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| April 2003 continued |
| Tuesday April 8, 2003 Drum roll please.......(drum roll sound.........) JUNE 5TH!!!!! Whats June 5th you ask? Well I'll tell ya, it's not just my birthday....yep thats right not just my birthday but my "rebirthday". Okay okay, its my surgery date!!!!!! Thats as long as everything goes smoothly with the insurance. I still have my sleep study and psych eval next week. It's not what I hoped for, I really wanted it at the end of this month, or the beginning on May, but hell its better than July 16th!!! And it gives me time to save some more money, I will be out of work for 2 weeks. If I can't get disability without using my vacation days I'd rather not get paid. Hey I'm going to be losing weight and by the end of this year I will want to go away. Not to mention my boyfriend and I go see his mom in Florida for her birthday in January and we try and leave in December to enjoy the end of the holidays with her. Oh and lets not forget I have to lose 26lbs (10%) before surgery or it will be delayed. Well I will be calling my endocrinologist for another prescription of Glucophage and I will be picking up some Xenadrine. Hey if its possible and I drop the weight before hand and theres an earlier opening I want it. And if not I have a hard enough time trying to lose as it is. 26lbs doesn't sound like much but it's real hard for me. Especially since I can't really exercise. With this bone tumor and my weight I have to be extremely careful. I feel better than I have these past few days. It's been really depressing to be around me. My boyfriend and I have talked, and we are trying to find a medium. I know a lot of it has to do with me. Being depressed about my weight, not feeling good, it's all playing on me. He's no energizer bunny, he's 20 yrs older than me, even though he runs circles around me. But he does work long and hard in the garage on the bikes he's fixing and painting. He tries, and he's been really trying to show me. I just really need to calm down and he needs to understand that right now I really need his reassurance. Well thats it for now, I'll catch up with ya later. Nite guys, and hey if you're here, sign my guestbook!!!! |
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| Friday April 11, 2003 Man I tell ya, why does everybody think that they are an authority on losing weight? And its always the "thin" person who knows what best for you. I love my sisters, and I know they are only trying to help me, but when I tell you I know what works and what doesn't work, believe me. They can eat to their hearts content and still look amazing without dieting or exercise. God Bless them, they are beautiful, and I do mean the roll out of bed and still stop a truck beautiful. But my body is so different from theirs. I don't lose weight the way they can, my body is not normal in any way. And it gets fustrating when you feel you are being quizzed on what to eat and not eat, and how to exercise. Hey I was training for the police department, I know how to work out. I've also consulted 3 dieticians, and 2 doctors on how to eat right and lose weight. What works for normal people does not work for me. Sometimes I feel as if I am treated like I don't know what I am doing. And I know they in no way mean to offend me, they really and truly just want to help me achieve my goal. And they really want this for me. My youngest sister is dying to take me shopping, that's how supportive they are, I couldn't ask for better cheerleaders. It's just I'm tired of people critiquing me. Because I can't get them to understand I am not like them. It's not because I'm lazy, its just that I don't work that way. I can't power walk, not even 2 blocks.....my leg begins to swell, and when it does its last for a few days. And then I have to worry about developing fractures. I've looked into an indoor pool to work out in, but I'm not sure I can afford it. It's $335 for 6 months. That's a lot for me right now. I need to save, because I may not get disability when I'm out and I am not using my vacation time, I need that for the end of the year. So all in all, I keep beating my head into a wall, but still nothing happens. I'm going to pick up a scale this weekend. And I am really making a conscious effort to really watch what I am eating and take better care. I just need to get this done, asap!!!! June may seem like a little over a month away but it really is only around the corner!!!!! |
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