In Dreams

 

By

 

Jan

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

Nikki surveyed her exam results with mounting horror. She had failed every one of them miserably. Her dad wouldn’t just be mad, he would go into orbit but it hadn’t been her fault! She had too much on her mind to concentrate…to take in the hours of revision she had put in. Besides which, she had spent time with Beth when she could have been doing more revision. They had decided that to acknowledge things had changed between them was only asking for trouble so for the time being they kept their distance from each other – in school at any rate! She smiled secretively to herself. It was a pity she couldn’t take an exam on what gave Beth pleasure. She would pass with flying colours! She pushed her results into the bottom of her school bag and, until her dad asked for them, that’s where they would stay!

 

“Can I have a word, Nicola?” Stella called to her as she was leaving the classroom.

 

Nikki returned and stood in front of the teacher’s desk. “Yes, miss?”

 

Stella smiled up at her. “You didn’t do very well in your exams.”

 

“No, miss,” she agreed sullenly.

 

“I know you’ve had a bad time of it lately and studying for your exams can’t have been easy, so I was wondering…” Stella hesitated trying to choose her words carefully. “If you need any help. Any additional tuition outside school hours, I’d like to help.”

 

“Thanks, miss, but…”

 

“Listen, Nicola. You have brains. You can’t let what’s happened to you ruin your future!” she exclaimed.

 

“That’s easy for you to say!” Nikki retorted and Stella smiled wryly. If only she knew!

 

“Look, I’m prepared to give you a few hours extra coaching every week.” Nikki opened her mouth to speak but Stella held up her hand. “Let me finish. It won’t cost you a penny and no one has to know if you don’t want them to. So, what do you say?” She looked at the girl questioningly.

 

Nikki nodded. “Thanks, miss.”

 

Stella gave her an encouraging smile. “Tomorrow night, around six suit you?” she asked as she

scribbled on a piece of paper.

 

“If you’re sure, miss,” Nikki replied nervously. “I don’t know why you’re doing it.”

 

“I’m sure and I’m doing it because I don’t want you to waste your potential.” She handed her the piece of paper. “That’s my address. See you tomorrow.”

 

“Thanks, miss. See you tomorrow.” Nikki flashed her a smile and was gone.

 

Stella looked after her retreating back, her pretty face frowning. There was something different about Nicola. She seemed to have more confidence than when they had last spoken. With a sigh she started to pack away her things. Now all she had to do was break the news to Ros! 

 

 

Ros opened the door to Nikki’s knock. “You’d better come in,” she said stiltedly. “Stella’s just had to pop round to a neighbours. Go in and make yourself comfortable.”

 

Nikki sat down on the settee and Ros wandered aimlessly around the room. “Look, I’m sorry, miss…”

 

“The name is ‘Ros’,” she retorted.

 

“Ros,” Nikki repeated. “I’m sorry if I’m holding you up. I’ll come back later.”

 

As she started to rise, Ros turned and looked at her apologetically. “I’m the one who should be sorry. It’s not your fault Stella had to go out. Tell me about yourself, Nicola,” she invited as she sat down opposite her.

 

“Nothing much to tell.” She gave a weak smile. “Nothing interesting anyway but I prefer to be called ‘Nikki’.” She looked around the room. “Do you live here with Miss Morgan?”

 

“Yes, I do,” Ros replied uneasily, wondering how much she should give away. Stella’s sexuality was common knowledge amongst the staff – she had attended functions and been accepted as Stella’s partner – but Nikki Wade was only a pupil.

 

“Are you a teacher as well?”

 

“No, I’m a freelance photographer. I couldn’t stand all the regime of a nine-to-five job,” she said with a grimace. “I prefer to be my own boss and work my own hours. Unfortunately, I sometimes lose track of time and work well into the night. In fact, I don’t know whether it’s day or night once I get into the darkroom.” She gave a short laugh. “Sorry, I must be boring you.”

 

“No, it sounds really interesting,” Nikki replied honestly. “I’d like to be my own boss when I leave school. It must be great not having anyone telling you what to do.”

