Enjolras: That settles it, I'm not at all tired

Eponine: Then let's play a game

Javert: I want to play BS, I have a real poker face

Enjolras: But that would mean that you would have to lie Javert

Javert: I'll survive

Enjolras: Then get out the cards. Anyone else want to play?

Valjean: I'll play.

Javert: Good, then I can crush you and catch you in all your deceit!

Valjean: If that's what you really want Javert.

Javert: It is.

Valjean: Well, then let's play!

Enjolras: Eponine, are you playing?

Eponine: Sure, why not, it sounds like fun

Grantaire: Deal me in

Enjolras: Oh, joy.

Valjean: Okay, who has the ace of spades?

Eponine: I do!

Valjean: Well, then you start

Eponine: One ace

Enjolras: One deuce

Grantaire: Deuce? Just say two!

Enjolras: One two? That doesn't sound quite right

Grantaire: It's better than you being all fancy about it!

Javert: Can we get on with it?

Grantaire: One three.

Javert: That's bull

Grantaire: Turn it over then

Javert: ::turns over card and it is indeed a three:: I had two three's, what was the chance he had one?

Valjean: You only had to pick up three cards

Javert: Spare me your pity Valjean.

Valjean: Two fours

Javert: One five

Eponine: Javert, stop looking at my cards!

Javert: Are you accusing me of cheating?

Eponine: If cheating constitutes you looking at my cards, then yes!

Javert: I was not cheating. I was just checking to make sure you weren't cheating

Eponine: Sure you were... Two sixes

Enjolras: One seven

Grantaire: Three eights!

Valjean: One nine.

Javert: BS!!! I have all four nines, you lying ex-convict!

Valjean: ::picking up the pile:: Oh, go jump off a bridge. ::At this everyone bursts out laughing::

Javert: Well, I am so glad that my suicide amuses you.

Enjolras: We are sorry Javert, we know that it is wrong to laugh at anyone's misfortunes

Eponine: Even yours.

Javert: Well, thank you so much

Valjean: Maybe we should just get back to the game?

Enjolras: That sounds like a good idea.

Javert: Fine, two tens.

Eponine: One little knighty guy

Grantaire: A jack

Enjolras: She knows that. I think we have a hustler in our mists.

Eponine: Me? A hustler?

Enjolras: Oh, I think I know you better than that Eponine.

Eponine: Oh, do you now?

Enjolras: And I know a hustler when I see one

Eponine: But why would I be a 'hustler' when we're not even playing for money? Unless we were to play for money...

Enjolras: I don't think so darling, we're not that stupid

Valjean: ::glancing at Javert:: Well, not all of us

Javert: Yeah, if you were so smart Valjean how come you were caught so many times?

Valjean: (suddenly defensive) A string of bad luck is all

Enjolras: If we may gentlemen? One queen, and one beautiful princess

Javert: Gag! I know it's late but try to keep some dignity

Enjolras: Be quiet Javert.

Grantaire: One king, your majesty firebrand

Valjean: One ace

Javert: Two twos!

Eponine: I don't have any threes, what do I do?

Grantaire: Just put something down and say it's a three.

Eponine: Okay, one three.

Javert: Well, that's obviously BS.

Eponine: You're calling me out?

Javert: Obviously ::he turns the card over and it is indeed a three:: What the-?

Enjolras: Of course you're not a hustler Eponine.

Eponine: Okay, maybe you're right, maybe I am a hustler

Enjolras: Though you do put on quite a show

Eponine: I do try.

Javert: That just isn't fair!

Valjean: Neither is being hounded all your life by a deranged police inspector.

Javert: Ugh, the whole world doesn't revolve around you. I stopped a lot of crimes.

Enjolras: Please, can we play? One four

Grantaire: One five

Valjean: One six

Javert: One seven

Enjolras: I'm sorry Javert, but I am going to have to call you a liar.

Javert: Oh, this is not fair!

Eponine: How did you know?

Enjolras: I have two sevens and Valjean has one, I know because I put it down and he was forced to pick it up.

Eponine: Wow, that's really smart

Grantaire: Yeah, yeah, he's a genius, let's get on with this.

Eponine: Fine, one eight.

Javert: Don't even try to put a 'nine' down because I have all four of them!

Enjolras: Then I will just keep my card and take that eight off of Eponine's fair hands.

Grantaire: Ok, so late at night Enjolras becomes charming?

Eponine: Seems that way

Valjean: He's still not as annoying as Marius at least.

Grantaire: One ten

Valjean: One jack

Javert: Two queens

Eponine: A handsome, fair-haired king

Grantaire: They're flirting while playing cards, this is so weird.

Enjolras: One ace

Grantaire: One two...

Ten minutes later

Enjolras: One four, and I'm out.

Javert: Well, I have no choice but to BS that.

Enjolras: I'm afraid that I have won fair and square, though the last few were all lies I'm afraid

Eponine: Congratulations Enjolras.

Enjolras: Thank you Eponine.

Valjean: Yes, well played.

Javert: Cheater.

Enjolras: What was that Javert?

Javert: Nothing, I guess you're allowed to win at something since you lost the revolution, huh?

Valjean: Oh hush, it's late!

Courfeyrac: -And they said that there was no little giirl in the house, that there was at one point but she had died. She was a ghost!

Jehan: No!!!

Courfeyrac: Yes!

Jehan: Ah!

Feuilly: Boo!

Jehan: Ah!

Enjolras: What did I say about scaring Jehan?

Courfeyrac: But it's so much fun!

Enjolras: It's not a very nice thing to do.

Eponine: Let's play another game, I'm not tired yet!

Enjolras: What would you like to play?

Eponine: I don't know, how about...um...Truth or Dare?

Grantaire: I'm game

Javert: I've never backed down from a challenge yet.

Valjean: I'm in

Courfeyrac: We'll play too

Jehan: But what about the little girl, is she really a ghost?

Courfeyrac: Um, yeah, sure

Jehan: ::glancing around nervously:: oh...

Enjolras: So we're all playing?

Gavroche: Yup

Enjolras: I think I'll sit this one out

Eponine: Come on Enjolras, you have to play. Please, for me?

