Chapter 2

Grantaire: More fish and fruit for us is all.

Courfeyrac: Yes, let’s look on the bright side.

Combeferre: Now we won’t need as many huts.

Enjolras: We could still have a Utopia, it will just be a little smaller, right?

Amis: Right!

Enjolras: Right…

Eponine: So who wants more fruit?

Gavroche: I want some!

Grantaire: I could go for a steak about now.

Combeferre: Grantaire…

Grantaire: Hey, there might be cows on the island!

Javert: And pigs

Valjean: And poultry

Gavroche: And dragons

Jehan: And monsters!

Enjolras: There are no monsters Jehan.

Courfeyrac: I don’t know about that

Combeferre: There are no such things as monsters. Cannibals on the other hand-

Jehan: Um, I think I would like to sleep in the grass hut. Actually, preferably, a stone fortress with armed guards and a catapult and-

Enjolras: There are no cannibals on the island

Grantaire: Yeah, they probably would have come out and eaten us by now.

Courfeyrac: Ah, they might just be shy.

Jehan: Stop!!!

Enjolras: It is going to be getting dark soon, we should decide where everyone is sleeping.

Valjean: I’ll make a list. We have me, Javert, Fantine, Gavroche, Eponine, Azelma, Courfeyrac, Combeferre, Enjolras, Jehan, Bousset, Joly, Bahorel, Grantaire, Cosette, and Marius. Is that everyone?

Musichetta: Ahem.

Valjean: Sorry, and Musichetta, now is that everyone?

Enjolras: I believe it is.

Valjean: Cosette and Marius are in the palm hut, who else?

Gavroche: I want to sleep in the mud house!

Valjean: And Gavroche in the mud house

Enjolras: Actually, I think it would be better if all of the females were in one hut.

Cosette: But Marius!

Enjolras: Can’t you live without each other for one night?

Marius: Of course we could

Cosette: We just don’t want to!

Enjolras: It would be better if all the women were in one hut.

Cosette: But-

Enjolras: Just for one night, until we can build more huts!

Cosette: Fine! ::grumble, grumble::

Enjolras: So Cosette, Eponine, Fantine, Musichetta, and Azelma will be in the straw hut.

Marius: We can fit one more!

Cosette: Yes, yes, we could definitely fit one more!

Enjolras: Ah! Fine, and Marius!!!

Cosette: Goody!

Enjolras: Actually, there is still room for two more in the palm hut.

Grantaire: The old men.

Valjean: I beg your pardon!

Javert: You little-

Enjolras: Gentlemen, please, he meant no disrespect. Please, just stay in the palm hut.

Gavroche: Me in the mud hut!

Enjolras: Gavroche, Jehan, Courfeyrac, Bahorel, Bousset and Joly in the mud hut.

Joly: Ah, that is very considerate, I would not want to get a cold.

Grantaire: Cold? This place is a tropical paradise!

Enjolras: Everyone else will have to camp on the beach.

Grantaire: How come ‘everyone else’ equals me, you and Combeferre?

Enjolras: I made the sacrifice, I assumed Combeferre would as well as my friend and I thought that you wouldn’t even notice.

Grantaire: Oh…

Enjolras: You don’t mind Combeferre, do you?

Combeferre: Of course not Enjolras.

Enjolras: We will build more huts tomorrow.

Cosette: Marius and I will have our own, right?

Enjolras: Eventually.

Cosette: Hurray!

Enjolras: Now, everyone to bed.

Gavroche: Yes mommy.

Enjolras: Gavroche!

Gavroche: Sorry…

Grantaire: Oh, I so enjoy sleeping with sand down my pants.

Enjolras: Please, no one dignify that with a response.

Eponine: Here, why don’t you three take my blanket to sleep on?

Enjolras: No Eponine, you are a woman, you can’t sleep on sand!

Eponine: I can do lots of things! Anyway, one sandy girl does not outweigh three sandy men.

Enjolras: Eponine…

Cosette: You can have mine too, I’ll share Marius’s!

Eponine: ::sticking her finger down her throat:: Blech!

Enjolras: Well, then we are fine, Eponine, you may have your blanket back.

Eponine: No, I don’t need it. I’m really not tired and was actually going to go for a walk anyway.

Enjolras: Not to the other side of the island?

Eponine: Of course not.

