Do you feel that you were born homosexual?
Despite the current debate over whether or not people are born gay, I personally do not feel that I was born homosexual. This is why. My early childhood was filled with sorrow, hardship, verbal and physical abuse. As a little girl, I was subjected to people telling me that I looked like a boy, that I was such a little tomboy, that I should join the army when I got older. The power of words is enormous, especially at such a young and vital age of development. What people said began to take root and grow in my heart and I believe that, though it wasn�t the sole factor in my eventual lesbianism, it paved the way.
I believe that my physical environment also contributed to my later lifestyle choice. My mother was a strict, hard woman who, even though she loved us children, didn�t always know how to handle us children. Her displine was hard and physical and I literally dreaded it. My homelife was turmoil: my real father was absent in my life, I had three different stepfathers, one that was an alcoholic, another that sexually abused me, when I was thirteen my house burned down. These were all the lessons of my childhood and they taught me to become hard, strong, and bitter-far from the conventional image of femininity. When my stepfather tried to rape me, it further hardened my heart and also gave me a further reason to hate and distrust men.
Even with all that happened in my childhood, several years later I was engaged to be married to a man. I had experienced homosexual urges and feelings before that point, but in every case a lesbian relationship never materialized. It was only when I was engaged that a woman began to show mutual interest and that was when I fell into a sexual relationship with a member of my own sex. That act marked a turning point in my life, one that led me down a fourteen-year road lesbianism. If I hadn�t had that relationship, in all probability, I would have married my fiance.
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