febpg3

February 2003....continued

Friday February 14, 2003

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!! SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK!!!

Tuesday February 18, 2003
Well I hope everyone had a wonderful valentine's. My boyfriend and I went away to my uncles house in the mountains for some alone time. We got exactly what we needed some R&R and good quality time. It doesnt hurt to be in front of a fireplace feedig each other chocolate. But unfortunately due to the weather we cut our little getaway short. We got 19-22 inches here in Long Island AUUUGHH!!!!!! So we beat the snow home but it was hell the next morning digging ourselves out. Or I should say my boyfriend did most of the digging out. Back when I didn't weigh this must I could have done it without being so damned fatigued. I felt absolutely helpless. I hate that. I've always been so independent. Nowadays I'll take whatever help I can get because physically I just can't do it.

All I know is that I have only two more weeks before I start my appointments with the surgeon. And I still haven't made an appointment for my sleep study. I know I'm only screwing myself. I even missed my psych appointment to get the letter, but gratefully she is mailing it to me. I still haven't gotten the letter for insurance by my PCP, so if it isn't at work tomorrow I'm calling him to remind him to send ASAP. I just want this done with, to have my appointed date and do it. I just wnat to be over this, to live my life, to start doing the things I've been putting off for so long.

I know, I know its the same rant, but you can't tell me you don't feel the same. I want to be those women on tv the boyfriend drools over. I want someone to say, god kathy is that really you. But I guess good things come to those who wait. But I've waiting long enough. Well I hate to cut it short but kingpin finale is on and I've been loving it. Stay warm.

Wednesday February 26, 2003
Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. Not much happening, and I've been battling a bad head cold since we've been back from PA. Unfortunately because I have a compromised immune system (I've had Rocky Spotted Mountain Fever) it makes it harder for me to get better. What takes a normal person 2-3 days to get over a cold, takes me a week or two. Sucks big time.

On a better note, I recieved both letters from my shrink and my PCP. My shrink is the best she wrote a really nice letter, and my PCP gave his opinion on how I would be a great candidate for surgery. so you can say I'm pretty psyched. I have my two appointments next week, and I'm just about set and ready to go. I just have one more letter to get and thats from my endocrinologist. I want to be armed and ready and I want them to know that I have thought long and hard about this and ready to do what it takes to get this done asap. So I'll walk in with all 3 letters, my echo results, my ekg, my stress test and my endoscopy results. Hopefully I wont have much more to do.

I am feeling a little guilty, I pulled my manager aside tonight to ask her about leaving early next week for my appointments. We got to talking about my "surgery" and how she'll help me where she can in getting me the time off without penalizing me. We've been getting along pretty well, and it made me feel bad that I'm lying to her. But I can't trust anyone, not even her to keep my secret. I know the questions are going to come once I start losing a lot of weight. But I pretty much prepared them by telling a few how because of having stomach surgery, I'll be on a special liquid diet, and that I'll be on a special diet afterwards so I'll lose some weight right away. I figured I can put the rest off on sticking to the diet and exercise. Believable right? I hope, but then again I highly doubt anyone will really question it.

My sister and I had a conversation late last week regarding my impending weight loss. Apparently she and my mother were talking about the surgery and how it may impact my relationship with my boyfriend. My mother seems to think I may start enjoying the "attention" I may get and think about checking out other options. Goes to show you how well she knows me. My sister does, because she told her how loyal I am. And it's true. I know what I have in my man. He loved me before all this happened, he's been by my side and he'll be there when I've shed half of myself. I guess good things come to those who wait hahaha!!!