Jha’Meia : Freckles! C’mere Freckles! C’mon! Lemme give you a hugggiiiieeeee!!!

Freckles : ( whimper whimper )

Jha’Meia : C’mon, Freckles! C’mere you useless unfriendly doggie!

Freckles : ( whimper whimper )

Laguna : ( coming in ) Why are you chasing that poor dog about?

Jha’Meia : “Poor”? I’d call that dog a lot of things, but poor is definitely not one of them. Look how fat it is! C’mere woof! Woofie, come here!!

Laguna : You don’t like it?

Jha’Meia : Why should I? Every time I go over to Shi’Iana’s place, all it does is bark at me. Nasty dog. C’mere!! Koochie, koochie koooo!! C’mere!!

Laguna : ( takes a look at couch ) Ah, Jha’Meia?

Jha’Meia : ( still chasing dog ) What is it?

Laguna : ( still looking at couch ) You may want to have a look at this.

Jha’Meia : ( coming to stand beside Laguna ) What is it? ( sees couch ) Hey…

( pause as Jha’Meia grabs breath )

Jha’Meia : SHI’IANA!!!!!!

Shi’Iana : Yes?

Jha’Meia : Explain this!!! ( points at sofa angrily ) What the hell has your dog been doing on my sofa?? Barely one year old and this is what happens!!

Shi’Iana : ( looks at sofa ) Gee… Freckles doesn’t sit on sofas. And she just came this morning to your house and probably hasn’t got a chance to sit on that thing of yours yet. Besides, it don’t look like doggie doo.

Jha’Meia : It’s either that infernal pooch of yours, or… ( looks at Laguna ) or… ( clears throat )

Laguna : What?

Jha’Meia : ( pushes Laguna out of door and closes door ) Either it’s your dog… or one of us has been errm…. Leaking on the sofa… if you know what I mean.

Shi’Iana : What are you talking about? I’m not on my... you know.

Jha’Meia : Well, mine just began today and I haven’t sat on the sofa yet.

Shi’Iana : What, you missed your morning cartoons for once?

Jha’Meia : Didn’t see why not. Your pooch is so entertaining.

D’Brah : ( walking in ) What’s up guys?

Jha’Meia : That ( points at patch on sofa ) You been on your… you-know-what lately, D’Brah?

D’Brah : Mine just finished a couple of days ago. That spot looks new.

Aeris : I heard from Laguna you guys are acting strange. What’s going on?

Shi’Iana : There’s a strange patch on the sofa. You’re a computer-game character. Do you…. You know?

Aeris : Well, I never really thought about it, but what would it matter?

Jha’Meia : I think we ought to know whether you really do, Aeris, otherwise it’s not fair the rest of us having to suffer once a month while  you don’t.

Aeris : Suffering? I’m the one who got killed more than once.

Shi’Iana : Errrm, guys, back to that patch on the sofa. It’s too dark for doggy wee-wee.

Jha’Meia : Well, one way to figure out is to sniff it. Any takers?

Shi’Iana, D’Brah, Aeris : NO WAY!!!

Jha’Meia : Damn. ( runs finger over patch ) Eeewwwww! It’s an oil patch!! Why the heck would there be an oil patch on the sofa??

D’Brah : Someone was playing around with the Castor Oil you keep for your bike?

Jha’Meia : ( grumbles to self )

(DING-DONG!!)

Vincent : ( from outside the living room ) I’ll answer the door. Why, it’s Reeve! What are you doing here?

Reeve : Have any of you seen Cait?

Vincent : Cait?

Laguna : Who’s he?

Vincent : Cait is actually a kind of toy made by Aeris’ father.

Reeve : Cait’s been malfunctioning lately, because he broke a piece of himself.

( The women come out of the living room )

Aeris : ( running to hug Reeve ) Reeve! What are you doing here?

Reeve : Have any of you seen Cait?

Jha’Meia : Cait?

Reeve : Yeah.

Jha’Meia : What makes you think he’s here?

Reeve : He’s been leaking oil and I followed the trail.

Jha’Meia : Uh… ( turns to the other girls ) Sorry about the interrogation, gals.

Laguna : What interrogation? ( Raises eyebrow ) About the patch on the sofa? ( Other eyebrow also raised ) You mean you were asking each other about  -

Shi’Iana : Don’t ASK!