 

“It is but it has its down side – if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.” She smiled, warming to the girl – young woman – sitting before her. “Have you decided what you want to do when you leave school, Nikki?”

 

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I would have liked to have been a vet but I screwed up in my exams.”

 

“Can’t you take them again?”

 

“I’m not going back to school,” Nikki said vehemently. “I can’t take anymore of it!” She looked at Ros sharply. “I mean the lessons and everything. I don’t even know why I’m here now.”

 

“You are being bullied, aren’t you?” Ros asked incredulously.

 

Nikki looked as if she was going to deny the accusation and then she nodded. “But, please, don’t tell Miss Morgan!” she begged.

 

Ros leant forward in her chair. “Nikki, she can help you. She can put a stop to what’s happening to you.”

 

“No! My parents will find out.” Her face dropped and she looked very close to tears. Ros moved across and sat on the settee beside her. “Please, don’t say anything to her.”

 

“OK, then,” Ros agreed reluctantly. “But you can’t carry on like this.” She placed a comforting arm around Nikki’s shoulders. “Look, if you’re really serious about quitting school, maybe I can help you. I have quite a few jobs coming up and I could do with an assistant so, how do you fancy being a ‘gofer’, Nikki?”

 

“’Gofer’?” Nikki repeated curiously.

 

“Yeah, you know…‘Nikki, gofer coffee…Nikki, gofer sandwiches’.” Ros smiled and looked at her questioningly, until she nodded. “That’s settled then.” Her arm tightened around her and she hugged her. “Come on, I’ll show you the darkroom.”

 

Nikki followed Ros upstairs in a daze. She couldn’t believe it. She didn’t have to go back to school. She’d got herself a job!

 

At the top of the stairs Ros pointed to a light above the darkroom door. “That light goes on whenever I’m doing anything light sensitive, so the door isn’t to be opened under any circumstances. OK?” Nikki nodded.

 

“Will I be able to take photos?” she asked when Ros had finished her guided tour of the darkroom.

 

“I don’t see why not,” Ros agreed pleasantly. “I’ve got an old SLR somewhere. You can have that.”

 

“’SLR’? What’s that?”

 

“Single-lens reflex camera,” she explained. “I’ll dig it out before you come again and then I’ll explain it to you. So, what do you think? Still interested?”

 

“Still interested in what?” Stella spoke behind them.

 

“Ros has given me a job,” Nikki told her excitedly.

 

“Has she now?” Stella looked at her partner and raised quizzical eyebrows.

 

Ros spread her arms wide in a ‘what else could I do?’ gesture and received a smiling shake of the head from Stella. “Subject to your parents’ approval,” she warned Nikki. “If they say it’s OK, you can start on Monday.”

 

“So, do I take it you don’t want me to give you extra tuition?” Stella asked Nikki with a teasing smile.

 

Nikki grinned at her sheepishly but said nothing.

 

“It was good of you to give Nicola a job,” Stella commented when they were alone.

 

“I’ve been thinking of taking on a full-time assistant and she seemed keen enough,” Ros replied thoughtfully. “She’s a nice kid and she prefers to be called ‘Nikki’.”

 

Stella looked at her sharply. “You’ve changed your tune.”

 

Ros bit her bottom lip, wondering whether to break Nikki’s confidence or not. “Stell, if I tell you something, I want you to give me your solemn word it won’t go any further.” Stella nodded assent and she continued. “Nikki is being bullied. She admitted it to me.”

 

“Then I’ve got to do something about it!” Stella exclaimed.

 

“You can’t! I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. Do you want her to spend the rest of her life wondering who she can trust and who she can’t?” She slid her arms around Stella’s waist and drew her close. “You’ve got to let it go, love. She’ll be away from that place in a few days, so what does it matter now.”

 

Stella sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” she agreed begrudgingly. “Ros, she had such potential. It seems such a waste.”

 

“Who knows, after a few weeks of working with me, she might decide she would be better off at school and go back after the holidays.”

 

“You could be right. I know what a tyrant you can be,” she replied with her tongue firmly in her cheek.

