Journal

Thursday January 10, 2002 6:14a.m.
This sucks, first luiza isn't comming back and now my roomate isn't comming back either. Granted I'll have a single for a ocupple of weeks but what if they stick me with some SUPER PRUDE. Thankfully I plan to dye my hair either blue, aqua marine, dark purple or red. I guess with a bigger room I'll have more space but still, I lucked out with having a good roomate and now that he's gone, well we'll see what happens now, if I luck out again. At least I still have a great RA so that's a plus for sure. I'm probably going to be comming up with liz *YaY* so that means I'll either be here on sunday or sat. that means I can stay with Keri and Dave, coolz. I'm STILL trying to decide what to take back with me and also what I should transfer from this computer to the other one. I think I'll start buying scarfs again, I just like how they look on me, it's just soooo coolz. I wish I could find my CD player, I have NO idea where it is, perhaps I left it at Luiza'a place. Luiza, I'm gonna miss you sooooooo much it isn't EVEN funny. Missing classes and going to eat won't quite be the same without you. Well at least there is AIM and ICQ:-) (just for you: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!) . Well it's late (or early depends on how you look at it) so I'm gonna log off my journal. NEHELENIA my mofos. P.H.C. forever



	Ok here's the thing. I'm Jamar, 19 and in College. I realized that I was gay around the same time that i ws in elementary school. I don't fully remember if I was thinking the word "GAY" but at the same time I knew that I did like guys in "that way". It's amazing though, I've never questioned wether I was gay, but it wasn't until about 3 years ago that I actually said it ooutside of my head and I have to admit, it was a strange feeling. I remember I was sitting in my room trying to decide wether or not to tell my best friend if I was gay and it took a while (about an hour or 2) to decide to pick up the phone and tell him. I was kinds scared to actually tell him b/c I never lost a friend before unless it was due to circumstances out of my control (moving to a different place). I told my friend to guess what I wanted to tell him (I told him that it was something that the whole school already suspected) and I was a little supprised that he got it on the first go and also suprised that he took it soooo well. I told him in confidence and he turned around and told the whole school. I lost him as a friend for about 3 or 4 months but now we are friends again. Nice huh:-) I went to my first Gay club with a friend of mine (who is gay) in July and I have to say that it was different than I was used to. I also felt a sense of just being in place in a way that I didn't feel in H.S. Later on I also went to the village for the first time ever and it was like WoW, I feel sooooo comfortable here it isn't EVEN funny. To just be able to sit back and relax and feel totally comfortable with my self was such a new experience for me, even at home that wasn't something that I felt. That was only the beginning, this happened while I was in H.S. Now I am a freshman in college. I guess that I lucked out, my roomate was cool with the whole me being gay thing and college definately was and still is quite the experience for me. My first week there I looked for the LGBA that was there. I was kinda hesitant to actually go to the meeting because part of me was thinking "small little town in north country ok then" so I was wondering wether I should come out here, but I realized that if I couldn't do it in this little town then how can I do it at other places. I was in the chat room when I met up with someone that also went to the meetings (and it was a good thing as well turns out I had the wrong time originally) and meeting him kinda made me feel more comfortale to go to the first meeting. It was smaller than I anticipated, under 10 people for the first meeting and I was still a little worried that a friend might see me in the room, but I knew that this was something that I wanted to do and I'm glad to this day that I did. Going to that meeting made me feel more comfortable on campus with who I was. I also found out where the local and only gay bar/club was. The people that I met at the club were and still are realy great, especially our club president, she's just so YaY. I call her my lesbian mother hehe. Those are really great people and I'm so glad that I had the chance to get to know them. This is another reason that I was glad that I went to that first meeting. I've been to EVERY meeting ever since. While there I learned to become more comfortable around others with who I am, when we are tabeling I'm right there with them so everyone that walks by will know that I am with the LGBA. I wasn't sure at first if my rooamte would have a problem with me being gay so I decided to drop subtle hints like talking on the phone with my friends of some of the gay clubs that I went to on occasion (he's also from long island so I kinda figured he knew what the clubs were) so see if he would notice and it worked. I didn't want to flat out say it the very first day I met him bbecause I would b living with him for 4 months and I didn't want to have him freaked out for the entire 4 months. When I fould out he was cool with the whole thing I was kinda relived but by that time I wasn't nearly worried for reasons I won't get into. I have to say for my first semester at college I'm feeling more comfortable with who I am then I did in my entire H.S. time Coolz.