Reeve : You mean, you’ve seen Cait?

D’Brah : Not Cait. His droppings.

Jha’Meia : So if Cait is here, how come none of us have seen him?

Shi’Iana : Hey, Jha, what have you been doing all morning?

Jha’Meia : Chasing your stu- er, entertaining your dog. Why?

Shi’Iana : It looks like it’s been rolling about in mud. Come here, Freckles.

Jha’Meia : C’mere ya stupid… ah… kkeeooooote little pooch!

Shi’Iana : What have you been feeding it?? Its muzzle is dirty!

Jha’Meia : Me?? Feed that dam- darling doggie of yours! Why, of course not! ( sniffs Freckles’ chin ) Oh, my gawd…

D’Brah : What?
Jha’Meia : Freckles smells like oil.

Everyone : … … … … …

Jha’Meia : Seek Freckles! Find little robot! Go!

( Freckles just stands there and looks up dum- er, unintelligently at the humans )

Aeris : Freckles, what have you done to Cait?

Jha’Meia : Cool, one stupid dog bites up one stupid robot!

Aeris : Jha’Meia!

Jha’Meia : I’m sorry.

Shi’Iana : Freckles, fetch! Fetch Cait Sith!

Freckles : ( lolls tongue out stupidly )

Jha’Meia : ( sighs ) Man, that is one stupid dog.

Shi’Iana : Your dog isn’t any better!

Jha’Meia : Gin-Gin has enough sense not to go biting at a toy.

D’Brah : Well, looks like the dog is useless… sorry Shi’Iana, but look at her! I think we’d better go looking for Cait on our own.

Jha’Meia : We could sacrifice Freckles to Roy’s Magic Cupboard.

Shi’Iana : Jha’Meia!

Jha’Meia : It was just a suggestion.

(POOF!)
( Sephiroth materializes out of nowhere )

Sephiroth : I’m back!

Laguna : I thought you’d hate being here.

Sephiroth : Let’s just say I got bored, so I decided to come back here where I know some ridiculous fights could be found, and I can laugh at the inferior intelligence of some people here.

Shi’Iana : Like yours, right?

Jha’Meia : Find that stupid robot, dammit! Move it! ( turns to Sephiroth ) Have you seen Kat?

Sephiroth : Happily, no. Why do you ask?

Jha’Meia : She went looking for you.

Sephiroth : I’m flattered. So?

Jha’Meia : Never mind. Okay, people! Let’s go look for Cait!

Sephiroth : Cait?

( Everyone, except Sephiroth, goes to look for Cait. After a few hours… )

Laguna : We’ve searched high and low. No little robot!

Reeve : Oh dear… I hope… ( sighs )

Vincent : We’ll find Cait, Reeve.

Reeve : Yeah, but the problem is… he’s bound to be in bad shape and I’ll have to spend another few hours fixing him.

Aeris : Well, I’m going to tend to the garden now. See you all later?

D’Brah : Dinner. Jha’Meia’s got the duty tonight.

Shi’Iana : Cool! What’re we having?

Jha’Meia : Poisoned Dog Stew.

Shi’Iana : Jha’Meia!!

Jha’Meia : Sorry.

Sephiroth : Poisoned Dog Stew? Now that’s a novelty.

Jha’Meia : It’s a new recipe.

( Screech from garden )

Vincent : Aeris!

Laguna : What is it now?

Aeris : ( running in ) Freckles dug a hole in the grass!

Jha’Meia : See? Your dog is stupid!

Sephiroth : That’s nothing to scream about.

D’Brah : Bad Freckles!

Aeris : And… I think Cait’s in it.

Everyone else : … … … … …

Laguna : ( sighs ) Looks like we’ll have to dig it out huh?

Vincent : Let’s go, Reeve.

Jha’Meia : I told you your dog’s stupid! Look what she’s going to put Reeve through now!

Shi’Iana : Shut up, Jha’Meia.

Jha’Meia : Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a stupider dog!!

Shi’Iana : I said, shut up, Jha’Meia.

The End… for now.

HEHHEHEHHEH. Yeah. I loved writing this one too. Don't worry, Freckles doesn't make so many appearances in the others. Ya don't wanna miss the next one!!!