Enjolras: But-

Eponine: Please?

Enjolras: Well, okay. I guess I'm in too

Valjean: Who's going first?

Grantaire: Since Eponine suggested it, it's only fair that she go first

Eponine: Okay, Enjolras, truth or dare?

Enjolras: I guess truth

Eponine: Oh, you're no fun

Grantaire: We could have told you that

Eponine: Okay, um, let me see. We're all grown-ups right?

Valjean: Some of us more grown than others

Javert: At least I don't need a magnifying glass to read street signs

Courfeyrac: Score another one for the comeback book

Combeferre: Gavroche is not an adul-

Gavroche: Don't make me sing Little People. I'll do it, I swear I'll do it

Combeferre: Okay, okay, fine

Eponine: Okay, a truth...What's your first name?

Enjolras: I refuse to answer that, I am simply Enjolras.

Eponine: You have to answer!

Enjolras: I don't have to do anything I don't want to do!

Eponine: Then you have to do the dare!

Enjolras: But I don't want to do the dare

Eponine: Too bad, you have to!

Enjolras: Fine, what do I have to do?

Eponine: You have to, um...

Grantaire: Make it something good, we never get to make Enjolras do anything.

Eponine: I dare you to go upstairs and pledge your love to Cosette. I want to see if Marius tries to beat you up.

Enjolras: You want me to what? That's utterly ridiculous!

Eponine: You have to do it or I'll have to make you do something even worse

Enjolras: But I can barely stand Cosette, no offense Valjean.

Eponine: Too bad, you have to

Enjolras: Fine!

They all climb upstairs to where they can still here 'No, I really, really mean it, I love you most!' 'No, I really, really, really mean it, I love you most!'

Enjolras: Excuse the interruption but...

Eponine: (whispering from behind the door) Go on!

Enjolras: I couldn't sleep because I felt that I needed to get something off my chest

Javert: Yeah, that ugly red vest

Eponine: Shh!

Enjolras: I am in love with Cosette. ::Muffled laughter from the hallway::

Marius: What? Enjolras, I cannot believe that-

Cosette: That's so cool!

Marius: What? Cosette!

Cosette: Oh, I love you Marius, but still, admit it, if Enjolras liked you you would feel cool too!

Marius: I don't quite think so...

Cosette: Oh, you know what I mean!

Enjolras: Okay, I'll be, um, going now

Marius: No, I have to um, beat you up or something ::more muffled laughter::

Enjolras: No, don't worry, I'll just always hold it inside

Marius: Phew, that's a relief, I wasn't sure that I could take you

Back in the basement

Enjolras: I can't believe you made me do that!

Eponine: Admit it, that was fun!

Enjolras: For you perhaps but now that girl is going to think I'm in love with her!

Eponine: She'll probably forget by tomorrow anyway.

Enjolras: I hope so

Grantaire: Your turn firebrand

Enjolras: Fine. Truth or dare Javert?

Jehan: Oh that rhymes, I bet I could make a poem out of that...

Javert: Dare! I'm not a wimpy man like you.

Enjolras: Fine then. I dare you to...

Valjean: Shave your sideburns!

Javert: Never!

Gavroche: Sing 'I'm a little teapot'!

Javert: I have too much dignity to-

Grantaire: Get drunk like you did at the restaurant!

Javert: At the restaurant? I didn't-

Enjolras: No, something worse than that. I dare you to ::dramatic pause:: do the Macarena!

Javert: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Valjean: A fate worse than death

Javert: I, no, the Macarena-

Enjolras: I thought you weren't 'wimpy like I am'

Javert: Oh fine! ::he grudgingly gets up:: When I dance they call me Macarena...

Valjean: I'm glad that I had my camera with me

Javert: You what?!

Valjean: Don't worry, I won't show the pictures to anybody, well, except maybe the prefect

Javert: You wouldn't dare

Valjean: Oh, wouldn't I?

Enjolras: Valjean, I had no idea you were so underhanded.

Grantaire: I like it!

Gavroche: Come on, come on, it's Javert's turn!

Javert: Fine, truth or dare rebel?

Enjolras: I would assume you're talking to me?

Javert: Yes

Gavroche: But Enjolras already went!

Grantaire: Wait, I have a theory. When it comes their turn, how many people are going to truth or dare Enjolras? ::all hands rise:: That's what I thought

Enjolras: Why, that's simply ridiculous! Now you know why I didn't want to play!

Grantaire: As I see it, the only fair thing to do is to 'truth or dare' Enjolras, and then instead of firebrand doing the next 'truth or daring' the person who does the truth or daring to Enjolras hands over the 'truth or daring' privilege to the next 'truth or darer'

Gavroche: I'll be surrogate Marius. Duh?

Grantaire: Javert 'truth or dares' Enjolras, and then Javert picks who gets to 'truth or dare' Enjolras next, etc, etc.

Combeferre: Oh, I see

Grantaire: Fair enough?

Enjolras: NO! Are you all insane? You can't really expect me to-

Eponine: Come on Enjy!

Enjolras: No, I'm not going to put myself at the mercy of you and your weird dares!

Grantaire: Then let's take a vote. How many people like my idea? ::all hands but Enjolras's rise:: Then it's settled, Javert, if you will?

Enjolras: But-

Grantaire: We voted, don't you believe in democracy?

Enjolras: Of course I do but-

Grantaire: Then it's settled!

Enjolras: No, I will not-

Grantaire: Long live democracy!

All: Long live democracy!

Enjolras: NO!!!

All: Yes!!!

Enjolras: Argh!!!

Grantaire: I think we've beaten him. Javert, if you will?

Javert: Truth or dare rebel.

Enjolras: ::dejectedly, beaten by those he had considered friends (except for Javert of course):: Truth, I will not go up and tell Cosette I love her again.

Javert: He's not going to make this easy for us

Enjolras: What a surprise...

Javert: Okay, I'm going to go totally against character because it's late and everyone acts differently at night. Besides, I'm bored. Who was the first woman you ever kissed?

