The cast of Les Misérables is next to a shipwreck on a deserted island.
Eponine:
So whose idea was it to go on a stupid three-hour tour?
Combeferre:
That would be Marius's.
Marius:
Hey, I thought it would be fun!
Cosette:
It's okay Marius, it wasn't your fault.
Enjolras:
Like hell it isn't! We're trapped here!
Eponine:
Enjolras, calm down!
Enjolras:
I'm sorry, but this situation is rather vexing!
Eponine:
We should have just gone out to dinner like we were supposed to
Enjolras:
Well, if someone hadn't suggested that we take a 'little boat
ride'-
Marius:
I didn't know we were going to crash, what am I, a psychic?
Grantaire:
Deeeeaaaarrr Sister…
Enjolras:
That would be a gypsy
Grantaire:
Oh, right…
Javert:
As the only authority figure here I think that we should start to build huts and the such.
Valjean:
I guess that kind of makes sense
Javert:
I'm in charge of the jail.
Grantaire:
Enjolras is president
Courfeyrac:
Combeferre is vice-president
Combeferre:
Bahorel is minister of defense
Bahorel:
That's a good one
Valjean:
I'm mayor!
Javert:
Ha, Valjean, how fitting
Fantine:
But you were a good mayor
Valjean:
Thank you Fantine.
Enjolras:
I don't think we need to start assigning titles right now, but we should
gather food and start the building of a shelter
Grantaire:
Yes Mr. President
Enjolras:
Please, Grantaire? Anyway, students, Javert, Valjean, and Patron-Minette stay
here and get to work building some sort of shelters. Cosette, Eponine, Fantine,
Azelma, Mme. Thenardier, Marius, Gavroche, and anyone who does not feel that
they will be helpful in building huts, go gather food.
Cosette:
::saluting:: Yes sir, Mr. Rebel Leader sir!
Enjolras:
Please, don't do that…
Eponine:
I'm sure that there are fruit trees of some sort here
Gavroche:
I'll climb
Javert:
Finally, some use for the gamin.
Gavroche:
Oh, and an aging, bushy-sideburned ex-police inspector it sooooo useful. I say
we eat him first!
Enjolras:
No one is eating anyone!
Grantaire:
Well, not yet, anyway…
Enjolras:
We can make this our Utopia. It's what I've always dreamed of.
Javert:
You dreamt of living on your very own island? You need some better dreams.
Enjolras:
Well, it's not what I always dreamed of!
Javert:
Eww, you're sick!
Enjolras:
What? Javert, you need a life!
Jehan:
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, what are we going to do?
Courfeyrac:
Well, first we'll build shelters
Javert:
I said that already!
Valjean:
Start by gathering some palm fronds and twigs-
Javert:
That sounds like a wimpy house! We need to cut down some redwoods!
Enjolras:
I don't think that there are any redwoods on this island Javert. For tonight
we just need some temporary shelters.
Javert:
::grumble, grumble::
About
a half hour later a palm frond hut has been constructed
Eponine:
We're back!
Cosette:
And we have fruit!
Javert:
It's about time
Cosette:
Is that where we're supposed to sleep tonight?
Grantaire:
Not good enough for her majesty?
Cosette:
But there are so many of us!
Enjolras:
We will build more of course.
Eponine:
How 'bout a mud hut? I read about them somewhere.
Enjolras:
That's not a bad idea.
Cosette:
There is no way I'm sleeping in a mud hut
Eponine:
You've slept in worse
Enjolras:
I'll help you build a mud hut if you're serious Eponine?
Eponine:
Of course!
Valjean:
Javert and I will fish.
Javert:
Yes, it's a good thing we had fishing poles on the boat.
Enjolras:
Courfeyrac, Bahorel, would you mind bringing up some water so we can start the
hut? We do have to make the mud.
Bahorel:
These muscles were made for fighting, not for
hauling water!
Enjolras:
Bahorel…
Bahorel:
Fine, fine
Enjolras:
The sun should dry the mud fairly quickly, we can finish before dinner.
Cosette:
I am not sleeping in the mud hut!
Valjean:
Darling, you can sleep in the palm hut, okay?
Cosette:
Okay papa.
Valjean:
Would you mind finding papa some bait?
Cosette:
(absolutely horrified) Bait? As in worms? Ewww!!!
Valjean:
Never mind darling.
Javert:
Wimp
About ten minutes later, no fish have been caught and half of the hut has been completed
Enjolras:
(who is quite muddy by this time) -a world without oppression, a Utopia.
Eponine:
(also quite muddy) Sounds good to me. You think it will work?
Enjolras:
::positioning more mud onto the hut:: I don't know, but I will do all
in my power to make it so.
Eponine:
::also adding mud to hut:: Wow.
Grantaire:
He's got passion, non?
Eponine:
He has a lot of passion.
Valjean:
::Lying on a beach chair, with a straw hat and his fishing pole, as is
Javert:: This is the life. No running, no hiding
Javert:
No searching, no hunting
Valjean:
Just fishing
Javert:
Ah, this is the life.
Ten more minutes later, the hut is near completion and STILL no fish have been caught
Enjolras:
::finishing the hut:: There, finished.
Eponine:
Huzzah!
Enjolras:
Did you two catch any fish yet?
Valjean:
Ummm, no?
Enjolras:
Well we can't just eat fruit for the rest of our lives!
