A man saw a sign in a clothing store which said "We sell everything!"

The guy walked up to the clerk and asked her for some glass pants.

The woman replied, "Sorry sir we don't sell those."

The man argued that the sign stated that the store sold everything.

The woman remarked that glass pants did not even exist.

The man went to his home, and came back to the store wearing a pair of

glass pants. The man said triumphantly, "See, I told you that they

existed!"

The woman said, "At first I thought you were crazy, but now I see your

nuts!"

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is

bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.

"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the

differences in all these toilet papers?"

"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby'skiss.

It's $1.50 per roll." He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft,

strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he

tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says.

She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey!

I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"

Apartment for rent

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her

for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have

any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and

mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR

APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the

whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check

for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.

I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the

apartment, I was under the impression that:

1) it had never been occupied;

2) that there was plenty of heat;

3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied,

that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for

$250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to

remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it,

if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the

space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have

enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.