call her right after I got the news yesterday morning. You see it took everything not to run out there and be at her house to be there for her. I can't do that. We ended our friendship on a really bad note. She had been distancing herself in the last 2 years of our friendship. And was really bad about being a friend anymore to me. I held onto the relationship 1. hoping we could fix things 2. she had my dog (they had taken my dog in when I first moved to LI, my landlord wouldn't allow pets. I needed to move ASAP....see I had this guy stalking me again, I wasn't going to wait for him to catch me and attack me again) So they took my dog in on the pretense that she would come home with me one day for good. Well to make a long story short, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to have my dog for the weekend, of course I said yes and we picked her up. The weekend ended up being up stretching out to a week. I get a phone call from her mom, telling me (not asking) that I have her back by Friday, because she was going to Florida and was driving down with her. Now I had a problem with that, 1. if I never picked her up to have her for a weekend, I would have never known about the 2 week trip, 2. I didn't want my 14 yr old dog being driven to Florida. I have a right as her owner to know, and be asked. Instead I was told to bring her back. That left me feeling like they thought they were now assuming ownership. WRONG!!!! Now granted yes, I had had trouble coming to visit her. I was having horrific problems with my car, I blew my head gaskets and the job never got done right so I was basically without a car for almost 8 months. But before that I was down there once or twice a week visiting. And the three time in 14 months I had lived out here my "friend" came to visit me she brought her with her for a visit with me. Now don't get me wrong. I was ever so grateful for them taking her in. And I expressed that every chance I could get. I would have either had to stay where I lived and be terrorized or have my dog put to sleep (which I would have never done). Now yes there were more than one reason for moving to Long Island, but moving 35 minutes away should not have affected our friendship the way it did. Well to make a long story short I denied her mother to bring my dog to Florida, and ended convincing my landlords to let me keep her. Well of course they over reacted. They thought her mother would never see again. Which was wrong. I would have always been happy to have them up to visit or bring her for a visit. Not to mention if they wanted her for a weekend I would have said yes. But they thought the worst, because my old best friend, was in this tantrum. I ended up getting this really nasty letter saying what a horrible person I was, not letting her mom take the dog to Florida, not being around (how could I, I had no car...you would think as a friend she would have visited me more), for moving out to LI only to be close to my ex. That I knew she hated LI, and hated traveling to see me. All wrong. Of course when I left her a message to call me back she never did. So the next message I left was to tell her that I would be picking up the rest of my dog's belongings. When I arrived at her house, she had left everything outside in her driveway. I was close to knocking on her door and punching the shit out of her, instead I dropped her house keys in her driveway and never looked back. NEXT PAGE |
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