Javert:
Well what do you expect us to do? Just walk in the ocean and grab them?
Enjolras:
Well it's worth a try.
Eponine:
You should probably take off your boots
Cosette:
And your shirt
Marius:
Cosette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cosette:
That was said totally out of practicality Marius!
Marius:
You just want to see him with his shirt off!
Cosette:
We only have the clothes we're wearing to last us forever until we learn how
to make new ones
Marius:
Oh…that actually makes sense
Cosette:
Except for us of course, we always carry trunks of clothing with us
Marius:
Yeah, we're very prepared
Valjean:
Oh, good, we can actually change our clothes every once in a while.
Grantaire:
Darn it, no nude beaches then?
Enjolras:
No.
Marius:
But the clothes are ours!
Courfeyrac:
Too bad
Cosette:
Oh, no fair!
Javert:
Weren't you about to try and catch some fish boy?
Enjolras:
Ah, yes, I was
Cosette:
Don't forget, no shirt!
Enjolras:
Yes, yes, I see the necessity.
Eponine:
Oh, goody…
So Enjolras (shirtless of course) goes into the ocean where he proceeds to catch fish with his bare hands
Eponine:
Wow
Cosette:
Marius, can you do that?
Marius:
Um, well, yeah, sure I could do it, can't everybody?
Courfeyrac:
Show off!
Enjolras:
Hey, at least fish are being caught. That's more than I can say for all of
you. Perhaps you could trouble yourselves to build a fire?
Grantaire:
You trust us with a flame?
Enjolras:
Well, not you in particular.
Combeferre:
How should we start a fire?
Javert:
We can use your glasses boy.
Combeferre:
No! I need my glasses! They are a symbol of intelligence and civilization!
Don't you ever read?
Javert:
Not stories about little savages.
Valjean:
Can I call you a littleun Javert?
Javert:
No, I think not 24601.
Did
everyone see all my allusions to Lord of the Flies? My English teacher would be soooo proud!!! I should send this to her, but then she would probably have me committed to a mental institution, so I think I won't do that actually…
So, eventually, they are all gathered around the fire, eating fish and fruit.
Gavroche:
I like this, it's an adventure.
Javert:
Perhaps for a few days, wait until we're here a few years.
Valjean:
Pessimistic much Javert?
Grantaire:
I say we vote him off first.
Javert:
I'm the first to be eaten and the first to get voted off. Either way I at
least get off this blasted island!
Enjolras:
May I reiterate that no one is being eaten!
Gavroche:
No one?
Enjolras:
No one.
Gavroche:
Not even Javert?
Enjolras:
No one.
Gavroche:
Darn.
Valjean:
This is good fish
Javert:
Better than that processed stuff.
Valjean:
Definitely.
Cosette:
So, about the hut…
Marius:
Yes, we would like to sleep in the straw hut.
Grantaire:
And the rest of us are supposed to sleep…?
Marius:
There's the dung hut.
Eponine
and Enjolras:
It's mud.
Marius:
Ah, yes, mud, that is what I meant.
Courfeyrac:
More than two people can fit into the straw hut.
Marius:
But Cosette and I would like to be alone
Grantaire:
Well then go off into the woods but don't be greedy with the hut!
Marius:
But-
Enjolras:
No buts. You can either sleep in the hut with others or go off into the woods
and be alone.
Marius:
But-
Enjolras:
No buts!
Marius:
Fine, we'll share the hut!
Cosette:
Oh…
Marius:
I'm sorry darling
Enjolras:
Now, who else would like to be in the hut?
Grantaire:
There aren't enough women on this island.
Enjolras:
Well thank you for that observant statement Grantaire.
Grantaire:
Well, other than Cosette, Eponine, Azelma, Fantine, Mme. Thenardier
Bossuet
and Joly:
and Musichetta.
Grantaire:
and Musichetta, we are all men.
Eponine:
I guess that means I'm a lot more desirable now, huh?
Thenardier:
We've been talking. We're breaking away from this little paradise you've
got going here
Enjolras:
What? What brought this on?
Thenardier:
We're just sick of all of you and your incessant goodness!
Enjolras:
You're seceding?
Thenardier:
Yes, we're going to the other side of the island.
Enjolras:
But why?
Thenardier:
You're good, we're bad, and that's just how it has to be.
Enjolras:
There goes my Utopia…
Thenardier:
So Patron-Minette, follow me.
Mme. Thenardier:
Come on girls.
Grantaire: There go half of the women
on the island!
Courfeyrac:
Had your sights set on Mme. Thenardier?
Grantaire:
Ewww, no!
Eponine:
No, I don't want to go!
Enjolras:
You can't take her against her will!
Montparnasse:
She's one of us
Gueulemer:
And she'll stay one of us.
Eponine:
No! I refuse to! I like it here
Montparnasse:
Ah, want to stay close to your poofy-headed married man?
Eponine:
No, that's not it. These people are my friends and I want to stay.
Montparnasse:
Eponine, you can't-
Enjolras:
I believe the lady said that she wanted to stay. Now if you insist on leaving,
go now, but Eponine stays.
Eponine:
And Azelma too.
Enjolras:
And Azelma stays as well. Now leave.
Thenardier:
This is not over boy.
Enjolras:
I fear that he is right…
Oh, come on, I needed some sort of conflict in the story!
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