 

“Watch it!” Ros ordered. “Or I’ll show you what a tyrant I really can be!” She dropped a kiss on Stella’s lips. “Let’s go out for a meal. My treat.”

 

“You’re on,” Stella smiled. “And you’d better take plenty of money because I’m starving.”

 

 

Nikki walked home from Stella’s, with a huge grin upon her face. She had Beth and she had a job. Maybe now was a good time to confront her dad with her exam results. She went into the kitchen, calling out as she slammed the door, “I’m back.” Her mother was in the lounge watching television. “Mum, I’ve got something to tell you,” she said excitedly.

 

“What’s that, love?” her mother murmured absently.

 

“I’ve got a job.”

 

Her mother tore her eyes from the television screen. “A job?” she echoed. “Oh, you mean for the school holidays.”

 

“No, I mean…” she began then realised her mother wasn’t even listening. “Yeah, for the holidays. I’m going out later. I’m baby-sitting with Beth and don’t worry,” she muttered. “I really am baby-sitting!”

 

 

“Could you move that light a bit closer, please, Nikki? Bit closer. OK, that’s great.”

 

Nikki followed Ros’s instructions then stood back with her arms folded watching her take a succession of shots and awaiting her next set of instructions. She was halfway through her second week of working with Ros and – since she was a perfectionist – found her to be a demanding taskmaster. They had covered several jobs; mainly what Ros called her ‘bread and butter stuff’ – the opening of a new supermarket by a local dignitary, a church fete, a wedding. This latest job was for a calendar and when the first partially clad model had stepped out from behind a screen, Nikki had looked at her in amazement and the colour had stolen up her cheeks.

 

Ros had just laughed at her embarrassment. “You’ll soon get used to it,” she had told her gently. “It’s only a job after all.”

 

Nikki had arranged the lighting, trying to keep her eyes away from the model’s full breasts but never quite managing it. The model had seen her looking and gave her a big wink, causing her to blush even more. However, by the time they reached ‘Miss December’, Nikki had managed to overcome her embarrassment and just got on with her part of the job.

 

“Just one more shot. Perfect!” Ros straightened and dragged the band out of her hair, as she always did when she had finished a job, letting it cascade around her shoulders.

 

Nikki watched the action, as she had done since that first day and felt her stomach start to churn. She turned away. She was with Beth and, unless she was very much mistaken, Ros and Miss Morgan were an item.

 

“How do you fancy a trip to Manchester, Nikki?” Ros asked as they were putting away the equipment.

 

“Yeah, great! When?” she agreed eagerly.

 

“We’ll go up tomorrow morning but it’ll mean an overnight stop though, so make sure you tell your parents.”

 

 

They checked into the hotel wearily. It had been a long day and neither of them had eaten since breakfast. “I’ll just freshen up and see you in about an hour.” Ros smiled at Nikki as she left her outside her room.

 

Once inside her own room, Ros put in a call to Stella. “We’ve only just got here, so I thought I’d ring you before we went down to dinner,” she explained.

 

“You sound tired,” Stella said solicitously.

 

“Yeah, I am,” Ros agreed. “What with the drive up, it’s been a long day. Nikki’s a good help though. She really has worked hard today.”

 

“Well, don’t stay up all night,” she ordered gently. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“See you, babe.” She replaced the receiver and ran her fingers through her silky blonde hair, wishing she had decided to order room service instead of going down to the restaurant. She stripped off as she went into the bathroom. A shower would wake her up.

 

“Dry white wine and a Coke, please.” As Ros gave her order to the wine waiter, Nikki looked at her sharply. Guessing her thoughts, Ros shook her head at her. “You’re too young to drink and I’m not having anyone say I’m leading you into bad ways.”

 

“Who’s going to know?” Nikki demanded. “I look older than I am.”

 

“Yes, you do,” Ros agreed. “But looks can be deceiving. Bet you didn’t think I would be a right old slave-driver, did you?” She looked at Nikki teasingly, feeling too tired to have a sulky teenager on her hands. Nikki frowned at her then gave her such a heart-rending smile that she had to turn away. She picked up a menu, pretending to study it. Suddenly, she didn’t feel hungry anymore. All she wanted to do was get away from the feelings Nikki was stirring inside her. “Come on, let’s order. You can have anything you want, it’s all on expenses.”

 

“This is good,” Nikki murmured favourably as she tucked into her chicken but she could see Ros had scarcely touched her meal. “Aren’t you hungry?”

 

Ros ceased pushing the salad she had ordered around her plate and shook her head. “Guess I’m just a bit tired. You enjoy your meal, I’ll make do with the wine.” She sat sipping her wine and watched fondly as the youngster polished off her meal. “Do you want dessert?” she asked as Nikki laid down her knife and fork.

 

“No, thanks. Don’t want to get spots,” she replied.

 

“I wouldn’t worry,” Ros laughed. “You have a really good complexion. Start worrying when you get to my age.”

 

Nikki surveyed her with a smile. “You’re not that old.”

 

“I’m twice as old as you are,” Ros replied ruefully.

 

“Yeah, well, you don’t look it,” she said bluntly. She took a sip of her Coke, watching Ros over the rim of her glass. “Have you and Miss Morgan been together a long time?”

 

There was an embarrassed silence before Ros finally spoke. “About eleven years,” she answered truthfully. “Are you seeing anyone?”

 

She nodded. “But it’s not serious. She’s going to university and I want to see a bit of the world.”

 

Ros suppressed a smile at the way Nikki seemed so open about sex of the person she was in a relationship with. A couple of weeks ago she was freaking out at the thought of anyone knowing. “Well, I don’t know about you but I’m going to get some shut-eye,” she announced as she stifled a yawn.

 

Nikki pushed back her chair and stood up. “I’ve brought a book with me, so I’ll read a bit before I go to bed.”

 

“I want to set off back about nine in the morning,” Ros informed her as they stopped outside Nikki’s door.

 

“OK, I’ll be ready.”

 

“You’ve done a good job today, Nikki. I’m glad I took you on as my assistant now.”

 

Nikki flushed with pleasure. “Thanks, Ros.” She unlocked her door. “See you in the morning then.”

 

“See you.” Ros looked at her almost nervously. She didn’t want to leave her. Didn’t want the day to end. “Nikki, I…”

 

“Why don’t you come in?” Nikki suggested as she pushed her door open. “We can have a drink and a chat.”

 

Ros shook her head. “Not a good idea.”

 

“Why not?” she asked innocently.

 

“Because you are very young and I’ve had too much to drink already.”

 

“So, because I’m young you don’t think you can have an intelligent conversation with me, is that it?” She was angry and she was hurt because they had seemed to be getting on so well. “Thanks, Ros, I really thought you didn’t see me as a kid!”

 

“That’s the trouble, Nikki. I don’t see you as a kid,” she said softly. “I see you as a beautiful, desirable young woman and I am in danger of doing something very stupid.”

 

“And what’s that?” Nikki demanded sarcastically.

 

“This.” Ros leaned forward and kissed her gently, her mouth caressing the soft lips. They drew apart and Nikki wordlessly took her hand and led her into the room and closed the door behind her.

 

As they moved together, Nikki reached out and touched Ros’s cheek gently. She looked so vulnerable that Ros felt her throat tightening. What the hell am I doing? She thought. She’s just a child and I have Stella – dear, sweet, trusting Stella – waiting at home for me. She started to turn away but Nikki’s hand – resting against her cheek – stilled her. She moved her head and kissed the soft palm before transferring her lips to Nikki’s mouth. One hand slipped behind the dark head leaving her other hand free to explore the fullness of her breasts. She felt Nikki’s hands sliding up and down her spine and the dart of her tongue against her lips and opened her mouth. Their arms tightened around each other and as she manoeuvred Nikki over to the bed, everyone else was forgotten!

 

 

As dawn’s light started to push its way through the curtains, Nikki stirred softly and opened her eyes. She looked at the back of the blonde head lying on the pillow beside her and smiled tenderly as she moved closer and placed a kiss on the bare shoulder. Ros groaned softly and turned onto her back, her hand snaking out to cup the back of Nikki’s head and drawing her down until their lips met.

 

”Hello,” Nikki said happily as they drew apart.

 

“Morning.” Ros smiled as she stroked Nikki’s hair then her face became serious. “We’d better get up.”

 

“Not yet.” Nikki murmured as she planted kisses along Ros’s jawline and throat.

 

“Don’t, please,” Ros said softly as she cupped Nikki’s face. “What we had last night was beautiful but that’s all it was. There can’t be anything else.” She lowered her eyes to shut out Nikki’s hurt expression. “You’re young and you’re beautiful but I’m already in a relationship that I have no intention of giving up.”

 

“But the things you said to me. Didn’t you mean any of them?” she demanded.

 

“Nikki…”

 

She tore herself away and jumped out of bed. “Oh, I see. You meant them until you got what you wanted!” she exclaimed bitterly.

 

“It wasn’t like that…”

 

“You’re a bloody bitch!” she shouted angrily. “Beth is worth ten of you!”

 

“I didn’t drag you into bed, Nikki!” Ros retorted. “You got into bed with me willingly.”

 

“And wasn’t I a bloody fool!” she said harshly. “Are you going to tell Stella? Or is she used to you screwing around? Then again, maybe I should tell her.” She watched with satisfaction as a fearful look crossed Ros’s face.

 

Ros closed her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t stop you telling her but I really hope you won’t. She’s been good to you, do you want to hurt her?”

 

“Jesus Christ! Do I want to hurt her? You’re the one who’s fucked someone else! You’re the one who’s done the hurting!” she exclaimed incredulously. The phone shrilled on the bedside stand and Nikki snatched up the receiver. “What?” She listened intently for several moments. “Yeah, she’s here.” She tossed the receiver onto the bed. “It’s Stella for you! The desk tried your room and you weren’t there!” She went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Let Ros talk her way out of this one, she thought maliciously, wondering just how she would explain away why she wasn’t in her own room at six-thirty in the morning!

 

 

Nikki climbed from the car outside her house and grabbed her bag from the back seat. Almost as soon as she had closed the door, Ros roared off. She didn’t know what words had passed between Ros and Stella. When she had finally emerged from the bathroom Ros had gone, she assumed to her own room. The only thing Ros had told her was they had to get back in a hurry because Stella’s grandmother had been taken ill hence the phone call. There had been an uneasy silence as they had driven down the motorway and both of them had almost breathed a sigh of relief when the journey had come to an end. She went into the house and dialled Beth’s number.

 

 

The following morning, she went to work as usual. Ros hadn’t fired her so she assumed she still had a job. An unsmiling Ros opened the door to her knock and eyed her coldly.

 

“I’m surprised to see you,” she murmured.

 

“Does that mean I’m sacked?” Nikki demanded.

 

She shook her head. “Not if you still want the job. You’re a good worker.”

 

“I need this job, Ros, if I’m going to keep my mum and dad off my back.”

 

“OK, then.” She stood to one side to allow Nikki to enter. “You can help me print the pictures we took yesterday.” She led the way up to the darkroom, her whole body conscious of the young woman behind her. “I’ve already made a start.” She indicated several prints hanging up to dry. “See what you think.”

 

“These are brilliant!” Nikki said approvingly.

 

“Have you seen this one?” She stretched past Nikki, pointing to one of the prints.

 

Nikki felt her breasts brush against her arm and turned and looked at her, surprised at the desire she saw in the blue eyes. “Ros,” she murmured softly, as she reached out and stroked her hair.

 

“Don’t, Nikki, please!” Came the harsh response.

 

“You do want me, don’t you?” Nikki demanded urgently.

 

“I can’t…”

 

“Tell me!”

 

“Yes, I want you!” she ground out. She cupped her hand round Nikki’s neck and dragged her forward until their lips met.

 

 

Stella gave a relieved smile when she saw Ros’s car still parked outside the house. She’d spent the night sitting by her grandmother’s bed and, although the old lady was feeling much better, she herself felt utterly drained. She let herself into the house and went upstairs to the darkroom. The door was closed but the light wasn’t on so she knew it was safe to go in.