Enjolras: You shouldn’t go alone.

Eponine: I’ll be fine, really I-

Enjolras: Eponine, we just landed here, who knows what is lurking on this island!

Eponine: You should stay here, sleep.

Enjolras: I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I allowed you to-

Eponine: Okay, okay, if you’re going to go into your gentleman spiel-

Enjolras: It is not a spiel!

Eponine: Well, spiel away but get a move on, it’s late.

Enjolras: Yes ma’am. ::looping his arm through hers:: Shall we?

Eponine: I guess it probably is a little safer to have a big, strong, strapping man here to protect me.

Enjolras: If that is what you wanted you probably should have asked Bahorel to accompany you.

Eponine: I meant you!

Enjolras: Oh, yes, I knew that.

Eponine: Are we going to build another mud hut tomorrow? That was fun.

Enjolras: Yes, of course, that was a very good idea. By the end of the week we’ll have enough simple huts for everyone. Then we can start building more secure and roomier houses. Not to mention a fence around the perimeters of the village, for safety.

Eponine: ::laughing:: And you’re going to catch more fish?

Enjolras: As long as there is a need for fish, I will catch fish.

Eponine: You think you can teach me how to do that?

Enjolras: I believe I could.

Eponine: That would be so great.

Enjolras: I’m sure you’ll have a talent for it.

Eponine: You know, I think I’m going to like it on this island.

Enjolras: I think I’m going to have to agree with you on that.

Eponine: You know what I just realized?

Enjolras: What Eponine?

Eponine: That you are very handsome.

Enjolras: That isn’t what you were going to say

Eponine: How do you know?

Enjolras: I’m not Marius, I have eyes and ears.

Eponine: ::laughing:: Oh, mean!

Enjolras: Sorry, I felt that it was the best answer.

Eponine: So it was…

Enjolras: So, what did you just realize?

Eponine: That we’re hopelessly lost.

Enjolras: ::looking around:: So we are.

Eponine: You’re not worried?

Enjolras: It’s an island, you can only go so many places.

Eponine: Good logic.

Enjolras: Besides, if we truly are lost the others will search for us.

Eponine: Eventually…

Enjolras: And I am enjoying myself too much to worry

Eponine: Yes, I’ve never been in better company

Enjolras: At least you’ve gotten over that silly notion of calling me ‘Enjy’

Eponine: Oh, thanks for reminding me!

Enjolras: Oh please, no, I didn’t mean-

Eponine: Relax Enjolras, I won’t call you ‘Enjy’

Enjolras: (quite relieved) Thank you

Eponine: Unless we’re alone of course

Enjolras: But-

Eponine: Really Enjy, where is your sense of fun?

Enjolras: I don’t have one

Eponine: Oh, come on, I know better than that.

Enjolras: I’m serious, I lack a sense of humor

Eponine: Oh, now you’re lying to me.

Enjolras: Me, lie? Never!

Eponine: Ah, Belle, before we were married you were never this incorrigible

Enjolras: Ah, well you’ve changed a lot since I met you. I mean one minute you’re a beast, the next a princess, you’re not the woman I fell in love with.

Eponine: Oh, touché sir!

Enjolras: Well that does it, we are officially lost!

Eponine: Quite officially.

Enjolras: Should we settle down for the night?

Eponine: Oh, Enjolras, so forward

Enjolras: (a tiny bit flustered) I didn’t mean, I would never-

Eponine: It was a joke Enjolras.

Enjolras: (again relieved) Oh, of course. You know I would never-

Eponine: Yes, I know, though I’m not discouraging you…

Enjolras: Eponine?

Eponine: Come on Enjolras, we’re stranded on a deserted paradise! Live a little! I really don’t want to have to resort to courting Grantaire…

Enjolras: Believe me, that is the last thing I would want you to do

Eponine: Good to know

Enjolras: So, as I was saying, we might want to settle down for the night, and I mean that in only the most gentlemanly way of course

Eponine: (seriously) Of course ::she bursts out laughing::

Enjolras: Oh, you find my discomfort amusing?

Eponine: Kind of, yes!

Enjolras: Good to know.

Eponine: Let’s build a fire

Enjolras: I’ll gather the wood, you stay here in the clearing

Eponine: And leave you to defend yourself? I don’t think so

Enjolras: You don’t think I’m capable of gathering wood?

