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SICK

Elevated to departure by his sensual touch
She flies
on an unfairly gained high
Body fueled and released
by his easily won desire.

Casting off guilt, she feverishly
feigns love
Closed eyes
pulling away
from the internal struggle

Saturated with lonliness
Laughing, kissing him
Whirlwind
spiralling higher and higher

SICKLY self-love!

He serves
Loving her Sweetly
as he needs
To be her endulgence

For a moment
In the mirror of imagination
the Universe is hers
But quickly returns to
Non-descript greyness
Her body expended
Basking
in the stench of betrayal
She lies
Languidly in his embrace

Unable to be true to his soul
she leaves her body with him and
Internally she crumbles
into her loniness

Knowing
She will be with him again
Playing this shell of a game.

FRIENDS A hug He invited A hug Because friends do She plunges Clings to him in desperation internally fueled by withheld passion Clings to him unable to move Unable to Flow Clings to him Need him to know she Loves him But Can't
Clings to him Wishing for a different reality Closing her eyes and ears Briefly consumed by His Presence Clings to him, Briefly Completing her need to express desire contained Her desire to love him Contained.		He laughs her gently away "Enough" -- and it is She laughs Pretends she will not let him go But she does She Does Because Friends Do.

MY CREATION

She is just a child
But hell lives inside her
and spits out anger at me
Like I am the cause of all distaster

She is a raging storm
Long gone is the innocent pain
It has imploded to Atomicly
Rip her soul,
and Mine
And all that surrounds us
Is horror

And she waits with acidic power
Gloating when she sees
My strength buckling
To Despair

FINDING MY WAY

The abyss of my fear
grows so wide
my searching soul extends beyond recognition
blinded I try desperately to find a handhold

I live this vision of infinity over and over
willing to find and hold you forever without shaking
or dying

I give up on expectation
Close my eyes to see
and retreat into your beauty

The dark chasms
tempered with wild warm moss
charactered with cracks and crags
and sharp cold gusts of wind from unforseen
gaping the mouths of caves unexplored and lonely,
of sweet smelling fragrance
from hidden crystaline flowers
that whisper of molds and lichens,
a world within your quietness
I am home
Resting, protected in the shadow
of looming
impenetrable walls so thick, almost formless with dark they make me weep --

CHOICES

A brief touch of warmth
is gone with a 'click'
'He is right' she knows
and retracts deeper into her lonliness

Falls into dreams
Of inviting him into
Joining
Sharing her strains, frustrations, tensions
that well up with such desire

OH, to break free of this shell!

'But he is right' she knows
She curls up in her darkness
And waits.

DEVOURED

Raw Flesh
Dripping with Blood;
Sinews that once clung fast to bone
Dangle amidst the reddened drool
Of My Burning Soul

Hanging
over a voracious Fire;
Tenuously waiting Flesh
Strangely alive for
A Final Dark Purpose
Consumption into
the Churning Void of Destruction.

GOODBYE

If I could meet you unencumbered
I'd kiss away confusion
Whisper wonderful things to you
You'd know that you are loved

If I could meet you without trappings
I'd be your road to heaven
I'd give myself to you
You'd know that you are loved

If I could meet you, just you and I
I'd bare my soul Sweetheart
I'd let YOU take what YOU need
And infinity could pass
Before we said Goodbye

THE INVITATION

The passion I gave
surged like the waves of an ocean
But when I tried
to dive in
I was denied
By a self-restricting tide
The sea had lulled me SO near!

Fear
and a frozen heart
pushed me away;
I REPEL this fragile spirit!
...that I
will Never chance
such an alluring, wild expanse.

I'M SORRY

Desire so strong
to fuzz out my brain
so I don't have to think
of my self-imposed pain

I open all the doors
now forever banished
The boundaries have vanished
I cry to lose my child
Swept to the way of the wild

Dark fog settles
I exist in a haze
of unaccountable days

And my child shoulders the unavoidable load
And heads up MY childhood road
wondering why her mommy left her there

For so long Mom was staid and loving; STRONG
Loved her in the fullest way

But the bloom did fade
Mama lost the game
Cracked the foundation of her home and name
and sank into a pasty bliss
Life forever gone amiss.

Kitsilano A long walk is host to my thoughts scattering from my lovely 6 year old Music Box Dancer To John, long dead from aids To my part in a partying house house of four searching 20 year olds To the ever-flowing Hanif Who seems to take life as art and appreciate every nuance. At my back, a hammer echoes repairs to my old high school Moss on this sloping hill cools hot feet and gradually soothes the minuscule jolts that flutter throughout this body.
A bulldozer rebuilds the adjoining rec centre an explosive reminder of my long overdue reconstruction. Walking these sidewalks I walked years ago Brings teenage passion The tightrope walk Obsession with creation and stagnation				Precarious Sanity and I STILL drag my shackles around -- Trying to find enough scraps to fend off Spiritual starvation. .

Oneness on West Broadway

I've found a
second -rate place to sit
on this busy street
Facing away from
the other bum
who took
spot Number One.

The skinny wrinkled old bat
with her
sagging gogo dress,
and the one with
the big floral hat
whose gait
is such a mess --
Doesn't know
which way to go.

Cement heat
and cynical blue sky
in Vancouver
Beats the acid rain I would have
created at home.

I am cosmiked out
by this street
There is no true
Universe after all
No spiritual subtlety, instead
Its name is
advertisement scrawl
On every
restaurant decor
and every
book and clothing store.

A wasp
Will not leave me alone
Tries to drive it home
Its aim to sting my brittle heart,
or take a vengeful bite
NO THANKS

I'LL drive home MY OWN spite.

HOUSE OF DISSOCIATION

We do not live here
We move on the street
and live in the sky
Hoping to meet
Some alien saviour
To cherish us so sweet
and sicken us with light
Impose the final fright
And harvest the meat.

OVERFLOW

The day glides by with paltry effort
As I hold on to my sanity and my child
And the only displacement
Is my flighty mood
And my deafness to the present world

And so you be
Living up to the minimum
of this reality
While your cup runneth over
Making a huge mess on the floor
That everyone must ignore
Until you drown.

SHELLSHOCK

My eyes glaze over in disbelief
at this new reality
I have bestowed on us.

We are Free

There is a sick pasty shell of a smile
in your face
as you gingerly walk by

Every breath strains for normalcy
The weight, crushes, ...from
this Asphyxiating Pretense: that
there is no lack
of Intimacy?

My Spirit cries out Random dischord
Unwanted anarchy of feelings

Chaos tears at my soul
As The Screaming Abyss
Swallows us up

There's nothing left.

FANTASY LOVER

Someone is getting in my house
And it's not me
Someone has found a discreet way
To be free
Someone has found love and is GONE
SO FAR AWAY
Yet close enough he is that I
Can hear his TV.

Someone has been sleeping in my bed
and keeping his lover in his heart
And now I count the days until we
Actually part.

Why am I the one who wants
To sleep in the car
When you are the one who has taken it
This far?!

DUTY

I twiddle my thumbs
Tweedle dee, tweedle DUMB
'what do I do today?'
Dishes, laundry, play with my child,
Plenty to get in my way

Intimacy is an ocean for me
If I dive in I won't be back, so
I'll just continue my normal routine
It's my job to pick up the slack

at least I'LL be here when my child needs me
and in 20 years if I'm still here
I'll throw convention to the wind
and if the the coast is clear
I'll swim out to where there's no shore
For one last day in the sun
Crying grief to the other lost souls
Who sacrificed
and never found The One.

Can you relate to my take on things and/or do you have poetry you'd like to share? I would love to hear from you.