Enjolras: My mother. Next, let's get this over with.

Javert: That doesn't count

Enjolras: Then you should have been more specific. Next!

Javert: ::grumble, grumble:: Valjean might as well go next

Valjean: Why thank you Javert. So, Enjolras, why do you hate my daughter so much?

Enjolras: I don't know, she's just so sickeningly sweet

Valjean: Well, she was raised well.

Enjolras: Yes, I see that. Next!

Valjean: Um, Grantaire was it? You can go.

Grantaire: Oh, I've been waiting for this!

Enjolras: I fear for my life and my sanity

Grantaire: As well you should. Enjolras, truth or dare.

Enjolras: Tru-

Grantaire: Dare? Well, that's just great.

Enjolras: I said truth!

Grantaire: Fine, but you're not going to like the truth question.

Enjolras: Try me ::Grantaire whispers in Enjolras's ear and Enjolras flushes a deep red color:: Ok, dare.

Eponine: Oh, what was the question?

Enjolras: A gentleman dare not repeat it.

Eponine: I can only imagine

Enjolras: I don't think you could.

Grantaire: Ah, dare, see firebrand, I was right all along.

Enjolras: Yes, yes, is anyone tired yet? I think the insane fan-fiction writing lady was right, it's time to go to sleep.

Grantaire: I don't think so. I dare you to kiss Eponine.

Enjolras: What, are we thirteen year olds? I've already kissed Eponine.

Grantaire: Yeah, but I don't think you've got the guts to do it in front of us.

Enjolras: You doubt me?

Grantaire: Obviously...

Enjolras: Wait, don't I need Eponine's permission or something?

Eponine: You've always got my permission Enjy.

Enjolras: Well, ok. ::he proceeds to give her a tiny peck on the cheek:: Happy now?

Grantaire: No, that doesn't count!

Enjolras: Should have been more specific. Well, it was great guys, but we have a busy day tomorrow and-

Grantaire: I don't think so. There are still nine people who have yet to dare you.

Enjolras: Well, that's too bad. I mean, I have to use the bathroom, yeah, that's it, the bathroom...

Grantaire: Well, fine.

Five minutes later

Grantaire: He sure has been gone a long time...

Ten minutes later

Feuilly: ::dragging Enjolras back with the help of Bahorel:: We caught him trying to escape out the window.

Grantaire: Enjolras, running? Tsk, tsk.

Enjolras: Oh, be quiet

Grantaire: Who's next? Um, Combeferre, will you go?

Combeferre: No, I don't think it would be right.

Grantaire: You have to go sometime.

Combeferre: Fine, truth or dare Enjolras?

Enjolras: Truth...

Combeferre: Do you like Eponine?

Enjolras: Yes, and thank you friend for giving me an easy one.

Combeferre: Um, Bossuet, would you like to go next?

Bousset: Why not? Truth or dare Enjolras?

Enjolras: Truth but of course.

Bousset: Who's your favorite Ami?

Enjolras: What? Bousset, I could never answer that, for you are all my friends under the wide banner of the revolution.

Bousset: Yeah, yeah, answer the question

Enjolras: Probably Courfeyrac or Combeferre, happy that I've alienated all my other friends now?

Bousset: Actually, kind of.

Enjolras: Great...

Bousset: Seven to go, um, Bahorel?

Bahorel: Do you think I could take you in a fight?

Enjolras: Sure, why not, next!

Bahorel: Courfeyrac, would you like to go?

Courfeyrac: Seeing as I am one of Enjolras's best friends, I should probably be nice

Enjolras: That would be very nice of you.

Courfeyrac: Still, this is a very rare occurrence, to have you at my mercy...

Enjolras: Courfeyrac...

Courfeyrac: Fine, truth or dare?

Enjolras: Can I trust you?

Courfeyrac: Probably

Enjolras: I know I'm going to regret this. Dare...

Courfeyrac: Huzzah.

Enjolras: Remember, you said you would be nice

Courfeyrac: Yeah, yeah...Um, I dare you to go upstairs and

Enjolras: I'm already regretting this.

Courfeyrac: And go outside to where Patron-Minette is

Eponine: That might not be a great idea...

Courfeyrac: And tell Thenardier that you like Eponine.

Eponine: He's not going to care

Enjolras: And if he does I almost fear for what will happen

Courfeyrac: Will you do it?

Enjolras: Yes, but if something bad happens let it be on your head.

Grantaire: I will gladly bear the weight Courfeyrac.

Courfeyrac: Thank you.

Enjolras: And who is coming with me this time?

Eponine: I'll go

Grantaire: I think we should all go, this will probably be interesting

Enjolras: Yes, yes, all witness my discomfort. What are there seven more people left to torture me?

Grantaire: Yes, unless you want to give us all another turn

Enjolras: It's more likely that Javert will shave off his sideburns, change his name to Babette and perform Swan Lake for us in a pink tutu while singing the Alphabet Song and carrying a tie-dyed poodle!

Grantaire: So, it is possible.

Enjolras: Be quiet Grantaire.

Grantaire: Never!

Enjolras: Let's get on with this you sick, twisted torturers.

Grantaire: Now is that any way to speak to your 'friends under the wide banner of the revolution.'?

Enjolras: You enjoy torturing me, don't you?

Grantaire: Truthfully? It tickles me.

Enjolras: ::scowling:: Everyone is against me.

Eponine: I'm not Enjolras

Enjolras: I should hope not.

They proceed to the backyard where there are three tents set up, and a fire.

Gavroche: Oh, they get a campfire, no fair!

Valjean: I don't think that we were allowed to build fires.

Javert: The weird fiction writer lady is not going to be happy.

Combeferre: She'll probably torture us by making us perform Barney or Sesame Street next.

Enjolras: Shh, don't give her any ideas.

Thenardier: Who's out there?

Eponine: It's just us

Thenardier: Oh, what do you want?

Enjolras: I have something to tell you.

Thenardier: The rebel leader? Unless you came to give us a...donation I don't really care what you have to say.

Enjolras: Well, I just felt that I had to tell you that um, I like your daughter.

Thenardier: You what?

