Journal

Tuesday January 22, 2002 10:37p.m.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm frelling back at PSU. This time I'm going to do things a little differently, I'm going to work harder than b4 to get better grades and tone it down a bit with going to the bar. I reallly need to see about renting that fridge, I want to make some pasta but once the sause is opened it will spoil so fast if it's not put in the fridge. Keri dyed my hair reddish plum today, you can't tell that there was a change unless it is in direct sunlight. This tall guy that lives beside me, I don't know what it is about him but he kinda scares me a little so I'm gonna try my best like to just avoid talking to him or even looking in his direction. My finger nails are STILL stained from the dye, they have more coloring than my frelling hair does, PUTA!!!!! It appears that we have some new people on the floor, but seeing how I don't give enough of a damn I'm not EVEN going to bother with it. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever.

Tuesday Feburary 5, 2002 4:58p.m.
This was soooooo harsh, on sunday I was suppose to go to the movies with Teru but we must have gotten the times wrong so he went to an earlier showing and I was just so ugh this is just not fair, so instead I went with Nate but the whole time I was thinking, gosh I wish Teru was here *sigh* Wehile I do like Teru alot I guess sorta, I also am beginning to like someone else in that way (Trust me it's sooooo not Nate) , this is just getting confusing at this point. Ok I'm going to have to sign up for Alcohol 101 workshop by 4p.m. next friday this is going to be a pain in my ass that's for sure. WoW, I haven't eaten all day and I'm starving. I think it's time to eitehr revive the shadow or kill it, I'll decide later on. For now though NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C forever

Tuesday Feburary 12, 2002 5:10p.m.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh Noooooooooooooooo, I've sooooooooooo fallen for 2 guys it's just soooooooooooooo not fair and I think the second one I'm falling for even more than the first one. I don't know what I'm gonna do, I've already told a good amount of my "girl" friends but none of my male ones, I don't know why not I just haven't. Both of the guys that I like are smart and have great personalities and aren'tlike hairy *if they were I still would like them too much for it to bother me* This is out of my experience, usually I help people with problems like this, this is the first time that I've ever had this kind of a problem. Hey ma look, I'm growing emotionally as a person. To think that only 5 or 7 years ago the very idea of such thoughts *me actially falling for someone, anyone* disgusted me,. I used to think that feelings and such should ALWAYS come last and should never interfer with your life, but EVERY year that becomes more and more difficult to do. To be able to remain totally emotionally impartial in my decisions is becomming more and more difficult. So this is what is is like to actually have to make an effort to be emotionally neutral, it used to come naturally to me like it breathing but now it actually takes an effeor of sorts, there are still parts of me that are just cold naturally, but hey, at this rate that will undo itself. I just want a boyfriend, sex is irrelevant I would go 2 years without sex if that's what he wanted just to have someone to be with, to hug and hold them and just BE with them(*I know that sounds soo cheesy *god saying that makes me feel soo old* but I don't care it's how I feel and I won't be ashamed of how I feel b/c for the first time I can actually say that I can feel this feeling and I can for teh first time say that I understand HOW people feel in such situations) Well laterz all. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever.

Sunday Feburary 17, 2002 12:12p.m.
OMG, let me just say. Can I ger a D to the R to the A to the M o the A. First off Mike was feeling kinda bad and I had remembered something that Matt had said so I decided t otake him out to dinner and then the bar and after hours. First off he has company which he didn't tell me when he asid that he wanted to eat, but O'm not complaining, he *Eric, the company* was pretty coolz. so we go out to Clinton, and Mike would like just get up like in the middle of conversations *obvious ackwardness due to his part* for like no real reason except like once to get some ice cream. Then we all go back to Mike's building and go to the lounge area in the basement. So we are like talking, well matt's like talking at first *center of attention you'll see why* then when Eric and I get into a good conversation he just up and leaves and we are like, "what the hell" so we continue talking and he kinda takes a while to finish come back. Then he has this little tude so Eric goes back to Mike's room to get some lip balm and Mike follows so I turn on the TV and BAM, it's a Britney concert on HBO, so I'm watching and the 2 of them come abck like after 3mins or so and Eric is liek WoW, Britney. So all three of us start watchng *Mike watched but didn't really seem that into it* and then suddenly he just up and leaves again and comes back a while later with his music an dstarts playing o nteh piano, basically just seperating himself from the 2 of us. Well we make no attempt to go over there and say anything until AFTER the britney concert. We go over and talk to him npow that the show is over and then we go back to Mike's room and then start to leave and Mike has this little tude so he goes into another lounge and eric goes there to talk to him b/c of his little tude and then Mike like hits some furnature and it's just childish so eric is like "can I put my bags into your room b/c I don't want to take the chance that he throws it out or something" and we are walking back to my place when Mike finally decides to coem out to say something again so I let the 2 have their time to talk but that didn't help matters. So once they were sepperated I talked to Mike and got him to realize how much of an attitude he's been carrying on and then the 2 make up (no they are NOT a couple). So we decided to go to the bar again and they get dressed finally and it wasn't like a short wait that was hapoening here either. SO we get to the bar later than we hopes and I meet some good people and such and we have a good time and Mike is like all clingy on Eric and it's like obvious, if you saw it it would seem like they were going out. Well Mike decided to leave and smoke up and then he comes back like baked *we still think he wasn't as baked as he seemed and that it was mostly just an act* but we don't say anything since he's being quiet. I'll finish this later I'm jsut kinda tired at the moment.

Saturday Feburary 23, 2002 3:02p.m.
I had a blast last night, went out to mack streets and met 2 new Mike's. The night was slow at the beginning so Jeff decided to leave but around midnight it began to pick up. I think I have a new FagHag, YaY:-). Venus *kiss* Love and Beauty Shock. I'm just in such a good mood. Ok, no more trying to set people up, it just uses up good energy. WoW tomorrow is the 24th, then it will be exactly 3 months since I turned 19 *sobs* my youth is leaving me. I've decided, I don't need a man, not at themoment, I go through this every year when I feel the ened for me to have a man, but now I've recovered I'm back to my old self *not my old slef that's just wrong* but I'm not feending as much as b4 over men. Awwwwwwww, Krista is soooooo cute when she's drunk it's just adorable. I was soo bored after my classes yesterday I actually reorganized my AIM list then I fell asleep. I have dropped one of my classes so now I have only 2 labs a week, YaY. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I have a Pure Heart Crystal, how cute:-). This town has some good people I won't lie, but I still call it a hick town hehe and it's sooo true. The people on my floor are sooo ocute awwwwwwww. I must come into the posession of some dreams, dreams provide motivation and I have no dreams so I have no motivation do to anything. Perhaps I should study how people dream so I can find one of my own. It would actually make a good experiment, seeing into the dreams of others and how they come about. I'm thinking, I should probably shave, that would be coolz, then my face can be totally smooth. I don't have to shave like every day like so many people so that's a very good thing, YaY:-) *lovely. I think I'm porbably going to host a prospective student, it should be fun. Awwwwwwwwwww that would be sooooo nice of me. Jamar is becomming the Anti-NegaJa awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how cute. Well BECOMMING is the correct word, I still have lots of work to do. Think about it, one day I'll be totally the Anti-NegaJa, awwwwwwwwwwwwww. I'm also going to try to apply for a job at McDonnalds, I'm 19 and have never worked a day in my life, gosh I'm spoiled hehe. I sooooooooooo need some money, I only have 55 cents to my name. Well that's it for now. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever.