Chapter 8
Helen
walked slowly away from the potting shed. When Barbara Hunt had told her Nikki wanted
to see her, her heckles had risen at being summoned by one inmate to go and see
another but this wasn’t what she had expected at all. Nikki had set her free to
go and find someone else to love but it would be a long time before anyone
replaced Nikki in her heart, if ever. It was crazy but because of Nikki’s
unselfish act of love she loved her more at this moment than she ever had.
She
turned round and looked at the potting shed. Her reason for living lay behind
that battered door but was that enough. If she stayed with Nikki what had she
to look forward to; lonely nights until Nikki was released, the possibility of
being shunned by family and friends, a total rethink of her career? Her face
broke into a smile. No, what she really had to look forward to was the complete
love and devotion of someone she was hopelessly in love with and with Nikki by
her side, she could face anything. Maybe they would have to sleep in separate
beds for the foreseeable future but what did that matter as long as they loved each
other – and she knew Nikki still loved her, she’d just proved that. No, Nikki
Wade, she thought determinedly, you don’t get rid of me that easily!
She
purposely retraced her steps and pushed open the potting shed door. Nikki was
sitting on the floor, her head buried on her knees, silently weeping.
“I
told you once before not to think I was so fickle about my feelings for you. I
can’t turn them on and off like I can a tap.” She saw Nikki stiffen at the
sound of her voice and her head slowly rose from her knees. She looked at Helen
with utter misery in her eyes. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Why
did you come back?” Nikki murmured.
“Because
I think we’ve got something worth fighting for, don’t you?” She replied.
“Helen,
this isn’t fair to you,” she protested. “Alex Gilbert loves you and he’s a nice
guy. You’d be better off with him than me.”
“If
we had a choice who we fell in love with then, yes, I would be better off with
Alex and he is a nice guy but since we can’t choose I guess you’re stuck with
me.” She smiled and held out her hand.
Nikki
placed her hand in Helen’s and rose slowly to her feet, her eyes never breaking
contact with Helen’s. “I can’t believe it,” she said softly.
“Nikki,
I know it’s not going to be easy,” Helen replied as she drew her closer. “We’ve
always known it wouldn’t be but if we both want to try – and I think we do – we
can make it work.”
“But
you said you wanted kids one day.”
“I
did but if I don’t have them it won’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me.
Living a life without you in it would be,” she replied fervently. “I know you
think I put my job before you but imagine if I lost it. Could you cope with
only seeing each other for half an hour, twice a month? I know I couldn’t. At
least working here, I get to see you every day.”
“I
know. I know, you’re right,” Nikki replied. “It’s just that I get paranoid
about what you’re doing when we’re not together.”
“We’re
getting back to trust again. Look, sweetheart, just now, when you sent me away,
if I wanted anyone else I would have carried on going but I came back because I
want to be with you.” She reached up and stroked Nikki’s cheek gently. “Can’t
you see how much I love you?”
“And
I love you.”
“I
know you do, that’s why you just tried to get rid of me,” Helen said
caustically, then smiled to soften her words.
Nikki
looked at her and Helen saw the tears shining in her eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been
such a cow to you these past few weeks but that night, when I found out you’d
called the police, my whole world came crashing down around me,” she said
softly. “I know now you did the right thing but with everyone I’ve ever loved
in my life, well, I seem to reach a point where I become a burden to them and
they push me away and stop loving me.”
“Oh,
Nikki, sweetheart, don’t talk like that.”
“It’s
true, Helen. When I told my parents I was gay, they couldn’t get rid of me fast
enough. I was an embarrassment and a disappointment to them. It was the same
with Trisha. Instead of supporting me for what I had done for her, she found
someone else and dumped me.” She touched Helen’s cheek, her eyes brimming with
love. “Then I met you and for the first time in my life someone loved and
accepted me for what I was. My love for you so overwhelmed me that, sub-consciously,
I guess I started pushing you away before you did it to me. I found fault,
picked arguments. When you sent me back here that night, it just seemed to
prove what I always knew would happen, that loving me would become too much of
a burden for you and you would back away.”
Helen
cupped her face tenderly. “Nikki, I never knew you felt like that. You always
seemed so self- assured, so confident.”
“Well,
I once told you I was a hopeless case, now you know I am,” Nikki said wryly.
“You’re
not a hopeless case, Nikki,” Helen told her lovingly then added with a smile.