Enjolras: I said it already, I don't have to say it again.

Courfeyrac: Well, maybe he didn't hear you?

Enjolras: Do you really think I'm that stupid?

Courfeyrac: Of course not, but you never know, it's late and you're acting weird.

Enjolras: I'm only acting weird because you are daring me to be 'weird'

Thenardier: ::putting on a saccharine sweet smile:: Oh, Inspector Javert, I didn't see you there. Won't you please come into our tent?

Valjean: ::glancing at the poker in the campfire:: Trust me Javert, don't go in there

Javert: But I don't trust you Valjean. ::Glancing at Thenardier's evil smirk:: But maybe I trust you more than I trust him.

Thenardier: But my dear Inspector-

Javert: No, really, that's okay

Enjolras: Can we go now?

Courfeyrac: Ugh, I guess so, that was no fun at all!

Enjolras: You would rather I had been beaten up?

Courfeyrac: Well...

Enjolras: What a great friend

Javert: Back to the basement!

Back in the basement

Enjolras: Really, don't you all think it is time to sleep?

Grantaire: No!

Enjolras: Who is next? My patience and sanity are wearing thin.

Gavroche: I want to go, I want to go!

Courfeyrac: Go ahead Gavroche.

Gavroche: Truth or dare?

Enjolras: You're young and you exposed Javert, so I feel like I can trust you for some odd reason.

Gavroche: So dare?

Enjolras: I guess so.

Gavroche: Yay! I dare you to marry Eponine and become my brother-in-law!

Enjolras: I think that is one dare that I am actually allowed to turn down.

Grantaire: Yeah, that isn't happening

Courfeyrac: Can you imagine Enjolras married?

Enjolras: Would that be so shocking?

Feuilly: An apartment in Paris

Enjolras: I would rather have a house

Bousset: The little wife cooking him dinner

Enjolras: No, I would want her to be independen-

Combeferre: And a dozen little Enjolras's

Enjolras: A dozen?

Grantaire: All with little red vests

Enjolras: Well, surely the girls would not be wearing-

Courfeyrac: Can you imagine?

Enjolras: Well, you all seem to be quite able to-

Feuilly: 'Down with naptime!'

Enjolras: Hey-

Bahorel: 'No more baths!'

Enjolras: They would stay clean-

Bousset: And Enjolras, the caring father 'Now children, I am going to tell you a story about a wonderful man. He wasn't a prince, no, not anything so horrible. He was a great man and his name was Robespierre'

Enjolras: So?

Grantaire: 'I remember a time when there was no guillotine and there was no equality in death, so be thankful for what you have.'

Enjolras: And what's wrong with that?

Combeferre: But they would probably be beautiful children.

Enjolras: Thank you Combeferre, I think...

Grantaire: Of course, all the other children would be jealous or in love with them.

Enjolras: Well, that is not necessarily-

Courfeyrac: 'Mommy, mommy, help me! A group of lovesick girls followed me home!'

Enjolras: Courfeyrac, I-

Feuilly: 'Now junior, that's something that you will have to learn to live with'

Enjolras: Feuilly, please-

Bousset: 'I know I have'

Enjolras: Why Bousset, I-

Courfeyrac: 'But now I have an excuse to stay away from them. That is the best thing about being married'

Enjolras: That isn't-

Bahorel: 'Well, not the best thing'

Enjolras: Well, I don't even want to know what you mean by-

Bousset: 'What do you mean father?'

Courfeyrac: 'I will tell you when you're older. Now put on your little red vest and start studying Voltaire!'

Enjolras: I would not force them to wear-

Bahorel: 'If I must father.'

Feuilly: 'Oh Ponine, darling'

Eponine: Oh, so I'm the little wife?

Bousset: (in high falsetto) 'Yes, Enjolras darling?'

Eponine: I do not sound like that!

Feuilly: 'You know, I've been wanting another child'

Enjolras: What are you implying?

Bousset: 'But we have 6 already'

Eponine: Six?

Feuilly: 'Oh, but I do love children'

Enjolras: I don't see what that has to do with-

Bousset: 'You sure do' ::they make false kissing noises::

Enjolras: JUST STOP! Okay, weird deja-vu feeling...But anyway, be quiet!

Grantaire: Soooooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy

Enjolras: Enough with your sarcasm Grantaire.

Javert: Page 62 and we haven't done any of the play since page 28. If anyone is actually reading this they are insane.

Me: (From upstairs) The omniscient weird fan fiction writer lady hears you talking about her Javert and she is not pleased!

Javert: But, I mean, 34 pages of rubbish?

Enjolras: Then perhaps we can just end this part and go to bed?

Grantaire: No, we still have three to go!

Gavroche: But Enjolras didn't marry Eponine!

Enjolras: Well, it's not happening. You can ask me a truth question if you like, I do not want to be unfair.

Gavroche: Fine. Are you a 'pure one'?

Combeferre: Gavroche!

Enjolras: Why do children grow up so fast nowadays?

Gavroche: I dunno, probably cause we're abandoned by our parents and stuff

Enjolras: Oh.

Gavroche: So answer.

Enjolras: What was the question again?

Gavroche: You want me to draw you a diagram?

Enjolras: That won't be necessary. I think I'll just pass on the question.

Gavroche: You can't do that.

Enjolras: Well I sure as hell am not going to answer a question about my relations.

Gavroche: Wimp

Enjolras: I am not a-

Gavroche: Wimp in denial.

Marius: (From upstairs) That's a river in Egypt

Javert: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His voice follows me!!! Ah!!!!!!!!!!

Valjean: Calm down Javert!

Enjolras: Can we get on with this? I want to end this stupid game!

Javert: And this stupid chapter

Gavroche: Then answer the question.

Enjolras: No.

Gavroche: You have to.

Enjolras: No. I'll do a dare. But it cannot include marrying Eponine.

Gavroche: You are so not fun.

Enjolras: You're not the first to say so.

Gavroche: Fine. I dare you to go upstairs and kiss what's her name.

Enjolras: Not Cosette again.

Gavroche: Yeah, that's the one.

