THIS WEEK'S STORY

Duke the Mouse In:
COLD FEET IN THE COLD BOX

    As if it wasn't cold enough outside, my pet mouse wanted to experience some really rugged, freezing cold weather. At least that's what he told me afterwards.
    For those of you who don't have a clue what's going on, I'd like to join you. Oh, I have a pet mouse named Duke and if you think mice make good pets, well, you'd better have lots of fancy cheese and crackers on hand because my pet mouse wanted to go walking in the cold AND have plenty of snacks at close hand. What better place than my humble refrigerator. I say humble because there isn't that much in there. Really. I have some yogurt, a package or two of cheese and some butter.
    Duke, on the other hand, has a wide assortment of goodies on his side of the refrigerator: limburger cheese pie, dimpled Danish dewdrops, whipped oyster innards, carrot top mint pudding reflex dessert, stewed hayseed meal, upside down cake and inside out rolls. Oh, I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.
    So when I got something out of my side, Duke slipped inside the frig and made a small campfire to roast a few artificial soymellows and a clump of seaweed leaves. Yum. Only he didn't think about getting out. I mean, even if the refrigerator is humble, it still seals pretty well and that's about it when it comes to getting out.
    If I've got that mouse a hundred times, I've told him once: PLAN AHEAD. Yeah, it's like talking to a package of toasted parmesan rubbings.
    So after Duke's campfire went out, he started getting plenty cold. He ate a few goodies but you can only eat so much and then you need some kind of heat.
    I guess he was pounding on the door but I sure didn't hear him. And it was quite a long time before I opened the refrigerator again because, like I said, I didn't have much food in there. I didn't really have a reason to open the door. But when I finally did, I found Duke sitting on a carrot and dangling his feet in a capful of cactus brine hot salsa. Hey now, I've tired that stuff of Duke's and I'm here to tell you that it would keep anybody warm. Just putting his foot in it was enough to heat up Duke's whole body.
    Well, everything turned out fine but I do need to remember to skip the salsa next time Duke offers. I don't like the taste of mouse toe jam.
   And that's the way it is with Duke.