“Hopeless, sometimes, maybe.” She
threaded her fingers in Nikki’s hair and drew her head down until their lips
met. At length, she raised her head and gave a contented sigh. “I’m going to
have to go.”
“I
know,” Nikki said resignedly. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
“Yes,
you will, and every day after that for the rest of our lives,” Helen assured
her.
Nikki
smiled. “If you’re really sure, sounds good to me.”
“I’m
really, really sure. Be good.” She dropped a gentle kiss on her mouth then went
out of the potting shed, this time leaving a smiling Nikki behind her.
Shell
surveyed her face ruefully in the mirror. There was still swelling around her right
eye from the battering she had taken from Fenner and, though she didn’t like to
admit it to anyone, her vision was a bit fuzzy. Still she supposed it would
improve once the swelling went down. She’d kept her distance from him since
that night, always making sure she was never alone with him but now it was pay
back time! She applied fresh lipstick then went out onto the wing. He was
standing watching some of the girls play pool, flirting openly with them, no
doubt marking out his next conquest. She sidled up to him, her rear end swaying
as she walked. “Mr Fenner, could I ‘ave a word, please?” she asked in her best
little girl lost voice.
He
looked at her mockingly. “Alright, Shell,” he replied abruptly then followed
her back to her cell.
“Mr
Fenner…Jim, I know I done wrong but I was jealous o’ you an’ Miss Betts,” she
gabbled when they were alone. “You know I wouldn’t do nofink to ‘urt you, Jim.
You know ‘ow I feel about you.”
“Do
I, Shell?” he said aloofly. “I thought we had something special, then you try
and do a Nikki Wade on me.”
Shell
frowned and looked at him stupidly.
“Broken
bottle in the neck jobby,” he explained and she guffawed in amusement. Dozy
cow! Jim thought impatiently. If she wasn’t such a good shag I wouldn’t even
bother!
She
ran her hand seductively over own breasts. “Jim, can’t we get back to ‘ow we
were. I can’t stop finkin’ about you.”
“How
can we get back to how we were, Shell? I can’t trust you anymore,” he replied.
“Jim,
you can. I’ll do anyfink you say,” she begged.
“You’d
better, Shell, because if you cross me again…” he glared at her and she didn’t
need words to tell her how ruthless he was. “You’re going to help me get rid of
Wade and Stewart, once and for all and I don’t care what you do, as long as
those two dyke bitches are gone!”
“Anyfink,
Jim,” she promised.
He
smiled at her and ran his fingertips down her cheek. “Alright, Shell. Now, I’d
just like you to take care of another little problem for me.” He pulled her to
him and slowly drew down his trouser zip.
“Well,
you look like a cat who has just eaten a canary,” Barbara told Nikki with a
teasing smile as she strolled into her cell.
“Babs,
I think I’ve just eaten the whole bloody aviary,” she replied with a cheesy
grin.
“And
is a certain Miss Stewart responsible for your elation?” she asked knowing only
too well what the answer to that question would be. Helen Stewart was the only
one who could make Nikki radiate such happiness.
“Isn’t
she always? She really does love me, doesn’t she, Babs?” Nikki asked her friend
in wonder.
“Yes,
she does,” Barbara assured her. “And I’m glad you’ve finally realised it, maybe
now you’ll stop giving her a hard time and start working with her to get you out
of here. She never gave up on you, you know. She’s still helping Claire with
your appeal.”
She
looked gently at Barbara. The older woman had lost the love of her life to
cancer. “I know how lucky I am to have found Helen and I’m going to do
everything I can to hang onto her. I just wish we could spend more time
together.”
“Nikki,
my love, you can spend all the time you want with me,” Tommo declared as she
entered the cell.
“Not
you, you silly cow,” Nikki replied affectionately.
“Now,
be honest, Nikki. Who would you rather spend time with, Helen Stewart or me?”
Tommo asked then winked at Barbara.
“Well,
it’s a tough decision, Tommo. I’ll have to sleep on it,” Nikki said with a
grin. “I’ll see you two later I’ve got things to do.”
“I
really wish we could do something to help those two,” Tommo mused, when she and
Barbara were alone.
“It’s
not easy for them in here,” Barbara agreed. “If they do spend time together it
just arouses suspicion. I wish we could find a way for them to spend some time
together.”
Tommo’s
eyes glinted mischievously. “I’ve had an idea but I’ll have to get the
governor’s permission first. So, watch this space!”