Enjolras: I refuse to do that too

Valjean: I have nothing against you Enjolras, but stay away from my daughter.

Enjolras: I don't want your daughter.

Valjean: What? So now she's not good enough for you rebel?

Enjolras: Have you gone insane?

Valjean: I think that you're insane for not being in love with my daughter.

Enjolras: That's it, I'm ending this chapter.

Valjean: Oh no you don't, we're arguing here.

Gavroche: And you never did my dare!

Grantaire: And Jehan, Joly and Feuilly have yet to go.

Enjolras: I don't care. As leader I reserve the right to end chapters and that is what I am doing.

The End
To be continued.

Me: I don't think so. You finish the game

Enjolras: But-

Me: No buts. Gavroche, ask something easy, I want to go to bed and I can't until this stupid chapter is over.

Gavroche: Fine. What's the difference between National Socialism and Fascism? I mean, they're on different sides, one's to the left and one's to the right, but they're like synonyms.

Enjolras: That is a very intelligent question that I would be happy to answer.

Me: And while he does so we will go to a commercial break.

************************************************************************

Valjean: Do you ever wonder who you are? It could be because you're getting on in years and you're not as sharp as you used to be.

Javert: Like you 24601, sharp as a bowling ball

Valjean: What you need is this herbal energizer that also boosts memory. So next time you think to yourself 'Who am I?' just remember it's not who you are but what brand herbal medicine you take.

Javert: And I'm the scary one?

************************************************************************

Enjolras: ...And that's the difference between National Socialism and Fascism

Gavroche: Wow, that was very informative.

Enjolras: Who's next?

Gavroche: Jehan can go.

Jehan: Enjolras, are there really ghosts down here?

Enjolras: To the best of my knowledge, yes

Jehan: Oh. Joly, why don't you go while I find my nightlight?

Joly: Do I look sick to you?

Enjolras: No, you look tired. Feuilly, you are the last one to go.

Feuilly: And I relinquish my power to Grantaire, for I feel he will make it much better than I ever could.

Enjolras: No, you can't do that.

Grantaire: Feuilly, have I mentioned lately how great you are?

Feuilly: I try.

Enjolras: You'll pay for this Feuilly.

Grantaire: I think you'll pay more firebrand.

Enjolras: At least you're the last one

Grantaire: That I am, save the best for last I always say.

Enjolras: No you don't

Grantaire: I do now.

Enjolras: Okay, just get your torture over with.

Grantaire: Let's see...I could ask you to sing a song from the Pirates of Penzance.

Enjolras: Oh, I am a pirate king-(Anthony Warlow again folks)

Grantaire: But that would be too simple

Enjolras: Then what is it I must do?

Grantaire: You have a choice. Either a) Let us French braid your hair

Enjolras: Well, that's not happening

Grantaire: Or b) ::whispers something in Enjolras's ear that once again makes him turn bright scarlet::

Enjolras: You know what? A French braid is looking pretty good about now.

Eponine: Oh, I'll do it!

Enjolras: Okay...

Eponine: Oh, you have soft hair.

Grantaire: He conditions.

Eponine: There, all done.

Grantaire: Darn it.

Combeferre: He actually looks good.

Eponine: Not bad if I may say so.

Enjolras: You know, usually I wouldn't approve, but it's late and it really doesn't look half bad.

Grantaire: That backfired.

Enjolras: Ah, that ordeal is finally over!

Grantaire: You sure you don't want to do that other dare Enjolras?

Enjolras: (again scarlet) No thank you Grantaire.

Grantaire: Pity...

Eponine: Now what should we do?

Gavroche: Let's go make s'mores on the fire

Courfeyrac: Let's sneak upstairs and get ice cream

Grantaire: Let's put on really loud music

Eponine: Let's go outside and play manhunt.

Javert: That sounds fun. I'll hunt you down Valjean.

Valjean: Oh, I'm in Javert. You weren't able to catch me in real life and you won't be able to in the game either.

Javert: We'll see.

Enjolras: So we're all playing?

All: Yes!

Eponine: I'm going to go ask everyone else if they want to play too.

Gavroche: Don't ask Patron-Minette Ponine. I mean, a game, in the dark, with them?

Eponine: You're probably right Gavroche. I'll only invite some people.

So ten minutes later everyone (all of the Amis, Eponine, Azelma, Fantine, Javert, Valjean, Cosette, Marius, Gavroche, and Montparnasse) is assembled outside, most in black.

Enjolras: First things first. Montparnasse, please give me all the weapons that you have on your person at this time.

Montparnasse: ::reluctantly handing over an assortment of weapons from seemingly endless pockets:: Fine, fine. What did you think I was going to do, murder you all one by one?

Jehan: The thought did cross our minds

Montparnasse: Scaredy cats.

Enjolras: So here are the rules. We'll be divided into two teams. The idea is to capture all the members of the other team. You have to put them in jail, which will be this lawn here. To capture someone you have to hold them and say 'Manhunt, manhunt, 123, 123'. We'll pick teams. Who wants to be the captains?

Javert: I want to be the jailer!

Valjean: What a surprise...

Javert: And I insist I am not on Valjean's team!

Valjean: That's a shame, you know how good I am at eluding you.

Javert: ::Grumble, grumble::

Grantaire: I nominate Enjolras for leader, it seems only fitting

Enjolras: Maybe I don't want to lead for once

Grantaire: Fat chance

Enjolras: Is there anyone else who wants to be captain?

Marius: (With his hand raised as if in a classroom) Oh, me, pick me!

Enjolras: I guess Marius is the other captain.

Marius: Yay! I pick Cosette first!

Eponine: What a surprise...

Enjolras: Let's see, I pick Combeferre.

Marius: My wonderful father-in-law!

Valjean: joy.

Enjolras: Courfeyrac.

Marius: Um, Cosette's mommy!

Fantine: I assume he's talking to me?

Marius: Yup!

Fantine: joy.

They continue picking, the teams wind up like this

Enjolras: Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Eponine, Javert, Azelma, Feuilly, Gavroche, and Grantaire.

