While Mrs. Lee was in the process of divorcing Mr. Lee we lived in a three-bedroom apartment in New Baltimore, Michigan. Jonathon and I shared a room and my sister had a room to herself right next to us. Being in an apartment allowed me to meet more people and make friends with a lot of people. I started to develop the social skills that often got me into trouble with Mrs. Lee. I started to attend Atwood Elementary School in Clinton. As I had begun to call Mrs. Lee �mom� I just suppressed emotions about my real mother. Deep down I always knew the truth no matter how much she told Jessica she was her real mother. I was slapped every time I slipped and said, �I wish my real mom were here�. That was fine because I had seen my friends in the complex get yelled at by their parents and occasionally hit. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Johnson had begun teaching us math and I loved to put myself into things like that. Far excelling past the class I was put into her third grade math class. I was taught division and multiplication in the first grade. This family thing wasn�t so bad anyway- it was becoming a distant memory that I had another family at all�
About a year after living in the apartment complex Mrs. Lee began seeing another guy from the church. Mr. William Hawkins was a respected deacon at the church we frequently attended. They went on dates frequently and she always received flowers from him every week. He was nice to us for a while, then we started to do things that mad him mad. Mrs. Lee didn�t mind if our room was sparkly and clean, however Mr. Hawkins did. It was kind of shocking when I took my socks off and threw them towards the basket and one missed. I just climbed into bed and the next thing I know he�s grabbing me by the head and telling me to pick up my damn sock. It was a shock to say the least and from then on I became wary of him. I realized something about his demeanor towards us wasn�t right at all. Mr. Hawkins is a six foot three black man who worked at ANR pipeline as a controls engineer. All day he worked in the field so you can imagine he was a big man. Mr. Hawkins was in the process of divorcing his wife as well. Needless to say they really couldn�t tell everyone they were dating and we were told not to say anything. In church they igored each other but at the apartment we were told to go to our rooms and close the doors. We met his son William who was a year and a half younger than me. Jon and Jessica liked him but for some odd reason I connected more with him. We became best buddies - always playing the Nintendo his Dad had bought for him. We both had a passion for football, as we were both stocky kids. I grew very fond of William. We also met his older sister Jennifer. We never saw her much as she was 18 and she was from Mr. Hawkins earlier marriage with another woman.
As Mrs. Lee�s and Mr. Hawkins relationship went into the next level so did our appreciation of him. Jessica was particularly afraid of him. Sometimes when we were cleaning she would tell me she didn�t like him. Neither did I for that matter. Jon and Mr. Hawkins got along very well since Jonathon was older and could do more things for him. When Mr. Hawkins asked him to help him clean out his house so he could move into another apartment complex across the building, Jon was all the willing to. Jonathon hated school whereas I cherished it. When I brought home good grades he said that�s nice- William brought home an A and we went to Dairy Queen. That�s where I noticed the difference in treatment from him. Mr. Hawkins would have us do everything for him�from cleaning his apartment to making Mrs. Lee happy we became his willing servants. I was tired of it eventually and one day he asked me to clean out the Lumina so we could go to church. Its snowing outside and I was dressed yet. I just ignored him until it was time to go. That�s where my hate for Mr. Hawkins became apparent to him. He grabbed me and took me into another room while he took off his belt. The belt was brown leather with this circular link on it. It had a cowboy on it and some other carvings. He told me to drop my pants and bend over and grab my ankles and to not let go. I began to get scared- I started to remember what this guy had done to me as a little boy in the orphanage and I began crying. His next words sealed my hate for him��Don�t cry now- you should have done what I asked-�. The smack of the first hit was more surprising than painful. Nevertheless it was becoming the first whooping of my life. He hit me harder next time and I began to feel the pain as the belt cut across my behind and calves. I began to move around to get away from him- letting go of my ankles. Something snapped inside of him I sensed. He grew quiet when I jumped on the bed and starting crying I�m sorry. He told me to get back down and when I kept saying over and over I�m sorry he just began to hit me with the belt. That pain was seared into my mind forever. I put on my clothes and he handed me a washcloth to wipe my face. He told me to get to the car in 5 minutes. I got to church and I couldn�t sit down because my back and behind were raw. I kept thinking I was bleeding and I frequently went to the bathroom to check. Only a few black marks showed under my pants. I hated him now and he knew that. My sister picked up on it and whenever he was around she would hide in her room and wait for him to leave. Every little thing I did he gave me a beating for. Jon began to slip under his standards. Jonathon had formed an odd attachment with him- taking a beating from him and still going to work at his apartment. Jessie hadn�t done anything to anger him and every time she was on the verge of doing it I would just tell her to shut up. Every time I shushed her she started to get mad and one day when I kicked her under the table to be quiet she proudly announced to everyone I had got into a fight at the playground. Everything was quiet. Dinner had become a very formal thing in the apartment and we were all eating at that time. He told me to come into the room and by now I had become used to it- able to fake my crying so I just get it over with. What happened next almost drove me into an animalistic fury. He asked Jessie to tell him what happened and she could see on my face I was hurt so she started stuttering. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her into the room. I could hear her screaming and when I stood up from the table Mrs. Lee told me to sit down. Never laying a hand farther than an occasional slap I looked at her for a minute. Something was wrong I could feel it- she had changed. Jessie came out of the room and my heart went out to her. Her hair that Jennifer had worked on for 3 hours was pulled out of the braids and she was wearing her shirt crooked. I knew what had happened and then William starts giggling. I expected him to be taken into the room but Mr. Hawkins encouraged him by saying yeah he deserves dessert- you two go to your rooms.