 

As the door opened, Ros and Nikki sprang apart guiltily. Stella stared at them in disbelief. “I’m sorry. The light wasn’t on. I…” She turned away and closed the door.

 

“Stella!” Ros started after her but Nikki caught hold of her arm. Blue eyes met brown before Ros shook Nikki’s hand off and hurried downstairs.

 

Stella was in the lounge staring out of the window. “Have you slept with her?” she asked quietly as Ros entered.

 

Ros nodded then realised Stella couldn’t see her. “Yes,” she said softly

 

“Are you leaving me?”

 

“No, of course not!” Ros exclaimed. “I love you.”

 

Stella turned around her face contorted with anger. “Then get her out of my house!”

 

Ros went into the hallway and met Nikki at the bottom of the stairs. “You’d better go. I’ll send your wages on.”

 

Nikki laughed bitterly and shook her head. “You’re just a coward!” she said scornfully. As she went past the open lounge door, she glared at Stella then rushed out of the house.

 

Ros closed the front door and went into the lounge. She could hear Stella on the telephone and her eyes widened in horror at her words.

 

“Mrs Wade, would you ask your daughter to stay away from my girlfriend!”

 

 

“You’re disgusting, unnatural!” Bill Wade stalked around the room. “Who is this woman you’ve been messing around with?”

 

Nikki swallowed hard. Surely Ros wouldn’t have told her parents. It had to be Stella. “I haven’t been messing around with anyone.”

 

“Then why did your mother have to take an abusive phone call?”

 

“I don’t know,” she muttered.

 

“I don’t know!” he mimicked. “Well, I bloody do! I told you before, whilst you live under my roof you’ll do as I say and behave yourself. Now, get to your room until you’re ready to tell me the truth.”

 

Nikki stormed upstairs. If that was the way he felt she wouldn’t be living under his roof for very much longer. She went into her parents’ bedroom where she picked up the telephone extension and dialled Beth’s number. “It’s me,” she informed Beth, keeping her voice low so her parents wouldn’t hear. “I’ve had a row with my dad, can I stay with you for a bit?”

 

“What was the row about?” Beth asked, a strange note in her voice.

 

“Nothing really but you know what he’s like when he’s laying the law down,” Nikki replied casually.

 

“Have you been seeing someone else, Nikki?”

 

“No, of course not!” she said indignantly.

 

“Don’t lie to me! Miss Morgan phoned me.”

 

Nikki’s heart leapt into her mouth. Oh, Jesus Christ, she muttered to herself. “Beth, it was just the once, I promise you.”

 

“Only because you were caught before you got the chance to do it again!” Beth exclaimed accusingly. “You know how I feel about you, Nikki. I thought you felt the same.”

 

“Beth, I do,” she answered sincerely.

 

“No, you came straight to me from her and I can’t ever forgive you for that.” There was a catch in Beth’s voice as she continued. “Don’t call me again, Nikki, we’re finished!”

 

“Beth, please!” Nikki yelled down the phone but the line was dead. She replaced the receiver and brushed away her tears. She hadn’t even realised she had been crying. She loved Beth. She knew that now but she had given in to her stupid attraction to Ros. Now, she had lost everything; Beth, her job, Ros and even her parents didn’t want her anymore.

 

She went into her own bedroom and dragged a hold-all out of the bottom of the wardrobe and started to stuff clothes into it. The camera Ros had given her was on the dressing table. She smiled to herself. She would have to be sure to return it.

 

 

“What the hell was that?” Stella demanded as they heard the sound of breaking glass. Both women rushed to the door and looked in dismay at Ros’s car. Ros surveyed the damage and laughed bitterly when she saw the camera she had given to Nikki on the front seat.

 

“I’ll call the police,” Stella said dully.

 

Ros shook her head. “Forget it. Just call someone to come and fix the windscreen.”

 

Nikki surveyed the scene from a safe distance. She’d lost everything but Ros still had her cosy little world. She hitched the bag onto her shoulder and set off down the road. Bus or train, it didn’t matter which so long as it took her far away from this place but she would have to face the future like she had to face everything else…alone!

  

     

On to Chapter 4

 

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