Marius: Cosette, Valjean, Fantine, Bahorel, Jehan, Joly, Bousset, Montparnasse.

Enjolras: We'll toss a coin to decide who hides first.

Marius: Heads!

The coin winds up tails.

Marius: Doh!

Enjolras: Okay everyone on my team, hi-

Grantaire: Wait! We need a team name!

Enjolras: No we don't!

Grantaire: Yes we do!

Enjolras: Fine, but make it quick.

Grantaire: We should be called The Olympians. I'm Pylades!

Enjolras: What??? Oh, it doesn't matter. Everyone on my team hide!

Gavroche: Can do!

After a count of 100

Valjean: Come out come out wherever you are Javert. How does it feel to be hunted?

Javert: (from faraway) Oh, I'm so scared

Valjean: You should be!

Cosette: Hello? Hello? Where is everybody?

Eponine: (also from far away) Hiding from you because we don't like you!

Montparnasse: Eponine, where are you, you know you can't hide from me.

Jehan: It's dark, I'm scared. Someone come out so that I don't have to be alone.

Joly: I'm going to get a cold out here.

Bahorel: Someone come out or I'll get my boxing gloves.

Bossuet: My head is cold.

Marius: ::spotting Azelma who is hiding behind a tree (she's real skinny):: Ah, got you

Azelma: Oh darn!

Valjean: I'll be jailer. Get in character you know.

Azelma: You're locking me up?

Valjean: I'm sorry.

Azelma: I mean, I've been in jail before, but usually it's a girl's detention center, not a lawn.

Valjean: Oh yeah, I remember that, it was kind of my fault.

Azelma: That's okay, with my therapist's help I've been able to blame my father.

Valjean: I see

Montparnasse: I got one

Combeferre: Darn it, I shouldn't have stopped running to finish my novel.

Valjean: Yeah, that was a bad idea.

Combeferre: Oh, hello Azelma, they got you too?

Azelma: Yeah, dirty rats.

Combeferre: We won't be in here long, we Amis look out for each other.

Eponine: ::running into jail and freeing Azelma and Combeferre:: We Thenardier's look out for each other too!

Bahorel: I got Grantaire.

Grantaire: Let me go!

Bahorel: It's not my fault you had to stop at the bar for a beer.

Grantaire: Yeah, that wasn't too smart, I see that now.

Fantine: I, um, caught this one.

Courfeyrac: Caught by a woman, the shame.

Feuilly: Ah, stop sneezing on me Joly!

Joly: Sorry, but I do have a cold.

Feuilly: Sure you do.

Montparnasse: Ha, I caught the police inspector.

Javert: It's not my fault I'm so tall

Montparnasse: Now the wheel has turned around

Valjean: Maybe if you weren't wearing the hat, that could give you away.

Javert: Take off my hat? Never!

Valjean: I am the jailer of hundreds of prisoners, they all look to me.

Javert: Yeah, right.

Valjean: Well, at least I have you, Grantaire, Courfeyrac, and Feuilly.

Eponine: (from behind a tree) Not for long!

Valjean: ::running after her:: We'll see

Enjolras: ::sneaking out from behind a bush shaped like a Greek statue:: Freedom my friends! And, um, Javert...

Grantaire: Huzzah! Knew we could count on you firebrand.

Enjolras: Just stay away from the bar this time

Eponine: Lousy copper, picking on a girl.

Valjean: Where did all my prisoners go?!

Eponine: I sacrificed myself for them, shouldn't have left your post.

Valjean: Darn!

Eponine: It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done-

Javert: (from faraway) You are the Worst Jailer Ever!

Valjean: Shut up!

Eponine: Some day my prince will come...

Enjolras: (In a deep whisper from right behind her) He's already here.

Eponine: My hero!

Valjean: ::cornering Enjolras in between two houses:: Ah, Enjolras, my daughter isn't good enough for you? I'll put you in jail.

Enjolras: You're deranged sir.

Valjean: Then Javert made me that way.

Enjolras: I'm faster than you are.

Valjean: I'm stronger

Montparnasse: ::emerging from the shadows:: And I'm right behind you!

Enjolras: Merde!!! I'm caught!

Valjean: It's about time.

Enjolras: I guess I should have known that if you constantly break the law it will eventually catch up with you.

Marius: So how's jail Enjolras?

Enjolras: Greener than I would have supposed

Valjean: Javert, I will catch you...

Gavroche: ::swinging upside-down from a branch on a tree right next to the lawn:: Freedom Enjolras!

Enjolras: You are a good man Gavroche.

Gavroche: Can I be an Ami?

Enjolras: Yes, you are now an honorary Ami.

Gavroche: Huzzah!

Valjean: I lost him! Darn that rebel!

Marius: Maybe you should not be the jailer, you would be better suited to run, you've had more experience with that

Valjean: I guess so, now I can really find Javert. Hunt for that man, comb the city every street, every grate, you put a guard at every gate, drag him out, shout the moment that you find him. Damn!

Javert: Such profanity in front of the children? Tsk, tsk.

Valjean: Where are you hiding Javert? Come out and fight me like a man!

Javert: We're playing manhunt Valjean, the point is to hide

Cosette: Yay, yay, I am the jailer!

Marius: You sure are darling.

Cosette: Go and catch someone Marius so I can guard them!

Marius: Of course darling.

Eventually all of 'The Olympians' are caught except for Enjolras. Montparnasse, Bahorel, and Marius are the only ones who searching for him, all the rest are guarding the 'prisoners'.

Marius: Enjolras, come on out, you can't hide forever!

Enjolras: We'll see about that

Montparnasse: And you're going to allow your friends to rot in jail?

Enjolras: Of course not.

Bahorel: Come on Enjolras, just try to free them.

Valjean: How does it feel to be in jail Javert?

Javert: Soft and grass-like.

Valjean: Well, if this were Toulon-

Javert: Then you would be the one in jail.

Enjolras: ::holding red flag (don't ask me where he got it) high above his head:: Come and get me! ::All scatter to find him, but when they reach him find out it was a dress mannequin from my basement (as unlikely as that sounds, though I do actually have one, of course) In the meantime Enjolras has freed the whole team

Marius: No!

