| Saturday March 23, 2002 4:38a.m. I don't know what the hell I wanted to say earlier, I was going to put it in my journal but there was a glithch in the system so I couldn't. I cant' wait till I go back and see Mike, wow ana actual bf (I kn that I DON'T love him and more likely than not I'm more infatuated wth the idea of having a bf than I am with him). Well eitehr way, I ahve a bf now and I'm gonna take full advantage of that when I get back to my place tomorrow. Speaking of which I need to get ahold of Krista so I know when to wait for her. I saw Blade II yesterday and I have to say that I did enjoy it. BrB, going to ger something to drink. Ok I'm back. I miss my pburgh mofos. It's amazing, all of the guys that I've known for like months I have no sexual interest in (except Teru) all the other guys that I don't know personally I have about as much sexual interest in as I would one of my female friends (in other words none at all). Perhaps its just old age getting to me:-). A/wI don't know how the hell I'm going to get my clothes into my bad, it's gonna take a world shaking just to get them to fit in, much less zipping it up. Ugh, I haven't shaved in like 3 weeks, I feel so gruffy, but it's coolz, I don't grow hair as fast (or as much) as most men so it's ok I guess. I just deleted some names off of my AIM list b/c I had reached the 200 person limit. HOLLA!!!!. Oh that reminds me, I'm going to be promoting Milk of Nemessian, it's going to be soooooooo coolz. I was talking to Luiza earlier on today, it was soooo coolz, I miss her sooooooooooooo much it's not EVEN funny. Laterz all. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever. |
| Tuesday April 9, 2002 6:24p.m Ughhhhhhhh, this thing is just on my mind and I so desperatly don't want to think about it but the thing with me is the more I try not to think about it the more it will persist until I unload it, unfortunately I can't talk about this with anyone that could suspect in the slightest. Perhaps I should talk to my friends back home, they would have no knowledge of this so I can tell them. People are saying certain things and I'm just flat out denying them (don't worry people, none of it is about me) but at the same time I'm also defying it to myslef, basically lying to myslef, and I don't want to say anything to anyone b/c this won't help anyone in teh slightest and I KNOW that if the individuals that are beign talked about heard anything from me they wouldn't be pleased in the slightest. UHG, it's not like I'm bound my my word to not say anything but this is one of those cases that I KNOW that whatever I think won't be good so that's why I can't really say anything. They people that are talking about the other people they aren't doing it to be bad or anything of teh sore it's just like something that they noitce, maybe are concerned with. But as long as I continue to lie to myslef and deny that what the people are saying to be true then I won't belive it to be true. But the thing of it is that that's not really working anymore, I can't run from the truth for much longer, but I must, b/c the people that are talked about aren't like doing anything intentional, but at the same time they are my friends and I MUST not say anything or get involved in the slightest when it comes to what I think. I can lie to them about this at the moiment b/c I'm lieing to myself about what appears to be in my sight, but I can't keep lieing to myslef forever, I just have to keep this up till the semester ends and then I won't have to think about it over the summer and I'll just forget about it forever (or at the very least it won't be as strong in my mind as it is at the moment). I have a CWC (center for Womyn's Concern's) meeting going on at the moment but I flet that I should REALLY talk about this first while I can still get it into words. This just sux, all of the people that are involved in the slightest are my firned sand none of them are doing anything wrong (Technically and not intentionally) and yet this is still soooooooooo confusing. As long as I don't talk to any of my friends up here about this then I'm safe so then, that should do it, I trust Liz to keep thisa secret but I just can't tell her, no matter how much I might want to, I have to keep this on the DL, hopefully this problem will be fixed b4 the semester ends, this sooooooooooooo isn't good, no one is doing anything wrong (intentionally) but stil at teh same time (I can't EVEN hit for fear that the person would read this and put the whole thing together since all of my friends know the URL to my Jorunal). I must continue to lie abut what I think to MYSELF, that's how much this is like in my mind. I give my word, that until (IF) I feel the time is right, I won't whisper w word of what I see to anyone else. (I'm can be more observant that some people realize, taht's why I have t olie to myslef b/c if I don't then I'll just have to accept the truth and if I do then... (can't say anymore and for good reason) There, I gave my word not to tell except (IF) the time is right, and for those that have known me long enough you know that I can't say anything no matter how much I want to, I just can't break my word, it's like my only redeaming quality. Well laterz all, I'm off to my CWC meeting. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever. |
| Wednesday April 10, 2002 8:43p.m. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Liz, you're the best person to talk to, I told everything t oliz (first I asked her a question and when she answered properly I know she didn't know enough about what was going on to like think anything thing about it (positively or negatively) so I told her and how if it is true that it's making me fell reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal uncomfortable and that I wouldn't be able to ask them about it since they are my friends and such. Ok that's enough of that, now on to better news, Dale, Matt and Nate are going to Nate's place for his B-day, coolz man, I would say happy B-day on here but I'll save that for the 12th, and even if I forget I told dale to tell you on the 12th, so coolz people, have a safe and happy trip. As for me I'm soooooooooooooo happy that friday is comming, I've been looking forrward to it for the entire year, it's Take Back the night, which is hosted ym be CWC, it's going to be sooooooooooooooo coolz, I can hardly wait:-) Basically it means that womyn should take back the night and also it means to put an end to violence against womyn, so yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Take Back the Night is going to be the highlight of my week:-). Laterz allI'm waiting for Renee then we are going to the S.O.U.L. meeting. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever. |
| Friday, April 12, 2002 12:56a.m. Well it's officially the 12th of April, so I'll say this now b4 I forget b/c I KNOW that I will. HAPPY 21st B-DAY NATHAN, luv ya man. Venus *kiss* Love and Herpies Shock |
| Friday April 12, 2002 1:36a.m. Ok I'm about to make pancakes and this Friday is going to be one of the best ever, I'm going to have lunch wit hTeru, *sigh* this is soooooooooo coolz, I thought that Take Back the Night was going to be the best thing happening friday but not it's lunch with Teru. Oh and that reminds me, osrry I backed away from you yesterday Mathew, it didn't have anytign to do with you, I was just in one of those moods in which I couldn't be touched, it's a VERY rear thing but it happens occasionally. No hard feelings man. Well that's it all (LUNCH WITH TERU) OMG you have Noooooooooooooooo idea ho whappy tha tmade me, laterz all, NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever. |