Eponine: No, you’ll probably just build a barricade with it anyway.

Enjolras: I would not!

Eponine: Oh, now you’re lying!

Enjolras: I don’t always have to build barricades you know!

Eponine: Just a lot of the time?

Enjolras: Come on, let’s go gather wood.

Back by the ‘village’

Valjean: Quit it Javert!

Javert: ‘Quit’ what?

Valjean: Stop stealing my blanket!

Javert: Steal your blanket? Why, I’ve never stolen anything! And not all of us can say that Valjean.

Valjean: If you have something to say just say it.

Javert: Fine. You are a thief!

Valjean: I stole a loaf of bread!

Javert: You robbed a house!

Valjean: I broke a windo-

Fantine: Please, gentlemen? Some of us are trying to sleep and we don’t need you singing the prologue!

Javert and Valjean: (mumbled) Sorry.

Jehan: (From outside) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Javert: In mercy’s name, what is it?

Valjean: Mercy’s name? That’s my saying! Man, you can’t be content with having all the best music and all the best songs but you have to steal my lines too!

Javert: I don’t steal!!!

Valjean: First the blankets, now my lines, what’s next?

Javert: Well it sure won’t be bread!

Valjean: Argh, let it go!

Javert: Never!

Jehan: Ah! Ah! Ah!!!!!!! Cannibal, cannibal, help!!!

Javert: What is your problem?

Valjean: In mercy’s name boy! ::Javert glares at him as he smiles self-satisfied::

Jehan: Cannibal, cannibal, cannibal!!!

By the light of the fire everyone (for they were all woken by Jehan’s screaming) can see a very frightened Jean Prouvaire being chased by a tiny little cannibal.

Courfeyrac: Gavroche!

Gavroche: I’m going to eat you!!! Je vais te manger!

Jehan: Ahhh! Please don’t eat me!

Combeferre: Jehan, stop, it’s not a cannibal, it’s Gavroche. When was the last time you heard a cannibal speak French?

Jehan: Ohhh, yeah…

Gavroche: You ruined my fun!

Combeferre: You know better than to scare Jehan! Why, Enjolras will- Wait, where is Enjolras?

Grantaire: He left with Eponine

Combeferre: He left with Eponine? You mean, he’s alone right now with her, on a deserted island?

Grantaire: Yup

Courfeyrac: That poor girl is going to get rejected tonight.

Grantaire: Yup

Gavroche: I’m a cannibal

Joly: No you’re not

Gavroche: Yes I am

Joly: Are not!

Gavroche: Am to!

Joly: Is not!

Gavroche: Am to!

Joly: Am not!

Javert: Make up your mind and get a grammar book! Is it ‘are’ ‘is’ or ‘am’?

Valjean: What?

Javert: Oh, never mind.

Cosette: Well, now that we’re all awake…

Jehan: Sorry

Combeferre: It’s late. Shouldn’t Enjolras be back by now?

Courfeyrac: He’ll be fine

Bahorel: Come on, let’s build the fire up…

In no-man's land

Eponine: So Enjolras, are you as uncomfortable as I am?

Enjolras: Well, if by uncomfortable you mean that your spine has stopped working and you can’t feel anything but pain, then yes, I am.

Eponine: I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.

Enjolras: I have to agree with you there. Wait, do you hear that?

Eponine: Wait- is that-

Enjolras: Are they singing?

Eponine and Enjolras find their way back to the campsite, guided by the voices singing-

Enjolras: Kumbaya?

Everyone: Kumbaya My Lord, Kumbaya-

Combeferre: Enjolras!

Eponine: We got lost.

Grantaire: Sure you did

Enjolras: Grantaire…

Fantine: We couldn’t sleep

Gavroche: Jehan was screaming

Jehan: You were chasing me!

Gavroche: I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about

Enjolras: Gavroche?

Gavroche: He’s lying Enjolras! And anyway, who’d be afraid of me?

Enjolras: Jehan would.

Jehan: Hey! He was dressed as a cannibal!

Gavroche: Je vais te manger!

Jehan: Eep!

Enjolras: Well, I do think we should all get some rest, tomorrow will be a busy day.

Marius: I hope I dream of you Cosette

Cosette: I hope I dream of you Enjo-I mean, Marius.

Marius: What?!

Cosette: A joke darling, really.