Enjolras: Yes. But as gracious winners we have decided to allow you to hide for a time.

Cosette: Yay!

Montparnasse: That's decent of you.

Enjolras: Decent enough that you won't murder me in my sleep?

Montparnasse: Don't push your luck

After another count of 100

Javert: (in scary deranged-Javert voice) Now the hunt begins...

Eponine: Okay, that was scary, don't be 'The Inspector' for once. Just be like a normal guy

Javert: Nor-maal? What's that?

Eponine: Oy...

Combeferre: By my calculations there is an 87% chance of someone being in this tree

Joly: Ah-choo!

Combeferre: Okay, 100% chance...

Joly: Darn you cold, darn you!

Javert: Ah, the sickly one, jail always gets to the sickly ones.

Joly: Um, help, friends, HELP!

Enjolras: Really Javert, you don't have to scare him

Javert: Oh, don't I?

Enjolras: No, you don't!

Eponine: Oh Cosette, dear Cosette, where are you?

Enjolras: Remember, be gentle

Eponine: Yeah, yeah...

Feuilly: Come out or I'll fan and I'll fan and I'll blow your house down!

Eponine: Ah, found you lark!

Cosette: Oh, darn it!

Eponine: If you ever want to see your little flower again Marius you had better try and save her...

Cosette: Oh Marius, save me!

Javert: Oh no, you're staying in jail. I'm a much better jailer than Valjean could ever dream of being.

Valjean: (from behind a bush in close proximity) Are not!

Javert: ::catching Valjean:: Exhibit A

Valjean: ::rolling eyes:: Oh wow, you know you're alphabet...

Javert: Well I do see that my team is much better than yours.

Valjean: We'll see.

Courfeyrac: I picked up Bousset.

Bousset: A baldhead in a leafy bush isn't all that hard to spot.

Azelma: Ah, I got one!!!!!

Bahorel: Caught by a twig, such horrendous shame!

Azelma: I'm a Thenardier twig, we're tougher.

Enjolras: ::producing Marius:: I brought you a present Eponine.

Cosette: Oh Marius, at least we're together

Gavroche: I got Mother Goose!

Fantine: My name is Fantine Gavroche, Fantine!

Gavroche: Yeah, yeah, Old Mother Hubbard, I don't care

Cosette: Mommy!

Fantine: Ah, this lawn is getting kind of crowded, kind of fast

Valjean: I noticed

Enjolras: Just two left

Eponine: Parnasse

Enjolras: And Jehan.

Combeferre: There's a 97.68% chance Jehan will be near a lighted area

Eponine: And the same for Parnasse in a dark area.

Enjolras: Eponine and I will search for Montparnasse. Feuilly, you, Courfeyrac, and Grantaire find Jehan. And don't scare him to death!

Grantaire: Fine, but that takes all the fun out of it!

Enjolras: Combeferre, you, Javert, Azelma, and Gavroche guard our 'prisoners'.

Javert: With pleasure

Cosette: Mommy, he's scaring me!

Fantine: Don't worry, he scares everyone

Eponine: Enjolras, stay quiet, I can lure out Parnasse, just wait for him and catch him.

Enjolras: Just be careful

Eponine: Don't worry, it's Parnasse, he's like a kitten

Enjolras: Yeah, a baby tiger...

Eponine: (semi-loud) Well, since Enjolras will probably catch Montparnasse and Jean Prouvaire I should probably go back and guard the jail. But I don't really like being on the side of the law. Too bad, me all alone at night. All alone...

Montparnasse: (whispered) You know you're never really alone Eponine.

Eponine: Parnasse? Is that you? You scared me.

Montparnasse: Sorry Ponine, but that's the kind of guy I am

Eponine: Where are you? I can't see you.

Montparnasse: ::coming out of the shadows:: I'm right here

Enjolras: And I'm right behind you.

Montparnasse: Merde! Deja-vu!

Enjolras: I hope the others caught Jehan.

Montparnasse: Lousy cops ::grumble, grumble:: got caught ::grumble, grumble:: tricked by a Thenardier ::grumble, grumble:: bloody rebel leader ::grumble, grumble:: etc.

Eponine: Ah, don't feel bad Parnasse, you were caught by the best!

Montparnasse: ::grumble, grumble::

Courfeyrac: Jehan, oh Jehan, where are you?

Feuilly: We don't want the monsters to get to you

Grantaire: Or the ghosts

Feuilly: Don't forget the boogeyman

Grantaire: And the Javert monster!

Jehan: (quiet) Eep!

Feuilly: (whispered to Courfeyrac) I think I heard him

Courfeyrac: (in a whisper) That or a sad little mouse

Feuilly: (louder) Maybe we should just leave

Courfeyrac: I'm sure Jehan is not afraid of the dark

Feuilly: And the monsters...

Grantaire: And the ghosts...

Courfeyrac: And the boogeyman...

Feuilly: And the Javert monster!

Jehan: ::coming out of hiding:: No! Don't leave! Please, I don't want to be alone!

Grantaire: Manhunt, manhunt, 123, 123!

Jehan: Better to be caught by you than the boogeyman...

Marius: Oh, we lost! Darn, darn, darn, darn, DARN!

Enjolras: Ah, the better team won. Huzzah for the- what was it?

Grantaire: Olympians!

Enjolras: Huzzah for the Olympians!

Olympians: Huzzah for the Olympians!

Montparnasse: ::grumble, grumble::

Valjean: As chaperone I feel it is about time we go to bed.

Javert: You are so old and boring!

Valjean: Am not, but sleep is important!

Gavroche: Spoil sport!

Eponine: So what should we do now?

Fantine/Cosette: Makeover!

Eponine: What?

Cosette: ::dragging her off:: We're going to make you pretty!

Eponine: Which means I'm not now...?

Cosette: You too Azelma!

Azelma: But I don't-

Cosette: Too bad!

Enjolras: Eponine, do you want me to, um, rescue you?

Eponine: No, why don't you do that male bonding stuff and I'll take care of them...