Barbara
shook her head as she watched her go. She just hoped she wasn’t going to live
to regret her suggestion.
“You
want to stage a pantomime?” Karen Betts repeated.
“Yes,
miss, being as how it’s nearly Christmas and I thought we could involve both
the inmates and the officers,” she explained avidly. “I was in an amateur
dramatic group on the outside, so I don’t mind doing all the organising.”
“You’ll
have to. Just don’t put me down for a part,” she warned.
Tommo
grinned at her cheekily. “And here’s me thinking you’d make a lovely Widow
Twankey!”
Karen
wagged her finger at her. “Watch it! I haven’t agreed to let you do it yet.
Remember? What about auditions and things like that?”
“Well,
the Julies will help with the costumes.” Although, they don’t know it yet, she
thought to herself. “But auditions would take too long and we’ve only got about
four weeks to rehearse. What I thought we’d do is put all the names in one hat
and all the characters in another and draw them out at random.”
“Bit
risky that, don’t you think?” Karen frowned.
“You
mean we might get Mr Fenner as Cinderella and Mrs Hollamby as Prince Charming?”
she quipped.
Karen
tried to suppress her smile but didn’t succeed as a picture formed in her mind
of Sylvia Hollamby playing principal boy. “OK, then, why not? It might be fun
but I’ll have to double-check with Mr Stubberfield first.”
“That’s
great, Miss Betts. Thanks very much, “ Tommo gushed. “Maybe now I’ll put you
down as fairy godmother!”
“Don’t
you dare!” Karen exclaimed, then relented. “Alright then, but only as a last
resort.”
“This
is a bloody stupid idea!” Nikki grumbled to Barbara. “There is no way I am
making an arse of myself by being in a pantomime. Christmas or no bloody
Christmas!”
“It’s
a pity we’re not doing A Christmas Carol,” Barbara mused. “I know just the
right person to play Scrooge!”
“Ah,
bloody ah!” Nikki exclaimed, when she realised she was the one Barbara was
referring to. “And bloody humbug, as well!”
“Come
on, Nikki,” Barbara coaxed. “Catherine’s only doing this to cheer everyone up.
Humour her.”
“Humour
her? I’d like to bloody choke her!” Nikki snapped.
“Right
then, folks. The casting will now take place,” Tommo announced grandly. They
were in the recreation room and she and the two Julies were sitting at a table
lording over the casting of parts in the pantomime, Beauty and The Beast,
written, produced and directed by Catherine Thomas. They were being watched in
less than eager anticipation by some of the inmates and officers including the
Wing Governor. “Ready, Julies?”
“Ready,
Tommo,” they chorused, Julie S with pen at the ready.
“OK,
the first name out is…” she picked a folded piece of paper out of the first box
and unfolded it grandly. The paper was blank, as was every other piece in the two
boxes. What was the point writing, producing and directing if you couldn’t have
the cast you wanted? “Mrs Hollamby who will play…” She took a piece of paper
out of the second box and unfurled it. “The queen mother. Got that, Julies? Mrs
Hollamby…the queen mother.”
“Barbara
Hunt will play…Mrs Potts, the Beast’s housekeeper.”
Nikki
looked at Barbara and raised her eyes to the ceiling. “I suppose you should
count yourself lucky you’re not playing one of the seven dwarfs.”
“I
didn’t realise there were any dwarfs in Beauty and the Beast,” Barbara replied.
“Well,
there are in this production. So there are enough roles to go round,” Nikki
said acidly.
“Next,
Nikki Wade will play…the Beast.” At Tommo’s words, Nikki groaned loudly.
“Bleedin’
‘ell! That’s typecasting, innit?” Shell Dockley hooted.
“Piss
off, Dockley!” Nikki retorted.
“Calm
down, everybody,” Karen Betts called out loudly. She didn’t mind them having
their bit of fun but she didn’t want things getting out of hand.
“PO
Barker will play…Dopey.” Tommo smiled. She was really getting into the swing of
it. Now, who to have as the next victim? “Shell Dockley will play…the Queen of
Tarts.”
“Now,
that really is typecasting!” Nikki declared and everyone laughed as Dockley
flounced off cursing them all under her breath.
