| Don Janey: Ok. Today we wanteth to see Alex-Bebio wedeth Bebero. Friar Wordsworth: Waiteth! Doth no one want to heareth of my experiences with Dorothy?uh?Daffodils? Dons: NOE! Friar Wordsworth: But I am the image of the Victorian family man! I was Poet Laureate! I was born in Cockermouth! All: *laugh* (Friar Wordsworth bursts into tears and runs off to write a poem about Lucy and Dorothy) All: Finallyeth! Don Janey: Noweth?AS I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, Alex-Bebio and Bebero art here to wed. No amounteth of Wordsworth poetry can separate thou and I prayeth that thine fate ist not that of Friar Wordsworth and his sister Dorothy. Bebero?thee are not Alex-Bebio?s sister, art thou? Bebero: NOE! Don Janey: Goodeth. In that caseth, I now pronounce thee man and? Alex-Bebio: *butts in* Not so fasteth. I cannot wedeth thee! Bebero: Why ever noteth? I art not thine sister! Don Vik-tor: I am a man of few words. Although I keepeth to myself and never speaketh, I have noticed that thee art unfaithfuleth. I art quieteth as a mouse and rarely open mine mouth. I saweth thee last night, while I was being quieteth and making not a sound, in thine room with another man. I say not much and rarely speaketh but? Bebero: What ART thou talkingeth about? No, not you Don Vik-tor, Alex-Bebio can answer for thee. Alex-Bebio: I saw thee last night! Bebero: What? Thou was spying on me? Alex-Bebio: Noe! I was passing below your window, when I saw you swapping glarseez with another man! Bebero: But I don?t even haveth glarseez! Alex-Bebio: Thou art concealing them. Bebero: Thou art going crazy! Alex-Bebio: No! Thou art crazy! So there! Bebero: Ohe! *faint* Alex-Bebio: Come Stebedick, we shall adieu! Stebedick: Quiet you! I shall stay and see what?s amiss! (exit Alex-Bebio)(Don Vik-tor exits too. Phew!) Bunneatrice: Bebero, ope thine eyes! *shake Bebero violently* Waketh up! *burst into tears* Mine coz ist dead! Don Julien: Um? Bunneatrice, Bebero art not dead. Bunneatrice: Bebero art deadeth! (Bebero awakes) Bunneatrice: Bebero, do not wake! Do not ope thine eyes! All: *laugh and tease Bunneatrice for thinking Bebero was dead* Bunneatrice: (blushing beetroot by now) Do not wake! Death is a fairer cover for my?I mean, thy shame! Don Ernie: Calm down , Bunneatrice. We hath a great mystery to solve. *eyes dart around* Bunneatrice: AHHH!!! (runs around hysterically) (enter Friar Wordsworth) Friar Wordsworth: I seeth from Bebero?s pale face that she ist innocent! Amzzz: But Bebero ist not pale! Wordsworth: (wrapped up in new poetic inspiration, doesn?t hear Amzzz) I hath an idea to solveth all thine problems! We must all pretendeth that Bebero art dead, blended into the oneness of nature, given her body to nature, in solitariness! Janey: That?s a shoopid idea! How wilt that help?! Wordsworth: When Alex-Bebio hears the song of death with its universality and realises that Bebero wast indeed innocent, he wilt, with this realisality, taketh back all he has saideth and thereforth clear her name! Ernie: No he wo? Wordsworth: Do not interrupt! I must have continuality to complete my complex and highly understandable plan! If he doest not believe her innocent, he wilt realise his love for her and forget her sin, overcome by the beauty of the unsolitariness of love! Julien: What if this shoopid plan fails? Do we tell everyone Bebero ist still alive and findeth evidence to prove that Bebero ist innocent? Wordsworth: *gives Julien a funny look* My dearest prince, why would we want to do that? Anyway, mine fabulous plan is foolproof! Julien: (to others) How could it be foolproof if it was created by a fool? All: *roll eyes* Wordsworth: But if, because of some unnatural disruptation of the oneness of nature, my plan fails, we must place Bebero in a nunnery where she must spend the rest of her days in accord with nature away from men! But mine brilliant plan wilt prevail and Dorothy and I?I mean, Bebero and Alex-Bebio wilt live happily ever after in accord with nature. (everyone, baffled by the stupidity of such a plan, agree to carry it out) (exeunt) Act 3 Scene 3 (Bunneatrice prays at the altar for her cousin. Enter Stebedick) Bunneatrice: *sobeth* Oh Stebedick! Bebero art deadeth! Stebedick: Hello Bunneatrice. Oh?I hear you?ve heardeth of Wordsworth?s shoopid planeth? Bunneatrice: Whateth? No, I was too busyeth grieving over Bebero?s passingeth. Stebedick: Heheh. Thou art behind the times now, aren?t thou? Wordsworth had a crazyeth plan. We pretendeth Bebero ist deadeth. Then Alex-Bebio wilt be sooo sorryeth! Bunneatrice: Hwhateth? So?art Bebero deadeth or not? Stebedick: Noteth! I already saideth that! Bunneatrice: No you did noteth! Stebedick: Of course I dideth. I am no fool! Bunneatrice: You never toldeth me of Bebero?s fate! Stebedick: Whateth? Art thou still talkingeth about Bebero? I wast saying how I am in love with thee?ummm?hello Bunneatrice. Bunneatrice: Oh Stebedick! Stebedick: What noweth? Bunneatrice: I loveth thee too! Stebedick: What? Oh. I thought you were talkingeth about Bebero. Bunneatrice: I waseth! But now?oh, you?re so cute! Stebedick: I knoweth. |
 |