Enjolras: If you say so...

Grantaire: Now, time to do manly men stuff!

10 minutes later

Upstairs

Cosette: Pass me the hairbrush!

Fantine: Mascara!

Azelma: Eponine, help me!

Eponine: M'aidez, m'aidez, we're going down...

Basement

Grantaire: Okay, manly man stuff...

Combeferre: And that would be...?

Enjolras: A good question if ever I heard one

Grantaire: Um, smoking cigars, playing pool, poker, getting drunk-

Enjolras: So the usual for you Grantaire?

Grantaire: Well, I am a manly man!

Enjolras: Sure you are.

Grantaire: Fine, why don't we plan Enjolras's bachelor party?

Combeferre: Grantaire-

Enjolras: Oh, so now you seek to mock my new relationship

Grantaire: No, I'm just saying that I want your bachelor party to be very memorable and so we might as well begin discussing it now

Enjolras: What in the world makes you think that I am going to marry Eponine?

Grantaire: Oh, so you're just using her?

Enjolras: Of course not, I-

Grantaire: So, obviously this relationship is serious

Enjolras: I don't want to talk about this!

Grantaire: Oh, embarrassed are we?

Combeferre: Grantaire, Enjolras is-

Enjolras: No, I just don't feel the need to share my intimate relationship with the whole world!

Grantaire: Ah, intimate is it?

Enjolras: Be quiet!

Combeferre: Yes, we would do well to move on.

Courfeyrac: Then what are we going to do?

Joly: I don't know!

Enjolras: Perhaps the females have finished their activities?

Marius: No, Cosette will come down when they're done, we don't like to be apart.

Javert: (mockingly dumbfounded) No!

Marius: (Not noting the sarcasm) No, really, I'm not even kidding!

Enjolras: Well, at least they shouldn't be too much longer.

Grantaire: Then on to the planning of the bachelor party!

Enjolras: Even if I were to be getting married, I would not want a bachelor party!

Grantaire: That's a lie and we all know it!

Enjolras: I speak the truth!

Grantaire: But, I know people who have gotten married for the bachelor party!

Enjolras: Well, I am not one of those people.

Grantaire: Well, then it will just have to be a surprise bachelor party.

Enjolras: You wouldn't dare!

Grantaire: Oh, wouldn't I?

Enjolras: Okay, now I'm scared

Jehan: Me too!

Marius: Isn't Cosette done yet? I miss her!

Valjean: You would, you stalker.

Marius: What did you say new-daddy?

Valjean: Well, it just always rubbed me the wrong way that you watched my daughter every day in the park and then followed her home. You looked at her in the garden without her knowing, and listened to her sing, and who knows what else, even after we moved to get away from you!

Marius: But I was in love!

Valjean: Still, you had problems.

Marius: Did not!

Javert: I should arrest you for stalking

Marius: Stalking my new wife?

Enjolras: Marius is not a stalker, he's just an overly zealous man in love, let us leave it at that.

Javert: I'll be watching you Pontmercy

Marius: (sarcastic) Oh, I'm so scared-Oh wait, I really am scared, can you not be watching me?

Javert: I don't think that could be possible

Marius: Darn!

Cosette: Marius, oh darling, where are you?

Marius: I'm right here darling, the big mean police inspector is threatening me!

Cosette: Oh, poor baby!

Valjean: Is Fantine with you?

Cosette: She's coming, she's just putting the finishing touches on the girls.

Enjolras: What have you done to them?

Cosette: Made them beautiful, of course!

Enjolras: Not that Eponine needed any help, but why did you do it at night?

Cosette: Oh, you mean because it will just get messed up?

Enjolras: Yes.

Cosette: Well, this is a sleepover and that's what girls do!

Grantaire: I see, Cosette: Perpetuator of Female Stereotypes

Marius: Is not!!! Take that back Grantaire or I swear I'll-

Grantaire: Oh, just try to beat me up

Marius: Then I'll have Enjolras do it. I'm sure he's just waiting for a reason to punch you.

Enjolras: Well, I wouldn't go quite that far. At least he died for what he believed in at the end.

Marius: It's not my fault Supergramps had to come and save me!

Valjean: Hey!

Javert: Haha, supergramps, ha!

Valjean: I did it for my daughter, not for you stalker!

Marius: Am not!

Cosette: Daddy, what are you talking about?

Valjean: Nothing dear, just make sure you lock your doors at night

Cosette: Okay daddy.

Fantine: Come see the beauties!!!

Eponine: I don't want to go-

Fantine: ::pulling her into the basement, while Eponine tries to hold on to the door:: No. You. Have. To. Go!

Eponine: No, don't make me!!!

Fantine: You, have, to! ::she succeeds in getting Eponine into the basement.::

Eponine: (with hair highlighted, eyebrows shaped, eye makeup, lipstick, blush, curled hair, manicured nails, etc.) Lousy, stinking ::grumble, grumble::

Enjolras: Eponine, you-

Eponine: Not one word Enjolras, not one lousy stinking word!

Enjolras: You look beautiful

Eponine: I look like a prostitute.

Enjolras: Now Eponine, it's true that you did look beautiful before, extremely beautiful, but there is nothing wrong with this beauty.

Eponine: Ugh, I feel like Cosette!

Cosette: Oh, you're almost as pretty as me Eponine, maybe, one day, with practice

Eponine: Oy vai.

Cosette: So what were you manly men doing while we were gone?

Grantaire: Planning Enjolras's bach- ::he is silenced by an elbow to his stomach::

Cosette: What was that?

Enjolras: Nothing, nothing.

Eponine: You know what? I'm really in the mood for some ice-cream.

Enjolras: That sounds like a splendid idea.

Gavroche: Oh, and I know where the insane writer lady stashes all of her good ice-cream

After much eating of ice-cream

Javert: ::finishing his Chunky-Monkey:: Okay, you know what? This chapter is just dragging on and on. I, as Chief Police Inspector, declare this chapter over, who's with me?

All: We are!

Javert: Then I declare this chapter over

Enjolras: Finally!

PART 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that was pointless...

Home again, Home again, deedleedee