“Miss
Betts will play…the Fairy Godmother.” Tommo looked innocently at Karen Betts,
who eyed her suspiciously. Now, Nikki my love, this is for you. “Miss Stewart
will play…”
Nikki
stiffened at the sound of Helen’s name. She hadn’t realised she would be taking
part in this stupid pantomime fiasco.
“Beauty!”
“Well,
I never,” Barbara murmured beside Nikki. “Helen’s Beauty and you’re the Beast.
I wonder how she managed that.”
“I
bloody wonder,” Nikki muttered, aiming to find out just that when Tommo had
finished.
After
casting Jim Fenner as Beauty’s father, a woodcutter – Karen had to call a halt
to all the ‘chopper’ jokes – and the other six dwarfs, Tommo collected up the
evidence and started back to her cell.
“Hold
it right there, Thomas,” Nikki grabbed hold of her arm. “How the hell did you
work that with me and Helen?”
“Nikki,
I swear, that’s the way they came out. See for yourself.” she reached into her
trouser pocket and drew out a handful of creased slips of paper. “Just think of
all the time you can spend together rehearsing.
Nikki
looked at her and then the slips of paper suspiciously. They all had names on,
so she couldn’t see how Tommo had managed to fiddle it. “OK, scram!”
Tommo
went into her cell, a huge grin on her face and took a handful of creased slips
of paper – all blank – out of her other trouser pocket. It always pays to be
prepared, she thought smugly.
“So,
Beauty, did you have a good weekend?” Karen asked Helen with a smirk.
Helen
looked at her curiously. “Fine, thanks. Am I missing something here?”
“You’re
playing Beauty in the Larkhall panto,” she told her gleefully. “Would you
believe to Nikki Wade’s Beast?”
“I
am not!” Helen retorted.
“’Fraid
you are! You were cast in your absence and there is no backing out,
Stubberfield’s orders,” Karen grinned.
“But
I don’t come under Stubberfield’s jurisdiction,” Helen replied smugly.
“Come
on, Helen,” Karen coaxed. “The women don’t have much to look forward to in
here. It will help boost morale and
you’ll be playing opposite Nikki. If you talk to Catherine Thomas nicely, she
might just write a love scene in for you,” she told her with a sly grin.
Helen
shook her head at her. “Piss off, Karen,” she said returning her grin. “Or I’ll
be late for my lifers’ meeting.”
“Nikki,
put some feeling into it!” Tommo exclaimed. “OK, so you’re as ugly as sin but
you’ve got a beautiful woman in your arms who thinks you’re Ms Wonderful and stop
frowning so much or we won’t have to make you a mask.” They were into the first
week of rehearsals and the Beast (Nikki) was telling Beauty (Helen) how much he
cared about her. The fact that Helen had been in and out of her arms for the
best part of an hour had meant she had kept fluffing her lines. On top of which
she was becoming increasingly aroused by her nearness and the smell of her
perfume was almost driving her crazy.
“Well,
if you hadn’t written such soppy bloody words!” Nikki retorted. “I feel like a
right prat saying them.”
“Alright,
then, ad lib, if you can do any better. Just pretend you’re holding the person
you’re madly in love with in your arms and say what’s in your heart. You know
where that is, don’t you, Nikki?” Tommo asked her, tongue-in-cheek.
“I
am going to bleedin’ kill her!” Nikki muttered angrily.
“Oh,
I don’t know. I’m quite enjoying myself,” Helen murmured flirtatiously. Her
face was flushed and her eyes were shining. She didn’t know how much longer she
could stand being this close to Nikki without giving away how she felt. She met
Nikki’s eyes and smiled. “Relax, Nikki,” she said softly. “You, better than
anyone, should know I don’t bite, unless you want me to, that is.”
Nikki
smiled down at her. “I know you don’t,” she replied. “It’s just that it’s…”
“Difficult?”
Helen supplied.
She
laughed nervously. “I was going to say it’s bloody impossible to remember my
lines when you’re this close to me.”
“Well,
why don’t you ad lib then,” Helen teased.
“If
I ad lib, this pantomime will be x-rated,” Nikki told her with raised eyebrows.
“Well,
maybe we can find somewhere to rehearse on our own,” Helen said suggestively.
“You’re
place or mine.” Nikki smirked as Helen’s face paled. “Just kidding!” she
laughed.
“You’d
bloody better be!” Helen looked at her sharply. She started to walk away then
turned back, a smile lighting up her lovely face. “Maybe you’ll be at my place
quicker than you thought. I’ve got some news about your appeal!”