All night long I thought about what had happened. The look in Mrs. Lee�s eyes was with me all night. I cried to myself and slowly began to seek solace in the yellow bus that picked me up for school everyday. It wasn�t just a school bus anymore- It was a way out- a way to escape home and involve myself in something more than home. I began to form to Mr. Hawkins�s ways and the beatings became less frequent as I became his workhorse like Jonathon was. We scrubbed the floors, removed dirt from his old house, chopped down trees for him, and raked the yard. As everything began to slowly come around to his ways Mr. Hawkins decides he has had enough with the social worker that came to the house every month. He always yelled after she left and eventually my weekly trips to see a therapist had begun to be changed. Finally Mrs. Lee one day gave us ice cream and cake and asked us how would we like to be adopted? No more visits from the lady we lied to every week, No more being taken out of school because we had not cleaned our room. She promised things would change because we would be her kids. Which also meant we had to change our names. We were asked what we wanted our names to be and I immediately though of Jason. Jason was a kid in the apartment complex who had become my best friend. Jessie (her real name is Chiquila) decided to take his sisters name Jessica. Jonathon was already adopted so it was up to me what to do, as my sister wouldn�t answer a question until I did. I was deathly afraid of Mr. Hawkins and I didn�t dare say no because I had already realized that state workers were crap. They couldn�t protect me and he would hurt me beyond pain. I just said yes and Mrs. Lee made up our middle names. The day we were adopted I felt fake but I was good at acting other than how I felt so I laughed and had a good time. I was now her child.
This continued for about 2 more years. We weren�t getting punished by the belt anymore since I felt like I grew a second skin from it. We were up to other punishments. One time I had sworn in class and I had gotten written up by Mrs. Johnson. I got home and Mr. Hawkins wasn�t home yet- he wasn�t to get home until 5 pm. Mrs. Lee laughed and said your going to get it now and the way she said it I started to get anxious for him to get home. When I heard his voice it was like hearing a gun cocking before it explodes inside your head. He called me to the living room and I stood in front of him as he just stared at me. �You think your smart don�t you?� He asked me. �Just a regular little Jenkins huh?� (Jenkins was his name for someone who thought they were smart). He then grabbed two detergent bottles and told me to hold my arms straight out. Puzzled I did as he asked. When he put a gallon of detergent in each hand and told me if I kept my arms out for an hour I could go, my heart sank. The bottles were heavy and I could feel myself straining. I don�t remember if I made it or not but things were changing for the worst.
The very God we went to worship everyday had forgotten about me. The ironic thing is that I had to use him as my only means of getting away from Mr. Hawkins. Learning the Bible was the key to gaining Mrs. Lee back into my favor. I soon learned it was a way to get to Mr. Hawkins. Put Mrs. Lee against him. I used it to get back at him- I struck back and slowly pushed him over the edge. I could see him clench his teeth everyday and it silently pleased me. I had become a house for pain. I found myself sometimes looking forward to punishment, as all I did when I didn�t quit was congratulate myself and laugh silently at him. It became a struggle of Bear and fish. Most of the time I was snagged on his paw and beaten like food, then sometimes I slipped out of his grasp. All this pushed both of us to a point of no return.