1. Oh no! Who left the window
open? Now a female chipmunk has come in with the
breeze and is doing an exotic dance all over Grandma
Wuggle's muffins. I say shoot it. You say the
more humane thing to do will be to:
A. Trap her and keep her as a pet
B. Skin her alive
C. Sell her to a stranger
D. Throw a net over her and toss her in the fire
Answer: D
A chipmunk who can do an exotic dance deserves to burn
2. A very long time ago, an
asteroid hit the earth and killed all the dinosaurs.
That is because the asteroid:
A. Was full of poison
B. Went around strangling them in their sleep
C. Provided them with a cheap source of heroin
D. Blew all sorts of dust into the atmostphere
and blotted out the sun blah blah blah blah yeah
yeah blah blah
Answer: D
Any other reason would just be too silly!
3. Suzi Scum has a terrible
case of acne. She has tried scraping her blemishes
away with a knife and burning them away with sulfuric
acid. If you can stop laughing at her long enough
to suggest an oral cure, you would suggest:
A. Talmine
B. Stricnine
C. Merchantmarine
D. Tetracycline
Answer: D again!
Merchantmarine might work better, but will do nothing for your complexion when taken orally
4. Timmy Buffles has come home
early from school, crying. He says that he broke
is orca playing baseball. His parents will most
likely rush him to the:
A. Podiatrist
B. Pediatrician
C. Psychiatrist
D. Executioner
Answer: C
As an orca is another name for a killer whale, Timmy is obviouly very insane and needs help.
5. The most important incident
of all history is:
A. The Robespierre Fruity Ice Cream Disaster
B. The Hugely Ignored Battle of WWII
C. The Humourus Volcanic Eruption of the 17th Century
D. The Single Grammatical Mistake of the Old Testament
Answer: Hmmm, a tough one. As the only Humourus Volcanic eruption happend in 1343 and The Robespierre Ice Cream Disaster involved chocolate ice cream, and The battle was only slightly ignored, one must arrive at the conclusion that the British are coming the British are coming.
6. Assume that you are hideously
ugly. Your shadow has been know to traumatize
small children and kill family pets. You leave
big greasy stains on any furniture that you sit
on. Never-the-less, you have found someone who
accepts you for who you are. Unfortunatly, that
special someone:
A. Has won a Pullitzer Prize
B. Is a cannible
C. Bathes in monkey vomit
D. Divorced a mongoose
Answer: A
A person who has won the Pullitzer Prize would be extremely drab and awful.
7. Your child has come home,
wanting to know more about Hans Chiristen Anderson.
Unfortunately, you know next to nothing about
him. The only true thing that you can tell your
child is that:
A. He eats dead people
B. He sees dead people
C. Dead people see and eat him
D. He is dead
Answer: A
People often remarked on how Hans deserved to die and be eaten because he was a cannible.
8. The most famous dead Arthur
Cromwell is:
A. Arthur Cromwell
B. Artuer Cromwell
C. Art Cromwell
D. Arthur Cromratherpoorly
Answer: D
And he did, too
9. "Make room in the bathtub 'cause
here comes an asteroid, Walter!"
A. Poison
B. Sleep
C. Heroin
D. Blah
Answer: The only thing that could possibly take up space in a bathtub is D
10. Nobody expects:
A. The dishes to wash themselves you lazy jerk
B. You to get this question right
C. The Spanish Inquisition
D. My mother when she drops by for dinner
Answer: C of course! What took you so long?
11. Italy borders which Albanian
Country?
A. Canada
B. Albania
C. Russia
D. Mexico
Answer: C
For those of you who thought it was Albania, you were dead wrong! Wait...The judges have ruled that in light of the difficult nature of this question, the acceptable answers shall be A and C
12. The rarest minorities in
St. Corinth's Day were:
A. Albanians
B. Canadians
C. Egyptians
D. Chinese
Answer: B
Canadians were indeed rare in St. Corinth's day, and were sought after for their exotic good looks.
13. Richard Simmons:
A. Pouff
B. Not a Pouff
C. Pooch
D. A Pouff, but for leagal reasons we are not allowed
to admit it
Answer: Because of a pending lawsuit, I cannot divulge the correct response. However, lets just pretend I never said this: D (do not breathe a word of this to anyone!)
14. Koth's favorite word to
say out loud is:
A. Muh!
B. Gack!
C. Bah!
D. Bleck!
Answer: Bah! as if I would tell the likes of you!
15. The most frightening articles
of clothing are:
A. Papal Underwear
B. Stupid Looking Latvian Folk Garb
C. The dresses that Peggy wears to the Prom
D. Those German helmets that have the spikes on
them
Answer: Why, A of course! Papal Underwear is frightening indeed, especially if it is used...
