Journal

Sunday March 10, 2002 5:26p.m.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn, I'm feeling soooo drained, but I know the reason for this is the weather. When there is like no sun outside due to clouds then I get really sleepy and in a blah mood, but when it's bright outside I'm energetic but the light fucks with my eyes so either way I'm fucked if it's cloudy and I'm fucked when it's sunny out. I had SUCH a halla good time yesterday, the best I've had in a while. I went to the bar waiting for Keri and Tom was also there so all of us were like dancing and getting sips of cocain ladies (damn that's some strong shit) and i was just having a good time and being a cock tease. This one guy sooooooooooo thought he was going to get some from me last night, it felt sooooooooooo good to know that I still had it. I don't think sean realized this but when that Queen was talling him that a true queen lip syncs, she just REALLY didn't want to hear him sing. Apparently there has been a rumor going around the bar that I have a big penis by someone I slept with. I know it's nice and all but still the only people that I've EVER told are people that I would never sleep with and now that people that I might want to sleep with know it kinda like ruins the "WoW" I get from guys. OMG OMG OMG ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I think I've been trumatized. My dad called and said he's sendigna care package, with money and condoms then he was talling me how I can't use the excuse that I didn't have condoms. Ewwwwwwwwwwww, from anyone else I wouldn't have a problem with but from my own folks, ewwwwwwwwwwwww. Oh my big toe nails are garnet colored (Sailor Pluto) and the smaler ones are blue (Sailor Mercury) and my fignernails are black. They are so coolz, thanks becky. I was just thinking, Nate and Baker a coupple, awwwwwwwwwwwww that would be so cute, sometimes I actually wonder if they are a coupple, if so then it just looks soooooo cute awwwwwwwwwwww. I was just Playing Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force, a game for the computer that also has an internet connection multiplayer mode, it is soooooooooooo coolz. I was so kiscking ass, but I'm also partially drained so I can't keep on playing at the moment so instead I decided to update my journal, YaY. I don't know WHERE the fuck I am going to go for spring break, but it's not home that's for damn sure. Oh well, I'll figure out somehting. I also applied for a job at Walden Books and McDonnalds. I'm hoping that I get the McDonnalds one, but if not then I can get the Walden books one so Ican be around all tha tbeautiful Manga, YaY Sailor Senshi. (SAILOR PRETTY SOLDIER SENSHI). Well I'm off. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever.

Friday March 15, 2002 10:51p.m.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just got home about 11mins ago (and here I am infront of the computer). I didn't think that I would be home for spring break but here I am, I had gotten a ride like 2 hours b4 I actually left (which was at 5p.m.) and now I'm home, YaY. Part of me STILL can't belive it, I'm really home. Trust me I KNOW I'm gonna be bored with being home but at least I have a place to stay so I'm like super happy for the moment. I have like 3 tests when I return but it's coolz, I can handle that:-D. It's sooooooooooo good to be back:-D, now I can see all of my friends again, hell fricken yeah. Well I'm off, gonna shower and do something. Oh before I go let be tell you about wednesday night. After teh S.O.U.L. meeting we all went to the bar and I had SUCH a hella good time it's like not EEN funny, it was the best time I've had this semester, and afterwards we went abck to ----- place and I think I was kinda drunk b/c i could still feel the effects the next morning but still I had a hella fucking great time. Keri, Tom, Baker, Amy, Phill and all others I love you mofos. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever.

Sunday March 17, 2002 1:37p.m.
I'm not depressed or drunk or anything like that but I've come to the conclusion that if I don't find a bf and soon then I'm just going to find a gf, it makes sense since men are stupid and women are smarter. I'm not sure how this will work since I'm gay and ll but at this point I'm up for anything, even if I have to sleep with a girl *shudders* then that's what it will have to come down to, WowW, the very idea of me sleeping with a girl, I never thought that I would even find myself considering the idea (excpet with britney spears, she's the exception) but this is what it has come down to. Coolz, I'm gonna find myself a gf and treat her like a real woman should he treated, with the utmost respect and dignity and as an equal, not like some men out there who cheat on their wives and think that women should be their servants. Oh well, that's it for now. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever

Monday March 18, 2002 4:21p.m.
This entry might be short but it will take me a little while to ocmplets b/c I'm getting food ready and watching Murder She Wrote at the same time. I'm the male version of Opra (or so I've been told) not by how I look, I'm not big like tha nor is my hair permed but b/c I'm usualyl the one that talkes peopel out of their problems and such. Now I'm on vacation and I'm helping 2 people, each with some serious problems (one way more so than the other) and I'm nto complaining, it's waht I do, but I'm beginning to think that that is my main role, to help others, hell I help others haead of myself very often and well, I know it's not really the right thing to do almost all of the time but still, its part of my nature and I can't deny THAT part of me so here I ma Jamar A.K..A male opra to the rescue:-) Laterz all. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever

Monday March 18, 2002 7:59p.m.
Here I am playng with my Lens of Truth (don't EVEN ask) ok now onto what this uptade is about. Mike said that he likes me (recap, he's the guy that was in my room that the longer he was in there the longer more I grew to dislike him. and at the moment I'm so vunerable for a relationship that I could consider having a gf. So when he said that he like's me in that way, well it just wasn't good But as I sit here writing in my journal I can see how if I go out with him it can better my chances of furhtering my emotions and such so now I'm wondering if I really should go out with him. If I do I will be partially be using him I know it wouldn't be the most ethical thing in the world but it would futher my emotional development, but at the same time knowing me I would get use to him, start liking him and who knows, if this is successful actalyl love him (the day that happend I will DEFIANTELY put that in here) then everything will be a success. Well that's it for now. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever