As life became more and more bleak at home, I excelled more and more in school. Taking a state standardized test for math, I was told about three months later I had been chosen to receive an award from the State of Michigan. Coming home I expected nothing to come of it so I just didn�t bother telling anyone about it. About a week before I was supposed to go, Mrs. Lee received a letter in the mail about where to go and directions and things like that. She called me into her room and asked me why I hadn�t told her the good news. Scared, I just replied I didn�t know and I pretended I didn�t know about it. I still couldn�t lie to Mrs. Lee very well so she knew the truth. She started to cry and my heart flew out to her. How could I not as she was the one who had kept me from being left as an orphan on the street? When she asked me if I was afraid of her I said no and told her I hated Mr. Hawkins. She sat up with a start and she actually did not understand why I hated him. I just felt betrayed down to my very bones as I realized I had just dug myself into a pit of snakes. So she smiled this weird little smile that didn�t reach her eyes at all and I got this odd feeling in my heart. It was like realizing you have no purpose- you were begin used as a object in a game you didn�t understand except I now understand this deadly game very well. I was told to go to my room and I started crying to myself and I started imagining what was going to happen to me when Mr. Hawkins found out I had spoken against him. Now I had begun to fear for my life and surprisingly I just sat there and accepted it. Mr. Hawkins got home and it was quiet in the small apartment for about ten minutes. I slowly counted the seconds and picked a spot on the wall and stared at it. One�odd how spots on the wall make those interesting patterns�Two�my closet door handle is crooked�Three�its kind of cold in here�Four�where is he? It went on like that for about 10 minutes until there was a knock on the door and Mr. Hawkins and Mrs. Lee both came into the room and sat down on Jonathon�s bed. What was this? I started imagining ways to protect myself again and I sat there and kept my eyes fixed on a spot on the wall directly between the two of them at eye level. Speaking first, Mr. Hawkins begins to speak and the blood roaring behind my ears slowly ebbed away. My heart slowed to a level of terrified calm and for the first time since I had met him, Mr. Hawkins talked to me like a person.
I told him I hated getting a whooping and he said it isn�t because we hate you. Its because we love you. My mind restarted at an alarming rate and my thought process raced like a bullet train in Tokyo. Love? What is love? This is love? No- I hate love, I don�t want any part of love. But something in his voice made me listen. Captivating and deep, he spoke with a sincerity even I couldn�t see through. He said it was best to do as a parent wanted and there would be no pain. That made sense- it made perfect sense. I had an authority problem he said and he quoted the bible to me. �God says spare the rod, spoil the child.� �So God said to beat me?� I thought to myself. This all made perfect sense and I said I�m sorry causing all this trouble. They both gave me a hug and took us to pizza hut and I felt good. It felt great in fact. Giddy with excitement. I realized all I had to do was follow their wishes and there would be no problems. We went to the local University and when I was called onstage to receive my award in front of hundreds of people I was happy. Now my life was coming together and it felt great to have a family�
A few months go by and nothing has happened to my sister or I. We ate like a family, watched television together, gave my sister the biggest birthday party she has ever had. One day after I had come back from school Mrs. Lee was crying at the table and concerned we asked what was wrong. There was nothing wrong though- She was crying tears of joy as Mr. Hawkins had just asked her to become the third Mrs. Hawkins. Although I had become less wary of him I intuitively felt that this would trigger a change in the way things were going. But ignoring it we told her we liked him and that sealed the next two years of misery.
They were married in June of 1994 if I remember correctly. We moved to a very nice home in Port Huron, Michigan. It had 3 acres of land in the front and a gravel driveway going the whole way from the road to the house garage. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms with a full two door garage. Walking into the back yard was a shock however. The pond was unkempt and had no border, the pool had been unclean for a number of months. The shed was going to fall apart and the other garage in the back was full of junk and oil. However to anyone but Mr. Hawkins this was terrible, but no- it was perfect for him. He could turn the backyard into his playground. Upon entering the woods I immediately felt at peace out here. As far as I could see there was nothing but dark trees and leaves. I could barely make out a trail but nonetheless I could follow it for half a mile or so. At the end of this trail was a small dirt bike track that went around in a circle and had mini-jumps on it and everything! Taking our bikes out here was going to be fun we decided and once again we felt content as a family. Upon moving into the house Dad (as we were to now call him) had bought each of us gifts. For Jonathon and himself he had bought a red and white racing dirt bike. For Jessie and mom he had bought a small dirt bike and for William and I he bought us a blue and red dirt bike with fat wheels. Giddy with joy we took them out to the bike track in the back and enjoyed it. Little did I know these bikes were meant to appease mom and we were not to take them out without permission.
We began our summer by working at 6 in the morning to beat the noon heat. We pulled weeds, removed dirt, moved tons of stone and when I say tons I actually mean the weight. Jessica helped around the house and Jonathon and I became the power horses for dad�s ideas. While he was at work we had a list of things to get done by the end of the day so I became a big pre-teen. By the end of the summer we had completely redone the pool and turned it into a goldfish pond complete with cascading rocks and pond lighting all around it surrounded by white stone. The pond farther back had been shaped into a oval and bordered with reddish stones. We rebuilt the shed and cut the weeds and grass so we had about a hundred yards of land in the back to play on. William came to live with us in the summer and even he was made to do some work around the house. When we were done in the summer it was a completely new house on the outside as it reflected the ideas of an artist. Dad was good there was any doubt about that and many people in the neighborhood walked up to our door to introduce themselves when we arrived. The plan for next summer was to remodel the garage into a recreation room and that was going to take a lot of money what he didn�t have yet so everything was good for now. I was enrolled in Keewahdin Elementary School in the 5th grade and even signed up to play flag football for the schools league. I was very happy with my life now and actually felt affection towards mom and dad.
For the first time in my life I had a family I loved. Friends at school were cool and I played football. Jessica had dolls and Barbie houses and always helped mom cook the dinner. We talked about the day at dinner and everyone helped clean the dishes after dinner was over. I was going on 10 years old and I felt like a king! Thank you God for giving me this- and I forgot about my real family