Depression
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Its where you feel shit pretty much 24/7.
My life
I used to live with my Mum & Dad,my Dad is a drunk & used to beat me as a kid,when my Mum used to go out to work he'd come home from the pub then go back to the pub & leave me on my own.
School life was also shit,I hated it,apart from the fact I couldnt see the point in spending long days at school & getting into trouble because I hadnt done my homework,I'd get bullied,I was getting enough shit from my home life without shit at school too.
During High School things didnt get much better,if anything they got worse,apart from pretty much most of the above my parents split up during my GCSE's,I got run over,people that I thought were my friends & other people went round spreading lies about me which made school life even worse for me.
I did shit in my GCSE's & I totally blame my parents for it,they should have split up long before the GCSE years,so after I did shit in my GCSE's I was pushed into going to college by my Dad,yes pushed into I really didnt want to go to college.
College was more long days,sometimes I wouldnt even get back till like 6pm or later because of trains being delayed,other negatives of college included having to do English & some Maths.the long gaps between lessons(theres only so many times you can look around Worcester town),also seing someone near enough everyday.
There were good things about college like having a good IT teacher,having a few good friends there.
After passing my GNVQ Intermediate in IT I decided to to stay to do the next stage up which turned out to be a National Diploma in IT,I found it too difficult & not relavent to anything I wanted to do in the future,it was all to do with binary,making macros & other stuff.
So after I quit college,I was forced into getting a job,I worked at Sainsburys on the Food To Go bit,it was ok to start with but they started relying on me to come in all the time to cover people's shifts,then if that wasnt bad enough they had staff problems,by which point I wanted to leave but I was pursuaded to stay on the proviso they would get more staff etc,eventually after a year I left.
Sometime (I dont know exact time frame) later my Mum moved out & my Dad moved back in,he hadnt changed & he controlled me in every way possible,I had no room to breathe.
Eventually I got out of that house & moved into a shared house but as I only had a tiny room I had to leave most of my stuff there including my PC,not long after I moved into a bigger room so I could get more of my stuff from the house,great you'd think but no it wasnt that simple,it was very risky going back there to collect stuff,sure I'd go when I knew my Dad was at the pub etc however I'd never know when he'd get back & on numourus occasions he'd come back while I was there,he'd tell me to leave etc,mess with my head & even push me round.
Eventually I got the majority of my stuff out of there & after 2 years at the shared house I moved to where I am now a flat,ever since I've lived here I've had problems with neighbours & visitors,problems have been people urinating in the block,loud music,my door being damaged,verbal abuse,banging noises.
The people that are supposed to sort these problems out are called the Anti Social Behaviour unit,have they done enough?,in my opinion no,I have filled out log after log for a long time now,I've also had monitoring equipment,done statements,rung & met up with people about issues,now I cannot understand aftyer my neighbours have been given several warnings they havent been evicted.
Main Reasons I'm Depressed
1)My neighbours
2)Losing Aisha,I pushed her too far away & cant get her back
3)Not having enough money to live on
Other Reasons I'm Depressed
1) I cant get a job
2) I lent 3K to someone and the bitch has only paid me back 1K
3)People I thought were my friends have turned out not to be.
How I've Coped With Depression
1)Cutting my arms/legs with scissors & anything else I can find to do the same job
2)Hurting my body by purposely banging into the wall etc.
3)Crying
4)Re living the past
5)Beating my self up over pushing Aisha away.
View depression pics(dont view if easily scared)
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