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"Grand Theft Auto: Vice City"
Developed and Published By: Rockstar North and Rockstar Games Let's say that you decided to combine the movie "Scarface", the criminalistic tendencies of Italian people, and a soundtrack featuring the likes of Michael Jackson and Judas Priest. What would you get? Well, it's quite possible that you could end up with some kind of horrible mutation of various unrelated media that's cursed with the undying urge to drag you kicking and screaming back into the shit decade known as the 80's. Wait, scratch that. You get an awesome fucking video game.
 The year is 1986. After fifteen years locked away in prison, mafia bad-ass Tommy Vercetti (voiced to perfection by Ray Liotta) is released to the urban streets of Liberty City. Not long after, the local mob boss Sonny Forelli decides to send Vercetti down south to the decadent, tropical burg known as Vice City, in the hopes of starting up a new "operation". And we all know that when mafia guys use the word "operation", they sure as shit aren't talking about vasectomies. Unfortunately for Vercetti, his first big drug deal (funded by Sonny Forelli) upon arriving in Vice City goes horribly wrong, and he's left with no money, no drugs, an angry boss back home, and a burning desire to seriously put the hurt on whoever set him up. How's that for motivation? From those sordid beginnings, you'll be on a constant mission to not only survive in Vice City, but to help Vercetti establish himself as the new boss down there. Of course no man is an island, even one as contemptable and badass as Mr. Vercetti, so you'll have to befriend (or at the very least work along with) all of the major players in Vice City before they'll assist you in your rise to the top. Between dealings with folks like Avery, an amusingly southern real estate tycoon; Mitch Baker, the head honcho of the local biker gang; Steve Scott, the local porno king; and the constantly fucked up foreign rock band "Love Fist"; you'll have to complete a myriad of missions that will take you all over Vice City. Sometimes you'll be required to do something as simple as providing transportation for various individuals; but more often than not, you'll find yourself buried neck deep in all kinds of mayhem, with only your trusty weapons standing between you and an obituary in tomorrow's paper. Speaking of weapons... The assortment of weaponry available in Vice City is simply staggering. For those of you on the "conventional firearms" side of the fence, there's a veritable military arsenal waiting for you to claim it. My personal favorites are the high-powered Magnum handgun, the automatic shotgun, and the rocket launcher; but if these don't tickle your pickle, there are a hell of a lot more to choose from. Grenades, flamethrowers, sniper rifles and submachine guns abound. Fans of melee-based brutality can live it up with implements of death such as golf clubs, baseball bats, katanas, machetes, chainsaws and more. Basically, if it's a tool you've seen used to maim and/or murder someone in an action movie, you're more than likely to find it here as well. As wildly entertaining as the weapons are, perhaps the best known trait of the Grand Theft Auto series of videogames, is the plethora of vehicles available for your larcenous pleasures. Rest assured, Rockstar has once again outdone themselves in this department. The streets of Vice City are jam-packed with all manner of cars from the 80's. From the Phoenix, which resembles the Firebird, to the Blista Compact, which resembles... well... a piece of shit compact car. Simply put, there are dozens of automobiles up for grabs, running the gamut from muscle cars to delivery trucks. However, it doesn't stop there. In this installment of the GTA series, motorcycles have once again been added to the roster of driveable goodies (they were missing from Grand Theft Auto III, much to my disappointment). What's that? Not in the mood to traverse the streets of Vice City along with the rest of the pissant population? Feel free to swipe one of the numerous sea-faring vessels docked at various points along the city's shores; or better yet, how about helping yourself to a little aerial transportation courtesy of a seaplane or helicopter? There's even a fully loaded army chopper ready and waiting for you to act out your destructive fantasies, if you've got the talent (and firepower) necessary to acquire it. From what I can determine, the folks at Rockstar North developed this game for two major reasons: to push the evolution of the Grand Theft Auto series even further, and to make a shitload of money. Both of which, they've managed to accomplish admirably. Anyone who enjoyed GTA III would be commiting a great disservice to themself, if they didn't snag this title. But, if you're one of those moralistic assholes who were put off by the general mayhem in the previous GTA incarnations, then don't bother picking Vice City up. It's not going to make a convert out of you. In fact, it may be so offensive to your puritan sensibilites, that your head could explode. Granted, that's a worst case scenario, but don't think that it hasn't happened in the past. Because it has. Seriously. Now, run along and pray to Jesus while I go back to heartlessly gunning down Cubans in Vice City.
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