Monday, December 23rd, 2002
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The more observant members of my rabid fanbase might have noticed that there hasn't been an update in nearly two weeks, for which, I have a very good explanation. I'm a lazy son of a bitch. Instead of working feverishly on the site, like I used to, I've been slumped over on my girlfriend's couch, watching various television documentaries about the American judicial system (ie: "Judge Joe Brown", "Judge Hatchett" and "Divorce Court"). Anyway, due to some freak accident involving a bolt of lightning, a radioactive spider, and four bikini clad nuns, I've been blessed with a renewed surge of energy and zest for life. After taking time to dust off the Twizzlers and Funyun crumbs that had accumulated on my prone figure, I decided to return to the shallow, idiot-filled world we lovingly call "the internet". Along with crafting more written content, I'm now tooling around with the possibility of a new layout. I mean, let's face it. A site with a shitload of bright colors and jittery animations is like ten times more radical than a site that encompasses witty banter. So in closing, go away now.

Tuesday, December 10th, 2002
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Over the last few days, I've had the pleasure of trying out a couple of new games for the PS2. Normally, I would wait until I completed the aforementioned games, and then write a seemingly well-educated review, so that you, the mindless reader, could carefully study my work, and walk away from your computer with a profound sense of... I don't know. Something profound. Knowledge, I guess. Anyway, I didn't want to wait that long, primarily because my site is desperate for some witty commentary, so instead, I've decided to get to work on a batch of not quite preview/not quite review type things. Trust me, it's not as idiotic as it sounds. Those should be up tomorrow, along with my newest movie review. Maybe.

As a side note, my official arch-enemy, the "Cobra Commander" to my... uh... "G.I. Joe Commander", the "Iron Sheik" to my "Hulk Hogan", the "Justin Timberlake" to my "heterosexual white males the world over", Wizza, has apparently scribed my name upon his mailing list of Unending Torment, because I received yet another email from him over the weekend. It's almost like we're fucking penpals now, and that thought scares the hell out of me. This has gone on for far too long, and I'm now quite sure that it's time to take action, so I've prepared the following statement for you personally, Wizza, my oh-so-vile nemesis:

As for the rest of you, have a pleasant day, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Friday, December 6th, 2002
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Shockingly, I am late with my promised update. Again. For like the tenth time. And in yet another surprising twist, I don't have a single damn thing; written, Photoshopped, or otherwise, to offer the handful of drones who actually checked back here over the last week. Except for my gratitude, that is. From the bottom of my cold, hate-filled heart, thank you, handful of drones. You make life worth living. Well, you and the chicken strips dinner at Bennigan's.